Age 36 – Had a very srong addiction. I know because I quit over 199,000+ times.

Me: 36 year old, no wife, No kids, never married. My story: I’ve always been a nice guy, not shy, but never real popular with the ladies. I looked at porn from time to time in jr high and high school. I remember as a kid I’d stay up late and watch softcore porn on cable TV in the 80’s. I oogled XXX magazines and VHS videos in the 90’s. I grew up, moved out on my own and rented/collected DVD’s from the adult video stores in the 2000’s.

… then in 2006 I got sick of the fap fap fap lifestyle and tried to quit.

I even posted a determined heartfelt post about it on a “No Porn” website back in 2006. I’ve been trying to quit porn and masturbation LONG before the whole Reddit NoFap movement began.

But no success.

I sadly realized that my daily porn watching habit and 20 year love affair with Vennessa Del Rio, J.R.Carrington, Dominique Simone, Anne Malle, Tiffany Towers, Lisa Lipps, Wendy Whoppers, Belladonna, Vivienne La Roche, Holly Day, Sandra Brown and Rachel all my favorite porn stars was more than a daily recreational habit, but a very, very, VERY VERY VERY STRONG ADDICTION. I know because I quit over 199,000+ times.

I’ve been in a few “real life” relationships over the years and experienced some memorable good sexual experiences in my early 20’s but as I got older, I fell more and more into the “friend-zone” with the women I knew. As this happened I fell more “in love” with the imaginary sex-life of my porn based dreams.

The cycle would start when I would meet a woman I was attracted to, I would fall in love with her, put her up on a pedestal and be too afraid to tell her my true feelings. I could never get up the nerve to ask her out. When I would finally let it slip out that I was interested in sex/and or a relationship I would hear the dreaded words “Oh, I like you too much as a friend.” or “Otisdez, you’re like a brother to me, I don’t see you in a sexual way like that.” Then I would listen patiently while she would describe how the asshole who she is sleeping with is such a jerk.

Every time this happened, I got more and more bitter. Sometimes when I was out spending time with a girl, I just couldn’t wait until I could finally go back home and jerk off to fantasy sluts that would suck , fuck and swallow numbing my feelings of rejection. Soon I stopped trying to approach and befriend “real” women altogether , choosing instead to enjoy a lonely life of isolation with my dream girls.

But PMO was draining my soul, consuming all my free time and costing me $1,000’s of dollars and lost opportunity. I owned a personal DVD collection of porn that filled up a whole closet. The first time I quit (or tried) I tossed all those expensive DVD’s in the garbage, and then went back and repurchased all those old movies again because I ‘missed’ them a few weeks later. Over time internet porn became higher definition and free so I could spend even more time with Jenna, Jamie, Jasmine, Jade, Jada and Jane porn stars and totally ignored every woman I knew or would see in real life. I was sure they could only see me as a disposable nice guy friend or even worse some “creep” that jerks off in his apartment to porn all day. In my dreams all the pornstars just LOVED me. I was totally delusional.

This PMO lifestyle went on and on for decades !!! The addiction got worse and the porn I watched got worse. Before I knew it the porn that turned me on a year before didn’t do it for me. The cycle escalated slowly Big fake boobs wasn’t enough anymore, I had to see violent rough anal gangbangs, degrading 12 man bukkake swallows, sexist borderline rape moves and then I scared the shit out of my self with a accidental peep into TRANNY PORN …it had to STOP. It really had to stop.

Then in 2012 I discoved NOFAP. I set a badge, went a week, then relapsed. Tried again went 10 days and then relapsed again. Then a month etc. etc. I had a 45 day streak once, a 23 day , a 77 day streak , all to have it end over the lamest of excuses. This year I said “#@C% this 2014 is my year to finally grow up. I had to work on loving myself and having some faith in my God (shout out to /r/Nofapchristians ) tonight I made it. 90 days ! 90 days ! 90 FUCKING DAYS

tl;dr – 36 year old virgin does Nofap, gets superpowers and fucks 16- 20 bitches a week. NOFAP 😀


by otisdez