Age 37 – Married: much better connection with wife

Well how to start…

OMG I made it 90 days!! I had actually stopped really paying attention to my counter for some time now, but yesterday when I saw it at 89 and knew that 90 days was sure thing, I damn near wept with relief. Have no doubt this is the longest i have gone without fapping 23 yrs or more. That right, over 2 decades – what a relief.

I rarely have a desire to fap anymore, and have seriously made a better connection with my wife than since before we were married 10 yrs ago. I no longer freak out when my wife or son walk into the room while I’m using the computer., and have no fear of my browser history. I am no longer paranoid about getting fired for looking up porn on my work pc. Although i have tried to get onto this forum while connected to the company network and this site is banned under the heading sexual education. Ironically reddit itself works.

As to superpowers – eh – I don’t know. I was okay guy before and I am an okay guy now. the biggest thing I think is the terrible burden of having been so addicted to porn is broken. Now I was an addict, i now consider myself a recovering addict. i am still rebuilding the bridges I burned with my wife. I do feel that my attention span is better and I am better able to concentrate on work. But the giant burden of years of porn and pmo is largely lifted. In the most part because as a practicing Catholic i was able to go to confession and have a frank discussion with the priest about my past habits, about how low I had gotten, and about how hard I was trying to make amends. I never wanted to be the guy who treated his wife like crap and couldn’t make time for his kids, and I am not that guy anymore. no more lying or hiding. Its very freeing. My relationship with my wife will be built back up slowly. I didn’t turn into a total ass overnight so why should i expect her to not have some skepticism of the new me? anyway things are getting better a little at a time, and that’s allright with me.

So here it is. I was really low, and I wanted to quit anyway, so when i saw the story on the blaze about this group I checked it out and signed up the next day. Thank you to all who have helped me along the way – I could not have done this alone.

Also confession time – I could not completely pull myself from porn for a while. i was looking at the gifs and still images that I found all over reddit (alot of people have way way way too much free time) and I was rationalizing in my head that its not nearly as bad as what you use to do and you’re not fapping so why not – bad idea. I could feel myself at the top of a very slippery slope back down to where I started. I had to start a separate counter in r/pornfree to track my progess. Just like here that little counter helps a ton.

Anyway sorry about the rambling semi-coherent post, but I am so thankful and unburdened to have reached this milestone. I am totally done with pmo, hopefully for the rest of my life.

to you knew folks just starting out, its difficult, but totally worth the effort.

Good luck everybody, and thank you all for your help.

LINK – 90 days – I can hardly believe it.

by john365