To: all – 4/20/12
I have strong mind so I am definitely getting close to the end of my reboot. I started like January 2012 and relapsed twice due to testing. I had zero erection in beginning, until end of January. Early Feb (PMO) I was trying to see if porn was the culprit or over masturbation. You already know the answer: I went back to week 1. My second relapse was from again testing masturbation without porn and it still messed my recovery up but not as bad as PMO relapse. Now 1 month and 2 weeks I am clearly seeing true results, such as morning wood when I wake up to use restroom around 2-3 am.
My relapses were both due to the fact that my libido disappeared totally. I mean completely. My penis was firm but lifeless, no blood in it. Don’t test anything out; I have already done it for u guys. I also experienced semen leakage with the barest of movement. If u do don’t be alarmed. The worst part was my lifeless penis. I get erection but when in flaccid state it feels as light as feather and shrinks a little. Today, it has started to improve. My erection still around 90% when erect and 100% morning wood. I can fully engage in sexual contact but I will wait for another 2 months. All the relapses in my mind are still day one despite my improvements.
Before I sought help I probably was the worst masturbator / PMO user on earth. I will rank myself in top 1 percent and I really mean it. I even believed that the quitting porn would not work for me due to my severe use.
Started with sensational masturbation, pictures in magazines, then porn. It was crazy I had trillions of porns to the extent that I had to save them externally wipe them out of my hard drive to make space for the future ones 2 or 3 times. I always went to the top sites like…eh I will not mention them, or some people will relapse. I watched crazy **** man I watched anything you can imagine except gay and teen porn. Well, I was more into milf so it makes sense. I opened about 50 tabs at one point looking for the perfect scene to come to. I have even stayed on the PC watching porn and masturbating for more than 9 hours straight always edging so as not to come. I might be the worst in this thing. I am not proud but it is true. I used to watch porn every blessed day and checked out the newest scenes daily too.
I know it affected my grade in college. I would have been straight A student I knew I had the ability but I lacked motivation. It’s terrible and anxiety too. And I blamed my anxiety on my natural way of life while it was porn. Well let’s cut the story short I started to develop ED even with extreme porn. That was when I was like, ” I will test myself out in real sex.” I met this chick with hot body in the gym (really hot). And I went for it. I was semi erect during intercourse. In fact I lost my erection totally at some point. ** and hj didn’t work she became frustrated and blamed it on herself but I told her I was tired. Later I started to fantasize with porn and I was able to go semi erect and I did come. In the morning I used same technique and succeeded. However I learned one thing, and that is I did not enjoy the sex at all it was just plain 0. At least I made sure that I convinced her that it was not her fault. I did not tell her about my intentions to test myself. Well this is how my journey began.
My porn ED to me is the worst of the worst even at the critical extreme porn I was like semi hard or softer and still couldn’t mention a decent erection. I always told myself that a real partner would make me harder and that was a plain lie. I was also happy that I didn’t have to deal with women problem while in real partner relationship. The truth is that I had and still have a lot of chances to get girls. Back then I didn’t cos porn was holding me down.
Later I was coming to porn semi erect. Most of u are lucky to be able to have erection. I used to only have erection when watching extreme porn but then all hell broke loose. I was doing this for probably 12 -14 yrs. now when I take a nap and wake up my erection is off the roof but I know that I am still improving. Getting over the lifeless penis stage is great. If this is working for me, then it will work for u.
I have 2 more months even though it’s really like 2 weeks left for me. U need serious discipline to do this. It is one of the hardest things I have done in my life except for sleeping in the park in my car for 2 weeks at night during one of my college summer semesters. U must be prepared. When I fully recover, probably sooner than my schedule, I will update u guys.
Now I can see clues from chicks in the gym more clearly I know when they want me to approach or pay attention to them. Sometimes I smile back and sometimes I pretend not to see them. I don’t want to relapse. Well it won’t be relapse. My erection is more than enough to have full intercourse but I have strong mind. I must wait another full 3 months of no PMO.
My 2 relapse in last 3 month is considered as 0 to me. 2 more months to go.
For some people that think that this is physical it is not. I used a death grip lay on the back, seated masturbation and even sometimes grabbed the head of the penis that gave me more stimulation. These methods mentioned are very harmful and yet i am more than 80% recovered.
I am 6’6″ 280 pound and I mean pure muscle and ripped as hell. I live in the gym 2 to 4 hrs 5 days a week and can run 4.4 100 yards. Even in top shape i will still tell u that it is in the mind. You need to have patience. The no libido and lifeless penis stage is the worst of all.
It took me like 3 weeks to a month to get past lifeless penis. It manifested after my first month of no PMO. The first month for me was no libido to small libido and semi erection to no libido again.
I started to develop more definition during the reboot. My body definition now is really great. I used to be muscular and lean but now i am ripped and strong as hell. I do wicked dead lifts with ease like 5 plates of 45 lbs on each side of the bar and my pull ups now have increased to where I add additional 45 lbs tied to my waist and I do about 7 to 8 reps. I feel like i am in a rage like a wild animal. Endurance on bench increased too. Everything I say here is completely true.
I am beginning to suspect that the porn industry knows that porn has some effect to ED but are probably encouraging it. If not why are they advertising ED and erection pills in their magazines and movies?
Doctors also need to wake their butts up. I hope that they are not part of the business and just dish out Viagra when a person complains of ED.