Age 38 – Ten years of searching (ED)

Just thought I’d let you know how my last 8 weeks have gone. Within the first two weeks I’d noticed my morning and spontaneous erections coming back to me. I’d also realised that I’d become quite sensitive to the sight of women when out and about.

In these first two or three weeks I’d spent some intimate time with close acquaintances to whom I’d explained my 8 week program. It was very reassuring to discover that things were working quite well (whilst avoiding intense stimulation or ejaculation of course).

Weeks 3-7 were quite variable, with some periods of quite intense states of arousal. However on two occasions I’d inadvertently stumbled upon some images which I subsequently dwelt upon and over the next 4-8 days of both of those occasions my natural erections and general libido had significantly diminished. It was only the 2nd time that this happened that I’d realised how much I’d underestimated how strict one has to be in avoiding any kind of exposure to imagery. I understand now that all the porn circuitry is still there but has just been disconnected. And that it doesn’t take much for that network to light up again..

So I’d avoided any kind of ejaculation or masturbation for those 7 weeks. However, I met someone at week 7 and the third time we’d met we were just hanging out in bed together, talking and being close and I had a very solid erection that lasted 1 hour and 20 minutes practically non-stop. It was quite fun not doing the obvious thing but just teasing it occasionally instead. The next morning we made love and I eventually went over the edge and had my first orgasm in about 50 days. It was of course amazing but I was relieved to find that it was not painful although I did feel extremely spaced out over the next few hours (not depressed but something similar, like melancholy). I was also relieved that the erections continued over the next few days and made love to her a lot, ejaculating 3 times in the same evening when I saw her again a week later.

I think I can safely say that I’m cured! However, I should point out a few things:

  1. A few weeks before finding your site I’d starting taking maca. I’m sure you know a bit about this stuff (a powdered Peruvian root extract). It apparently acts directly on the hypothalamus rather than on hormones. I’d taken the liberty of continuing to use this during most of the 7 weeks. I largely attribute that very sustained erection to it.
  2. I’d never really encountered a flatline stage. I’m wondering if this may also be related to the maca use.
  3. About halfway through the process I’d started developing a taste for larger (plump) women which is totally new to me. I wonder if we may have an innate eroticism around this but which is also de-associated through porn usage (given the way the majority of pornstars look..).

I’ve been quite open with my closer male friends about the journey I’d embarked upon (from quite early on in the process) and I was amazed to find that out of the 6 people that I spoke to, 2 also had some fairly serious problems and 2 others have had some mild problems in the past. However, all 6 of them have put their porn use into question – it seems to be something that resonates with a lot of people. Men don’t really talk about this kind of thing amongst each other because of fears about peer-credibility, perceived virility, masculinity and ultimately one’s place in society.

It only remains for me now to thank you INFINITELY for all this work you’ve done and for spreading the word rather trying to make some kind of profit out of it. My new girlfriend asked me to thank you too! I can’t bear to think how the rest of my life would have unfolded if I’d continued with these problems as I was approaching the point where I thought it would be less stressful and frustrating if I were to just forget about the prospects of building up a proper fulfilling relationship and basically put a line through my sexuality in order to be (relatively) at peace with it.

Over the last ten years or so I’ve had various scans (like MRI), cerebro-spinal fluid analysis, endocrine analysis, nerve conduction studies (electromyograms), consulted a urologist, a sexologist and a psychologist. Not a single one has asked me about porn usage. I think there’s a real problem here.. For what it’s worth, I’m doing what I can in my own way to spread the word too.

[More details]

I’m 38, basically discovered my sexuality through the lingerie pages of mail-order catalogs around the age of 11 and then magazines shortly after, then the internet from about 20 onwards. Had always masturbated at least once a day and my habit degenerated to spending 1-4 hours a day on the web. Have always been (and still am) into a certain degree of ‘deviance’ and this extended naturally into my porn usage of course.

I realised that I forgot to describe my symptoms: I’ve always been fine on my own although in recent years it’s sometimes taken a bit of vigour to get the initial erection. With partners however, I’d been fine up to the age of about 23 and then started having failed encounters. This became systematic right up until now (15 years on). I would usually (though not always) have some kind of erection during foreplay or at least whilst undressing. Typically the erection would disappear very suddenly either at some stage during foreplay or just at the critical moment or whilst putting on a condom. Once gone it was very difficult to get it back. I would sometimes be able to go further and occasionally all the way, but this would require a lot of mental imagery and maintaining some kind of fantasy scenario. My partners would often remark that I was ‘elsewhere’ during lovemaking. Nowadays I can keep my head completely clear and the sensations and sight of my partner are more than enough to keep me going.

The only thing I would add is that I personally believe that the key to giving up any kind of addiction is learning to enjoy the withdrawal by transforming the symptoms into something positive. And this is no exception (frustration can be great fun..!)


by gary