Age 40s – Married: I haven’t liked myself for quite some time, and PMO was both a cause and a symptom

So grateful to have found this community, and to have found my center again after years of wandering and countless wasted hours. This journey to 90 days has been worth it and I want to see what 120, 180, 360 feel like. I did this for depression and low self-esteem, and it’s working. I feel like I’ve broken out of the dopamine cycle. I’ve got my pride back.

I’m not ashamed of my browser history, been working out daily (and I really can’t recommend it enough–jump rope in a stairwell if you have to), sleeping better, less moody, less foggy now, and more approachable and pleasant to be around. I get chatted up in checkout lines a couple of times a week, which is just weird to me!

More importantly, I’ve been able to ditch the guilt, and examine the painful areas of my life I was papering over with PMO. It’s been a weird journey, and rough in spots. I was in pure flat line for 7 solid weeks, but thought of it as my friend as it gave me the space I needed to heal myself. I’m glad I was able to view it that way and utilize it, making lemonade if you will.

I look back and am sad and angry at how many years it’s taken (and taken from me), and all the things I’ve done to get in my own way. I’m still far from perfect but I’m grateful that I was able to pull myself (mid-40s male, married) out of this awful spiral of self-loathing and dopamine overload before it was too late.

I hope if you’re reading this and the other posts on this sub that you can find the encouragement to keep going on your own journey, because you deserve it. You deserve to be free and whole and to shake that horrible burden off your back.

I’m still vigilant, I’ll need to be, but I feel so much better about myself, to be able to say “I’m an adult and I don’t beat off to online porn anymore.” I haven’t liked myself for quite some time, and PMO was both a cause and a symptom. I’m glad to report that’s changed, and for the better. Thank you noFap and best of luck to everyone!! You can do it! Here’s to a great 2014!

LINK Day 90 – I like myself again!

by cmdmdl