So I know this is a day early, but i wanted to post while it’s still on my mind.
I decided to quit PMO last year in january. For a number of reasons. But my first and most important reason was for my wife. I don’t even know who she is, where she lives, or when i will meet her. But I know that i will find her one day, and fall in love with her.
However, I decided that even though i don’t know her yet, I actually want to start loving her now. So for me, that began with not looking at porn. To do that, I had to stop masturbating as well. I know myself well, and i need stimulus to masturbate. So if not porn, I would think about other girls… and eventually it would just get back to porn anyways. I have tried to keep masturbating and forgoing porn before… I ended up needing more stimulus and allowed myself back into it… I could go six months without it and relapse in years past….
but no more. I made a decision to love my future wife now. And here I am a year later after that decision, still PMO free. As I write this, know that I am here because I had temptation to PMO just minutes ago. I still have those urges just like the rest of you, the difference is, after a year without it, and with my clear goal in mind, I can simply say no. I might want to PMO, but my desire not to is that much stronger, that I can simply walk away from it.
One last thing I wanted to say. While my primary reason for this is indeed my future wife. This is just as much for myself as well. I don’t want addiction in my life. I don’t want to be controlled. I am my own man, and i don’t intend to have anything dictate my potential.
TL;DR : Quite PMO 1 year ago for the sake of the woman i will one day meet and marry. I want to control my urges, not the other way around. I don’t need porn anymore.
I’ve made quite a few posts here over the last few months I have been a part of NoFap, and I came in being almost a year fap free already. With that in mind, I never really shared my original struggle. I was not born a fapstronaut. I didn’t get here in a day. So here is my story.
I was introduced to porn in the 7th grade after being rejected by a girl. It started innocent enough with just some scantily clad girls. But then I started masturbating. Soon I began searching for more, and the Internet was happy to provide me.
Fast-forward two years, I was a freshman in high school, and I was a daily user. I didn’t even realize I was addicted because I had never tried to stop. But then I started going to a youth group with some friends of mine, and I came to realize we all had issues with PMO. Together as a group of men, we decided to stop.
At first the going was tough, and I would relapse often. I would even go through cycles of saying “screw it” and relapse every day. But after a while, I managed to get a sixth month streak. I was out. And you know what? I had more girl issues, and I used that depression as an excuse to go back in. And it bit harder than ever before. Not just daily, but often 2x or even 3x a day. By my senior year I had porn downloaded on my phone just so I could go “take a shower” without my parents realizing. I would even PMO at night when someone else was sleeping in the same room. That’s how bad I NEEDED it. I couldn’t even fight off the urge when some was in the same freaking room!
The next year, I turned 19, and I joined a group called quarter life. It was a group dedicated to teaching people that where in the first quarter of their life how to live. How to treat others and interact. How to be something more than just another person living aimlessly. On our 3rd week, the speaker broke us into groups of men and women and talked to us separately.
That’s when the porn talk started. We talked about just how bad it has been plaguing our society, and damaging who we can be. It was then I decided I was done. I owned up to everything. I told my brother, who I live with, every detail about my addiction. I told other members of my family. I owned my problem. After that night, after that speaker talked, and I witnessed men young and old (there were proctors who were not taking the class who were much older) that all struggled with porn.
I knew that this could not go on. That day marked the first day of my now 427 days porn free. It was not easy, the temptation was always there. But I refused to give in. I decided to rise above. The burden never got lighter, but little by little, I got stronger. Now I can face temptation, that insane urge to relapse… and you know what? I laugh at it. I say no thank you! No more! I’m done with porn and I’m never going back.
LINK – Where It All Began