60 days is a big mile marker. Everything else that I do from here comes from the fact that I have made it this far. Somewhere in me I say “I never thought I could make it this far” but at the same time that is a lie because I believed I could. Their is a part of me that wants to manufacture disbelief and doesn’t think I can do anything but action silences that real well.
So i am going to tell you guys how I did it. Too often do I see people panicking or going insane because of how many times they relapse. What made me different I had a different strategy than everybody else.
One distinction I have made to get where I am now has been key to my success with no PMO is this:
I fapped.
A lot of you will read that and think I am confused or I misunderstand what NoFap is about. But let me explain.
I believe that Pornography has distorted our sexuality to get us to confuse everything sexual with porn. That when we see a pretty girl we think of Porn. That when we wake up with morning wood, we think of porn. And if we get urges throughout the day- Porn.
Me personally, I never even thought to make the distinction between porn and sexual desires until talking with a Counselor (we were talking about something unrelated, and then P came up) and said something that changed my recovery strategy. They said it was better to MO than to PMO because Pornography was the addictive element in the equation.
At that point I made the resolution that before I got control of anything else, I would have to get control of the P part of my addiction. I sought out and said to myself that if I ever felt like I was under pressure or in danger of lapsing back into PMO that I would just MO to get it over with- than walk away and go about my day like regular business. This method eased me away from pornography without going on crazy super-ultra-hard mode.
You have to focus on getting the Pornography related part of the addiction down under control first. Otherwise, if you try to quit both P and MO, you will relapse you will go all the way back down to the bottom of the barrel and feel like you are stuck and can’t get out. It is best to ease off than to go cold turkey.
Down the road my drive became less and less associated with Pornography over time, because I decided to MO over PMO. On top of that, I also found it easier to control my urges to MO over the same amount of time. Knowing I had MO to fall back on if things got to crazy was comforting- and making the distinction made me realize just how effective the power of my choice really was.
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When I first started out, I did not say “I am going to do 60 days and thats final!” I made a goal for as far out as I could see. 5 Days no PMO, then 7, then 14, Then 21, 30, 45, and finally 60. Do not waste your time making big goals. Big goals cannot be achieved without baby steps. Take baby steps first and those will turn into your big goals.
The first month was by far the hardest. I got hit with withdraws that were really bad by the third week, and they lasted about three days. I lacked feeling for just about anything except my ability to be irritated and complain.
That point was the only flatline I got but It wasnt in my head to worry about flatline because A) I knew I would recover and B) I was learning that life was not all about sex and being oversexed all the time. Yeah having the ability to be hard feels great and everything but to be honest with myself I feel better when I dont do anything with it and go about my day than the other way around like I usually would.
I feel as if there are to many people concerned about there erections and not concerned with their actual recovery. Tell you right now that if you do not leave this state of mind you will relapse forever until the end of time because life is not about making your penis happy.
The other strategies that I used after my P/MO resolution was that I had to stay busy all the time. Most people here are focused on not masturbating rather than making something of themselves. If you want to get away from this addiction with P/MO you are going to need to stay busy and do things. Write yourself your own curriculum of everything cool you wish you were or could be or would want to do if you had the time. Look at the list, draw outs steps for each thing. Make a set of goals for each thing you want to become and go do them. When you learn to use your energy to build yourself up rather than deplete yourself you will become a monster at all the things you set out to be and you will see results quicker than you think.
If you are not exercising, in my eyes, you are dooming yourself. Go get a gym membership, or go online and learn to do pushups, proper pushups. And squats, and situps, and anything else you can get your hands on. Go jogging, do something. The flip side of Sexual energy is physical energy. You will be amazed at all the walls you run into that seem impossible to climb psychologically if you just do a workout set for 10-15 minutes, the wall disapears.
Working out is one of the greatest tools you have at your disposal for stress relief. You have a body, go use it. Make working out a regular thing, you will feel good about yourself and become a better, healthier.
Know this, that as you are traveling down the road to recovery, you will slip. You have the potential to relapse. Your guilt for anything you do should not last more than 5 minutes. You are the sole determiner for your emotions and how you react towards your environment. You need to tell yourself that when you slip up at your standards that not doing it again is the only resolution you can reach to become a better person. After you make a mistake it s imperative that you go do something physical to get your angst out, otherwise it will destroy you.
There can be no crying over spilled milk, no hosting pity parties, and their will certainly be no calling the Whambulance for how pathetic you feel. Get a grip.
Acting pathetic is a major cause for people relapsing over an over again. People believe that being real hard on yourself is ‘cathartic’ and ‘honest’ and is a sign of recovery-News flash, it is not. For every complaint you make about your behavior, drop and give me 20. Do a set of stretches. Go take a boxing class. Anything that involves actually doing something is better than being mad at yourself.
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I also prayed. I prayed at least twice a day out loud, and all day in my head. For protection and anything else that I needed. Me, I am fairly devout and do the best I can to make myself better through my religion. I understand not everyone is like me but I will advise you that if you have even the smallest spark of spiritual identity or preference in you to take full advantage of that and nurture it and help it grow through this process. It has been a very big learning experience on my side of things and I have the understanding that learning about the proper handling of ones sexual identity is core to understanding one self and the rest of the universe. So while you are at it, read scriptures, pray, pray all day, ask for forgiveness, and thank God for everything.
The side effects of this part of my recovery, in retrospect have been an amazing road of progress. While you are in it you may not feel like you are making any progress at all aside from the passing of time. That’s just you readjusting yourself. Before this I spent years always looking around the corner through the days and weeks under the impression that terror and fear and loathing was around every event of my life.
Because I have avoided PMO, all of a sudden that terror is gone. And it took some 30 days for me to see that. Honestly there is no description the for the absence of such a miserable state of existence. I almost dont know how to act. I have not turned into a super hero (yet). But I have begun to learn what self-respect and good will looks like. It has real feel, and the 60 day mark has seemed to have crowned in on my head and now it feels even realer.
You do get happier. You do smile more. The spirit of God rings in you. I am only beginning to understand things now that I have the capacity for it. Things that are totally unrelated to porn or sex. People are beginning to become more important than they already were. You gain the ability to discern things, become braver, be human. And two months is only the beginning.
The next step now is trying to get a hold of NoFap. I advise all people, if they have a P-addiction to get rid of that first, for 60-90 days, the same way I did. It will loosen the connection between P and you will be able to stabilize yourself without going back into P. The withdraws will also be less intense. This is the most practical way out I have found.
Thread: 60 days No PMO
by – EoT23
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