Our story. Together for roughly 13 years. PIED started about 3 months into the relationship. Neither of us knew what was going on and I seriously considered that my husband was gay or asexual.
We continued to date and eventually got married. I obviously didn’t marry him for the sex as sex dwindled to about 5-10 times a year with hit or miss erections. Sex became more and more painful for both of us and would usually end up in arguments and fights. Soon sex wasn’t even happening at all. At our worst we went 3 years without any sex whatsoever.
The fights mainly centred around the fact that my husband seemed uninterested in fixing the issue. Little did I know he was getting his sexual needs met with PMO. Around 2010 I asked him to stop masturbating to see if it would help our sex life. I had read an article at the time about sexual exhaustion. He said he would but he never did. He kept on masturbating rather than face his issues and me.
Then in 2013 I hit rock bottom. I told him I had had enough and was leaving. It wasn’t an ultimatum, I was simply informing him. I couldn’t imagine being in a sexless marriage forever. He cried and begged me to stay. We have two kids (miracles honestly!) and if it wasn’t for them I wouldn’t have stayed. I told him that I thought masturbation was his problem and that it needed to go.
I told him I would stay for 6 months and then reevaluate. I needed to know he was serious before I wasted any more of my time. Well in that first 6 months he stopped PMO and never looked back. We started having sex a LOT! His erections were still hit or miss but he was facing his issues and we were communicating.
We had a ton of “knock down drag out” fights during that time when I realized what had been happening all of those years that I went without sex. How he had been having sex with others on a screen or in his head while I went without. It was a very brutal time for my self esteem. I still haven’t fully recovered.
About 9 months into the reboot we were having regular sex but his erections weren’t improving much. He decided to do some research into what was going on (keep in mind we did not know about nofap, or YBOP). He tried supplements but they did nothing. He went on an ED forum and a book “great sex” by Michael Castleman was recommended.
He decided to abstain from Orgasm for 8 weeks as was suggested in the book. The book talked a lot about porn and how it messes with your expectations of sex. Thinking you’re supposed be hard the whole time, that sex is about “performance” etc. Great book! The reason for abstinence from O was to stop focusing on failure and his erections and start focusing on sensations during sex rather than a rush to O. He was having such a hard time focusing during sex. He kept reliving past failures. Every time he managed to get an erection it was a rush to use it. I felt like sex wasn’t even about me, it was about his penis.
So with his penis out of the equation he really started to relax and rewire. Sex became fun and pleasurable for both of us. It was tough and it was hard not to give in but in the end it was worth it. He learned some great skills to pleasure me which was good because he knew he had something to fall back on should he lose his erection at any time which took the pressure off.
His erections came back 100% and we’ve been doing well ever since. He had some PE issues after the 8 weeks but that too went away as he learned to control his arousal and tempo during sex. He can now last as long as he wants.
Essentially it took roughly a year to recover. His libido took a bit longer as he had to limit his orgasms which we thought he’d have to do because of age and his history but it turns out that this was also temporary. He can now orgasm as much as he wants with no issues (about 1.5 yrs in).
My husband is now “normal”! He craves sex with me, is all over me like we’re newlyweds and our sex life is great. I am so glad this worked and it can work for you too! We had no idea what we were doing so it likely took us a lot longer than it should have but it’s over now.
Thanks for reading