I’ve made it to 100 days, and on my first try. The beginning came after I had just seen the Ted Talk: The Great Porn Experiment on Youtube and was instantly disgusted by what I’d been doing to myself for so long. More importantly though, I was immensely inspired to make a change that would better my life.
The next day, November 3rd, 2013 I started cold turkey and never looked back.
I’m not a great writer, but I hope I can shed some light on how I’m feeling after over 3 months of no PMO. I’m more aware and engaging socially, with everyone. I’m making it a point to look women in the eye more, and guess what, I’m finally noticing that these women are showing me attention. Now I’m just thinking about how many opportunities I will have in the future, now that I’ve gotten out of my own way. Shyness and insecurity can make it hard to see what’s going on around you, and I think porn multiplied the slight social challenges I was already facing.
I’m also feeling MUCH more healthy…down there. I wake up with a strong erection every morning. I feel like I did when I was in my teens & early 20’s (I’m 31). The confidence that I could use this thing and use it well is there, I just need my first test subject, haha. I’ve been going out and meeting more people and more women. For November and December I decided to stay in and “heal”, also I needed to save money, so January is really the first month I went out and socialized. I’ve had opportunities, had a few this weekend, but I have always been a bit picky and so I haven’t yet capitalized. This weekend I’m headed to Vegas though, so I’m thinking maybe that will change :).
A couple things happened when I started that I feel I should include. First, I kept my laptop out of my bedroom, and deleted my entire collection off my computer. Then, our house got burglarized and my laptop was stolen (blessing in disguise? Haha) and I haven’t purchased a new one. So that made it a bit easier, even though I still have an iPhone. The first week was the toughest! But it got easier after that. Now I pretty much feel the same way I did a month ago. I still have the urge to PMO, in fact just the other day out of nowhere I thought of a scene from one of my favorite videos as I was just sitting on the couch watching the Olympics with my roommates. I think part of it is knowing that I can’t do something, and so it’s that “something” that I think about.
I thought after 100 days the urge to PMO would have subsided much more than in my earlier weeks, but it still feels very much alive. Maybe it always will, or at least until I’m enjoying sex regularly. But I’m ok with that, it’s tough but I can handle it, and it’s not going to change my focus. PMO-ing is flat-out bad, for your brain and for your life in general. That realization gives me the motivation to not PMO. Going back to what I was is scarier than the thought of never enjoying porn again. I want to live the best life I can, we only have one, and so I’m not going to do anything in this life that will have a negative effect on me reaching my goals. The goal of meeting an incredible woman and falling in love.
I’ve had multiple dreams (some nightmares) where I’m trying to refrain from watching porn. Sometimes I refrain, sometimes I don’t. And then I wake up and thank my lucky stars that it was just a dream. I seem to have a battle in my mind when I’m sleeping, where anything sexual is something I shouldn’t be thinking about. I’m hoping soon I can separate sex with a real woman and porn in my dreams. I’ll know when the dream is a normal one, because the ones I’m having are very much porn-like, ridiculous encounters with multiple women at the same time. Which used to be my favorite stuff.
One of the best parts of this is knowing I have the strong willpower I always knew I had. I always wondered if I had an addiction (never had one), could I refrain and recover. It feels good to know that I can.
I’m excited for the future, I feel as though I’ve given myself the tools to succeed.
P.S. Thank you so much to everyone who writes their experiences here. When I have moments of struggle I come here and read other people’s thoughts and it helps immensely. Knowing how other people feel helps to validate your own thoughts, and provides hope for the future. This community is inspiring. We’re all trying to better ourselves, and that in itself is something to be proud of.