A little background (you can read some of my older posts for additional info). I’m 36 years old, no ED issues, but have felt that fapping has been a root cause of a variety of problems in my life over the past several years — everything from low energy/motivation, to depression, to brain fog, to an inability to have meaningful long term relationships with women. I’ve tried abstaining from fapping on my own in the past, but never lasted more than a month. Finding Nofap has been instrumental to my success. Having a like-minded community to share my trials and tribulations with and hear inspiring stories from has been the best motivator to keep me going.
As part of my Nofap challenge, I decided I would also abstain from sex. After reading articles on YBOP and other fapstronaut accounts, I got the impression that while having regular sex can help keep the urges in check, it can also slow down the reset process and create serious chaser effect symptoms. Right before I started my streak (back in April), I’d broken up with my ex-girlfriend. Sex had been a problem for us — I was no longer attracted to her and she felt rejected (I was more turned on by my porn collection, although she had no idea the extent of my addiction — I chalked up my lack of libido to depression). There were other issues at play that caused our breakup, but my inability to connect with her on a deeper emotional level definitely contributed. Normally, when I end a longish term relationship (this one lasted almost a year), I jump back into the dating game and try to hook-up with as many different women as possible in an attempt to make myself feel better (I live in a big city where finding single women is not terribly difficult). It used to make me feel better, at least temporarily, but ultimately the hookups left me feeling empty inside. So, for my 90 day challenge, I decided no hookups, no dating, nothing that would lead to temptations for a one-night stand.
The benefits of this approach, IMO, have been really great for me. I’ve spent the majority of my last 130 days working on improving myself. I’ve seen improvements across the board — energy levels are up, my mind feels sharper and clearer, confidence is up, depression feels under control, I find it very easy to talk to attractive women (especially since I’m not talking to them in the hopes they will sleep with me), I’m also in the best physical shape I’ve been in years. Like many have said, nofap didn’t magically solve all my problems, but it was a very important first step in a conscious effort to get my life back on track. Realizing I had a problem, accepting it and then taking active steps to address that problem was a very powerful turning point for me.
By day 100 or so, I realized I was doing a lot better. I know I still have a ways to go before I’m “cured” (this a loaded term and probably not realistic) and this will likely be a long term lifestyle change for me in order to continue to reap the benefits. Anyway, I realized by day 100 that I was feeling a bit lonely and I was ready to step back into the dating world, this time with the intention of finding a long term girlfriend, someone who could potentially lead to more. Back in my fapping days, I found that I would often compromise or ignore problems with potential girlfriends because my desire to get laid often trumped my desire to find a suitable match. I was willing to overlook certain character flaws or incompatibilities in the interest of finding a regular sex partner. But without that addictive “must get laid” feeling in my mind, I realized I could be more discerning about who I went out with and who I ultimately pursued.
Long story short, after going on a few dates with different girls, I found a girl who I really connected with on several levels (intellectually, emotionally, physically, etc). We’ve been going out for a few weeks now and it’s been great so far. It’s the first time in a long time that I’ve been excited about getting to know someone and looking forward to where the relationship goes. And the other night she stayed over for the first time.
Cue NSFW portion of the post: So, up until this point, over the past 130 days my only release had been the bi-weekly or so wet dream. I wasn’t sure what to expect in my first sexual encounter in 4 months — she’s really attractive, so I was little worried about PE. Good news is, I didn’t have any chaser effects the next day (came again the next morning).
I didn’t tell her about nofap, but mentioned that I had essentially been celibate since my breakup in April. She assumes I still masturbate and I didn’t really make an effort to correct her impression — kinda feel like that’s a lot to lay on a person you are just getting to know. I’ll probably end up telling her at some point, depending on where things go with us… my gut tells me she could be long term relationship potential, but we’ll see.
Anyway, not really even sure what the purpose of this post was to begin with. I suppose it was a bit of an update and a report on how my first sexual act since starting nofap felt. I guess I was concerned about PE, which wasn’t a problem. I was also concerned about chaser effect, which also wasn’t a problem. One weird side effect is that I got sick with a cold the next day. I haven’t had a cold in over a year. Granted, I had a really late with her and had to travel the next day, but part of me wonders if cumming twice contributed to my immune system being vulnerable (read somewhere that chronic fapping can weaken your immune system). Anyway, probably just a coincidence, but I felt it necessary to report, my fellow fapstronauts…
Feel free to ask me anything about the above or my experiences thus far…