This is a long post with lots of things I have learned in my challenge. I started over 2 months ago and I struggle to believe the changes I have witnessed in my life. From routinely asking girls out to starting to be physically fit and receiving unsolicited positive comments from others.
the first part is inspired by Arnold Schwarzenegger 6 rules and the second is a list of tips and tricks that have helped me in my struggle for freedom.
When I make a toast now instead of saying cheers i say “to freedom”. My friends all think it’s just because I love travelling and i do it often for work but that’s just what i tell them when they ask me… the reality is that I am toasting to my own re-discovered freedom.
Hope it will be useful
Rule 6: Give something back
It’s been 2 months now and if even just one person benefits from this I will have achieved my goal.
Goals are everything in this challenge because they provide direction and purpose, but the first thing I learned is that goals are not fixed entities, they are limits you want to reach and that should be pushed.
You must push them not to reach a number but to free yourself from some very nasty chains, because as the famous quote goes: those who do not move, do not notice their chains.
Rule 3: do not be afraid to fail
The second thing I learned is that you will fail, and that’s ok, as long as you can pick yourself up and continue to fight. These are some pretty nasty (and invisible) chains every time you push the limit you will loosen them a little bit and gain more freedom
Rule 4: Ignore the naysayers
In this case, ignore the gremlin(s) . There is always a voice inside that says you will never break free, that you should give up, especially after a reset. If you ignore it it will get weaker and weaker, starting again after a reset will be easier and easier and the time between resets will increase
Rule 1: Trust yourself
the only way to silence the naysayer/gremlin is to trust yourself and your ability to succeed. Yes I know what you are thinking, this is what I can’t do, I can never ever manage this, I always fail… but believe me it’s actually easier than it sounds if you can show the gremlin some proof of that what you are saying is true.
For me this came in 3 stages:
- at the beginning I read success stories and tips right here on this forum
- after a while however I started noticing changes in my own behavior. This changes came unexpectedly, without any conscious effort and were of all sorts. I started talking to girls I met in clubs, changed all the broken light bulbs in the house (some had been broken for 3 years), I started listening to a lot more music, worked out, and kept both my house and life a lot cleaner.
- and then lastly I started receiving unsolicited positive comments from others. People started telling me that I looked happier, more confident, stronger. And just the other day when I went home for xmas my mum told me that I looked a lot calmer than usual.
Rule 2: break some rules
After a while I also started noticing that I was breaking a lot of rules that had been in my head. They were things I kept telling myself and turned out to be complete BS. Things like, never look for a girlfriend in a club, the girls there are not for you. Or wearing smart clothes is not your style, it doesn’t go with you.
I also broke one of the “rules” of this challenge that said the goal is to go entirely PMO free for 30 days, and set up my own rules, my own goals that worked best for me. This did not mean easy rules but just ones that fit my ultimate goal: Freedom.
My challenge went as follows: Stop all P for at least 30 days, and all M for 7. And then evolved into a system where the I kept pushing my goal further and further. On M however i did set a limit of doing M once a month as there is scientific evidence of benefits of limited M. The catch? M must be done in a healthy way.
At the moment I have just moved my P free goal from 60 to 90 days, as I have reached it easily and my M is at 12 days, aiming to last until at least new year.
My best tips:
For me has been the hardest so I developed a few strategies:
- At the beginning allow yourself to relapse on M (never on P). I know this is very controversial but for me it worked better than going cold turkey. After a couple of times I got to the point where I had a planned relapse in my goals calendar but decided not to take it because I didn’t feel the need and instead pushed the goal a bit further to see where I could get to. With this system after 2 months I am approaching 2 weeks without M and feel very confident I will reach them easily.
- Use real world events as goals. Since avoiding M give you a strength, morale and confidence boost, tell yourself that you need to hold on until a specific event because on that day you will need all the energy/confidence you can get. In my case this is now the new year party, where I will meet new people and need to be at 100% to make the most of it
- Keep yourself busy. This one I read in many posts and it’s surely a golden rule. In my case it was hard at first but after a while my default reaction to free time and boredom changed. I went from defaulting to P to defaulting to fixing things around the house or going for a walk
- Grab some balls!. If you have to stay at the computer for a long time at home I recommend buying an anti stress ball and grabbing it with your M hand whenever you are not using it. It will prevent from grabbing the wrong kind of balls and edging.
- for P get a blocker. If like me you are not comfortable with parents safety filters and other stuff you can easily disable try with some alternatives. I use a chrome extension called “blocked site” . I created a list of banned websites and words that re-direct me to a lovely image of Mr bean saying “if you know what i mean…” The key here is that whenever i “accidentally” found or searched for any P I immediately added the site to the block list and also added the keywords i had used to the list with a simple right click. I also enabled it for incognito mode.
- Just avoid some sites. For me they are Reddit and Tumblr, because I know all too well how easy is for any P to show up unexpectedly in there. I had been on an awesome streak in the past and it all collapsed because of the celebrity leaks found on Reddit. ( sorry, love the sites but they are just not worth my life and happiness)
- Use the counters! to me the counters in my signature have been perhaps the single best tool. Make separate ones for P and M so that a re-set in one will not kill your motivation for the other. they are free, to get one just click on one of those you see in people’s signatures.
- don’t visit forums and sites about NoFap more than once a month unless you need it (at the beginning you will) I found that after a while you start breaking your chains and being reminded of the existence of both P and M does not do you much good.
- There is some good stuff on YouTube I recommend searching for a Ted talk by Ran Gavrieli it’s an eye opener.
- some of the videos are not suitable for beginners but I do recommend those who are in a more stable situation to have a look. They are videos from P professionals who have given up and talk about how horrible the industry really is, I found them hard to watch but I think it helped me to cut with P for ever. Personally i don’t agree with the religious take of the videos that shows at the end as i am a atheist but i do appreciate the interviews and effect the interviews had on me. Once again however this is only a tip for those who feel they are strong enough not to relapse easily.
To Freedom ! Happy new year
BY – nofapsero