You have to bear with me friends because writing is not much of my thing and I often force myself to write. I took this [no porn] challenge up for real about a 100 days ago after I was hospitalized with a painful urinary tract infection, was told by the doctor no messing around with the feller down below for a month because one of my balls was swollen like a football.
It was a chance God the Universe had given me because despite my best efforts I kept relapsing after a few days – a week was my longest run wank free prior to this.
I wasn’t too much of a porn consumer but I did get soo de-sensitized that despite my once jealousy and pride in my abilities in bed that I tempted my wife to try something that I once despised. A shithole was never going to be a place for me and I was also getting some other nasty porn induced fantasies creeping into my mind that was disgusting my wife and her trust in me.
Since 2011 my porn use increased,my wanking was like about 3 times a day: I lost my job, quit the gym, my dick was limp and quite visibly reduced in size, couldn’t have sex with my wife without having images of porn playing in my mind and even then I could not last a few minutes. Just slomped on my wife in a vain attempt to squeeze some man juice into my balls. Just the same old missionary position once maybe twice a week,i even have tears in my eyes looking back writing this,i was a wreck,my confidence plummeted. I stank and became untidy, my clothes just laying around all over the place, barely shaving and became overweight.
Ok enough of me talking too much about me when i was stuck in a whirlpool of pmo,and fast forward now,first 3 weeks of pmo free were the hardest for because the urges were killing me and I also had to force myself into a routine to get out of the mess I was in So 6 am wake-ups with cold shower followed by a bit of yoga then off on 5 mile jog Stopped all sugars and caffeine and ate only a small breakfast and a big meal at 3 or 4 pm.
My wife put k9 filters on the laptops the PCs and both our phones just in case I sneaked and used her fone for no good, and then she burned the passwords haha, what a woman I have Also we decided to block all forms of negative garbage and sites that may contain triggers, so we put a block on all news sites, and social media like facebook, twitter, tumblr. Instead, we just started learning about positive thinking, the law of attraction and so on.
But the hardest of all was to monitor my thoughts and give absolute no tolerance at all to sexual fantasies, so I was forced to spend more time in the gym and longer on my my morning and then evening jogs.
I swear after the first week I was waking up with raging boners and my wife climbing all over me hehe. It was then after a brief but awesome love making session that I said I’m gonna go hard mode for her. My voice was also noticeably more heavier sounding than usual and over the course of 90 days plus it has become a bit too heavy. 3rd week I had to take start my beautiful son at the nursery and it was then I started feeling a bit weird because women were just eyeing me out like crazy and all though I love my wife, But trying to subdue those thoughts that were storming into my head were just killing me, and even though it tired me immensely, I did not give in and eventually over the course of the next 2 weeks I had almost eliminated sexual thoughts from my mind. Like a lot of fapstronaughts here mentioned I also used meditation to help me silence them thoughts.
I am a much better person now as a result of completely leaving pmo and also as a result of constantly forcing myself to be feeling happy, positive and jubilant. My whole demeanor has changed, my will power is incredible, I have a job that i like, my confidence is through the roof and best of all i finally as promised my wife, I made love to her on Christmas night last night from 10pm until 4am. YEE HAA that was the best sex we had ever, and well worth the wait, and shes still in bed right now, while my will power made me wake up on my usual time of 6 am. From now on we have decided to keep sex to just once a week because retaining my many fluids is the best thing that has happened to me and sex is soo much more enjoyable for us like this.
I don’t know what else to write,i hope i have inspired my brothers and sisters here as you lot have been a major inspiration in a very crucial moment in my life, you the people here – Alexander who made this, YBOP, anyhow I wish you all eternal peace and love. And just hang in there because once you beat the devil within the world outside becomes your playground, a real playground with beautiful people and beautiful things, not some imagery playground in your mind that sucks you in a never ending vicious cycle of uselessness, despair, followed by quick fix of pmo, then uselessness and despair….,just break the f out it and love our mother our world that we have been honoured to live on,
PEACE, LOVE, NAMASTE, SALAAMS to all, whether theists or atheists, straight or bent, whom ever just peace and love to ya all.
by kickasskatab 99 days