Turning the corner after 4 years


This is the longest I’ve gone without fapping since I was twelve years old. That’s eleven years! I’ve been struggling with NoFap for literally four years and with PIED for 5. The PIED has clearly caused issues in my romantic relationships. I kept starting small streaks and occasionally getting to my record of two weeks and relapsing.

PMO addiciton has affected pretty much every facet of my life negatively and I’m at an age where I can’t allow myself not to live my life (not that I ever should have).

The past three weeks have been a rollercoaster, emotionally. I’ve gone from elated to severely depressed and back again in a matter of days. I’ve been flatlining all week, but it’s definitely better than being numb. Despite the ups and downs, I’ve been able to focus more on my well-being and my passions. I’ve been practicing guitar at least 3 hours a day, working out at least 3 times a week and am generally just less likely to convince myself not to do things.

I wouldn’t describe it as more motivation, just less restrictions on myself if that makes sense? Like, I used to avoid going out with people more because I’d just feel down and overthink things. Now, I just go and do it without a second thought. Brain fog is definitely a thing and it’s lifting. I’m learning things faster, reading faster, sharper in social situations (though anxiety is still there, it’s gotten better) and I feel like people are responding to me more positively. I do also hear music better, details in arrangements pop out more and I can actually hear lyrics more clearly! That used to be a problem for me for some reason.

Physically, I have more stamina, muscle is developing at a very nice rate, hair is thicker and beard is starting to fill in. [Before] I actually started losing hair everywhere, even my arms, chest, stomach and eyebrows! These look better now and are slowly but surely thickening. No new growth, but the tiny, barely visible hairs are becoming more prominent (fingers crossed). Also, My voice has gotten deeper. For those who are musically inclined, I used to only be able to sing to E2, now I can sing the D below that pretty easily.

I’ve had sexual urges, but now fapping isn’t so attractive to me anymore. I’ll think about it and just want to feel the real thing so much more that PMO. I’ve immersed myself more in music when I’m home and that gives me more discipline, focus and enjoyment. Much more than fapping ever gave me. I’ve also been forced to deal with my own internal problems, now that that escape isn’t there and the anxiety is right in my face. The extra “motivation” is definitely a boon for fixing this, as a lot of my anxiety has stemmed from me not helping myself.

Seriously, I think this is the streak where I finally complete the reboot. I might feel like utter crap during flatlines, but nothing so far has trumped this feeling of regaining my strength. It’s amazing.

No one else can give it to you and it’s yours and only yours. When I was younger, I’d pick up skills very easily, had the unconditional love of my friends (which I’m most thankful for, even now), had a better sense of humor and just lived my life with less limitations. Now I’m just frustrated that I don’t get that time back. PMO is now evil to me. It’s held back this amazing person that I know I can be and I can’t forgive anything for that.

And so, this is the feeling that has remained throughout the last three weeks:

Take your power back.

LINK – Finally made it to 21 days!

By modashi