I’m in my early 40’s and have been PMO’ing for 20+ years. I suffer/suffered from DE (delayed ejaculation) and have not had an orgasm via Oral, Vaginal, or any other method except by my own hand in at least 15 years.
I had thought my problem was unique to me, and it caused tremendous pressure and anxiety when with my partners over the years. It got to the point where even trying to finish manually with my GF would be hit or miss – and to finish off I’d have to replay really odd/fetish stuff in my mind.
Coming across NoFap, YourBrainOnPorn helped me to understand the real issues I was dealing with – primarily the addiction to Porn, and the Dopamine High from all the M’ing following the P
It was awful to be able to sit in front a screen and O without a problem within minutes but to not be able to do it despite being with really sensual and awesome partners.
Well today was the breakthrough… we had a very intimate time and during PIV I was able to finish naturally. My GF has been totally supportive of me during my NoFap reboot, and this event brought us both to tears.
I will be keeping it up and I encourage others who are still waiting to see results to keep it up. The PMO cycle is an addiction that has to be respected and fought against.
An update to my saga – which if you want you can see one of the most major breakthroughs in my post from 11 days ago: http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/2ch1cd/i_havent_finished_naturally_in_15_years_after_41/
I had a second experience which sort of blew me away – as I was able to have PIV sex with my amazingly supportive girlfriend in the backseat of the car one night like teens might do – and DAMNIT I FINISHED after five minutes – which I wanted to do. I think I could’ve went longer – but while going along she said I want your come and I want it now. and I thought about finishing and it just happened. (unlike the last time there were no tears)
I can’t believe I lived for so many years without being able to come naturally, and only with my hand while watching porn. The friction and problems it caused were massive.
I’m not even two months into NoPMO/NoFap and I’m able to be ‘normal’ again.
Keep at it my NoFapstonauts journeymen. You can re-wire the tangled web of shit that years and years of Porn has caused.
I don’t want this to be one of the typical ‘I relapsed, I suck, but I’m going to conquer it next time’ posts.
My initial 140 day journey changed me. No really – I believe I got physically re-wired to be normal.
I became a functioning man and it was incredible. I was able for the first time in > 12 years ejaculate without resorting to my hands and imagining fetish porn. It wasn’t a one time fluke either, now everytime we did it I could finish. And the big surprise – for the first time in my life (42yo) I was able to finish from oral with no hand stimulation by either of us. BAM! Top of the world!
I thought I was cured. I even began to think that it wasn’t NoFap that I was participating in, it was really NoPMO.
NoPMO let me (mistakenly) believe that as long as I did no Porn, but only occasionally Masturbated (once or twice a week) I could balance my new found re-wiring and just live the dream. But that occasional wank, despite the best intentions (thinking only about sex with my GF), lead to more and more thoughts about some of the old things while masturbating.
<it’s at this point I should’ve returned here, as during my initial journey (at least the first 50 days or so) this group was a big support point for me.>
One weekend while alone I read some erotica. It’s not really going to screw up my re-wiring, right? I think this must be what real alcoholics say as they slip off the wagon… ‘It’s only a light beer, there’s no harm in that is there? Especially when I’ve been sober for so long.’
But it did. I’m not sure if the anxiety around having read the porn and masturbated was the culprit or if my wiring was getting screwed up again, but I wasn’t able to finish without manually assisting myself. This is the oh-shit moment when you realize that you may not be on top of the world anymore.
<it’s at this point I *really* should have returned here>
I did the whole badge reset process and began again. But I didn’t get to far. Over the Thanksgiving break, where I had a epic relapse blow-out, I realize I need to focus on the thing that was most important – and that was on my ability to finish with my partner and to appreciate her sensuality.
I don’t want to minimize the relapses, but instead try to maximize my learning process in going through them. The badge says day 1, but it could also say 5/150. Five days of PMO out of 150 is good. Especially when compared to before which would constantly read 2/1 (twice a day).
I can look back and see some of my triggers and I’m hoping that I will be more informed on how to deal with them. I’ve also realized I’m not as clever as I wanted to be. In the end I’m on a NoFap journey, not a NoPMO one. It’s not about hard-code mode, but a process so that I can connect naturally with the one I love.
Good luck to my fellow fapstronauts.