When I first joind this site over a year ago I looked at these success stories, and I vividly remember thinking “I am going to post here one day”. Well, after sex for the first time in my life (twice! ;D) here is my success post.
First of all, I am going to type in bullet points here. I have recorded my journey in my journal so if anyone wants to know the gory details then please check it out. I will keep it going as I am still not completely fixed (success only through viagra so far) but I feel I am almost there. I am also so grateful to everyone who has wished me well over the year on here – it really is a great community – so if anyone has any questions after reading this then please ask as I am happy to help.
Here is the summary of where I was, what I went through, and where I am at:
1 year ago I was a 29 year old virgin. Despite having a long term and beautiful girlfriend, a combination of heavy masterbation to fantasy, and porn, had turned me basically into a complete asexual. Perhaps unlike many of you I also had an addication to masterbation and fantasy. This I believe caused me ED issues long before porn. I would get an errection masterbating to my vivid imagination, but when it came to the real thing there was a sort of disconnect in my brain so I got no reaction. This was the case pretty much betwen the age of 15-24 or so. By 24 and getting broadband, I turned to porn and it had the exact same impact. Watched daily. Wanked off at least daily. Killed any natural sex drive I had stone dead. Finally I found this site and decided to beat both of these demons. Here is the overview:
June 2012: joined here and started my first effort.
August 13th 2012, day 36: First failed attempt.
October 19th 2013, day 44: Second failed attempt. At the time I was making all the classic mistakes: denying I had a “real addiction”, edgeing convinced I could control it, sneaked a look at porn every now and then just because I was curious. In short it was stupid. I was aware of the issues, I knew something was wrong, but I refused to commit fully to getting it fixed.
December 19th 2013, my absolute low point. Considered the possibility that I was asexual. Spoke to my girlfriend about my failings for the first time (but not about porn addiction). It finally occured to me that this could really wreck my life. I looked into the future and I could see a hot wife and a hapy family, or a could see a wanker without a gir and unable to have kids. This gave me a real drive to fix this problem and commit 100% to getting it right.
January 28th 2013: beat my previous best of 44 days.
February 13th 2013: 61 days. first wet dream of my life!
March 25th 2013: 101 days! Met my first major target
March 31st 2013: 107 days. Felt pretty low after going into a second flat line. What I found over this journey is that my brain played tricks on me. I would go from feeling on top of the world absolutely buzzing with a new interest in sex and women, to zero the next week and questioning if I am even interested in sex and women. This is why a journal is so valuable.
May 7th 2013: 147 days. Very optimistic that I have come out my flat line hopefully for good. Increased natural libido and ability to have natural erections without porn or fantasy. Pinned my hopes on having sex on holiday.
June 16th: My first replapse after day 185! By this stage I was certainly improving but still couldnt get a 100% erection. Having been wanked off a few times by my girlfriend and having increased sexual contact, I got a huge chaser effect. Coupled with my disappointment in not having full sex, I stupidly lapsed. My first and only laspe in 2013. Renewed my determination to battle through.
September 7th: After being clean again for another few months I was seeing some decent progress so I decided to turn to viagra to get me over the finishing line! This was something I always considered but I wanted to feel like I had kicked the habit before I turned to pills. In short I took one, brilliant impact, and had full sex for the first time in my life twice (once at night and again in the morning). Magic!
Now: I am still on a high and I feel like I have overcome a lot, but I am certainly not fixed. I am very much hoping my brain can connect naturally and without pills but just getting over that psychological hurdle (which is what sex had become) was a massive thing for me. A trip to the docs may be necessary if I still dont get proper natural errections but either way I am feeling far more positive.
Here are some tips – they may or may not help you but they certainly helped me:
1.) Recognise it isnt that easy but it isnt that hard. It really isnt. We all have a problem but we all have a remedy. Compared to the many people in this world who have to overcome great adversery in their lives, we dont have it that bad. You dont have terminal cancer and you havent had your cock blown off in a war zone. You can and will beat your addication if you stay focussed!
2.) Dont waste your first few months. Recognise you have a serious problem and that you dont want to get to my age still a virgin. At a time when you friends and starting to get married and have kids, this is not something you want to have hanging over you. Recognise your problem, get a porn filter on your laptop, stop P,M and O completeley 100%, dont edge, dont just have a peek, just wipe it out your life period!
3.) I have a very addictive personality and I used to be a (very good) card player. But I was capable of going off the rails and losing a lot of money gambling on the side. Once when I was a poor student I spunked my entire bankroll – about $8k – on high stakes blackjack. This was a ton of money for me at the time. Someone on a poker site gave me the following advice that I applied to this journey:
When you relapse recognise it is a selfish act. Dont just feel frustrated and angry, but focus on the people you let down. In the context of gambling I thought of my parents who dont have much money but burst a gut to get me to uni and I have spunked money in 10 minutes than they earn in 2 months. In the porn context I thought of my girlfriend who has gone near 9 years without sex and has never once put pressure on me. And then take those thoughts and connect them to that sick feeling in the bottom of your stomach. Know you have let them down but also know that you will never do it again because you never want to feel this way again.
I tell you what, that worked for me, both in gambling and in porn!
4.) Work to small targets. Try to get to a month. Then the often cited 90 days. Then concede you may not be fixed but you are through the worst. So aim for another month or two. And so on. Dont pin your hopes on a random day and then blow up if you arent fixed. You are in it for the long haul but you will get clean eventually.
5.) Pray. Contentious I know. I am not religious and I am no preacher but it helped me. In many ways it was an extension of the journal idea. It kept my focussed on my objectives and it gave me strength knowing someone was looking over me and giving me strength.
6.) Lastly, read a success story on here that you relate to and then commit to being that guy who writes his own story in the future. This really worked for me. Find confidence in the success of others and know for an absolute fact that there is no reason why you cant go without porn.
Thank you so much for reading and aplogies if this is too long. I will keep updating my journal as this is very much an ongoing process. But I feel that I am now completely porn free, 90% fantasy MO free (I still get some urges), and 100% virgin free 😀
If anyone has any questions please ask away and I will happily answer.
All the best