Post-Porn Culture (2012)

36 thoughts on “Post-Porn Culture (2012)

  1. Theory: Dopamine is the actual addiction, not fapping motivates

    Theory: Dopamine is the actual addiction, not fapping motivates you to get your dose of dopa elsewhere.

    Yes, I wish someone would put it in the sidebar ‘TESTOSTERONE HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS‘.

    You can also replace the dopamine fix with other useless activities like surfing the web for 10 hours a day, or then watching the TV instead as well, overeating can be another outlet. I know many people here have serious problems with PMO for several hours a day, and this will be the main source of reducing dopamine sensitivity, but I also think many here only have a slight problem with PMO, but think they’re really getting somewhere by giving up, when a bigger fish to fry for them would be their escapism into the internet for long periods of time. PMO for half an hour every few days VS 10 hours of internet (remember, music, trivia, funny videos all at the click of a button), it seems obvious to me which is draining you the most.

    What would help most people with their concentration and drive would be a complete technology fast, so that your main entertainment would be reading and exercise. But reddit usually goes for ‘technology is amazing and all we need to do is use it properly and not overuse it’ line of thinking, while they have 20 tabs open and can’t read more than two sentences.

    I remember some studies I read about, in which mice and monkeys were given a button linked up to their dopamine receptors, who got a hit when they hit the button, and ended up loving the button more than food or new females. That button is under your finger right now.

  2. From another forum
    90-day report:

    This is a clear case of how enduring temporary pain leads to rich rewards. I’m only 90 days into this, but I can’t believe how much I’ve learned about myself. I can’t believe how many plans I’ve made and new projects I’ve started to address the areas of my life that I want to better. I can’t believe at the sustained motivation I have for sticking to these projects, when before I would lose energy and revert to my lowered expectations. I can’t believe how my priorities have changed and the time wasting activities I used to enjoy seem unfullfilling and pointless.

  3. FROM YBR

    A week ago I relapsed and PMO’d a few times. I started thinking about how this no porn movement is a bunch of nonsense and bullshit, and how awesome and exciting it is to have an endless supply of hot naked chicks when you fap to porn. But then I imagined how my life would be if I had carried on with it. I imagined myself hunched over on my computer chair, beating my meat in front of a computer screen for the rest of my life. SCREW THAT!

    http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/index.php?topic=5119.0

  4. Form fetish porn site owner

    says:

    This habit is supported by fantasies, desires and needs that are purely fictional and have no real base of existence. By feeding meaningless desires with this habit – one only finds himself in a state of regression instead of progression. …

    My habit and my fantasies made my sexual life a disaster, with unsuccessful relationships and me questioning my own existence. I thought I was cursed. Of course there were girls who accepted my fancies and were willing to play along, but still my urge for more was never satisfied. …

    I left behind a careless life and a steady income. Why? Because I was miserable and unhappy. Even though I was the owner and participant of a fetish site. I could engage in any type of fantasy with beautiful girls any day of the week and plus I had a beautiful girlfriend (later my wife), who accepted my lifestyle and was also happy to fulfill any of my fantasies. Instead I still masturbated every day on many occasions to the content that I found on sites other than mine and. Why?

    Because I was addicted. I would have sex with my wife and then still masturbate afterwards. I would wake up in the morning and the first thing I would think of was masturbation. I would model for a shoot and then masturbate to the same shoot but on video. This would leave me miserable, depressed, depleted of any life energy and irritated. My brain didn’t work, I couldn’t think straight, my memory was bad. Constant masturbation affected my erection, my performance in bed, it made me paranoid, affecting my relationships with women and people overall.

    Now I’m 30 and masturbation free. I haven’t masturbated close to a year now, which is the longest I went since I first started doing it at the age of 11. How did I do it? I will share my story with you and hope that it will help you on your way to a better life.

  5. More from Alain de Botton

    It is perhaps only people who haven’t felt the full power of sex over their logical selves who can remain uncensorious and liberally ‘modern’ on the subject. Philosophies of sexual liberation appeal mostly to people who don’t have anything too destructive or weird that that they wish to do once they have been liberated. However, anyone who has experienced the power of sex in general and internet pornography in particular to reroute our priorities is unlikely to be so sanguine about liberty.

    Pornography, like alcohol and drugs, weakens our ability to endure the kinds of suffering that are necessary for us to direct our lives properly. In particular, it reduces our capacity to tolerate those two ambiguous goods, anxiety and boredom. Our anxious moods are genuine but confused signals that something is amiss, and so they need to be listened to and patiently interpreted – which is unlikely to happen when we have to hand one of the most powerful tools of distraction ever invented. The entire internet is in a sense pornographic, it is a deliverer of constant excitement which we have no innate capacity to resist, a system which leads us down paths many of which have nothing to do with our real needs.

    Furthermore, pornography weakens our tolerance for the kind of boredom which is vital to give our minds the space in which good ideas can emerge, the sort of creative boredom we experience in a bath or on a long train journey. It is at moments when we feel an irresistible desire to escape from ourselves that we can be sure that there is something important we need to bring to consciousness – and yet it is precisely at such pregnant moments that internet pornography has a habit of exerting its maddening pull, thereby helping us to destroy our futur

  6. One guy’s summation:

    [Cutting out masturbation to porn] is not a magic pill. I see it as just one of the basic components of being a true and complete man. I have no intention of going back to chronic PMO. If I do relapse, I now know a way out.

  7. From another forum

    http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/162and/the_uk_contributes_85_new_fapstronauts/

    I feel like part of a movement. But I view it as men giving the finger to a world that tries to make us soft, doughy, pleasure-addicted shadows. Instead we are becoming happy, grounded, strong, disciplined, and not dependent on electronic baby formula to keep us complacent.

    Consumerist society doesn’t know what to do with capable, independent, secure, disciplined men. We’re terrifying! =D

  8. leaving this subreddit. Here’s the best text I’ve collected.

    I relapsed and as a consequence am leaving this subreddit. Here’s the best text I’ve collected. 

    After going strong for yet another 15 days, I broke yesterday. Therefore, I have decided starting today to leave reddit, youtube etc. altogether for the foreseeable future. Following are pieces of advice I’ve collected from this subreddit and perhaps other places.

    I hope it helps you!

    =-=-=-=-=-=

    You need a fucking plan people, easy as that. A stricter routine, more researched diet, more structured time with clear goals and objectives for each day and the long term.

    If all you changed about your life was the tension, and frequency at which you grab your dick, you’re not living the best life you could be.

    =-=-=-=-=-=

    It will get easier with time and I’ll ditch it just like I did eating at McDonald’s and watching television.

    =-=-=-=-=-=

    Dude, congrats to you. For some reason, I’m always happy when I read about a fellow fapstronaut who has managed to launch out of the gravitational pull of the black hole that is PMO. You have shown us that it is possible.

    You’re in free space now, bro. This is the beginning of an amazing journey for you. Bon voyage. Just be careful never to get drawn into the PMO void again. It’s the real thing, or nothing.

    =-=-=-=-=-=

    I’m not tempted to visit porn related sites because it’s false. The whole premise of pornography is false. Most of the people involved in porn are concerned with appearances over the way sex feels. Sex to them is about making it look good for the film. They don’t care how their partner really feels, as long as she LOOKS like she feels good.

    =-=-=-=-=-=

    I’m communicating with my body and my mind. In this simple withholding of self-gratification is a message. It says:

    The best is yet to come.

    =-=-=-=-=-=

    Imagine what the equivalent of porn would’ve been 200,000 years ago – it would’ve been sneaking up and watching some guy fuck a woman while you hide in a bush and jerk off to it…and our critics see nothing wrong with this behavior!

    =-=-=-=-=-=

    Masturbating is admitting and accepting that you are too much of a loser to get laid, so you’re just going to trick your body into thinking that you are getting laid, you’re giving yourself a pat on the back when you’ve done nothing to deserve it. You’re literally rewarding yourself for being an unmotivated, lazy, undetermined, apathetic beta/ Masturbating is like throwing in the towel before you’ve even entered the ring.

    =-=-=-=-=-=

    Imagine you live in a dark basement deep underground. You’re so far beneath the surface that it takes an hour just to reach the top of the stairs (no elevator).

    Your home is furnished with just the bare necessities, plus an old television. The only light comes from a 50-watt bulb dangling from the ceiling. Although you crave natural light, you also hate the effort of climbing the stairs and venturing out of your comfort zone into the unknown.

    Then one day you happen to see the sun on TV. In fact, you find a channel dedicated to showing the sun at various angles and intensities. There’s dawn, mid-morning, high noon, dusk — along with your own special preference, the one you saw on that trip to the surface a few months ago. You feel elated when you see it again. Soon you’re devoting hours to watching for it and basking in it from the comfort of your couch.

    You start leaving the basement less. The stairs are exhausting, and when you do manage to get out, it’s often stormy weather anyway. Meanwhile, the TV shows gorgeous shots of Yosemite at dawn. It seems better than reality.

    For a while, you have the nagging feeling that you should get outside more, but after a while, it goes away. Months pass, then years. You may still go from time to time, if you’re especially energetic, though when you do, you wonder why the sun seems harsher and more boring than you remember. You’d rather stay home. It’s dark there, but at least the sun on that television looks beautiful. For me, that was life between NoFap and PornFree. They’re pulling the plug on that television — taking small steps to refocus. “Going outdoors” becomes easier after that. My perception changes when I live “above ground.”

    =-=-=-=-=-=

    What helps me is to think that addiction is not a disease. It is a choice. A disease you have no control over, but a choice you do. You have to be strong. Porn provides a quick hit of pleasure. The feeling lasts seconds, but the shame hours. Quitting will provide you with so much more pleasure than porn could ever give you. That is why you have to quit. You are in control.

    =-=-=-=-=-=

    Keep your head up, and don’t ever give up hope. Pornography is one of the most difficult (and by far the most prevalent) addictions to overcome in this day and age. It’s not as physically harsh as cocaine, meth, or other hard drugs, but it wreaks havoc on our brains. It makes us into mere shadows of our potential, it keeps us from experiencing life, and it ruins our potential to help and enjoy other people. Furthermore, it costs nothing and can be acquired in a matter of seconds. What you are going through is horribly painful and will be one of the most difficult battles of your life. But you can win. You can beat the pain, shame, and guilt, you can become the man you want to be.

    =-=-=-=-=-=

    I found a modest but long-treasured archive on a hard-drive. And of course, me being the hypocrite I am, I deleted everything except this one girl who reminded me of my ex so much. I glanced at some pics and videos (big mistake, but I survived), then stared and stared at the folder, thinking I would just hang on to that one girl. But then I noticed the “created on” date: 2005. SEVEN YEARS I have been hoarding that shit. This girl doesn’t even know I exist, and the ex she reminded me of is married and a mother and (to be totally honest) fat now. Talk about living in denial, in the past, in fantasy land!

    I am proud to report that now my computer is officially clean, including those last lingering bits! Happy New Year to me!

    =-=-=-=-=-=

    Really? You are proud of owning thousands of hours of films of other men fucking hot girls that you wish you could fuck, sitting in the dark jerking yourself watching men plow women who you will never meet and who don’t even know you exist, except as some attenuated abstraction of an ‘audience’ that pays her bills? That’s what you’re proud of?

    =-=-=-=-=-=

    Seeing as I just beat my longest streak and don’t see it coming to an end anytime soon, thought I’d drop by with the one big tip that’s helped me along the way.

    When I started nofap back in the summer, I thought of it as just a personal challenge – I didn’t consider myself a hardcore addict (once a day and skipping a day was no big deal), but I read some of the success stories and thought “That’s who I want to be!” And that motivation worked for 44 days. Since then I’ve relapsed a few more times, never getting beyond 30 days until this latest go-round. I think I can pinpoint why this time, why it hasn’t just been a slow build of willpower or change of habits, but a change of mantra.

    | I’m never going to masturbate again and I’ll see how it changes me.

    That was my original mantra, and a common one around here, whether the change you’re looking for is ED relief, living addiction-free, more productivity, success with women, or any of the other reported benefits. But that mantra isn’t complete. It assumes that you haven’t changed simply by taking the challenge in the first place. Here’s something we all ought to remember: we have changed. No matter if you’re on day 3 or day 193, you’re a different person now than you were before getting a badge. You’re more aware of yourself, you’re less numb to the world. You’re challenging yourself and growing. In light of all that, this time, I’ve tweaked the mantra. It’s much more empowering now:

    | I’m not the kind of guy who masturbates.

    Whenever I feel an urge coming on, I repeat that to myself. It’s shocking just how quickly the urge fades in the face of those words. That phrase doesn’t even let the possibility of relapse enter the mind: I’m just not that kind of person. If you think of yourself as a guy who doesn’t masturbate, chances are good you’ll become a guy who doesn’t masturbate. It seems so simple, and, well, it kinda is. You have complete power over that aspect of your identity. Maybe in the past you masturbated, but that was past-you. Present-you is a completely different person, and he just isn’t that kind of guy.

    It’s a simple shift in thinking, but it totally reframed the challenge for me. It’s not really about abstaining from PMO for a long time, it’s about becoming the kind of person who doesn’t need or even think about those things. The person I wanted to become was more fit, more creative, more knowledgeable. I wanted to be a person who gave a damn about life. So I’m not the kind of guy who masturbates. I’m the kind of guy who meditates, exercises, reads good books, writes, plays music, and looks the world right in the eye. I don’t have time to numb myself with pixelated pleasure. I’d rather take a cold shower and feel the sweet sting of each droplet on my skin.

    I hope know you’re the same kind of person.

    =-=-=-=-=-=

    I know the most hideous, shortest, fattest, acne-infested guys date the most amazing women. Thank goodness women aren’t vain like us. They don’t need some girly, effeminate pretty boy. They’re attracted to strength, and to masculine qualities. if they were attracted to effeminate qualities, they’d be a lesbian. Positive must meet negative, even in gay couples there’s a pants-wearer. All in all it’s about undoing all the brainwashing we’ve gobbled up with “Women like sensitive guys and men who cry.” In everything in life there is a balance. On one spectrum there are guys who are just completely emasculated, and on the other end of the spectrum there are the sad, low-self esteem, insecure meat-heads who verbally and physically abuse women and get in temper tantrums like a child. True strength, is being able to just shake your heads at these guys when they want to fight you, and walk away. Because every insecure sad little boy wants to fight and prove to everyone how tough he is. But true strength simply smirks, and walks away, and maybe adds some whippy one-liner, heh. It’s that beautiful balance. Humble arrogance. Cocky funny (YOU KNOW). Either extreme is bad. In Buddhism there’s something called the middle path. I don’t know what that means, but I’ve adopted that term to mean that life is about finding that perfect balance and avoiding extremes.

    There may come a time where you will not even be tempted to look at porn. It’s just like, “Eh, no thanks.” And instead you would rather kiss that one girl you’ve been thinking about, and spending time with her and talking to her, and getting to know and love her for what’s inside her, for who she is, and it’ll be worth more than a thousand beautiful naked women. Instead of some disgusting sexual experience, you’d rather just lie in bed and talk to her all night, fully clothed.

    Make some friends with some girls. Treat them normally, like guys. Look them in the eye. Now again, balance. Don’t try to pierce into their souls with some galactic death-stare, just don’t look down and all of that. Smile. Again, don’t smile at random inappropriate times like a crazy person, but a little nice closed mouth smirk at the appropriate time would be alright. Don’t kiss their ass. Just be normal. If they’ve done something wrong, let them know it. Now don’t insult them, lol, but just be a normal person. Sometimes being normal is the hardest thing to do. Lead. Be masculine and lead. If everyone’s all like, “Where should we go to eat?” “I don’t care, where do YOU want to go to eat.” “I don’t know, what do YOU feel like?” “SHUT UP. SHUT – UP. I WILL MURDER EVERYONE IN THIS ROOM. WE ARE GOING TO EAT AT MAMA’S TACO TRUCK IN A DIRTY PARKING LOT IN THE MEXICAN PART OF TOWN. I HATE YOU ALL SO MUCH IT PHYSICALLY HURTS.”

    Wake up each and every day with impatience. Powerful, driven, impatience. Live your life on purpose. You will fall and you will stumble but never give up. Mark Cuban (YEAH I’M A FANBOY) failed miserably, countless times. I mean he sold powered milk at one point. He was sleeping on the floor of a dirty apartment. And now he’s a billionaire. He learned and benefited from his failures. Never give up. Keep that fire burning, no matter what. Never ever burn out, and just give up, and concede to a life of quiet desperation. Live and breathe with a fire inside you, a drive, a desire and a passion. Move. This is your awakening. This is your second chance, the second chance our fathers and older brothers have all wistfully told us after a few beers, that they wish they could’ve gone back, that they wish they’d have gotten their life together, that they wish they could have had a second chance. Well you have that priceless second chance they would have killed for. You have that gift now, for free. Do not squander it. Do you squander this precious gift of life. Live it with passion and purpose and meaning. Do good. Help someone. Live and breathe life, and love it. Good luck.

    =-=-=-=-=-=

    BEST ONE FOR LAST:

    Seriously guys, if you want to change something in your life then quit fapping.

    Read what I have to say: Fapping takes control of your mind, every bored minute of your life your dopamine-hungry brain longs for this digitally stimulating nothingness called internet porn. Most of the time your instinct to reproduce takes control of your whole brain and that is when you lose against your addiction. Porn addiction. This drive pushes you against a wall, grabs you into a deep hole of pleasure and regret at the same time. What have you earned in all those thousands of hours and hours of browsing and coming into a cleenex? Nothing. You have so much potential to reach your aims but you are wasting it by jizzing in your pants. Fapping makes you feel insecure, steals your sexual lust that can give you endless power. Your brain becomes foggy, your mind a slave of its own; triggered by a placebo that gives you a feeling of pleasure for 10 seconds after hours long wasteful internet searches. What are those short moments of satisfaction compared to a lovely relationship with that girl you always wanted to have as your girlfriend? Nothing. Your brain gets a short feeling of satisfaction and wants more. And more. And you don’t acheive anything. What is this short pleasure, a scourge of modern times, compared to a feeling of self control and the feeling of real love, that trumps all fap-sessions you have ever had? Nothing. Overcome those desires and be disciplined, you are your own worst enemy. Only you can win against yourself. No more fapping. No more porn. Go hard or go home.

  9. Porn lament
    Recovering user:

    I was pretty young when I started looking at porn. My older brother’s house is where I got my first peek. It was the same year my sister got married and moved in with her now ex-husband. My older brother had a broken leg and was set up in their basement, so when I went down to play his Xbox, there was no reason for him to put his magazines away. I was 14 at the time.

    After 6 years of sexually unfulfilling pornography, I am trying to stop. After seeing women be humiliated by man and beast, and men emasculated by women, it’s time the addiction stops. Unfortunately, it’s everywhere. Commercials contain flawless images of women’s bodies; YouTube is full of listeners sucked into the song by the picture of a lingerie model on the front.

    An internet connection is an open invitation into a 24/7 porn shop whose walls are so far from each other you won’t find an end to the building. A single door leads in and out. Even after you leave the store, the worst part remains.

    Outside you discover the truth. That there is no easy escape. That the door out only leads to the smaller portion of your brain that you have dedicated to remembering the girls from your favorite scenes, and the feeling of ejaculation. Only the passage of time will cure these memories. With each glimpse they will fade until only outlines remain, remnants of a past life. This…This is what I work towards

  10. Young guy’s thought

    I think those of us who have never (or almost never) had successful sex and relationships have to go through more of a rewiring process with real women. Rebooting is kind of like reformatting the hard drive to wipe out a virus, but not having a new operating system to replace it. Not just in how we react to visuals, but the communication and emotional side of relating to real women. I am at level zero when it comes to this…lower than zero, really.

  11. One guy supporting others
    in an amazing thread:

    Just face this demon down and kick its ass! It has taken enough years from you. Time to take your life back.

  12. Guy laments lack of monogamy

    Warning: this post is pretty rant-ey, but here me out. I’m hoping my discontent and my reasoning will resonate and inspire change on a larger scale.

    I think it’s a combination of things, but our culture has definitely changed with regards to sexuality, dating, and what’s possible for a guy to obtain. If you haven’t noticed, the majority of sex occurs outside the context of relationships; it’s casual. That means that girls have guys wanting non-commital sex with them, all the time. It’s much harder to hold a girl down, and to do it, you have to exert great effort in competing with the other wanna-be alphas. Even if you’re a quality guy with a lot going for him, it’s easy to get cheated on, and you can sense that girls just aren’t committed. Another way to put it is that guys aren’t as wanted anymore. They have to turn into duschy competition-machines in order to please a girl at all. They want to be fucked, and they don’t really give a shit about you if you’re not, at this moment, offering that. (hopefully we’ll find out why in a minute)

    I’m a very good looking guy — top tier, even. I long for the days when an intelligent and good-looking guy could have a decent job, a social network, and a quality girlfriend where there is intimacy and romance. The dating game and being truly social is over; all there is anymore is chasing tail and anti-social debauchery. It’s like we debase ourselves with our porn and our promiscuity to the point that we’re just savages.

    We’d be much better off adopting cultural values closer to what exist in the romance countries like Italy, etc. They have hot sex but it’s not animalistic. It’s sensual and intimate. You can actually talk to the girl you want to have sex with, and she loves it! Although the truth is they may be changing to be more Americanized anymore.

    Also I do realize that plenty of people fall outside of these norms. Reddit has an above average amount of non duschy-wanna-be-alphas. But reddit is also frequently sex-deprived (aside from Gone Wild, but those girls mostly wouldn’t fuck the average redditor anyways).

    Maybe the fact that girls are looking for a fuck is the problem in the first place. Porn is what unleashed this beast, if you ask me, and it won’t be easy to put back in the bag, if ever. How did porn do this?You see girls obtain esteem by their sexuality. Men gain esteem by their sense of self. We gain confidence through sexuality, but not esteem. Ever notice that monogamy was always a man-sanctioned institution? Men enforced monogamy because they valued themselves enough to not go fucking every slut and throwing true male values out, and thus their power and sense of worth as men.

    So do we need to go back to a patriarchal monogamous society? Fuck no. But IMO the world would be far better off if everyone quit porn, and cared about something more than fucking. Guys are the ones who need to lead this, and their the ones with something to gain by doing so.

    TL;DR : most girls primarily are only looking to get fucked. While sex is fun (thus the alure of porn) guys get their esteem from more than sex, and have something to gain from cultivating values, and a social sense of self, beyond chasing a fuck. Promiscuity raises female value, monogamy, male value. Ever notice that men were the protectors of that institution? We don’t need to reinstitute strict monogamy, but something closer to it would be good for us males.

    PS I absolutely think that women are looking for a good stable relationship, as well. Humans have multiple, conflicting drives. I see it as this: porn is throwing those drives out of balance, and it’s in the guys court where the ball is dropped.

    http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/16s2k8/the_game_has_changed_and_it_kind_of_sucks_now/

  13. Another guy:
    Mid 30s

    Sometimes I marvel at the hole I dug myself in with porn, without even really knowing it. I had no idea it could be addictive or dangerous, and I didn’t even notice the addiction, I just figured I had a high libido. Years and years of that stuff until my body basically said “no more” and shut me down. This process of coming back has been pretty interesting.

  14. From another forum
    I don’t think society knows what internet porn really does to a man!! all they really associate porn with is ED. Porn Turns a man into a scared Boy!! Your socially awkward, Depressed , No motivation , Can’t focus , Very insecure , lose muscle tone , makes your voice weaker ,Have absolutely no control over your life. Men are going to the doctors Getting prescribed all kinda meds, when really it all comes down to porn and what it does to your brain and body 🙁 Ive been off porn one week and feel better than I felt in 20 years !!

  15. (Day 27) Age 19

    Yes, it does give you confidence and people see it. At the moment, I feel as though normal has been so far off my entire life.

    I’m feeling the way I felt as a kid especially when I wake up in the morning. It’s a content mindset. Today, I just realized why I PMO’d all these years. It’s because I’ve been angry. When I was 10 or 11 yrs old I had really bad anger problems. Mostly because my mom and dad separated. I just wanted a normal family and I couldn’t get that. I would hit and stab walls.

    I think that’s when the endless cycle of PMO began. So I would do that to feel better. These 27 days a have been a slap in the face by reality. I looked around campus and realized what I’ve been missing this whole time. Life is amazing! It doesn’t make any sense at times but it’s awesome.

    This challenge is tough but its better than where I was before. I just feel bad for the millions of young boys and girls who are going to suffer to this problem. Its truly crippling.

  16. Funny comment on another forum

    Porn is disgusting. It really is. To the average American post-pubescent male, they think “Yeah porn! ‘Merica. It’s like sex, just without the whole relationship part! YEEEAAAHHH PORN.” But now I see it (and I’m sure other fapstronauts do as well) as a bunch of crazy undignified ‘men’ and ‘women’ saying UHH UHH THIS FEELS GOOD UHH UHH UHH UHH UHH OH MY GOSH UHH UHH UHH CUM CUM CUM UHH UHH UHH CUM CUM CUM UHH UHHUHHHDHHHUUHHDDDDD like a bunch of cavemen having a seizure. Sure, it’s still arousing, but now I see why it doesn’t represent real sex with a real person AT ALL. They’re acting. It’s not personal. It’s degrading and insulting to the magic of life, once considered to be sacred. Sex is meant to be special and a sign of affection and love between two close people and is meant for them. Not for some neckbeard living in his mother’s basement, his tissues, and left hand. Porn is bad.

    http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/1b9syq/checking_in_after_65_days_i_meant_to_do_this/

  17. Comment of guy in fetish thread

    Fuck porn and fuck the availability of it. Life isn’t meant to be about sitting in front of a screen and whacking off in your own filth. Masturbation, to an extent, is natural, but not to excess….I wish I could go back to being a teenager and see porn for what it really is. Modern society gives people the temptation to access all sorts of soul destroying shit.

    http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/1bivpl/fetishes_getting_way_out_of_control/

  18. Funny post

    Why you should relapse today 

    submitted 13 hoursago by dota2nub

    Because porn women are soooo pretty, even if their eyes are dead 

    Because you want to spend your 20s or 30s in your parents’s basement

    Because you want to pretend you’re different from everyone else and don’t care so much about real sex even though you share 99 percent of everyone’s DNA

    Because nofap is just a placebo… Right?

    Because you like to be able to work on your problems and the only thing you have to “do” to complete nofap is… Nothing at all!

    Because you look and feel so hot and sexy with your underpants on your ankles and your sock on while you splurge that tiny amount of semen into a tissue

    Because porn is the only woman who could ever love you

    Because fapping means self love. All the lifestyle magazines say so and they are always right about everything!

    Because you feel better after fapping… If you’re good at lying to yourself

    Because you never wanted to be an astronaut anyway and they can’t fap in those suits

    Because you need to practice for the “real thing”

    Because prostitutes cost money

    Because you like porn for your love of the art

    Because girls on Facebook aren’t desperate, they just want to share the love!

    Because you want to prank your roommate with a sloppy joe handshake

    Because you are an ascetic person and wish to increase your pain and suffering to show the world that it is all an illusion

    Because you haven’t done enough Yoga to give yourself a blowjob
    No reason not to start fapping now, right? 🙂

  19. What NoFap means to me now vs. when I started it.

    What NoFap means to me now vs. when I started it.

     by LordPudding40 days

    So here I am, sitting a tad under 40 days. I started this with a pretty selfish attitude, being 90 days of no PMO and on the 91st day I am going to have the fap of a lifetime. I hate to say it, but that got me through the first bit. But the more time I spend on NoFap the more I realize what I am doing to myself with porn. I actually blocked myself from reddit, because of equal parts want for getting work done and not seeing triggers. But everytime I feel a relapse, a navigate around to read through the great posts.

    And I am starting to realize, if I take this thing seriously, not just some pleasure piggy bank storing orgasms for a rainy day, then that means I will never PMO to porn again. This actually makes it harder for me, because I get this weird regret where my porn-viewing and PMO 40-odd days ago will be my last, in my life. So, for those of you out there who are going 90 days, I ask of you, “what is the difference between 90 days and the rest of your life?”

    If you have truly broken your addiction in that 90 day period, then porn will reveal itself as the disgusting, degrading self-damaging thing that it is, not the old friend you haven’t seen in 90 days. Do it to prove to yourself that you can change you, not to have an explosive orgasm on day 91.

  20. 15 year old boys won’t go to doctors talking about ED. That is t

    15 year old boys won’t go to doctors talking about ED. That is the main problem. How many people on here do you think have actually gone to their doctors about ED….very little. How many people on here do you think will openly discuss there problems in a forum (internet or otherwise), where their identity is revealed. How many people on here do you think would get involved in an investigation into porn. That is the problem, PIED and Porn Addiction is everyone’s personal secret.

    People are too anxious, ashamed, confused and angry to be involved in creating awareness of the issues. We hide in the shadows when a light is being pointed at pornography, that is why there is a rejection of YBOP by many, because we individually don’t want to be seen to exist…..therefore we collectively aren’t thought to exist.

    Re: Pornography is Good For Us. Intelligence Squared debate.
  21. Because PMO is pretty fun right? – forum member

    To those of you just starting out, You will not be able to understand this right now. It will not make sense to you. It will seem like a lie or an exaggeration. But what I’m about to say is truth: Real women, with all their perfections, imperfections, emotional scars and beauty are far better than anything you will ever find behind that computer screen.

    What you see on that screen is not real. What you imagine in your mind about women and how they feel, what their touch is like, none of that is real. NONE OF IT IS REAL!!!

    Your brain is broken. You have built up a fortress of lies, and it has become your prison. You are trapped here. You look around and see what other people have and think to yourself, “this will never be me.” I will never have that hot babe. I will never get laid. I will always be alone. I am ugly. I am sick. I am a pervert. I have no choice. This self medication is my only way out.

    All the while a girl sits across the room from you. A girl who – if you let her – would change the very foundations of your world. A girl who would respect you, a girl who would enjoy your company, a girl who could love you. But a girl who you will never meet because of her flat chest, or fat legs. A girl who will inevitably fall short of your twisted image of perfection. In your head, that girl is only body parts. A meat show. And the meat is not to your liking.

    Yah, argue with me all you want about how much you respect women and how you see them as people. But, please tell me, when was the last time you talked to a girl without rating her? Which is easier to remember, her name? Or her cup size?

    Porn is exciting. Masturbation is easy. Orgasm is pleasurable.

    Venerability is terrifying. Action is hard. Rejection is painful.

    Go ahead. Enjoy your porn. Spend the rest of your life jacking off into a tissue. Because PMO is pretty fun right?

    http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/1evzig/because_pmo_is_pretty_fun_right/

  22. From another forum
    We several thousand have been working with every fiber of our being to improve ourselves, to step away from evil, and to move forward towards a new dawn.

    It is a dawn without discouragement, a dawn without self-pity or self-deprecation.

    It is a dawn without anxiety, a dawn of courage.

    It is a dawn without weakness, a dawn of strength.

    It is a dawn without distraction, a dawn of focus.

    It is a dawn without stagnation, a dawn of progress.

    It is a dawn with pain. And with pain comes progression.

    It is a dawn of new feeling, a dawn without flat-lines.

    It is a dawn of new wisdom, a dawn without thoughtlessness.

    It is a dawn of new triumph, a dawn for all people.

    It is a dawn without fear, without misery.

    It is the dawn without fap.

    http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/1ao87h/standing_ovation_for_you_fapstronauts_on_behalf/

  23. In every meaningful way, porn kills your dick’s soul.

    Leap of a Beta

    June 17, 2013 at 2:08 pm

    So much to unpack here. The first and, what I think, is most important take away from the article here, the comments, Christian beliefs, and non-Christian manosphere writings can be summed up in one sentence:

    In every meaningful way, porn kills your dick’s soul.

    It infects every area of your life, messes with your hormones, your neural pathways, your relationships, your ability to discipline yourself, ability to sacrifice momentary pleasure for long term gain. This is something that every area of the Manosphere agrees on, from Traditional Christians to PUA’s. When such agreements happen, I tend to pay close attention. If you want to capture your masculinity, you have to stay away from the porn.

    The other major thing to keep in mind is, ontop of what Matt is ontop of pointing out in terms of societal values being pioneered by porn, porn is also a couple years ahead of every other type of publishing in terms of dealing with the marketing of the internet. Porn sales tanked almost ten years ago, going more indie and personal, to where it’s the individual porn stars with twitter that make the business work with the amazon wish lists and johns personally lining up for them. This is currently being mirrored with literature moving to Amazon and individual’s self publishing books, along with TV and Movies moving to indie stuff shot low budget or produced by Netflix or Hulu.

  24. Health warnings on porn sites

    Health warnings on porn sites 

     by BeastSlayer15 days

    Don’t you think it would be great, if porn sites, had a health warning. A bit like cigarette packets. There would be links to diagrams explaining that porn can get addictive, cause erectile dysfunction, endanger relationships, cause social anxiety, etc… And on the bottom of the page, there would be links to the “your brain on porn” series, NoFap, Pornfree and other communities. Just an idea I had, what do you think about it ?

  25. From another forum – “All the good guys are asleep”

    There is so much distortion in the world. I mean, there’s millions of
    people who are suffering, lack basic human needs or are emotionally
    stuck in patterns that are leading them to doom. There are people who
    have never experienced real love in their life – raised in families,
    that don’t allow closeness or sharing, or in worst cases- abuse them so
    they don’t ever trust people ever again. I mean, there are so many
    problems in the world. And it’s because good people like us are stuck in
    addictions and complacency, jerking our brains out, playing video games
    and wasting our time on a lot of other unnecessary stuff (no offence to
    video game fans, that’s just my opinion. Was a hardcore video game
    addict, so I know how tempting the thing is).

    It’s like we are in the security of the cave, we don’t need anybody
    and we can do our little deed – and no-one will get hurt. But every
    second we spend by not improving the world. Every moment we spend not
    using our natural gifts (that everyone has) to push through the best of
    decisions to be taken in the world, there is someone without a
    conscience, who uses this situation in he’s favor. It’s like the world
    is wide open for maniacs, abusers, thieves etc. because all the good
    guys are asleep.

    Think about it. I’m a 23 y.o. male, sitting in my room watching porn
    for three hours just to fall asleep right after that. In the mean time,
    somewhere in the next house there is a family arguing, the kids get
    abused and traumatized for life. Instead of wanking off for years, I
    could have become an educated person who works as a social worker and
    could have helped this family in this crisis or prevented it.. so the
    kid would not be traumatized and he would not become a bitter,
    untrustful human being. So this traumatized person grows up to work in a
    factory or as a service person at best, (You might meet her while
    drinking tea at Your local cafe and think – “Why the fuck is this chick
    so rude to me?!”), and doesn’t have the belief in him/her self to pursue
    his/her dreams – become an actress, engineer, scientist and make the
    world a much better, interesting place.

    Another example – one day You might have a daughter. And considering
    that our social cycles are usually pretty interconnected, what is the
    chance her first boyfriends won’t be a porn addict or a prick just
    wanting to have sex with her and leaving her afterwards heartbroken? If
    You are watching porn, and Your peers are watching porn, their peers are
    watching porn and one of them has this son, who wants to do nasty
    things with Your daughter because he’s watching mad porn as well. Ok,
    so, can You be on a constant watch out for the guy coming into her life?
    Asking he’s web history? I think not.. so, what’s the bottom line? If
    You would drop this thing, Your values would change, so Your social
    cycle would change, so the guy dating Your daughter would be someone
    else.

    It’s like the karma cycle turns on itself – there comes a moment when
    all the borders fail. We can’t expect that the things we do or not do
    won’t show it’s face one day. We will have to deal with living with
    traumatized people, because we did not do anything to prevent it from
    happening. We will have to help heal others because we weren’t there
    when their trauma was caused. I hope You get what I’m saying. We reap
    what we sow.

    In short:
    There’s no running from it – this addiction and the results caused by it
    in society in general will bite us in the ass sooner or later.

    http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/1ia8n0/so_fcking_much_to_do_here_on_earth_so_little_time/

  26. The Porn Delusion

    The Porn Delusion

    by Krowg

    Believing that porn is harmless is the biggest delusion of our time. People are so brainwashed that they automatically attack anyone who criticizes porn as being “religious.” It’s as though there is a psychoanalytical formula they apply, which goes something like this:

    • being critical of porn = being religious

    Not even at the height of the Inquisition were people so closed-minded. And people today subjugate themselves voluntarily, being under no outside pressure! They are supposedly free in America, free to think however they want, and they choose to defend porn? Absolutely pitiful!

  27. Miley and the Glorification of Pornography in American Culture

    I’ve been nofapping on and off for a couple months now, and have almost totally eliminated porn from my life. IMO it’s given me some much-needed perspective on the perversity that pervades mainstream American culture. Women are constantly presented as sexual objects in advertisements, rap videos, and movies. Miley Cyrus’s performance at the VMA’s was an outrageous example of this issue plaguing our society.

    http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/1l4viq/miley_cyrus_and_the_glorification_of_pornography/

  28. Porn/masturbation discussion on forum
    [Comments by founder of http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com]

    It is universally agreed that in order to beat pornography addiction we must, at the very least, significantly reduce the number of times we masturbate.

    Then comes the question “What to do after reboot?” or “What to do when you have already beat porn addiction?“. This question is flawed because it assumes that you’re going to be cured after XX days. If only it were that easy. We’re talking about 10, 15 or even 20 years of sexual conditioning here.

    But even if the question is legit, people will start wondering “Well… if I went XX days without masturbation… then I can certainly continue like this, why masturbate at all? Is it really necessary?“, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that line of thought.

    You asked me how do I know that porn and masturbation are tightly linked together. Well, I’ve read enough posts from guys to know that it is true. I’ve been in this community long enough. Most porn addicts nowadays do not masturbate if it’s not with porn. Maybe you are the exception to the rule, but it doesn’t take away the fact that since tube sites and smartphones became popular, men have conditioned themselves to use these tools as an aid to masturbation.

    There is no such thing as “I will be cured after XX days“. If your definition of being cured is getting rid of ED, then yes, but you will soon realize that this goes much more deeper than that. ED is just the tip of the iceberg.

    The only guys who get fully cured are those who adopt a lifelong change in philosophy when it comes to sex and masturbation. Guys like GABE and WhirlwindTobias. The latter for example finds value in depriving himself from instant gratification.

    A balanced state of mind is not just about dopamine receptors or sensitivity. It must be accompanied by a healthy view on sex.

    Abstaining from porn won’t do shit if you’re still thinking in terms of “I want to get rid of my ED so I can go and fuck all the women I want” or “I want to get to day XX so I can then masturbate whenever I want“. But that is something I only learned until I finally got a girlfriend.

    A porn addict who is abstaining from hardcore porn but is still checking out girls on Facebook, sex chatting on webcams, fantasizing about sex constantly, and masturbating on a regular basis, is doing it wrong. He’s doing absolutely nothing to deal with his addiction to novelty, lust, and fucking.

    That’s why most people fail. They do nothing other than trying to abstain from watching porn. Their mentality regarding sex remains the same. It remains “pornofied”.

    When people realize this then that’s when they decide to quit masturbation and instant gratification forever. They are trying to make a deep change in their lives.

    That’s what me and many others are trying to do right now.

    It’s not about being a monk. It’s not about being anti sex or anti masturbation. It’s about achieving happiness by not centering your whole life on “fucking hot chicks”. This issue must be handled, otherwise you will never have a satisfying and healthy relationship with a woman, because no single woman can ever satisfy a porn addict’s obsession with novelty and fucking multiple girls.

    http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/index.php?topic=12477.msg216368#msg216368

  29. Before Porn

     by hxc_ufos

    Before porn I was kind. I had patience for days, and
    weeks, and would listen for as long. I could hear her heart speaking. I
    would be there beside my friends. I’d search for the sacred in the day
    to day, the constant flux, the summer grass and bright skies that filled
    my mind with color and kept me in pace with the Earth’s turning.

    Before porn I was young. I’d spring out of bed early and keep
    churning long after late. My movements were smooth and supple, no
    creaking in the body’s boney meeting places. People said my eyes were
    wide and curious even for sights most mundane, ablaze when in love, soft
    and easy in the early afternoon. I had a questioning voice before I
    decided I’d seen it all.

    Before porn, I was strong. I’d work til it was done. With head held
    high I would enter a room, and see you there, and without shame I would
    offer my hand – without fear, a simple “hello.” I’d pick her up on time,
    I’d stick up for her to her friends, her parents. I didn’t flinch on
    cue or hate the pavement when I might get knocked down.

    Before porn I had fun. Kicking the can, shooting the breeze. Even the
    longest hours broke with the humor of silence. Shit luck was just that.
    Being human was a joke that never got old.

    And the funniest part of all? Before porn I never noticed a damn
    thing. Before porn I was somebody, but not the man I am today. Before
    porn I felt love but did not understand that it is the only thing.

    Life was always impermanent, and frail, and precious, but before porn it didn’t matter because I had never been dead.

    Maybe I can’t simply trade back this awful knowledge. But as much as I
    want that innocence back, it is gone, and it was only wishing to begin
    with. It never mattered.

    Here’s what does: Porn addiction exposed me to my basest self and
    made me choose. I’ve never had such a hard time making an easy call. But
    from where I’m standing today, the highest point I have yet seen, the
    view looks pretty good to me.

    I can’t wait to see what happens after porn.

     

  30. Letter to porn industry by recovering guy

    DEAR PORN AND THE PRODUCERS OF PORN,

    FUCK YOU. I cannot express in words how much I loathe you for all the damage you have done to me and my generation. You have fucking castrated us, dehumanized us, warped our identity, fucked with our self-worth, you have challenged marriages, broken many, fucked families over and over again. You have become the living hell to many of us. You are the poison to our mind, to our life. You destroy what God has intended to be good. And to know that there are fuckers producing these fucked up sexual deviant shit makes me more mad than anything else. All you fuckers and producers of porn sites, whether it be major ones like fucking kink.com or other fucking minor-league sites, any fucking softcore porn shit uploaded on youtube, any fucking deviant art shit that people see in fucking google after searching benign fucking words, all of you fuckers working for the dark-side needs to go to hell. I want to fucking murder you all beyond recognition. I hope that you all fuckers rot in hell. I hope that you fuckers die and be tormented eternally with fucking spears piercing your fucking dicks and pussies.

    Best wishes. With a lot of fucking love,

    DL.

    http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/2p0x8r/my_beautiful_letter_to_porn_and_porn_industry/

  31. Blessed are the NoFappers, for they shall inherit the earth

    I know I’m preaching to the choir, here, but it’s becoming clearer and
    clearer to me, lately. We’re the first generation in human history to
    deal with such an enormous array of supernormal fixes for deeply
    ingrained biological needs. Porn for sex. Highly-processed,
    calorie-dense junk for food. Browsing superficial personas on Facebook
    in lieu of friendship. Etc.

    The people who recognize these things for what they are – a cheap
    substitute for what our biology calls for – will be able to direct their
    energies towards the real thing and experience a level of health,
    wellness, wealth, and fulfillment that very few people have experienced
    in our species’ history.

    The most precious resource in this world is going to be our
    attention. We have all the world’s information at our fingertips…there
    are lectures on any subject available for free, tutorials and how-to’s
    on innumerable skills…but it’s all for nothing if all we do with that is
    jerk off.

    We have to have the discipline to choose where we direct our
    attention. Mark Manson (an author I’d highly recommend to every man
    here) wrote up a great article I wanted to share about how those who
    master their own attention will be the masters of the future in this new
    economy.

    http://markmanson.net/attention (Fair warning: there’s a gif in there of Kim Kardashian’s “break the internet” picture, taped to a coffee maker.)

    An excerpt:

    “Limitless access to knowledge brings limitless opportunity. But only
    to those who learn to manage the new currency: their attention. In the
    new economy, the most valuable asset you can accumulate may not be
    money, may not be wealth, may not even be knowledge, but rather, the
    ability to control your own attention, and to focus.

    Because until you are able to limit your attention, until you are
    able to turn away, at will, from all of the shiny things and nipple
    slips, until you are able to consciously choose what has value to you
    and what does not, you and I and everyone else will continue to be
    served up garbage indefinitely. And it will not get better, it will get
    worse.

    In the future, your attention will be sold. And it may be that the
    only people able to capitalize, are the people that can control their
    own.”

    I hope to, in the very near future, be able to willfully and
    thoughtfully direct my attention to those things that stand to benefit
    me the most. NoFap is the critical starting point and keystone habit to
    crafting that discipline.

    http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/2qm3su/blessed_are_the_nofappers_for_they_shall_inherit/

  32. This has been a transformative experience.

    One of the best parts of this transformation has been about communication. I wrote a blog post about giving up porn when I was a month in. It was a little awkward when my mom was the first one to comment on it, but it has sparked a lot of great conversation with friends and strangers (and even my mom!). Porn doesn’t have to be the silent killer that it is. There are loads of people out there who are receptive to hearing about the benefits and joys of quitting porn, and many of them can be our allies in this movement. It’s something people don’t think they can talk about, but once they start it’s liberating and educational for everyone.

    http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/2r1w3n/60day_update_transformation/

  33. I don’t know why exactly I am feeling this burning desire- but I

    YOLO. You only have one blasted life, and if you wish to waste oodles of time looking at fake girls pretending to moan while you fantasize your life away, go right ahead. Nobody, and I mean nobody, will stop you. The porn industry will laugh through their teeth. Have some self-respect for yourself and get off your ass, get pissed off, raise your fist and cause a disturbance. Power exists in numbers, and even though the porn industry is debatably one of the strongest and scariest industries that exists, if you stop, and I stop, and thousands of others start quitting porn and taking their lives back, we will make a difference. *

    http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/2r1u6c/90_day_report_my_take/

  34. Comment to a woman quitting porn

    I want to apologize for the men of my generation, myself included. Our standard of beauty is flawed. We’d have trouble choosing just one woman anyway. We have had our dreams and sense of responsibility stolen from us by our addiction. We don’t think you want us, and because that’s what we think, it’s probably true. You really wouldn’t want to navigate through our insecurities. We have little to offer because our time is wasted romancing the screen. We want to be loved, but haven’t been motivated to go out and find it.

    See you on the other side.

    http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/2ugnlm/a_womans_story/co8e79e

     

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