I started porn around 18 years of age. At the time it was soft-core porn. Even then as soon as I started porn and masturbating I couldn’t concentrate during my schooling. Before that the teachers noticed how great my ability to concentrate was. I lost interest in school and half assed my way through my final year. Of course I didn’t get good enough grades to get into the course I wanted but I managed to get into my second choice. The only reason I got into my second choice was because I had done one final year subject the previous year before my porn addiction. Of course I didn’t last long during university. Same problems occurred as before. It was definitely porn use that held me back.
So I managed to overcome my addiction after dropping out of university. The next two years and a bit were super productive. My motivation was high (maybe a bit overboard at times). Getting with girls seemed effortless. I lost a crap ton of weight too. I decided to go back to university and do a different course. Due to the stress I went back to porn. This time it was hardcore pornography. I dropped out again.
So this time I found trying to quit harder. I looked up on the internet on how to overcome porn addiction and found nofap.com. The most I managed without porn was 2 weeks. I eventually gave up on the site when they were doing those reboot camps you had to pay money for. Something just felt wrong about that. At most I could only last about 3 days without porn (a week if I was sleeping over at work) for the next 4 years. I had given up. I thought porn use was impossible to overcome.
My life was garbage. People my age were getting married and had great jobs even enough to buy their own house. I was fat, lazy, got angry easily couldn’t concentrate for more than a second, had no libido and girls seemed disgusted by me. I’m naturally shy but I was even shyer and more socially awkward than ever before. My sleep patterns were horrible as I would stay up all night watching porn.
So I had given up until I came across this video by Black Pigeon Speaks. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WKcxOqvty3c. When he talked about how porn destroys your will power and weakens your impulses it really hit me hard. I was shocked by the comments. A lot of people think porn is innocent and came out with all sorts of excuses. After all the crap porn had done to me I knew they were full of it. I immediately looked up on Google how to overcome porn addiction. I then came across yourbrainonporn.com. The video https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/your-brain-on-porn-series really changed everything. I understood the science of what porn was doing to my brain. I recommend anyone who is in denial about porn to watch this video.
So now onto how I reached 90 days without PMO. So before the Black Pigeon video I managed to start getting to bed regularly at 10:30pm every night. Before that I would stay up till 4:00am surfing the internet and watching porn. I felt so damn tired every day. I absolutely hatred it but I struggled to get back into a good sleeping pattern. Staying up late was a trigger for porn. I eventually was able to get back into a good sleeping habit but it was a struggles at first. The first night I was lying in bed looking at the ceiling to 4:00am. I was tempted to use the internet but I didn’t give in. Though after a week I was eventually able to fall asleep a lot quicker.
Next before I decided to quit porn I changed my diet (no junk food, No pork, No wheat, No milk and cheese, The only fruit I eat are oranges) and started to do weights three times a week. I would also tried to ride my bike every night. I’ve lost 30 kg so far which is good.
So these things were preparation for quitting porn. At the time I had given up and didn’t initially do them to help rid myself of porn.
After the yourbrainonporn.com video I tried reading as much stuff and watch as much videos I could on the science of porn addiction (not all at once. Just a bit day by day) on the website. I then joined rebootnation and read other addicts journals and tips. I made myself a counter too. I think another thing that might’ve helped was that it was busy season for work so through most of the middle of reboot I was working 7 days a week mostly to fairly late at night. Though at the same time after work used to be when I would watch porn so I maybe it wasn’t a free pass.
I learnt that knowledge of porn addiction has really helped me out. I guess it gives you motivation on why you need to quit. Second from the journals I read I learnt porn addiction can strike you at any moment. People would write about how everything is going great and how easy they’re finding it then out of nowhere the next day they’ve relapsed. When I had gone for 2 weeks without porn a long time ago I felt that I had it in the bag but then an urge came out of nowhere and I relapsed. I know people have relapsed after being 90 days free of PMO. So I know I don’t have it in the bag. Another thing I learnt that is to be consistent with reading about porn use on yourbrainonporn.com and going on these forums at reboot nation. Every morning every day I go to these two websites. I’m usually on for half an hour. I think it is good to keep gaining knowledge and being reminded of what you’re up against.
I had urges during this reboot but they weren’t overbearing like they used to be. I would usually just go for a bike ride or do some weights and they would go away.
I’m happy because for 4 years ago I wouldn’t have ever imagined getting this far. Thanks to everyone who helped me out to my 90 day journey and hopefully to my journey of being forever without porn. Thanks to Black Pigeon for reminding me of why porn ruined my life. Thanks to Gary Wilson, Gabe Deem and Noah Church for their amazing videos and articles which helped me out a lot. Thank Gabe Deem again for this great forum.
I know people have relapsed after their 90 days. So my next goal is 112 days. So I’m wondering should I still have my counter after that?
BY – Big H