By Dorothy Hayden LCSW 04/28/16
Kunyanya kufadza zvepabonde sekupukunyuka kubva pane zvisingadikanwi zvemukati.
Kutevera muenzaniso wakanyatsogadziriswa nemamwe maitiro anokonzera matambudziko uye mabasa (kubhejera, kutenga, kudya, kunwa uye kushandisa zvinhu), nzvimbo itsva itsva yebonde maererano neukombiyuta yeInternet yakagadzira rimwe dambudziko kune vanhu uye sangano. Kufanana nemamwe maitiro, huzhinji hwevanhu vanoita "zvepabonde" mabasa (zvinonyadzisira, vanorarama webcam inonyadzisira, kutumira zvinyorwa zvepabonde, kubatanidza nyaya dzepabonde paIndaneti, zvakadaro) nguva nenguva, kuwana zvinhu izvi kuti zvive zvinonakidza zvinozopedzisira kwete sekuti kugutsikana sezvinoita kufambidzana kwepedyo. Kune vamwe, kunyange zvakadaro, kukwanisa kuita zvinhu zvepabonde zvepabonde kune zvisingabatsiri uye zvisingazivikanwi zvinogona kukanganisa upenyu uye kuparadza hukama hwechokwadi hunofanana nedzimwe maitiro ekudhakwa. Dorothy Hayden ave achishanda nevanomanikidzira zvepabonde kwenguva inenge yakareba sekuita zvepabonde kwepabonde. Pano, iye anopa nyaya yekuongorora iyo inoratidza humwe hukuru hwemashoko ehuwandu hweparadigm ... Richard Juman, PsyD
Apo Steve akasvika purogiramu yake yekutanga neni, akanga asingazivi uye asina simba. Aine musoro wakabatanidzwa, haana kutarisa maziso neni uye, akange agere pachigaro, akanga ari mukati uye asina chaanoda kutaura zvakawanda. Akazopedzisira ataura kuti akanga agamuchira kusuwa pamabasa ake uye kuti mudzimai wake akanga atumira kurambana. Akaita seari mukudengenyeka kwakanyanya kupoteredza kurasikirwa uku.
Steve akataura kuti akamborarama-akazorora doro uye zvinodhaka asi nekuda kwechiitiko chakakomba pabasa, akasiya kushandisa zvinhu. Zvisinei, pamusoro pemwedzi inoverengeka yakatevera, akawana kuti kukurudzira kwake kuita bonhora kunowedzera. Akaona kuti kana asina kuita pane izvi zvinokurudzira, aizoramba "achizorora" zuva rose uye aisazokwanisa kuisa pfungwa pane basa rake kana kutarisira mudzimai wake paanotaura naye. Akanga achigara achitarisirwa nemafungiro ake epabonde.
Steve akanzwa asina upenyu uye asina chinhu, asina simba, chido, kana simba rekunakidzwa. Chinhu chimwe chete chakaita kuti awane pfungwa yekutendeseka kwaiva nekubatana kwepabonde. Kwemwedzi yakawanda mudzimai wake paakazivisa kuti akanga achibva, akawana kuti fungiro dzake dzepabonde uye dzinokurudzira kuita bonhora zvinenge zvichinyanya kuoma. Akaziva kuti kana asina kuita bonyora, aizoramba ari "anotya" zuva rose, izvo zvingamuita kuti anzwe asingagadzikane, ane shungu uye asingagutsikani.
Nokukurumidza zvakakwana, Steve akaona kuti zvinonyadzisira hazvina kukwana kuita zvepabonde kumufadza. Kushandiswa kwake kwezvigadzirwa zvemagetsi zvekuita zvekuita zvepabonde kwakakura. Akaona kuti kuvharirwa mukati memafungiro nemitambo yakatanga kusangana pabonde yakangoita sekumanikidzira sechinhu chaicho chepabonde, zvimwe kunyanya. Mukurumbira wake-akakurudzirwa kwakachengetedzwa ne dopamine-kukurudzirwa kutsvaga, kutora, kutaurirana, kutumira mameseji, kutumira mameseji uye mamwe maitiro ekuita zvepabonde. Vhidhiyo yese itsva, mifananidzo, mutambo, kana munhu akasunungurwa zvakanyanya dopamine, achimubatsira kuchengetedza nguva yakareba yekufadzwa kuburikidza nekutsvaga kwake, kutsvaga, kufungidzira uye kutarisira.
Steve akadaro kuti aigona kupedza maawa asingagumi achinzwa achida zvikuru asi asina kumutswa kana kuuya kumusana. Kutsvaga kwake kwevhidhiyo yakakwana, chimiro kana shamwari yakamuchengetedza kusavhiringidzika uye kuparadzaniswa kubva pane zvinokosha zvehupenyu, hukama uye hupenyu hwezvipikirwa zvakakosha se heroin, cocaine, kana chimwe chinhu chinoshandura mafungiro. Cybersex yaive, zvechokwadi, "mushonga wekusarudza."
Mushure memakore mukurapa, Steve akabvuma kuenda kumusangano weHIV Addicts Anonymous (SAA). Akawana nyaradzo ipapo, achiziva kuti haasi iye oga munhu munyika uyo akaita zvepabonde zvakadaro. Akanzwa akanotsigirwa uye anokoshesa nenzira yaasina kumbove nayo muupenyu hwake. Kwenguva yokutanga, akanzwa kuti akanga ari pane imwe nzvimbo. Akatanga kunzwa kuti aigona kutaura nevanhu uye kuti vanhu vanogona kugovana naye. Chinonyanya kukosha, akazviti, akanga achidzidzira kuva iye uye kuti ave nehutano pamwe naye mumamiriro ezvinhu evanhu.
Ichokwadi kuti izvi zvakachinja kurapa kwake. Takatanga kutora mari / kubatsirwa kwekuita kwake zvepabonde.
Panguva ino, Steve akaita dambudziko guru. Kuramba kwake kwakaputsika, akaona zvakajeka kukanganisa kwaakanga aita kwaari uye kune avo vaiva pedyo naye. Izvi zvaisanganisira:
- Kusurukirwa kubva kune shamwari nemhuri / kuderedza ukama hwepedyo nemumwe wako
- Akaputsika kuvimba noukama hweumwe
- Kuwedzerwa kunetseka kubva mukurarama hupenyu husingadiwi
- Kurasikirwa kwemari kubva pakuyeuka kubasa uye zvichida kurasika kwebasa
- Vabatsiri kurasikirwa nekuzviremekedza uye kuzviremekedza nekutadza "kurarama kumusoro" kune fungidziro porn mifananidzo
- Kushushikana nekuregeredza vana
- Kurara kwepabonde (erectile dysfunction)
- Kurasikirwa kwechido mune zvinokuvaraidza uye mamwe mabasa akanaka
- Kuzvicherechedza nekuda kwekushaiwa kwehope nekurovedza muviri
Nhoroondo Yehupenyu
Steve ndiye wekutanga wevana vatatu, nehanzvadzi mbiri duku. Asati aberekwa, amai vake vakave nepamuviri pamwedzi mishanu. Steve akatsanangura amai vake se "kunyengedza" -kudzivirira uye kukukoka imwe nguva nekuramba izvo zvinotevera. Akanyora Steve. Akange ari apuro reziso rake uyo asingagoni kuita zvakaipa. Zvisinei, iye aive nemitemo, uye paakakundikana kuonana navo aizomuudza achizvidza kuti aive anosemesa, mheremhere uye mhepo uye aizomutumira kuimba yake kwemaawa kwekupedzisira.
Steve akayeuka kuti amai vake vaiva "nekutyisa" mafungiro kune varume uye vaiwanzogunun'una kuti vakanga vari "mhuka" -kuda, kuipa, uye kungofarira zvepabonde chete. Aiwanzozvinyima pamberi paSteve, uye aizobuda muimba yekurara yakazaruka asati aenda kunorara. Paaitya, aigara achikwira mubhedha nevabereki vake. Izvi zvakaramba zvichienderera kusvikira baba vake vabva mumhuri paaiva nemakore 12. Akayeuka kuti akanga avete pamubhedha pamwe naye uye aipfeka chikwata chesiku chairo. Steve akadaro kuti aigara achiita zvepabonde pamusoro paamai vake.
Baba vaSteve vaiva murume ane mutsa, ane hanya uye akaora mwoyo paainetseka, asi paakanga achinwa, aive ane simba uye ane utsinye. Nenguva iyo Steve aive nemakore matatu, baba vake vaiwanzoita zvakashata. Uyezve, akanga achitambudza mhuri yose paainwa, asi ainyanya kushungurudza Steve. Nguva nenguva, aizotaura kuti kuberekwa kwaSteve kwakanga kusina kurongwa kana kudiwa. Steve akacherechedza kuti baba vake "vaigara vachinyatsoziva kuti ndaiziva kuti chii chinonzi mbongoro."
Baba vaSteve vakasiya mhuri Steve paive nemakore mapfumbamwe ekuberekwa. Steve akanzwa kusiiwa uye aitya kuti baba vake vaisazombodzoka, asi panguva imwechete aitya zvakare kuti aizodzoka ovapfura vese. Iye zvakare ainzwa kuve nemhosva yekuparara kwemuchato wevabereki vake.
Maitiro eKliniki
Steve anonyanya kukanganisa ruzivo rwakanga rwakanyanyisa, rwakanyatsobudisa nyaya kubva kune zvehupombwe hwakamupa rusununguko rwake chete. Akange akundikana kurarama maererano nezvinodiwa nevabereki vake uye akashaya kurarama kune zvake. Kurarama mumhuri kwaainamata kana kunyadziswa, kunyadziswa kwake kwainge kwasungwa mukati, iyo ndiyo, chikamu chinokosha chekuzivikanwa kwake.
Akanga aine kunyadziswa kukuru kubva kurarama nemhuri yake uye kunyadziswa kwechipiri kubva mukudhakwa kwake. Nguva imwe neimwe paaive nechinangwa, akasara ane nyadzi uye kuzvivenga. Zvinonyadzisa kuti usakwanisa kuva nekutonga kweunhu hwako pachako pasinei nekuedza kwako.
Kuzvitemba kwaSteve uye kuzvitutumadza kwake, kwakatangira mukufunga kwake kuti baba vake vaisamuda kana kumukoshesa, zvimwe kubva kuna amai vake vasingateedzere uye kupindurana kwaari nekumwe kupatsanuka uye dzimwe nguva pfungwa yekuziva. Amai vaHarold vakaomesa basa raSteve rekuvandudza hunhu hwemurume nekudzikisira baba vake, vachishoropodza Steve paaiita sababa vake uye vachideredza varume vese.
Zvakaitika kwaari nehurongwa hwe 12-Step zvakabatsira kuderedza kunyadziswa, uye tsitsi nekunzwisisa kwandakamupa iye akabatsirawo kuderedze kunyadziswa kwake.
Kurapa kwakagoverwa kuva "kutanga kurongeka" kushanduka uye "chechipiri" shanduko. "Kutanga kwekutanga" shanduko yakagadzirirwa kugadzirisa maitiro ake. Akatumirwa kuongororwa kwepfungwa kuti atonge kunze kwema-morbid psychiatric disorders. Chiremba akamuisa pamwero wakaderera weProzac, kwete nekuda kwechirwere chepfungwa, asi kumubatsira kuti atarisire zvaanoda kuita zvepabonde zvakanyanya.
Takazotanga hurumende yeCognitive-Behavioral kuti tise chirongwa cheRelapse Prevention. Akanyora mutsara we "zvinokonzera" -zviitiko zvekunze uye zvekunze izvo zvakatanga kusangana pabonde. Akadzidza kurega kure nemamiriro ezvinhu akaipisisa. Mamwe maitiro ekugadzirisa maitiro akazogadziriswa pamutambo mumwe nomumwe. Nzira dzokugadzirisa zvido uye zvinokurudzira zvakakurukurwa. Akaona zvishuvo uye mafungiro sezviratidzo zvekurwadziwa mukati. Aigona kunyanya kuchengeta nekutaura mazwi ake emukati, kwete kungopindura kwavari nekutora. Mukuwedzera, takakurukura nzira dzaaigona kubata nadzo maitiro uye kudzoka zvakare.
Kuchinja maitiro kwakadzika kwakaiswa panzvimbo. Akashandisa shanduro yake yefoni yefoni yefoni nguva dzose. Kombiyuta yakaiswa muimba yemhuri. A firiji iyo yakabvisa zvinhu zvisiri izvo yakaiswa pamakombiyuta. Akaisa chibvumirano chebasa reIndaneti. Apo paaifanira kushandisa kombiyuta, akazviisa kune dzimwe nguva chaiyo paakaongorora emaimeri ake uye akadaro.
Steve neni takakurukura kwenguva yakareba ukama hwake nemanzwiro ake, nokuti mafungiro asina kunaka anowanzoshandiswa semafuta ekuita. Kuchengetedzwa kwakarongedza kudzidzira kubvumira kushushikana kusina kushandiswa pasina kushandisa zvepabonde kuvabvisa. Kuziva nzira yekubata nayo zvinobudirira nemanzwiro akasimba kunokosha pakuzvidzora pabonde. Kutsungirira nenyaya yekugutsikana nokukurumidza kwakakurukurwa.
Chikamu chinonyanya kukosha cheRalapse Prevention Plan chiri kushanda pakuziva nekupikisa kupesana kwepfungwa. Kuita zvepabonde kune vanokanganisa vane kukanganisa kukuru kwekufunga pamusoro pavo, pamusoro pevakadzi uye nezvepabonde. Ndakabvunza Steve kuti anyore pasi zvaaifunga kuti iye aive uye kuti anyore pasi pedo navo imwe nzira, zvakare kufunga zvakanyanya kuti aifanira kuverenga kaviri pavhiki.
Nemhaka yokuti Steve akanga ari oga kwenguva refu, takashanda paunyanzvi hwekukurukurirana uye akabvuma kutora dzidzo mukusimbisa. Zvose izvi zvakamuita kuti anzwe akanyatsofara munyika nevanhu.
Vakaroorana Mazano
Chimwe chezvinhu izvo zvakaita kuti Steve awane kurapwa yaiva mudzimai wake anotyisidzira kurambana. Kunyange zvazvo hukama hwavo hwakanga huri mumashure mushure memakore ekunyadzisa kwake, ainge achiri kumuda uye zvikuru aida kuti ave muhupenyu hwake. Sara, nokuda kwake, akanga abvamburwa kuita zvidimbu naSteve maitiro ake. Kupedza kwake nguva yakawanda yakadai muimba yepasi yakabata "zvepabonde" kuita zvepabonde kwakaita kuti anzwe akasurukirwa, asina hanya, asingakoshi uye asina hanya. Kuzviremekedza kwake kwakatambura, achiziva kuti murume wake akasarudza kupedza nguva yake pamberi pekombiyuta mukati yevanhu vane fantasy vaisakwanisa kurwisana nayo.
Akanzwa manzwiro akadzama pamusana pezvaiitika mumhuri, yakasimbiswa nekuti akanga asinganetsi kutaura kune ani zvake pamusoro pemamiriro acho kana manzwiro ake pamusoro pazvo nokuti aida kudzivirira Steve kubva mukunyadziswa kwemamiriro acho ezvinhu.
Kubatanidzwa kwekuparadza, kukuvadza, kutengesa uye kurasikirwa kwekuzviremekedza kunopa danho rekuti Sara atange kuva nehukama nemumwe murume. Zviratidzo zvake zvose zvaiva zvekudzivirira kuzvidzora kwepabonde uye kuparadza kutsiva kuna Steve nekumupandukira. Sara haana kuramba ari munyaya kwenguva refu, zvakadaro, nokuti akanga achiri kunzwa akazvipira kuna Steve.
Steve akashanda akave nemigumisiro yakaipa pahupenyu hwepabonde hwehutano. Sara, achifunga kuti haana "kuisa" kumadzimai ake aifunga, akashanda kuti azviitire zvakanakisisa uye akatanga kuratidza rudo kakawanda kupfuura zvaaimboita. Akanga akapfekedza zvipfeko zvemajaya zvaakafunga kuti Steve aizoda. Pane imwe nguva, Sara akaita zvepabonde zvaakawana zvinonyangadza nokuti akafunga kuti zvaizofadza. Akaita zvose zvaaikwanisa kumunyengetedza kuti haana "kuda" kutarisa avo "vamwe vakadzi."
Zvakanga zvisinganzwisisi naSara ndezvokuti hakuna munhu wepanyika anogona kurarama maererano ne "tsvina" -dopamine-yakasimudzirwa, yakasimudzwa zvikuru kuti chirwere chepabonde chinopindira apo aive achiita izvo zvisinganyanyi kuita zvepabonde ane mudzimai chaiye. Munhu chaiye-hupenyu haangambofi akakwikwidzana nemafungiro. Akanga asinganzwisisi kuti haana kubata mamiriro ezvinhu, kuti mamiriro ezvinhu aSteve akazovapo kubva pakushungurudzika kwevana uye kuti akatakura marwadzo emwoyo pamwe naye asati asangana naye.
Mukurapa, Sara akadzokorora kuti yakanga isiri tsika dzepabonde dzakamukuvadza zvakanyanya sekureva nhema uye zvakavanzika zvakakomberedza maitiro. Icho chaiva icho chaakanga asingazivi kana aigona kukanganwira. Akakahadzika kuti aigona kumubata zvakare.
Kwemakore, Steve aizomuudza kuti "aipenga" paanofungidzira chimwe chinhu. Aifanira kubvuma kuti haana kukonzera dambudziko uye kuti aisagona kuzvidzora.
Kwenguva yemakore, Sara, kufanana nevakadzi vakawanda pamberi pake, akave akachenjera pamusoro pe "kuongorora" kumurume wake; kugara uchiongorora makombiyuta akaoma, mafoni, magwaro, mavhidhiyo, ma webcams, ma-mails, nezvimwewo kuona kana ari kuita. Akati ainetseka paaiita izvi, asi akaenderera mberi kuedza kuwana mamwe maitiro pamusoro pemamiriro ezvinhu aaiona asina simba.
Sara akabvumirwa kutanga kutambira S-anon, chirongwa cheC12-chikwata chevamwe vanoita zvepabonde pavakasangana nevadzimai vakakwanisa kumupa rutsigiro nekunzwira tsitsi. Panguva imwecheteyo, akatanga chirwere nemushonga wandakamuudza, asi ivo vaviri vakaramba vachichirapa.
Psychodynamics
Rimwe gore mushure mekurapa kwakatanga, Steve akazivisa kuti akanga achipedza kurapwa. Ndakamukurudzira kuti ataure pamusoro pezvainge zvamuendesa kusarudzo iyi. Kutsvakurudza kwedu kwakaratidza kufungidzira kwake kuti ndaizomuranga nekunyadzisa iye nokuti "akundikana" mushure mekunge aine chokwadi cheiye pachake. Imwezve basa rakaratidza hukama pakati pekufungidzira uku uye kunyadziswa kwaSteve pamusoro pokuwa kwake kubva mukugwinya uye kuda kwake rubatsiro, godo rake nekutsamwa kwangu, uye huwandu hwehupenyu hunokosha hwehuduku hwevabereki vake vose. Steve anokwanisa kukurukura zvinhu izvi munzvimbo yakachengeteka yakamubatsira kuti andione zvishoma seanodheerera uye zvakanyanya sekusimbisa uye kugadzirisa muongorori angakwanisa kumubatsira kunze kwehutano hwaaiziva iye zvino kuti hupenyu hwake hwemukati.
Migumisiro yokurapwa
Sezvo kurapwa kwakapfuurira mberi, Steve akatanga kuona kuti izvi zvisinganzwisisiki zvekare zvekuita zvepabonde zvisiri izvo zvaisava izvo zvaaitsvaga, sezvo vaisazomugutsa kana kugutsa zvido zvake zvehukama hwepedyo.
Kurapa kwakazotora mukana wekugadzirisa kukuvara kwakaitika kubva pahukama hwake nevabereki vake. Takatarisa zvakaperera kumamessage aakaisa mukati semwana aive achikanganisa hupenyu hwake semunhu mukuru. Mimwe yeiyi yaive:
- Akanga asina kunaka zvakakwana, kwete kudiwa uye akanga asiri wake
- Akave nekutyisidzirwa kwekuregererwa, kusatarwa uye kusafarira
- Kuvabereki kusakwana
Mushure mekunge taona kushayikwa kwemashoko akakurumbira aakagamuchira, akafamba nenzira yekuchema muhupenyu hwake izvo zvakaguma kubva pamashoko aya. Sezvo akwegura, ainyatsopokana nemashoko acho nemashoko matsva airatidza kuti anokosha. Chinonyanya kukosha, akadzorera "kunyadziswa kwakakweretwa." Vabereki vake vose vaiva nemweya yakakuvadzwa nehupenzi hwavo hwekuzvikudza uye kunyadziswa kwavakapa kuna Steve. Steve akaita chisarudzo chokuti kunyadziswa kwaisava kwake; yakanga iri yevabereki vake uye akaipa iyo kwaiva-kune vabereki vake.
Steve akabata pfungwa yekuregerera mhuri yake. Akaona kangamwiro sechimwe chinhu chaakaitira iye pachake nokuti hupenyu hwehupenyu hwakatsamwa hwakanyanya. Izvi zvakaratidzwa paakaenda kunovashanyira. Kushanyira kwaive kwakfupi uye kushamwaridzana navo kwaiva kwakanyarara uye kusatsamwa. Akange avabvuma ivo sevanhu vasina kutendeka avo vakaita zvakanakisisa zvavanogona kuti vamubereke.
Makore matatu mushure mekunge kurapwa kwave kwatanga, Steve akanga achinja zvikuru muupenyu hwake. Akaramba achiuya kuchipatara uye akashanda purogiramu inoshingaira muBonde Addicts Anonymous. Akanga ane kambani yevanotsigira shamwari uye akavaka zvitsva zvitsva. Akashandisa nguva dzose. Iye naSara vaiita zvakanaka. Vakanamatira kune "chibvumirano chekushushikana" icho chaiva nemhando yezviito zvaaizozvibatanidza. Nokufamba kwenguva, akamuratidza kuti aigonazve kuvimbwa.
Steve akanga achiri kutarisira zvido, asi akanga awana unyanzvi hwekugadzirisa nawo. Pane dzimwe nguva, akapera. Zvisinei, nekuda kwebasa rekudzivirira zvakare iro tainge taita, haana kutendeuka zvakare akadzoka zvakare uye akanzwisisa kuti kukanganisa kwaireva kuti aifanira kuchinja zvimwe zvekudzoka kwake zvakare.
Kuzviremekedza kwake kwakasimuka. Akange asiri munhu akazvipira kuzvidzora uye kunyadziswa. Akange akazonaka muhupo hwake. Nokubatanidzwa kwake muhurongwa hwake hweHNUMX-step, akava nekugutsikana kwekuva nhengo yevanhu vanochengeta uye kubatsira vamwe.
Nekubatsirwa kwerapi, maonero ake pamusoro pehupenyu akachinja. Akatama kubva pakuva munhu asina kuchena, munhu we narcissistic uyo aifunga vamwe se "zvinhu zvinogutsa zvinodiwa" kuti avabatsire semunhu mumwe nomumwe ane zvido, pfungwa uye manzwiro ake pachavo. Akadzidza kuva muteereri akanaka uye kuva nemanzwiro. Somugumisiro, akave nekugutsikana kwekuva nehutano hwepedyo, shamwari dzinotsigira, kusanganisira uye kunyanya, mudzimai wake.
Kuburikidza nekupa mazano akaroorana, kutsamwa uye kutsamwa kwakange kwaiswa shure kwavo uye, kuburikidza nemishonga yavo yakasiyana, vakadzidza kuva "vashandi" mukurapa. Vose vaiti ivo vakapinda mumatambudziko avo, vainakidzwa nehukama hwakadzika, hwakapfuma uye hwepabonde.
mhedziso
Rudo uye zvepabonde zvikamu zvehutano hwevanhu uye, saizvozvowo, ndezvezvinhu zvekufunga nezvechipatara. Izvi zvinoita kuti isu vedu vanoshanda pamwe nekliniki yevanhu, kunyanya vechidiki, kuti vazive nemigumisiro iyo teknolojia yekombiyuta iri kuitika pabonde hwevanhu.
Dorothy Hayden, LCSW, inonzi psychotherapy inenge iri yoga muManhattan. Kwemakore anonzi 20 ave achibata zvekuita zvepabonde nevanobatsirana navo. Akanyora nyaya dzeCNNX pamusoro pekuita zvepabonde (www.sextreatment.com) uye akanyora bhuku rinonzi "Total Sex Addiction Recovery - Bhuku Rekurapa". Ms. Hayden ave akabvunzurudzwa neHBO, "20 / 20" uye Anderson "360" pamusoro pekunakidzwa kwei-cybersex kuvanhu.
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