I’ll have to start near the end of this story as I don’t want to bore everyone with the boring back-story so here are the salient points.
- Feeling lonely
- No one to turn to
- Parents passed away
- Sexless marriage
- Retreated into porn
- Been using porn since a teen, now 48
After years of not finding my wife attractive (now I realise it was porn that caused it) I had the opportunity to get away, a beautiful and smart woman and after months of flirting we had finally planned a night out together.
All was set apart yet internal conflict began building. The conflict between my morality and my warped sex drive made me search on-line for answers; should I take the opportunity to have an intense affair or should I stay in a sexless and lonely marriage? An affair would surely destroy my wife and kids but to be honest for a while I felt I’d rather be alone. I was in a bad way so an affair seemed a convenient way out. If caught I’d leave. I had begun looking for intimacy outside my marriage for a while and here was my chance. Only problem my wife, who I no longer found attractive, was a wonderful mother and I knew she still loved me very much, an affair would destroy her and the fallout would damage my kids.
Then I stumbled upon NoFap and thought ‘maybe if I quit porn I’ll get some self-respect, some clarity so I took the plunge, I even went into monk mode.
I’m sorry to say Monk mode hasn’t fully worked for me, I experienced a lot of pain at around 5-days that I just couldn’t bear so I do sort that out when necessary, but as for porn, it’s gone and I’m in semi monk mode! Only getting relief when absolutely necessary.
Anyway results, if I told you that my character and my situation has totally changed in just 4-weeks you may not believe me but things have totally transformed.
The one big thing that’s changed is my courage, courage to confront issues head on rather than letting things fester.
After about a week of no porn I felt an overwhelming feeling that I was no longer prepared to have a crap marriage, I ranked up my fitness training. Week 2 I told my wife I wasn’t happy in our marriage and that things needed to change.
Week 3 I picked up the courage to tell the attractive potential mistress that I couldn’t put her into a complicated situation and finished things before they went too far and got the courage to confront my wife about our intimacy issues. I have given one woman the freedom to find a proper partner rather than a sad married man and another wonderful woman a loving husband who finds her beautiful again. It was like years of depression and guilt had suddenly been lifted. After initially being very angry, my wife just realised that all I wanted was some intimacy and fun in our lives and that I wasn’t prepared to compromise any more, she then acknowledged my bravery and honesty and began to make changes.
So week 4 after starting NoFap my wife and I have had more sex than we have in the last 2-years, I find her attractive and sexy again and we have planned several dates, things are well on the mend. We are a team and the love we had years ago is returning faster than I could possibly imagine.
My confidence has gone through the roof and I feel self-assured. I gained the confidence and courage to end an affair before it started while at the same time gaining the clarity of thought to confront years of being miserable in marriage by not accepting it for a moment longer. I no longer look at women as sex objects but as people, I also know how to control my sex drive and channel the energy into appreciation and respect, strangely it’s incredibly sexy.
I have become the man I want to be and have happiness in my heart for the first time in years. These are still early days but after just 4 weeks my life has totally turned around. It’s unbelievable.
My version of the NoFap lifestyle is fixed, no porn, no unnecessary masturbation and no repressed feelings. No more being ashamed, no more disgusting attitude towards women and no more compromising.
I never would have believed how quickly things could change once the decision to quit porn had been made. You have my eternal gratitude.