So it’s been 5 months (or roughly 20 weeks) since I’ve last looked at porn. Here’s what’s been happening:
In the last two weeks I’ve had sex with 3 different girls and enjoyed every minute of it. No performance issues. I’ve been making an effort just to enjoy the experience and not place any expectations upon myself or the girl, with great results. I had a big chat with a friend recently, during which I opened up to him about a bunch of things and it kinda made me realise that a lot of my concerns about sex were just not even worth worrying about. I’m also totally unconcerned about presence/absence of morning wood now. I’ve realised that a lot of the time I just miss it cause I wake up to an alarm every morning. I have woken up at night with very hard erections though, so the wood is there, just not always in the morning when I wake.
One concept I’ve had to let go of is the whole “playa” thing. As a younger, more easily influenced, male who watched a lot of porn, I kind of fell into this trap of seeing women as objects or commodities in a way. The problem with this, beyond the obvious maltreatment of women, is that it makes men measure themselves using women as a way of keeping score. This is ultimately not fulfilling. I don’t care about that crap anymore. I don’t care about “getting laid.” Been there, done that. Not all it’s cracked up to be. What I’m looking for now is a good connection with a nice, cool girl and I’m prepared to wait for that. The other funny thing I’ve noticed is that, the less I care about chasing women, the more I attract women and the more they attract me.
I’ve really been getting into dancing lately with more classes, private lessons and social dancing. I’ve heard it said that dancers make better lovers. I used to scoff at the idea, but now I can see some logic to it (and no I’m not being paid to say that). Dancing, specifically partner dancing, creates a lead/follow dynamic between (usually) the man and the woman. As a man it makes you take control, not in a domineering way, but a more subtle, gentle way. You have to really focus on the connection with your partner and the signals that you’re giving her and the signals that she’s giving back. A lot of this can be applied to sex and this has been the missing part of sex for me until quite recently. Also, social dancing is all about experimenting and having fun and freestyling and not worrying too much about dancing perfectly. Sure you need a certain amount of technique, but the really important thing is connecting and having fun. That’s where the magic is.
Another thing I’ve realised is the extent to which our body adapts to just about any stimulus we throw at it. We have to be careful though not to overdo overexposure or underexposure to various stimuli. Take exposure to sunlight for example. Too little and our bodies are starved of vitamin D, which we need. Too much and our skin burns, which can lead to skin cancer. The right amount leads to a healthy tan. Same goes for exercise. Too little exercise and our muscles turn to jelly. Too much and you can sprain/strain your muscles. The right amount should cause healthy muscle-tissue growth. The trick is to find the sweet spot.
I would say the same about orgasm. Too little and we get stressed and the “caged monkey” effect kicks in. Too much and we risk addiction and the associated health side effects we’ve all read about on this site. You need to find the sweet spot. And that’s different for everybody. Something else I’ve realised with sex-drive/orgasm. The less you do it, the less you want it. The more you do it, the more you want it. I noticed that the more I abstained the less horny I was, but as soon as I had an orgasm, I was chasing another one.
Our body gathers momentum in either direction. Neither end of the scale is healthy. Everyone has to figure out how to stay in the sweet spot. That’s where health and happiness is found. It’s all about moderation and balance really.