Wow, it has been this long already? Ninety days ago I started a journey, and at first I didn’t even realise it. I usually PMO’d 2-3 times a day. However, then I went away for 2 days, with other people always present. Couldn’t do it for 2 days. I managed, because I kept imagining coming back home, and doing my stuff. Instead, due to some random link on reddit, I ended up on this subreddit and recognised myself quickly.
I decided to keep my hands where they belong, and see how long I’d be able to make it. Day 4 was my first really though day (I think that was my very first post here as well), and all the more I realised I had a problem.
And now here I am, hitting the magic number with no plans of stopping. This stuff has changed me. In previous posts I mentioned how I noticed a lot of the usual: being more social and active. For the last few days however, I’ve been reflecting on the effect this journey had on my life, and here’s the essence of the post.
For years I’ve had social anxiety, suffered from depression, no motivation… I had some social contact but it was mostly superficial. I didn’t really bother getting to know people. Nothing interested me, I just went from day to day not really doing anything. But worst of all, looking back, was that I was I was generally unhappy and didn’t really care that I was. I guess you could say the world was black and white.
But now, for the first time in several years, I’m looking forward to the new year. I feel… happy, for several reasons. I’ve met new people, and got to know stuff about them. I’m genuinely interested in them. I can focus on my studies better, sort of remembering why I started them in the first place. I picked up my guitar, and I’m learning Spanish.
The world isn’t a black and white place anymore. There are colours now, and they’re awesome! Sure, I may not have access to the full colourpalette yet, but I’m willing to keep painting. Not all my problems were PMO related, but I guess it was the last drop in the bucket. Removing the drop helped my to work on myself.
I intend to keep going even after 90 days. Whenever I feel like PMO, which is less often than when I started, I can redirect the energy in a constructive direction.
The best direction? Happiness.
Keep going champs!