At 200 days – what is it like? It is the new normal. Friends remark on how fit I am – I look 10 years younger than my mid-40s age. My girlfriend is crazy for me, and wants to be with me 24 / 7. I have a new dream job starting next week.
What is different? When I see people out at night like I did tonight, I no longer perv with thoughts about them. When I dream about making love, it is about someone I truly love and care about, who also truly loves and cares about me. When I listen to others, I try my best to be there for them, and help them, as opposed to inserting my opinion into their experience. When I choose to listen to myself, I hear quiet stillness, the soft sound of frogs chirping along a lovely tropical beach at night coupled with the lapping waves hugging the shore. When I do my job, I focus on the task at hand, and no longer obsess about what may occur next and future plan for the endless future possibilities.
I am not perfect. I still obsess about sex. I still see boobs sometimes when instead I should always see a person. I still think too much about sex. Yet, for the first time in my life I have “enough” sex (every day with my girlfriend), and it is mindnumbing incredible sex. It is intimate and personal and all that one would ever wish for, in every sense, and in every daydream and prayer I have ever had… and you know what? It is still only sex. Thankfully, this is all it is. What a relief.
I am no longer defined about sex and in sexual terms. I no longer care if I have had sex since a certain date, or what type of sex, or with what type of body type. Instead, I care about the intimacy of the sexual experience.
How new and exciting! Sometimes, it is scary because it is different. It is scary for the simple fact that it is intimate and new. And my God does it feel good, correct in its being, well understood and liked, and simply perfect.
For the first time in my life, it feels like it should.
Tonight, I sleep well. Tonight, I know that I have overcome the mania, the madness, the shame, the violence, the anger and the rage of the porn insanity. Tonight, I know that I too am whole, I am a man “strong and weak” in all the correct ways of the tao of masculinity. Tonight, I know that if my girlfriend and I choose different paths, I will find happiness again. Happiness is no longer isolated to that “only one person on Earth” and instead is bountiful and available through many different situations and activities because I, I am whole, complete, content, and happy.
Thank you Fapstronauts for your amazing confidence, inspiration, and wisdom. Your chutzpah is brilliant!!
by strongnweak203 days