Just passed 90 days. I’m a 41 year old, I feel wonderful, great success with everything I wanted to get out of this, including fixing ED. Here’s my story briefly:
I’d been PMO, about daily on average, since about 13. Not always with P, and only highspeed/video in the last few years. Overcame drug and alcohol addiction 2 years ago. PMO was last addiction, but I didn’t realize it…
Last year, got back into a relationship after a long dry spell after a long drawn out bad marriage and divorce. When finally getting the chance at real sex, I was very dismayed at ED issues. As I said, I’d been PMO since about 13. I then found YBOP, and realized it was an addiction just like drugs and alcohol, and my addict brain had to be rid of it or else it would be yet another substitute.
First started trying nofap/pornfree 7 1/2 months ago, on Jan 1st. Got 45 days on first attempt, and had success fixing ED. But then had a few relapses, it was hard. I think the relapses were due to 1) trying to be in a long-distance relationship (a week of sex then three weeks of abstinence is not easy), and 2) not an entirely supportive girlfriend. I was completely honest, and she “understood”, but always thought it was “her”, and occasional ED issues still bothered her, as well as my relapses. I tried viagra sometimes, which worked, but neither of us liked the idea of “depending” on it.
That relationship ended (because of the long distance and other much bigger reasons than the ED), and I – completely unexpectedly – found a wonderful woman and entered another relationship.
This new relationship is not long distance, and we have such an amazing connection that we moved in together quickly. Before we ever had sex, I told her everything about my history of PMO, and struggles, and attempts at nofap and pornfree. She had a different and completely accepting attitude about porn, but I still told her it was important for me to abstain completely. She was completely supportive.
The first time with her, I had issues with ED, but it turned out to be completely nerves. She was completely understanding and supportive. “It doesn’t matter”. The next day, once I was more comfortable, I had no problems.
Fast forward a couple months, and making love daily is the default. I only have slight ED issues, and then only maybe every couple weeks, and then usually after 2-3 times a day or being externally stressed or tired. Even then, I’ve so far been able to lay back, relax, cuddle, then get “in the mood” and finish. Overall, I think that’s pretty normal for a 41 year old. Aside from that, every time is amazing – she’s very beautiful, which makes it easy, and I’m able to focus on her and our enjoyment – complete control, no PE. Lots of kissing and long foreplay.
So that covers the physical, but that’s just a small part of this amazing relationship. It seems too good to be true, but then again, we have both put in an incredible amount of work for years in becoming the best people we can, and we have attracted someone else who has done the same, and can appreciate it. Be intentional. Write down goals. Write down what you want out of a relationship. What you expect, what you’re willing to change, what you won’t put up with. Share it. Work hard. Overcome addictions and issues. You’ll be rewarded.
What’s the secret, at least to the physical part? In my opinion: Complete honesty and communication and understanding, in my opinion. If both partners are completely honest about problems and communicate everything, even the embarrassing stuff, and don’t make a big deal out of any problems, then things are ok.
I don’t think I got any “superpowers”, I’m too old for that, but PMO definitely fucked up my addict brain. It’s an addiction, and I needed to overcome it, just as I had previously overcame drug and alcohol addiction.
And freedom from addiction is a glorious, rewarding thing.
TL;DR; 41 years old. Started nofap/pornfree because of unexpected ED when entering new relationship after divorce. Am now in a wonderful committed relationship with an incredible and beautiful woman, virtually no ED issues even with regular nightly lovemaking. Finally free of the “final addiction” after getting clean of drugs/alcohol years prior. This works, and will improve your life.
(crosspost to http://www.reddit.com/r/pornfree/)