I’m finally staring 90 days in the face. I thought back to a time in my life when things were much darker. Isolated from people at times, not feeling good about myself, very withdrawn and a captive of the addiction known as PMO.
Video games became an escape from reality and a crutch.
Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t cooped up in an apt all day eating cheetos and playing PS3 24/7. I have a life filled with great friends, hanging out, partying and a full time job, but I always felt that I wasn’t reaching my potential. I always thought that I could become more and advance in my career, in my social anxiety, in my relationships with females, and just overall motivation to do better in life. I could never get over the hump.
There are some things in my past that I need to let go of and forget past failures if I ever want to move forward in life and I finally had the motivation to do so. I had a rough childhood, I lost my mom at 13 and my upbringing after that wasn’t very happy, so I know I have some pent up feelings about those past tragedies.
I stumbled up YBOP one day and I was immediately sold. Over time I became dependent on PMO and was fapping every day. It was an escape from reality to numb the depression. It led me to become more guarded about myself, distance myself from a few friends, and overall not feel as confident in myself. I really felt that at the time I was learning all the info about how PMO affects the brain and thinking about how I felt, I knew I had to make a change. First couple of months was a rough go, relapse after relapse. My longest streak was 17 days. However this time it was different. I had to learn how to fight my urges and that I did.
Over the last 90 days I’ve underwent a lot of changes and I owe most of it to the catalyst known as No Fap:
- Clearer thinking and thinking faster. “Thinking on your feet” as they say.
- Much more comfortable in my own skin, much more proud of who I am.
- Caring less about what people think and being strong in my convictions, beliefs and opinions
- Lots of improvements in the gym, gaining muscle and getting swole. Getting much more aggressive with my lifts and just overall feeling stronger. Much better stamina and endurance in cardio. That coupled with eating healthier has helped me lose 22 lbs(82 since Jan 2013)
- More social and active around people. Building better relationships with people. Sorry guys I’m not gonna tell this wild story about how I banged 8 girls while on no fap, because it didn’t happen lmao. I can tell you that I am much more comfortable talking to women and want to seek those interactions instead of women on a computer screen. Became a little closer with my female friends as well.
- Sold all my video games and haven’t played any for about 2 months.
- Watch much less TV and I read more things that I’m interested in or want to learn about
- Started to seek therapy(put that one off for years)
- Better sleep and less need for sleep. 5-6 hours and I’m recharged. Before I needed like 8-9 to feel any sort of refreshed.
- Less lethargic and more motivation to go out and do things. Would turn down a lot of offers to hang out with friends or go party, but now I’m eager to do those things (more energy, less anxious)
- much happier, more willing to tell jokes, not every day is a cloudy day.
- Started getting into cold showers. To those that don’t believe in the powers of cold showers STOP BEING SO CLOSE MINDED AND SCARED AND JUST DO IT!!!!. I can’t stress this enough. It’s a great exercise in discipline. Once you face the monster known as the cold shower and slay it for the day, in your mind there’s nothing else you can’t conquer(including No Fap). Kills all the urges as well. At first you will bitch up and second guess why you are getting into a shower of freezing water, but I promise you if you do it often enough your body will adapt and it will become much more tolerable.
I’m not gonna sit here and lie to you. The path to 90 was not paved in gold. I had to fight many bad urges, especially early on. Once you learn that you are bigger than you urge and it always passes by, you’ll be well on your way to ridding yourself of this addiction.
In my previous attempts in no fap, I would always give in to the one bad urge. Once I finally fought “that one bad urge”, I realized that I could fight any bad urge that comes, and here I am today, 90 days fap free! There are a lot of ups and downs in this journey. I had days where I felt invincible. I had days where I felt like complete shit as old feelings rose to the surface that were numbed by PMO.
Once I reached day 80, I’ve reached a clarity that I never felt before. Once I realized that “hey, after all that I been through in my life and in these 80 days, despite all of that, here I stand today. I stand tall and proud of myself because despite my circumstances, it never killed my will to win. I could find a way to improve myself and work past these feelings.”
To all those still out there struggling with PMO: I know it’s hard but every single one of us has the power to change for the better. It’s not just in some of us, it’s in everyone. In that very moment when you feel you’re weakest, when you feel like the urge is gonna defeat you, that’s the moment in which you need to stay strong. On the other side of that urge is your breakthrough. When you beat that one bad urge, you realize you can beat them all. The key is to live one day at a time and stay diligent.
I think all of us can agree that we take on the challenge of No Fap because we want to better ourselves. I think No Fap is a great catalyst, but it’s in no way the entire solution. Use no fap as the source to change other things in your life. Eat better, move around, get out the house, find hobbies, meditate, learn new things, meet new people, spend time with people you love. It helps a lot to find things to do that interest you.
Sitting down and watching the time pass by is a recipe for disaster if you ask me. Each and every single one of us can do it, but we need to realize that the motivation to achieve anything in life comes from within. You can have as many people in your corner as you want.
You can watch as many youtube videos and read as much 90 day reports as you want. It won’t mean anything unless you have that motivation within yourself. You have to have a purpose and a strong conviction about why you’re doing this.
I love this subreddit because everyone is so encouraging and supportive of each other. There’s plenty of support in here for those who need it, but other people and outside motivation can only carry you but so far. Make the choice and don’t look back. Celebrate the highs and learn from the lows. Don’t beat yourself up about a relapse, pick up the pieces and try again. The next try might be the try that does it.
I am not where I want to be yet, I still have a lot more goals I want to reach, but these past 90 days have put me well on the path that I’ve been trying to reach for quite sometime. I have no need for fapping anymore and I have no wish to do so. The fight does not end here however. The minute you think you have everything figured out is the exact moment where life teaches you that you don’t. One day at a time is the motto, and I’m just so focused on other things in my life that I don’t even think about watching porn anymore.
I can truly say that in these past 90 days, my life has changed for the better, and the future looks much brighter. A year ago I could not even fathom no fapping for 90 days, the task seemed impossible, but this time, I simply believed. I believed that I was capable, I believed that I was deserving, and I believed that I was bound to do it. That beautiful blue star is finally mine and now I’m off to go get the rocket!
Thank you to everyone who read this far and I hope you got something out of it. Feel free to ask me any questions or anything like that. I’m truly grateful for this forum and all of you guys for sharing your thoughts, feelings and stories here. I leave you with this:
- “Nothing worthwhile has ever been achieved without constant endeavor, some pain and constant application of the lash of ambition. That’s the price of success as I see it. And I believe every man should ask himself: Am I willing to endure the pain of this struggle for the comforts and the rewards and the glory that go with achievement? Or shall I accept the uneasy and inadequate contentment that comes with mediocrity? Am I willing to pay the Price of Success?” That quote is from Joseph French Johnson .