1 Year report. I first struggled with NoFap before I even had heard of NoFap over 10 years ago in my late teens. Through studying meditation courses and books on esoteric psychology and the like, I had developed NoFap streaks in the past (unbadged). I do feel NoFap added that extra realm and support to really push through and actualize these objectives.
And so it was through this experience that helped me this time. Many trials along the way, drugs, prostitutes, binging on terrible pornography. Indulging in perverse fantasies. Losing all confidence to talk and relate to women.
It was a long term goal of mine to gain control of my sexuality- through certain meditation schools I learned of tantrism as a way of personal development. I’m so grateful to say it is something I’ve reached and have a loving wife partnered through a tantric relationship which has been practiced during my 1 year period. So as to describe to you I’ve essentially done this badge on what you call ‘hard mode’. That is to say no porn/no fap/ no orgasm. Still sex but sex with love and no male orgasm. Instead using various deep breathing exercises to sublimate my energies and avoiding ejaculation. This is coupled with fairly disciplined mediation on at least a daily basis, as well as attendance at a meditation group sometimes 2-3 times a week. I had one friend who first told me about NoFap and was fascinated by my personal challenges and concepts on a ‘self knowledge’ type quest of attaining control of my own sexuality. He encouraged me to write a good report here and think of others starting out, to think of those young guys with their hi-def monitors and ultra fast wi-fi not knowing any better. He encouraged me to write as if addressing myself 10 years ago. So I’ll try very hard to portray some details..
The year has been good, but not without challenges. Intense challenges. Powers? Well not really but qualities have developed in me. Perhaps some type of power, I believe there is a power in denying this indulgence in PMO and ordinary people can at times sense it in daily life. So the act of abstaining from PMO will help you to be more successful in your life, at least that’s what I believe.
This year by no means has not been without it’s fierce temptations and close calls. The groundwork in breaking out into a 50 day and 100 day streak really helps to cement progress and reinforce the willpower that you can do this.. but it’s just how they say about giving up smoking or heroin.. it’s always there, that weakness is always there just waiting for that day you’re a bit weak and.. it’s pulling you hell for leather back into it’s hole.
I’ve noted flashbacks in the last couple of months of fantasy Porn scenes I used to watch, I took note of this but thought of it more like flashbacks from a type of post traumatic stress disorder. When seeing it in this manner it helps me to detach from the cravings and see it for all the damage it does to myself and to others.
In fact just in the last 5 days I contracted a nasty virus and was really sick, in my stupidity I made love with my wife when I probably shouldn’t have, instead I should have rested. The following 48-72 hours were subsequently intense. My mind doing a backflip, intense desires arising from the mind. All kinds of thoughts wondering about what changes on all the porn sites I used to go to 1 year ago. Terrible temptation. It made me realise that I need to be as vigilant and determined on day 365 as I was on day 1. I’m very fortunate in that I practice meditation and had interesting experiences with it over the last 10 or so years. I have a few good friends, but I had many bad ones and really negative social networks that I originally tried to break out of unnaturally by cutting people off and it really didn’t work out that great. I actually had to get on top of my shit over many years before I could really develop control over PMO’ing.. it’s never gonna work while smoking marijuana or ice as I did. Once over that I quit smoking, then changed the nature of my sexual relationship with my ‘then’ partner ‘now’ wife to a loving one with a tantric emphasis.
So I’ll put this to you fellow reader, if a former icehead can NoFap for a year then you are just as capable. No pressure or anything, in fact the major factor that helped me was trying to not use a focus on a day counter. The first thing I did was try and get control over the morale sapping effect of indulging in PMO… I felt once I was able to obtain that non-negative-reaction from engaging in PMO that it maybe perhaps halved it’s destructive effect to begin with. Meditation was a huge help.
It is definitely a quest of self-knowlegde. I have other factors which helped a lot. An interest in esoteric psychology and mysticism helped me a lot in understanding myself. I read through books by Gurdjieff, Ouspensky, Samael Aun Weor, Manly P Hall, and so on. I found true wisdom in the writings of such authors and it was one thing to depend upon in times of crisis and duress. These are very original writers that would often allude to or sometimes even directly instruct on the need for the wise use of the sexuality for a means to enlightenment.
I can affirm I feel that this NoFap is not an isolated event, anyone who sincerely researches the real esoteric background of mystical movements in history will find at their root an inner struggle. A real brutal internal battle and anyone brave enough to uncover things will find those elements.
While I wish to highlight this journey without venturing into any real religious territory, I wish only to make some small quote regarding the Egyptian mysteries from the book ‘Freemasonry of the Ancient Egyptians’ by Manly P. Hall,
“Next Osiris receives from his father an elaborate dissertation in the Platonic temper concerning the relative power of good and evil in which he is fully warned about the machinations of Typhon. Possibly the most important sentence in Synesius’s treatise occurs in this dissertation. The father of Osiris is made to say to his son : ‘You also have been initiated in those Mysteries in which there are two pair of eyes, and it is requisite that the pair which are beneath should be closed when the pair that are above them perceive, and when the pair above are closed, those which are beneath should be opened.’”
Manly P. Hall goes on to say these words unquestionably have an arcane meaning. And I believe words like these give glimpses into the human psychology- particularly in reference in those abstaining from MO or PMO. I see this in my 100 days, my 365 days or any other time in PMO abstaining periods- there is that positive window of energy and willpower existing for a time opening oneself up to the possibilities with NoFap..
But all it takes is something in the brain to flick that switch. And with that switch that positive transforming window or door is sealed… in it’s place another window is opened, something a lot less optimistic- that can’t see reality, that cannot reason. It’s what pulls us into relapse and has PMO gratification as it’s goal. When the brain makes that switch it feels like reality to us at the time even though we’ve spent the last 20 days in a complete opposite positive reality. And it’s this struggle that goes beyond the 30, 50, 100, or 365 day struggle. Without question breaking the initial hardwiring is what is important and is the first step towards a healthier life psychologically speaking. And I guess that’s where we first find those tests, when the brain switches, when something in life goes against us, when that emotional grip takes hold and we get vulnerable… it’s in countering those very resistances where the real rewards are. In defining ourselves as men.
Being 30 years of age it’s questionable how much I owe to experience and how much to sexual maturity. So if I was 19 years of age failing at 5 days I wouldn’t get too down on myself, but not use it as an excuse to engage in PMO either… at any rate to be conscious of the destructive elements in engaging in the consumerism of pornography is a victory in itself. I would encourage you to explore life perhaps looking for real wisdom.. because there is so much more out there and being stuck in cycles of PMO can only hold us back in life, limiting our possibilities.
2LDR: 1st tried NoFap 10 years ago before I had the name for it. —Learnt about it through meditation schools. Many stuff-up’s and struggles during those years in my 20’s drugs, prostitutes, binging to porn fantasies.
Long term goal to practice tantrism, as heard about through meditation school, now in tantric relationship with wife, hard mode (no orgasm).
Good year of NoFap but not without challenges and serious temptations to PMO, definitely feels like a person who’s quite heroin or smoking, there will always be that vulnerability. Powers? Not really. But a change in qualities yes, and people sensing a more defined human being? Yes I believe so. I believe NoFap can change the way you interact with life, so in theory you could change your destiny…
Last 2 months had flashbacks to porn I used to watch… I saw it more as an episode of PTSD rather than the mind fantasising and used this concept as a leverage to push through it.
Fierce temptations arising 1 year on, recently sick with virus, defining my vulnerability arising as a flick of a switch in the brain… it’s in dealing with myself when the brain switches which are critical periods in continuing to abstain from PMO’ing. On a personal level I related many esoteric and self-knowledge writings (some authors in main post) to my inner struggle and found lots of help and inspiration from them. Regular meditation and a changed relationship to a more loving one with my wife are contributing factors to one year of no PMO.
Re-iterating not sure if a year of NoFap was completely a result of repeated past NoFap attempts over 10 years back… or due to me reaching a certain age? 30 years of age now, is my 1 year of no PMO also owing to the fact I’m at a more mature age and my sexual energy is more mature? I think it could’ve helped.
Bottom line… it was all worth it! and here’s to beyond 365!!! To anyone reading I wish you every success on your journey!!