Wow, I believe that I’m cured….I cannot believe this actually worked. I’m a bit overwhelmed to be honest. Mind you that my perception of being cured is technically theoretical, since I’ve not had the opportunity to be with a girl as of yet. I’m writing because I decided just today that I’ve weathered the horrific storm, and from here on out it’s all good. I had a feeling over the past week or so that I was cured, but I needed to be sure.
Actually, I’ve been arriving at this realization during the course of the past several weeks. I first noticed that my penis was just all around fuller at all times. In fact, more so than it has ever been. I’m sure of this. When I was heavily into p and m, it just always seemed small and lifeless.
Morning wood is now pretty much a daily thing, and things have slowly but steadily progressed to the point where my penis is this way at all times. I’m able to simply think of a girl to whom I’m attracted in an intimate way, and within a few moments begin to feel myself getting hard – very much so. I’d say that I can achieve a 90% erection (at least) this way…and that’s just through thoughts alone w/no girl anywhere close! I cannot imagine how phenomenal it will be the first time for the new me to have sex.
I say “new” me because that is how I feel in every sense of the word. New physically/mentally/spiritually – and many other good things. So, even though I’ve not tested out the “new” me with a girl, I am beyond confident that all will be fine. I would bet anything on it.
I’d like to point out that the word “intimate” needs to be distinguished from the word “sexual.” These days, when I’m fantasizing about a girl, my thoughts do not begin with her bent over my couch screaming my name (which is actually how it used to be years ago). Rather, it starts with some conversation and a kiss – seriously. I believe this is key. For me, it cannot be about “sex” anymore. That is why the problem started. Do you really care about the well being of the girl who just got gang-banged by 50 guys? If you’re anything like me – probably not. She, and many like her, were simply objects or vehicles to bring us short term pleasure – kinda like crack I would imagine. And like crack, it’s unhealthy for anyone who chooses to mess with it—and damned difficult to kick.
Make no mistake – this was not easy. In fact, it’s really f-ing difficult. I’ve battled a few addictions in my life – from nicotine to alcohol and other substances. I’ve overcome all of them, and this was by far the most difficult. Urges, crazy thoughts, sleeplessness, feelings of hopelessness, despair, worthlessness, and many more negative things were all part of what I went through with this p and m thing. It’s a wicked awful thing that I will never have to deal with ever again in my life – ever.
My journey began (and yes, it does seem like a journey) when I read about a supposed cure on this and another site or two, and decided to go for it. I decided not to TRY, but instead just DO. I made up my mind – and therein was the most difficult part.
This recovery required a will beyond what I thought I was capable of…and I do have a pretty strong will – I do give myself credit for that. I always manage to right the ship and stay the course, and have crawled out of some pretty dark places in my life. But, again…with this, I really thought all hope was lost. Really. Really. Really. I’m highly educated and fairly intelligent, and you will not find a bigger skeptic than me. So this addiction messed with me in ways that I cannot describe. This thing is an equal opportunity destroyer for sure. My behavior made no sense to me, and that made me lose all sense of who I was. Just awful. (I’m 34 years old by the way, and this destroyed my sex life and relationships for the past five years at least.)
So, in summary – I was:
Hardcore addicted (pun intended) for about 15 years or more if I really think about it. And I mean this. When I do something, I do it right – even if it’s an addiction! I can’t count how many days/months where p and m was the only thing I did. It’s all i thought of. Girls meant nothing to me.
I guarantee no matter who reads this that the odds are seriously in my favor as to whose addiction was worse (not proud of that – just a fact). Based on the hundreds of posts I’ve read, I would say that my problem was probably in the worst 5%. I rarely read about someone as bad off as me, and that was part of why this was all so heart-wrenching and just pure misery for me. Hopeless.
Here’s what I did to get better: No p, no m, no fantasies. I changed the TV channels constantly when a hottie came on. I ended up just keeping it off most of the time because of this! I kept faith in myself. Drive. No excuses. And for sure support from all of you here.
So…cured: about 80 days thus far.
I’m happy to answer any questions that anyone may have. I know that when I was going crazy with this, I just wanted some concrete answers. Although there are infinite posts on this, very few would just come out and say definitively that this works and how to go about it. Maybe that’s changed now, but that’s how it was for me. So, ask away if you would like, and I will answer to the best of my ability.
So it has been the full 90 days and then some, so I just wanted to update since 3 months seems to be the average amount of time to fully reboot, from what I’ve seen. And, well…everything is perfect. I can honestly say that I’ve never had a stronger or healthier libido. I am more sensitive than I’ve ever been down there, and like another gentleman wrote on YBOP, sometimes I actually have to concentrate on NOT getting a hard-on. Seriously. This whole thing is rather unbelievable.
I actually began MO every few days and that’s just perfect for me. It all feels very natural and healthy. And I certainly don’t do it just for the hell of it or because I’m bored. It’s only when the urge truly strikes me and when it would in no way interfere with any other part of my life. For me, abstaining for a period of time was not only necessary to reboot, but also to teach myself some serious self-discipline in this area.
It’s funny how much we obsess over this. We worry, freak out, feel like complete s**t, and we read and write volumes about how this problem is seriously f**king up our lives. Yet, the solution is very simple. We really couldn’t ask for anything more. Yes, 3 months is a long time if you spend it inside of your head worrying like mad. So get a hobby. Get something to keep your mind occupied in another way. You have to take that option away from your brain.
So…that’s that. A few facts:
- This is 110% fixable*
- It will likely be one of the most difficult things you’ve ever done
- If you ever want a normal sex life again, you kinda don’t have another choice.
WE ARE ALL CAPABLE OF FIXING THIS. SO FIX IT.
*I say this b/c I do feel about 10% better than I ever have @ my best!
First sex since being cured (day 90+)
I had sex the other day for the first time since I was confident enough to consider myself cured. And without trying to be dramatic or embellishing anything, I can honestly say that it was some of the best that I can remember. I’m sure that this was for a few reasons, the most obvious being that I no longer had any type of ED after so many years of that garbage. Also, just the fact that I hadn’t had sex in a long time probably played into this.
So now that all of the requisite tests have been done, I know that I am absolutely cured – and it was simply the abstinence from P, M, and any fantasies. That’s it (and taking care of myself physically). And here’s another thing. In the past, I always thought that I got ED because I was just not attracted to the girl (a convenient excuse). Eventually, I realized that this was not the case, and this girl I was recently with proved this. Now, I’m sure that this girl is very beautiful in some people’s eyes, and rightfully so. However, she was really not my type as far as physical attraction goes – at all. But the fact that I was not attracted to her, in any way really, did not matter AT ALL – not one bit! It was all very surprising and encouraging to me.
I wholeheartedly disagree with those who think that there’s a connection between ganja and ED. In my experience, and I think that Gary mentioned the same thing, this is just speculation since most doctors are not familiar with P and M being a cause of ED, and ganja’s just their best guess. I had eaten a few ganja cookies before this encounter. I was honestly high as a kite, and all that it did was make me more horny. She sent me a message afterward saying that she would be down for a repeat of that night in a heartbeat! (I haven’t heard that in a while.)
If I remember correctly, we had actual intercourse probably about 3 times. And I didn’t need any “encouraging” from her at all for the first 2. So just stay positive – I was beyond depressed just not too long ago.
And yes, I did use a condom each time. I’ve had problems with condoms in the past. I always thought that it was performance anxiety – but like everything else I thought about this, it really wasn’t true!
[5 weeks later] Things are going really great. Although it seems I’ve hit kind of a dry streak lady-wise, so that’s a bit frustrating – being more good-to-go than ever in my life and no outlet! But, this will pass for sure (I hope!). And no exaggeration about being more good-to-go than ever. I’m actually much better than my last post where I mentioned that all was great, so that’s phenomenal!
[7 months+] Just checking in here and wanted to post a brief update. I got lucky and found a great girl, and things are perfect with my sex life: no ED, and no self-confidence issues whatsoever. As I’ve mentioned before, things have never been this good for me, even when I was much younger.
Also, abstaining from masturbation has stayed with me, and is just kind of how I work now. It makes things so much better with my girl. Not to mention great moods, wild amounts of energy, and just a generally really positive outlook on life – something that all but vanished during the past few years.
That’s pretty much it. Nightmare over. I wish all of you the best of luck – though you don’t need it. Just stop with the porn and masturbation and life is good!