I’m aiming to stick with this forever so I don’t have challenge days (I’m not a 30 day/90 day type of person). I am 36 and I have been masturbating and using porn for nearly 24 years.
I started my journey as a female fapstronaut on the 23rd of November.
The more compulsive pmo was in the last 7 years and excessively in the past three years as when my long term relationship ended: I was using on porn to alleviate feelings of anxiety and boredom; and as I wanted to be celibate I thought that porn and masturbation would be a great workaround.
However, it felt like it was more and more out of control for me; I could easily spend an hour or two hours a night in PMO sessions and although some aspects of my life were good – I started to find that my thoughts were all sexually charged, fantasies were becoming intrusive and out of control and also it was taking more and more to get me sexually high so my tastes in porn slowly grew more extreme.
I also had a recurring obsessive fantasy about a man that I could not shake and my spidey senses told me that the fapping was connected to the obsessive thoughts.
The little voice in my head suggested no fap. Also, on a random internet search I found an article from a practitioner of Chinese medicine who shared a case study of a client who he recommended NoFap to as despite having the full package – he could not get or sustain a relationship and this changed with NoFap
On my first attempt I relapsed after a week overall BUT I did feel an internal shift; felt good and a lot more centred and also some of the sexual thoughts that I found really disturbing started to dull down. I deleted all my porn bookmarks and threw away all my sex toys – bar one which is in a place that it is hard to reach, but I am going to get rid of that at some point too.
I had a slip after trying NoFap for seven days, the first thing that I noticed was how wiped for energy I was, the other thing is I did see a shift in the way that I communicated with both men and women during the time that I did no fap. I felt less reserved and shy, and because of my heavy porn use I had a really amorphous sends of shame about my double life that seemed to permeate everything.
I am close to the 28 day point and I wanted to share the positive changes that have happened so far…
- Stopped feel awkward around men and women – due to porn use I would sexualise everything and everyone I would also imagine sexual acts that they would perform this has subsided substantially to the point that this has nearly disappeared all together.
- No longer feel uncomfortable around attractive men – once again the scenario above, with the added addition of me sexualising them and fantasising having sex with them. Once again making me feel uncomfortable and awkward.
- More clitoral sensation – my vagina was pretty much numb due to the amount of masturbation I was engaging in. Sometimes 3 -4 sessions a night and more on the weekends.
- Build up of energy – I was quite lethargic although I had some success raising my energy with a diet plan I still wasn’t reaching peak levels, I feel more inclined to work out and take care of myself.
- More men seem to be attracted to me – I’m not sure if it is an aura thing but I have noticed more men interested in me, this could just be a placebo as my mind is not in a PMO fog. But, I have noticed a difference.
- Less obsessive thoughts – as I mentioned before, I was having a difficult time shaking a persistent fantasy about someone and that has lessened greatly with NoFap.
The only things that have been really hard are…
- Sleep – I had killer insomnia in the first week and the temptation to use to help me sleep was strong I resisted it.
- Libido – I have had moments of feeling horny (especially as the clitoral sensation has comeback with a vengeance) that have been off the scale where I have wanted to watch porn and masturbate really badly. Was tempted to try edging but was able to rein it in.
What has helped?
- Exercise – it’s been great to send the energy somewhere I am working up to trying to work out at least 4-5 times a week. It is slowly getting there.
- Diet – I have been using a book called The Mood Cure I used this before I started NoFap, however the book has roots in addiction recovery and can help with obsessive thoughts and I see my behaviour as in some ways being an OCD. It has a Vitamin and diet plan which means that I haven’t experienced the NoFap blues.
- Reading – I read a great book which is women centric called Women, Sex and Addiction as I thought about going to SLAA (Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous) because of the porn use. This book covers a lot of the psychology behind porn and sex addiction from a female perspective.
- Online – this community has been great also I’ve got love for http://emergency.nofap.org/
- Spiritual – Meditation and prayer plus I like the James Altrucher|How to be the luckiest guy alive, you can get a PDF of his regimen/daily practice I’ve used it and it’s helped a lot.
Thanks for reading and I wish you well on your NoFap journey