Without a doubt, the addiction I had to porn, masturbation and conventional orgasm was the toughest addiction I’ve ever had to break. I had to give up weed once, but it didn’t even come close in terms of difficulty.
Even right now, I feel a bit like Frodo, who even after the Ring has been cast back into the burning lake, still feels scarred by even having carried it. I heard that it’s harder to break this addiction than Heroin…so remember that it won’t be easy, so be really patient and kind to yourself, if you are wanting to get free of it. I don’t say this with any shame at all, just empathy for those on whom porn has a hold. I know how damn hard it is to get free of. I want to share my own journey of how I did it, to offer hope and encouragement to others who are in the situation I once was.
Step One: I dropped all shame and guilt around the activity. I realized that I was breaking no laws, nor hurting anyone (except for my own health, but no need to feel ashamed of that per se). Really guys, don’t torture yourself for doing something that 90% of guys with an Internet connection do on a regular basis. The guilt and shame only makes the hold of the addiction stronger. Drop it totally, If you indulge, just enjoy it properly without all the self-torture. You are not committing a crime, just doing something a bit foolish, that’s all. It’s not a moral issue, it’s a health issue. Get clear on that.
Step Two: I had to really want to quit. Basically, after years of the merry-go-round of extreme highs and lows that ejaculatory orgasm throws us into, I had had enough. Plus, I could see how the addiction was actually hindering me from getting the chutzpah to go out and meet a real partner.
Step Three: I had to learn how to not only suppress ejaculation, but also how to draw up my sexual energy. This was the hard part. It took me about a year of regular practice. I learned the ancient Taoist practice of ‘The Microcosmic Orbit’, in which, just at the moment we feel orgasm beginning to expand, we stop, contract certain muscles, and draw up that sensation, up the spine and into the head. Then, later, we have to place the tip of the tongue to the soft palate, and let the energy flow back down again, and ‘store’ it in the navel chakra. It took so, so much hard work and effort to learn this. So to be clear, I never stopped masturbating to porn, but what I did, was I stopped ejaculating. At first I would succeed once or twice a week, Gradually, as I got more sensitive to my own body and it’s flow of energy, I began succeeding more, and ‘failing’ less. After many months, I began to notice that I preferred abstaining from the full orgasm that comes with ejaculation, in favour of just enjoying the journey more, the actual plateaus we experience in sex. Plus, although the sensation I got up my spine was only between 1% to 5% of what I would have gotten if I had of ejaculated (once I got to 10% – that was pretty awesome), I was feeling SO much better in terms of general health and wellbeing, that I started to really want to hold on to my seed, and not pass any at all. Then I got to this stage where, really I no longer failed at all. I actually had a slip about a month ago I think, but even then I only lost a bit of semen, I sort of saved most of it. But even that was like a rare incident by then, I had finally gotten to the stage where I no longer wanted to ejaculate.
Then one day, I breathed up the sweet, static-electricity like sensation, and when it got to my head, I sort of felt it expand. Nothing terribly mind-blowing, mind you, but very interesting. Anyway, for some reason, after that, my sex desire started to taper off gradually. To the point I am at now, where I just can’t get into porn like I used to. Even when I’m horny, it’s lost it’s old appeal. Instead, I have this longing to find and meet a real-life partner with whom I can share sexual intimacy. I sense that I did finally break the hold porn had on me, and ejaculatory orgasm too. I’m not totally rebooted, however. I think that there is still a bit of a way to go with that. But I do feel a big difference already. I’m finally actually going out and meeting people, to not only break out of isolation, but to, I hope, meet someone with whom I can make a connection, and to have sexual intimacy with. The real thing, not just a cold image on a screen.
Now I’m not saying everyone has to learn Taoist sexual practices, just wanted to testify how much they have helped me, to the point that now, I hardly ever even do them anymore. Really, what I want now, is a partner.