Qaphela ubuchopho obunamathele ekujabuliseni
Ngabe ulinganisa inani lobudlelwano bakho ngokuthi uya ocansini kangaki? Ngabe oshade naye uqala ukusabela kuzenzo zakho zonke zothando njengengcindezi yokuthi "uqhubeke?"
Uma kunjalo, ungase ube izisulu zenqubo yobuchopho obudala othembisa ukwaneliseka-kodwa ukhulula okuphambene nakho. Kungabangela imibhangqwana ukuthi ingavumelaniswa ngokocansi. (Lokhu kungenzeka ikakhulukazi emva kokudubula kwakho kwesikhathi esisodwa honeymoon neurochemistry igugile.)
Ake sithi wenza umdlalo wenganekwane yezocansi noma uzame inqubo eshisayo, entsha ye-foreplay. Uphinda ubambe okwesikhashana enye ye-buzz efana nezidakamizwa ekhombise ukuthandana kwakho kwasekuqaleni, akunjalo? Kepha nansi into eyingozi: ukukhuthazeka okukhulu kubonakala kunamandla okudala izinguquko ezilibele ezingashiya ubuchopho be-mammalian njengobethu abanganelisekile kakhulu ngokushesha ngemva kwalokho.
Kanjani? Ngesikhashana kunciphise impendulo yokuthakazelisa wesekethe lomvuzo wokuqala wobuchopho. Kulabo abathintekile, * okwenyuka kufanele kwehle — futhi kungabuyeli esisekelweni isikhashana. Ekujuleni kobuchopho, kufana nokuthi izikali zihamba kuze kufike ubuchopho.
Kuningi esisazokufunda, kepha kubukeka sengathi imicimbi eminingi yemijikelezo ejikelezayo ngemuva kovuthondaba inamandla okusenza singazizwa kahle (ukusiphazamisa enjabulweni kuze kube sezingeni) okwesikhashana. Okokuqala, ama-androgen receptors ukwehla emva kokujula, futhi uthathe izinsuku eziyisikhombisa ukuze ulungiselele. (Lokho kusho ukuthi imiphumela ye-testosterone emjikelezweni wokuvuza cishe ukhonjiswe okwesikhashana, okungenzeka ukuthi ithinta umbono.) Ngaphezu kwalokho, ama-opioid ikhishwe ngesikhathi sokuqhuma bezungeza isikhashana, ngokusobala kubangela ukuhlala iyancipha ku-oxytocin, okuvimbela ukuphendula ngokocansi. Njengoba kuphawuliwe ngenhla, kungenzeka futhi ukuwa phansi ukuphendula ukuze kutholakale izinzwa ze-neurochemical kumqondo wethu wenhlalakahle: i-dopamine. Empeleni, ubuchopho buguqukile. Manje kudinga ukuvuselela okwengeziwe ukuze uthole impendulo efanayo injabulo njengangaphambili, futhi ngezinye izikhathi akukho ukuvuselela okuyiyokwaneliseka kuze kube yilapho ibuyela ekulinganiseni.
Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi yiziphi izindlela eziqondile, noma yikuphi ukwehla ekuphenduleni injabulo kobuchopho kuyizindaba ezimbi kubathandi. Okokuqala, akuwona wonke umuntu ohlangenwe nakho okubuyiselwayo emgqonyeni othakazelisayo wama-neurochemicals ngendlela efanayo-ngenxa yokungafani kofuzo nobulili, ukuhlukunyezwa kwengane, noma imikhuba yabo.
Abanye bethu abathandanga ubulili kuze kube yilapho ubuchopho bethu babuyela ekuzweleni kwabo kwezemvelo kanye ne-orgasm kuphinda kubonakale njengomqondo omuhle. Kwezinye zethu, noma kunjalo, ukwehla kwe-neurochemical (noma receptor) okwesikhashana kungasenza sizizwe sengathi asilahleki isithako esibalulekile senjabulo yethu. Singabantu: ukuzwela kwethu okuhle ekujabuliseni.
I-angst ephumela ngenxa yethu isishukumisela ukuba sifune usizo manje (lapho kuvela ukungaphatheki kahle). Ngenxa yalokhu "ukuhoxiswa okuncane," singazizwa sikhathazekile futhi sikude kakhulu ngokomzwelo-futhi sifune ukunciphisa ukungezwani kwethu nenye i-orgasm ngokushesha okukhulu. Noma mhlawumbe sidinga kakhulu kunokujwayelekile, sifisa ubufakazi obengeziwe bokuthi oshade naye uyasithanda — ngokuvumelana nathi. Amasu afana nalawa yimizamo yokuvuselela imizwa yenhlalakahle kumjikelezo wemivuzo manje ovilaphayo.
Ngeshwa, ngaphandle kokuthi nobabili nizokhetha “izindondo” ezifanayo ngokungaphatheki kahle kwenu, esimisweni esifanayo, impilo yakho yothando ingaphuma ekuvumelaniseni. Uma oshade naye enqaba ukweshela kwakho, kungabonakala sengathi oshade naye akanandaba ngokwanele ukudambisa ukucindezeleka kwakho. Noma kungabonakala koshade naye njengokuthi konke okukhathalelayo "ukuthola okuthile." Manje, kungenzeka ukuthi ubona okubi kakhulu komunye nomunye, futhi, mhlawumbe, ungabaza ukuzinikela komunye nomunye — konke lokhu kungenxa yokuthi imijikelezo yakho engenangqondo, yakudala ikunikeza izifiso ezifane ngokungaphelele njengoba ubuchopho bakho bubuyela esimeni sokulingana. Eshu.
Kulezi zinsuku, ungelulekwa ukuthi ube ngumthandi ongcono wokuzama ukufudumeza umlingani "ongazizwa okwamanje" nge-spicier foreplay, ukucabanga ngesikhathi socansi, ukulingisa izimo zekinkier, ukubukela izithombe zobulili ezingcolile ndawonye, izidakamizwa ezithuthukisa ezocansi, noma ukushintshanisa ozakwethu kusihlwa. Enye indoda yathi,
Ngangicabanga ukuthi uma nje ejabulela ukulala ocansini, okungukuthi, unezinhlobo eziningi ze-orgasms, sizoba nobulili kaningi futhi izidingo zami zizoneliseka kangcono. Ngakho, ngangizama njalo ukumnika okuhle. Kunalokho wasuka ekamelweni lethu.
Ngamafuphi, ingqondo ingabangela Ngaphansi ukwaneliseka jikelele. Kunganciphisa namathuba akho okwaneliseka kwesikhathi eside ngobuhlobo bakho bamanje. Nakhu ukuthi kungani:
Amaqhinga “okushisa” avuna imiphumela yesikhashana — nezindleko ezifihliwe.
Ukuvuselela okukhulu okukhiqiza ama-orgasms okusheshayo kepha kungaphinde kuphazamise ubuchopho, ngakho-ke leli qhinga lingakhuphula ukucindezeleka ezinsukwini ezilandelayo. Khumbula, ubuchopho obususwe ngokweqile yi inombolo ubuchopho. Futhi enye ingqondo eyinkimbinkimbi iyinkimbinkimbi yokwanelisa isikhathi eside. Empeleni, ukuvuselela okungapheli may phendulela ubuchopho bakho emgodini omnyama we-neurochemical odinga ngokushesha ama-jollies angaphezulu nangaphezulu. Ngasikhathi sinye, umlingani wakho osalulama angazizwa enesidingo esikhulu kakhulu sothando olupholisayo… kuphela, noma ibanga elingokomzwelo.
Yize kungase kubonakale kubuhlungu ngokungafanele, ukuxoxisana nomhlabathi ophakathi kungase kungayisizi. Ungadinga isikhathi ukubuyisela ubuchopho bakho (s) ebuhlotsheni obuvamile. Vumela imvelo ukuthatha inkambo yayo. Okwamanje, khetha imisebenzi eduduzayo ngaphandle kokuqhubeka kokuvuselela: ukuzivocavoca, ukusebenzisana nobungane, ukuzindla, isikhathi semvelo, inkonzo kwabanye, nokunye. Uma kungenzeka, faka oshade naye ukuphana okungenasi-foreplay uthando; kuyokusiza ukukubuyisela emuva.
Ukuhlaziywa kwemvelo kwenza ukungathembeki kube okuthakazelisayo.
I-novelty inikeza ukuphuthuma kwe-dopamine evuselelayo-futhi umlingani wezoveli ongakwazi ukwenza ucansi ungenye yezinhlobo ezijabulisayo kakhulu zendabuko. Lowo osebenzisana naye, lowo muntu ku-chatroom ye-intanethi, noma leyo nkanyezi ye-porn zonke ibonakala kangcono lapho ubuchopho bakho buyinombolo. Futhi ngeke ube nomqondo wokuthi konke okufunayo ngempela ukulungiswa kwe-dopamine. (Okwethu izakhi zofuzo sebenzisa le ndlela ukuze bathuthukise amathuba abo okuhamba ngesikebhe.)
Ukuheha kwento entsha yobuchopho obukhulelwe kunenkinga enkulu namuhla. Sizungezwe uhlu oluningi olungapheli lokuheha, uma kuvame ukwenziwa, inkanuko yezocansi. Lapho sigcina "selapha" ukungakhululeki kwethu kokululama ngokushukumisa okukhulu, ubuchopho bethu abukwazi ukubuyela emuva. Umphumela munye ukuthi utshani buvame kubukeka luhlaza ngaphandle ubuhlobo.
Ukuziphendulela kobuchopho obunamahloni kungaphazamisa ukubopha phakathi kwabalingani.
Uthando lwansuku zonke ngokuvamile lududuza futhi lunomvuzo kuma-pair bonders njengathi — noma singafinyeleli kuvuthondaba. (Ngisho nezimpisi zebhonobo ezingajwayelekile musa ukuvuthwa isikhathi ngasinye bayithola.)
Kepha kwenzekani lapho singakwazi ukuzwa ubumnandi obucashile ngenxa yokuzwela kobuchopho okwesikhashana? Umcabango wokuthandana nje awukhangi. Kungaze kubhalise njengokungavumelani. Esikhundleni sobumnene, singafuna isikhathi somhume. Noma mhlawumbe sifuna ubungqingili, noma isibindi esengeziwe, ucansi-oluthokozisayo futhi olukhipha ukungezwani, kepha oluqhubekisela phambili inkinga yokungahlehli.
Abanye bethu ngokwemvelo bazama ukulinganisa i-libidos engavumelani ngokuphendukela kuzinsizakusebenza ezinamandla zocansi nokushaya indlwabu. Ngeshwa, ama-vibrator wanamuhla namavidiyo we-porn owedlulele enza imisebenzi yawo ngamandla kangangokuthi akwazi eminye Top ukukhuthaza ngokweqile nokuqeda impendulo yenjabulo yobuchopho. Ngemuva kwesikhashana, umcabango wobulili obujwayelekile nomlingani ojwayelekile kungenzeka ungabe usaba khona amandla amandla ukuhlanganisa.
Okufanele ngikwenze?
Izifiso ezijulile zocansi zicindezela, kodwa abathandanayo abanothando bangabuye bahlupheke ngendlela engcono kakhulu yokududuza ingane ethandekayo. Eminye imibhangqwana iyakhuleka, ibhekane futhi ihlakulele ikhanda. Abanye baxoxisana nobusuku obubusuku nobusuku bezocansi. Abanye bathatha imisebenzi emadolobheni ahlukene noma imisebenzi edinga ukuhamba okuningi, ngakho-ke ubuchopho babo banesikhathi sokubuyela emuva. Omunye umuntu wathi,
Ngake ngasebenza emsebenzini wokubalekela ukundiza, amasonto amabili kuqhubeke, amasonto amabili. Ngenxa yalokho, mina nomkami sajabulela impilo engcono kakhulu yocansi emshadweni wethu. Ukwamukelwa ekhaya kwakuyisikhathi sokunakekelwa, ikakhulukazi noma nini lapho ngithola indiza eyayingibuyisela ekhaya ngaphambi kokuba izingane zifike ekhaya. Kepha sibonile nesikhathi sokuhamba. Njengoba asho, "Ngiyayithanda uma ufika ekhaya, futhi ngiyayithanda uma uhamba."
Ngokusobala, isiqalekiso sokuvuselelwa kocansi okuholela (okwesikhashana) ekwehliseni ukuphendula nokunganeliseki akuyona inselelo entsha. Eminyakeni eyizinkulungwane ezimbili edlule, imbongi engumRoma u-Ovid yeluleka le ndlela yokwelapha ngothando: “Jabulela intombazane yakho ngokuyilahla ngokuphelele, ubusuku nemini — futhi ukunengwa kuzophela isifo sakho.” Lokhu kungaba yingakho izihlakaniphi emhlabeni wonke zakha amasu okuphatha ucansi ukugcina abathandi belinganisela futhi besiza kugcina ukuvumelana kweminyano yabo. Ngokwesibonelo, ucansi lwama-kosher, luchaza cishe amasonto amabili ngenyanga ngemibhede ehlukene.
Khumbula, ukungabi nandaba komuntu oshade naye (noma ukucabanga kwakhe yedwa) kungahle kube nje yizinto ezithile zokulala ezamukela ubuthongo ezibangelwa yinto enhle kakhulu. Uma kunjalo, ama-libidos akho angaphandle kokuvumelanisa akulona iphutha lanoma ngubani. Zama ukubhekana nenselelo lapho ivela khona. Vumela ubuchopho bakho ukuba babuyele ebuzweleni bayo obuhle. Bona ukuthi ibhalansi enkulu yenza yini izinjabulo ezicashile zibe mnandi — futhi ngokwandisa, wena nomlingani wakho nibukeka okuhle komunye nomunye.
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* Kuvivinyo lwamuva, abacwaningi bathi ukuthi ngezikhathi ezithile izilwane eyodwa noma ezimbili zemibili ngayinye noma zivivinywa kanjalo ayizange bonisa lo mphumela othile (i-D2 receptors esebenziwe).
UPDATES
- Ukuxilongwa okusemthethweni? Umbhalo wezokwelapha wezokwelapha osetshenziswa kakhulu emhlabeni, I-International Classification of Diseases (ICD-11), iqukethe ukuxilongwa okusha efanelekile ukulutha izidakamizwa: "Ukucindezeleka Ngokuziphatha Ngokwemvelo. "(I-2018)
- Ukulutha kobulili / ucansi? Leli khasi libala Ucwaningo lwe-39 lwe-neuroscience (I-MRI, i-FMRI, i-EEG, i-neuropsychological, i-hormonal). Banikeza ukusekela okuqinile ngesimodeli sokulutha kwezidakamizwa njengoba iziphumo zabo zibuyisa ukutholakala kwezinzwa ezibikiwe ezifundweni zokulutha izidakamizwa.
- Imibono yangempela yezobuchwepheshe ekubhekaneni nocansi / ucansi? Lolu hlu luqukethe Ukubuyekezwa kwezincwadi ezingama-16 zakamuva nezincazelo ngezinye zezazi eziphezulu zezinzwa emhlabeni. Bonke basekela imodeli yokulutha.
- Izimpawu zokulutha umlutha nokukhula kwezinto ezimbi kakhulu? Ngaphezulu kwezifundo ze-30 zokubika okutholakele okuhambisana nokwanda kokusetshenziswa kocansi (ukubekezelelana), ukujwayela i-porn, kanye nezimpawu zokuhoxa (zonke izimpawu nezimpawu ezihlobene nokulutha).
- Ukubheka iphuzu lokukhuluma elingasekelwa ukuthi "isifiso sobulili esiphakeme" sichaza ukulahla ucansi noma ukulutha ngokobulili: Okungenani izifundo ze-25 zikhohlisa isimangalo sokuthi ubulili nemilutha ye-porn "banesifiso esiphakeme sobulili"
- Izinkinga zobulili nezinkinga zobulili? Lolu hlu luqukethe izifundo ze-26 ezixhumanisa ukusetshenziswa kwe-porn / ukubheja kocansi ezinkingeni zobulili kanye nokuvusa okuncane ezenzweni zobulili. I fiziqu ze-5 ezingekho ohlwini zibonisa ibangela, njengoba abahlanganyeli beqede ukusetshenziswa kwezingcolile kanye nokuphulukisa okungavamile kocansi.
- Imiphumela yocansi ebuhlotsheni? Ucwaningo oluseduze lwe-60 luxhumanisa ukusetshenziswa kwe-porn kuya ekungeneni kocansi nokuzaneliseka komndeni. (Njengoba sifana nathi konke Izifundo ezibandakanya abesilisa ziye zabika ukusetshenziswa okuningi kocansi okuxhunyiwe abampofu ubulili noma ukwaneliseka kobudlelwano.)
- Ukukhula kobufakazi besayense yomjikelezo we-post-orgasm oqhubekayo (izifundo)
- Izifundo ekuqhekekeni phakathi kobulili nezidakamizwa ebuchosheni
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