I try new things, have more confidence, and let people in.

This has been the longest I’ve been clean in years. And to be completely honest, I haven’t felt any ‘superpowers’ or the likes, but it still feels AMAZING. Thinking back one year, when I first started using these kinds of subs, I was falling apart.

 This addiction just took so much out of me, I was a shell of a person. I contemplated suicide, multiple times, I got angry easily, I alienated friends and distanced myself from the people I cared about the most. I kept up appearances pretty well, but it was a self destructive lifestyle.

I found r/nofap by chance, in fact in the middle of a relapse, and realised I needed to fix my problem. Unfortunately after a month or two of failed attempts I didn’t (and still don’t) have the discipline to not fap as well, so I joined r/pornfree and seperated porn from fapping. I was also lucky enough to be one of the first in r/valhallachallenge, which I would recommend as it helps with keeping goals. So from there, I started to slowly build up my resistance to temptation.

And it’s been tough, really tough, but I cannot emphasize enough that it GETS EASIER. I reached 60 days, then fell to 30, lower, and lower, and then slowly climbed. 60 days, relapse, 70 relapse, 80, 90 and finally 100. If I could go back I would fight harder, try not to relapse at all, because being where I am now is a lot better than how I was back then. I excercise regularly, I ace my assignments, I try new things, I have more confidence in general, and I’m (slowly) letting people in. I still struggle to be happy, but I don’t numb myself anymore. I experience life as it is, and try to enjoy it as it comes. It’s not particularly impressive compared to some of you, but I’m feeling good about where I am with fighting against porn, and I’m only gaining more momentum. I am pretty terrified of losing my streak though.

Just thought I would share where I’m at 🙂

LINK – Managed to reach 101 days! On my cakeday!

by ModestMastodon