Honestly never thought I’d ever make it this far. I mostly just had this site to make having a day count going on easier… I only did it because my friend intervened in my life and told me I needed to change something.
Up until the point I joined this site the longest I had gone was 14 days, usually I never made it past day 7. The first time I got on here I made it to 30 days before relapsing every day or two for over a month before getting back on track.
Now I’m here, 3 months in and no longer struggling with constant thoughts and urges. I don’t have to be constantly aware of what my mind is doing because it’s no longer being occupied by PMO. Instead it’s planning the future and getting stuff done and cleaning itself out. (I’m convinced it hired a mind house-elf)
People say that this place won’t change you, it won’t make miracles happen. Well, I’m saying that they’re right. But it sure helps knowing that there are others out there to support you. I couldn’t go to my family for this because I would never have received the support I needed. But I got on here and mostly just read the posts from other people and it helped me at least. Encouragement to keep trying even after over 100 failures before and a dozen more after.
I also found information on here that I never would have found out otherwise, like flat-lining.
I plan on keeping this up for the rest of my life. I feel better than I ever have before and the guilt that came from PMO is starting to disappear. My brain chemicals have pretty much reset but the rest of my body doesn’t agree with it. My one friend who studies random things told me it could take another 9 months before I don’t even have to think about fighting it because I won’t even be interested in it.
So, here’s to another 9 months with you guys that will extend into the rest of my life. Thanks for the support and encouragement you all give.
NoFap isn’t a miracle worker, but it does wonders to you when you think you’ll never make it past day 7.
EARLIER POST (5 months ago)
I’ve only ever made it to 14 days. As soon as day 15 comes around I cave in, something always comes up that stresses me out or gets me really horny. I’m addicted to the feelings I get when I cave in and let myself have some fun…
No way in hell it’s fun. I always come out of it feeling worse than before. Sure, it feels good at the time but it destroys my life and makes me need more of it. I don’t know if I’m an extreme addict with how much I masturbated before, 10-15 times a day was average, sometimes up to 20 times. It made me fail my last year of high-school and has almost gotten me fired more than a few times because I needed it so much that I didn’t even care where I was at the time. So since I work alone most days I would just go into the bathroom for hours on end…
I don’t want to give in this time around. I’ve given in so many times before. I look around myself and seen what I’ve gained because of aiming to give this up for good. I have more of a motivation to do things that I’ve never had before. I don’t walk around feeling like a worthless piece of crap because the only thing I ever got accomplished in life was making myself feel good. I don’t want to ever go back.
But it’s hard. My sister has offered to take me to a sex toy shop, people keep saying it’s good for me. I get on edge and I am a lot shorter with people than I used to be which is hopefully just withdrawal.
Right now I feel fine, I’m not craving at all, but what about tomorrow? What about when the sun comes back up again? I don’t want to go back…
I had to get this out, at least I know you guys understand… I’m going to bed now.