I started as a shallow, friendless, borderline outcast…. I was a meandering freshman in high school; I walked around with eyes glazed over from what they had just seen. My mood always hovering around either annoyance or desire. My friendships were shallow and nonexistent, and I was a shell of a person.
Simply living to live, without conviction and couldn’t remember the last time I had a good time. At this point in my life, as a freshman, I had been addicted to porn and masturbation since I was seventh grader. My story of discovery probably goes a lot like yours, I started as a young kid who was simply curious, then I was hooked by its evil tentacles and lassoed into a world of misery.
I would probably do the deed once to twice a day, but that wasn’t my only vice. I had also discovered the joy of drinking alcohol, as a eighth grader if you can believe it. Smoking was also a little vice of mine that I enjoyed when I could sneak a cigarette from my sister. This was my life; who I was. Let me tell you what I looked like from the outside.
I was a church kid, raised by a pastors son, I considered myself a believer in Jesus Christ. I attended church regularly; people thought of me as the shy kid. No one would guess what went on behind closed doors at night when I was alone. No one would guess that my eyes had beheld some things that shouldn’t be seen. No one would guess that my innocence was perverted and I was headed down a path that would only end in tragedy. That was my life as a porn addicted teen.
I ran track in school and was abysmal as a freshman; my worst moment being I actually had time to adjust my waist band during and 800m race. It was terrible, I didn’t try and I didn’t even think about trying harder. My grades were good, but I didn’t try. I didn’t hang out with friends outside of school and I wasn’t a part of anything else. Porn and alcohol took my time on the weekends.
So what changed?
It starts with the holy spirits conviction; the little nagging in my conscience that I decided to listen to. We all have it; wether we want to admit it’s the Holy Spirit, well that’s a conversation for another day. Near the end of freshman year I began to try to stop; abstaining for three days here, two days there. The commitment still being mustered up to up and quit. I found NoFap by the grace of God and started a little badge; I always liked seeing the days count up and resetting was always a discouragement. The nights I spent alone in the basement I would enjoy the beer I stole from the Fridge as a lounged on the couch and eventually the little devil inside me would urge me into the bathroom. I would rise grab my phone and close the door; what happened behind that closed door is something we all know to well. The desensitizing, the loss of innocence, the reason for so much sexual dissatisfaction. This was my average Friday night. No friends, no life, simply me and the devil behind the screen.
This was me until nofap got ahold a me, the days without porn were amazing. I was gradually able to lengthen my streaks and then one day, on a particularly long streak I asked a girl to a dance!! This was amazing!! We eventually started a relationship and this really was the kicker. I looked at porn one last time on July 13, 2015. And guys let me tell you, my life has done a complete 180.
This has gotten kind of long so I’m going to cut to the chase.
It’s been 623 days, actually I’m just realizing it wasn’t 2015, It 2014 that I quit…. 988 days. Life is better over here guys. The urges come every once in a while, wet dreams are a common annoyance. But life is good. I became a person. I have convictions, I have friends, I have faith in a God who saved me from myself, I have a future, I sure as hell don’t have time to adjust my waist band in the 800m because I’m running too damn hard, and guys, NoFap is in part responsible. I don’t spend my fridays alone anymore. I pray to the god who made me. I don’t make excuses for why I’m not doing things, I do them.
I have been loosed from the chains of pornagraphy; it’s been 2 years and 8 months, nearly 1000 days, since I’ve done the deed. By the grace of god I’ve been set free. There’s light brothers, there’s hope, there’s freedom, joy and hope. Just stop. There’s nothing in it for you other than despair and ten second of bliss.
If you want help, encouragement, advice, or even just want me to pray for you feel free to message me. You guys are doing the right thing, don’t back down. If you think it will make you happy, it won’t. If you think it’s what you need to control your urges, it isn’t. Keep fighting the good fight!!
After 1000 days of no porn of masturbation I’m a changed man. I started as a freshman, simply following the voice inside me, now I endure as a senior. The grass truly is greener on the other side.