I made it to two months. I feel pretty good about it. Ninety days does not feel insurmountable now.
Here is my 60 day report.
CRAVINGS – I would say that cravings have been reduced by about 70%. I still have cravings periodically. It seems that I have an increased ability to see past the craving and not act on it. It was a realization for me to see that I am not my cravings. I am not obilgated to act out when I have a craving.
ENERGY- I have noticed a slight increase in energy. I have a hectic life with kids, a wife, and a high stress job. Allowing myself to relax has been critical in trying to kick the PMO habit. My PMO did not happen in isolation. Often it was a way of trying to “unwind” or “relax”. The key for me is realizing that this temporary relaxation was offset by guilt and other negative feelings. These negative feelings eventually outweighed the benefits from PMO.
WOMEN – Even though I am a married man I have noticed my interaction with other women has gotten better. They re-organized my office. I now sit next to three very beautiful women every day. It is nice that I haven’t had inappropriate fantasies about these women. When I was in my habit I used to think “all fantasy is game” as long as you remain physically faithful to your wife. I now see that constant fantasy about strange women on the screen or other women that I interact with was unhealthy. My conversations with women have gotten better. My relationship with the wife has also improved.
WIFE- People wonder how you can have a PMO habit while still being married. This is detailed in some of my earlier posts. Basically, if you have PMO problem now don’t think that getting married will automatically solve it. My sex life has improved. I think am still resetting so I think it is a work in progress. Part of our problem is lack of time and privacy. We are working on it. I think my wife feels more loved today.
SELF- I am treating myself less like a machine. I need time to relax. I am experimenting with different types of meditation. I found that being high strung all the time is part of the problem. I trained my body to use PMO as a stress relief. I still am in process of seeking other outlets to relieve stress.
WORKING OUT- I have been moderately working out. I haven’t been killing myself. I tried to beat this habit before by obsessing on the gym. For me, realizing that I don’t have to be perfect is more helpful. I enjoy my workouts. This is definitely part of the solution for me but not the whole thing.
SPIRITUALITY- I know we have a wide range of beliefs here on this board. Looking at porn 4 to 5 times a week did not enhance my spirituallity. It gave me feelings of guilt and shame. That shame cycle was actually a bit crazy. I was unaware of how porn affects the brain or that my frontal cortex was being “short circuited” by powerful cravings. I don’t feel like I was doing the world or myself any good by being a regular viewer of porn.
MEDIA- I have watched and listened to less news. I still try to stay informed but it is ok to have some filters. Instant access to news brings the world’s problems right to the front of your mind every day. I vote. I share my opinion when appropriate. It is ok to step back and not carry the world’s problems on my shoulders. The world has always had problems. Kingdoms have been rising and falling since the beginning of recorded history. Finding a small shred of peace for myself might be the best thing I can do for the world.
FUN- I have noticed that simple pleasures seem more fun. From what I understand about addiction – when you are in the cycle the addiction seems super interesting. When I was an active alcoholic nothing beat drinking. At the height of my PMO addiction it seemed that looking at the screen was what I wanted to do when I had free time alone. Now, old things like music, movies, hiking, and reading are getting more interesting again. This habit was a leach on my time. It is good to have my Saturday not cut short by two or three hours on the computer.
FUTURE- I take it one day at a time. I know what it is like to be addicted to porn and look when I don’t want to look. I would like to see what this PMO-Free lifestyle has to offer. I like the feeling of not being paranoid when my wife uses the computer. I enjoy the reduced feelings of guilt. I like having less anxiety and also feeling more in control of my actions.
I have not enjoyed any “superpowers” yet. I am just a regular guy. I will keep going with this and see what happens. I take it a day at a time. I have two accountability partners. One of my partners has 30 days himself and is making real progress.
Good luck to you guys. Use this NOFAP site. Look for sex addiction podcasts. You don’t have to go it alone.
LINK – 60 Day Report – 40 year old