Ucwaningo olusha luguqula izinkolelo ezivame ukugcinwa ngamadoda
Kungakhathaleki ukuthi unabalingani abangakanani ocansini osukhe waba nabo, usengazuza ngokuthola ukuthi ufiseleke kangakanani ezintanjeni zokubopha ngababili. Ukuba yi-pair-bonder, ngasendleleni, akuqinisekisi “ngokujabula njalo.” Kusho ukuthi emphakathini owodwa: ukukwazi ukuthandana nesifiso sokubopha, okungenani isikhathi esithile. Ngokuphambene nalokho, izinhlobo eziningi ezincelisayo zifana ne-bonobo chimps namagundane; bahlanganyela futhi baqhubekela phambili. Izizathu zokungafani zilele ekubunjweni kobuchopho.
Yize sinamandla okuziphatha okuxekethile, thina bantu siyizinhlobo ezibophezelayo. Kubonakala ekukhuthazeni kwethu okunamandla kokuthintana nobungane obuqhubekayo — futhi kunengqondo ngokuphelele, njengoba izingane zethu zizuza kubazali ababambelela komunye nomunye umjikelezo wesikhathi esisodwa. (Ukuthola ukuhlaziywa okuqinile kokubophela kwabantu, bheka i- "Your Brain Sexy" ku I-Compass ye-Pleasure.) Njenganoma yikuphi ukuziphatha, noma kunjalo, kunama-outliers (abantu base-atypical) njalo. Ngakho wazi kanjani ukuthi kuphi wena ingabe i-spectrum-bonder spectrum? Futhi kusho ukuthini ngokuthola ukwaneliseka?
Cabanga ngephenyo lwakamuva lwedlanzana eliphakathi kweminyaka eyikhulu noma eliphakathi ukuzibophezela, ubuhlobo besikhathi eside abavela emazweni amahlanu. Abaphenyi bathi, "Amazinga jikelele enjabulo ebudlelwaneni abephezulu kulolu cwaningo." Ngakho-ke, yini le mibhangqwana ethe yenza ubudlelwane bayo banelise kakhulu (isb., Kungenzeka buhlale isikhathi eside)?
Kwabesilisa, ukuqhaqhaza njalo nokucindezela njalo ngokocansi ngumlingani ngamunye kwandisa ukunganaki kobudlelwano bokubika ngenjabulo isici cishe se-3. (Ngokukodwa u-3.0 no-3.11, ngokulandelana. Kwabesifazane amandla okubikezela alowo nalowo kwakungu-1.59 no-1.35 kuphela.) Njengoba abacwaningi bephetha, kunesidingo “sokucatshangelwa kabusha kwendima yothando lomzimba nezincazelo zalo” ngokobulili. Kwesinye isifundo, ngisho nabafana abancane bahambisana ukuthandana okuthandwayo ngaphezu kwesimo socansi ngesimo esimnandi.
Isikhathi sobuhlobo sasibuye sibe nomphumela omuhle futhi omuhle ekuhlotsheni ubudlelwane. Futhi amadoda ayenamalingani ambalwa abike ukwaneliseka okukhulu kocansi. Ngabe abanye abafana nje wired for monogamy? Ingabe ukusondelana kwandisa ukwaneliseka? Iyini isixhumanisi phakathi kokuhlukahluka nokunganeliseki? (Okuningi ngomzuzwana.)
Ukuqhathanisa kakhulu i-orgasm kanye nokuvama kocansi kwaba hhayi ukubikezela okunamandla kobuhlobo injabulo. Nokho, ngaphezu kwakho konke, bobabili abashade balinganisiwe owakwabo i-orgasm njengento ebaluleke kakhulu kuneyabo. Ngamanye amazwi, labo abathandana nabo ngokweqile ngokweqile isikhathi eside kubonakala bebheka ukuthinta okuthandekayo nokuvusa, ukuphendula ngokocansi, futhi, mhlawumbe, ngengqondo evulekile ngaphezu kwe-orgasm ngokwayo.
Yini eyenza yakho ubuchopho buyasho, futhi uwuzwa ngokucacile?
Ukwehla kwamanye amazwe nokungathembeki kuvame ukuhambisana nemizwa yokuneliseka noma ukungazitholi. Le mizwa ivela eqenjini elidala lalezi zakhiwo ebuchosheni obwaziwa ngokuthi yi umjikelezo womvuzo. Nomaphi lapho uwela khona ku-spectrum-bonder spectrum, Kanjani uthola imizwa yakho emihle ingabonisa indlela ophethwe ngayo. Uma ngokuyinhloko ugxila ekusebenziseni izifiso zakho zocansi, kanye nabalingani beveli kukhona i-aphrodisiac yakho enkulu, ungase ube ngaphezulu ifakwe i-riskier, i-hit-or-miss-miss-miss kunomumo wesikhathi eside wesikhathi eside.
Ngenye indlela, ungase ube yisibopho sezinkampani ezithandwa yi-intanethi ukugqugquzela ngokocansi-Noma kunjalo Ukuba umlutha wezithombe. Kulokhu, a isifundo esisha wathola ukuthi ukubikezela okuphawulekayo kokungathembeki kwamadoda yilezi: ukuxhunywa kokuzijabulisa ngokocansi (ukuvuswa kalula yizimbangela nezimo eziningi) nokwesaba ukuhluleka ukusebenza kocansi. Bobabili kungaba izimpawu of overstimulation. Intsha futhi ingozi ingase isebenze njengoba ifuna aphrodisiacs ngoba ikhulula i-dopamine eyengeziwe. Kanye ukulinganisela ebuchosheni ibuyiselwe, ukuvuselela ngokweqile kuvame ukungadingekile ekusebenzeni ngokocansi, futhi ukugciniwe kwendoda eyodwa kulula kakhulu.
Kunoma yisiphi isenzakalo, uma uthola uthando, uthinta sexy kanye nobuhlobo obuseduze ngokuvusa nokunethezeka, khona-ke kungenzeka hhayi i-outlier engenalutho ngaphandle kwe-pair-bonder spectrum-ngisho noma unezakwethu eziningi phakathi kwesikhathi. Ababambisene ababili babathanda ubulili, yebo, kodwa ukuphendula kwabo abalingani kanye nokwamukelwa kubonakala sengathi kujabulisa kakhulu futhi kuqinisekisa. Lokhu kubonakala kuyiqiniso kwezinye izimbongolo ezimbili ezibophayo kanjalo.
Ingabe unentambo njengemibhangqwana yesikhathi eside echazwe ngenhla? Uma kunjalo, kungenzeka ukuthi awuchumeki esikweni lanamuhla. Amandla we-Pair-bonder, njengesidingo sesisa sokuphendula ngokocansi, angabonakala njengobuthakathaka esimeni sezocansi sanamuhla. Nazi izindawo ezine lapho iseluleko esijwayelekile singakubuyisela emuva:
1. 'Uma kukuhle ukukwenza' kungaholela ekubeni umlutha
Kholwa noma ungakukholwa, uma unezintambo eziqinile zombili zokubopha, ungahle ube sengozini yokuthambeka-hhayi kwi-online eotica kuphela, kepha nakwezinye izinto. Isizathu singokwemvelo. Ukugqugquzela okukhulu kakhulu "kungaduna" inqubo yobuchopho eguquke ukukhuthaza ukubophela. Isibonelo, ama-vo-bonding (prairie) voles kungenzeka kakhulu ukuthi ahambe izinto zokulutha (ngokungafani nezinyawo ezingabambisani nezibopho). Noma kunjalo zihanjisiwe I-prairie voles inayo akukho nesithakazelo kwezidakamizwa. Kucishe kube sengathi isekethe lomvuzo le-bond bonder "linomgodi omncane" okhalela ukugcwaliswa nge-bond bond (noma ngabe lowo muntu akakaze aboshwe).
Uma ingekho inyunyana enelisekile, amanye ama-bonders azobamba cishe noma yini ukugcwalisa lowo "mgodi". Futhi abanye ngeke bakuthole kukhona ababambisene bobabini kuze kube yilapho beyeka ukufaka esikhundleni sabo sothando. Njengomunye umuntu wathi:
Inhloso: Ngonyaka olandelayo wezifundo, thola umngani osemthethweni, onokwethenjelwa. Kungenzeka ukuthi lokhu kusho intombi. Kuhle ngami! Vele ufune i-TLC. Nkulunkulu, kwehluke kakhulu kimi ukukhuluma kanjena. Sekuyiminyaka ngiwumuntu othanda izithombe ezingcolile zobulili ezingcolile, owangenisa isimemezelo, okwangimangaza ngokuphelele ukuthi abantu bangathandana kakhulu. Manje sengiphendukela komunye wabo.
Ngesinye isikhathi, ubuchopho obunama-pair bobabili bungenza kube nzima ngokumangalisayo ukuyeka i-harem ye-porn, ngisho nalapho ungathanda umlingani wangempela. Wathi omunye umfana:
Ubuchopho bakho kufanele bamukele ukuthi uthi kuhle kulawo maantombazane, ungabe usabona futhi! Kuzokudabukisa, ukuthukuthela, ukudabukisayo, ukucindezeleka, ukugodla njengesihogo, kunzima, kungabi nhlobo-kuzokudonsa ngezinhlobo ezimbi kakhulu ezihogweni ukuze ubuyele emuva endaweni yakho, ngoba uyabathanda kakhulu. [Izinyawo zamadoda eziboshwe ngezibili zibonisa uhlobo olufanayo lokucindezeleka nini ehlukaniswe nomlingani.]
Ubuchopho bakho kufanele bamukele ukuthi uthi kuhle kulawo maantombazane, ungabe usabona futhi! Kuzokudabukisa, ukuthukuthela, ukudabukisayo, ukucindezeleka, ukugodla njengesihogo, kunzima, kungabi nhlobo-kuzokudonsa ngezinhlobo ezimbi kakhulu ezihogweni ukuze ubuyele emuva endaweni yakho, ngoba uyabathanda kakhulu. [Izinyawo zamadoda eziboshwe ngezibili zibonisa uhlobo olufanayo lokucindezeleka nini Wabuye wachaza ukuthi uzizwa kanjani ukuhambela umngane womshado wangempela:
Ngemuva kwalokho, njengalapho uhlukana nentombi (empeleni, iyafana ncamashi, ngoba iyafana), uvuka ngolunye usuku umkhuhlane uphelile. Ubuchopho buthi “Kulungile. Ngiyakuthola. * shunqa *. Ngicabanga ukuthi ama-harem asephelile futhi angisophinde ngibabone. * sniff *… Hheyi - lowo wesifazane olinde emgqeni ebhange muhle nokho! Sawubona baby! ” Futhi usuphulukisiwe. [Ngokushesha wahlangana nowesifazane ayemthanda emlandweni wakhe.]
I-2. I-Solo Sex May Iveza Ukwaneliseka Okungaphansi Kwendlela
Njengoba kunikezwe imizwa emihle ehlangana nabagqila ekutholeni ukuxhumana, iseluleko esithandwayo sezochwepheshe siyakhuthaza abashade ukuba bahlanganyele ocansini bebodwa ukuze kwandiswe ukwaneliseka kwabo ngokobulili kungase kuvuseleleke. Omunye umyeni, obhekene nokuhlukunyezwa kwe-erectile iminyaka eminingi futhi ngenxa yalokho wayengeke ahlale ocansini, wanquma ukuzama ukuyeka ukushaya indlwabu izinyanga ezintathu ngaphambi kokuphumula nomkakhe. Ngemva kwezinsuku ezine eziqondile zokulala naye, wathi:
Lesi yisikhathi sokuqala ngiya ocansini ngaphandle kokucabanga ngokunye. Ngokuyinhloko ukugxila kumkami manje ukuvula! Kungenzeka ukuthi ngangilindele okukhulu kakhulu kimi esikhathini esedlule. Ngacabanga ukuthi kufanele ngivuke futhi ngikulungele ukuya ekunikezeni umzuzwana, noma ngabe yini. Ngangilindele ukuthola i-boner njalo lapho ngibheka owesifazane omuhle. Manje ukulindela kwami ukuthi ekugcineni ngime uma ngikhululekile phambi kowesifazane engimthandayo (ie umkami).
Ngobusuku bokuqala, kwaze kwaba yilapho ngiqala ukugonwa ngumkami lapho ukwakhiwa kwami kwavela khona. Manje sengiqala “ukuzwa” i-libido yami kancane usuku lonke. Ngikholelwa ukuthi ngiphulukisiwe, futhi ngicabanga ukuthi inkinga yami yayiyingxube yokukhathazeka kokusebenza nokushaya indlwabu kakhulu. Uma izinsuku ezi-4 zokuya ocansini zilandelana nomkami zingangikholisi ukuthi i-libido yami ilungile, kuzokwenzekani?
3. AmaCuddle Buddies Angasiza Kakhulu Kunama-Hook-Ups
Ama-bond bonders abonakala ethola ukuthintana kothando nobungane okwanelisa kakhulu kunocansi olungenakho okuncane kwalokhu. Ngakho-ke, phakathi kobudlelwano, “ama-buddy cuddle”Ingakhombisa inketho engcono kune-eotica e-inthanethi noma ucansi oluvamile. Kusho abafana abambalwa abazama:
Manje senginomngani oshonile. Simane sibuke imovie ndawonye ngezikhathi ezithile, ngenkathi sibambene. Isimo esihle ngoba ayikho ingcindezi. Futhi kufanele ngisho ukuthi, abesifazane bangempela bangcono kakhulu kune-porn. Kuzwakala kukuhle kakhulu. Ngicabanga ukuthi yilokho ebengikufisa impilo yami yonke. Kwakududuza ukwazi ukuthi naye wayefuna ukukwenza ngendlela engangiyenza ngayo.
Kungenzeka ukuthi amanye ama-bond bonders akhelwe ukuthandana okuhamba kancane okuvumela ukwakha ukwethembana (nokuhlola ukuthembeka). Njengoba kuchaziwe ku “Indlela Evilaphayo Yokuhlala Uthandweni, ”Ukushintshana kokuthinta okungavusi inkanuko (kodwa okunobungani ngokobulili) kungadlala indima ekhethekile kuma-bond bonders ngoba indlela yokuhlanganisa ubuchopho ebuchosheni yavela kusibopho somnakekeli nengane.
Yiqiniso, amanye amadoda ayengacabangi kakhulu kunamanye amazwi okunamathiselwe kunabanye. Njengomngane wezinto eziphilayo eziphilayo,
Kungenzeka ukuthi izindlela zobuchopho ezikhethwe ekuqaleni ukuhlanganiswa komama nenzalo zitholwe njengefa ngokulinganayo ngamadodana, okwenza kube nokuhlangana kwabesilisa nabesifazane kanye nokuhlangana kukababa nenzalo. Lezo zimfanelo, nazo, zikhethwe kahle kubantu, yize zingaphansi ngokuqinile kwabesilisa kunabesifazane — ngoba ukuqina kofuzo kwabesilisa kusatholakala emazingeni ahlukahlukene ngaphandle kwalezi zibopho.
I-4. Ukuphendula Ngezocansi Kungase Kuhlotshaniswe Nokuxhumeka Kwengqondo
Njengoba kuboniswe ekutholeni kokucwaninga okubambisana okufingqiwe ekuqaleni kwalokhu okuthunyelwe, isifiso sokuxhumeka ngokomzwelo singakhiwa ngqo kumakhemikhali ebuchopho njengesiboshwa-noma ngabe uyayithanda noma cha. Cabanga ngamazwi alabafana:
Mina ngokwami angithandi ukuba nobuhlobo bomzimba uma ngingaqiniseki ukuthi ngibona owesifazane ekhona empilweni yami isikhashana. Ngicabanga ukuthi ngingahle ngibe mubi ku-polyamory. Angisiye umfana wokuma ubusuku obubodwa — anginantambo ngaleyo ndlela.
Uma ngihlala nentombazane engivele ngilale naye, ngingahle ngime eceleni kwabo. Kepha ngentombazane engingakaze ngihlale nayo, angizizwa ngivuliwe. Kufanele ngisebenze ukuze ngithole imizwa ethile epeni lami lapho ngikhuluma nabo noma ngidansa nabo.
Isimo sanamuhla singenza kube yinselele kuma-pair bonders ukuthola indlela eya ekwanelisekeni okuhlala njalo. Uma kungenzeka ukuthi uthandelwe ukuxhumana okujulile nemali engenayo yomlingani omncane, khona-ke iseluleko sanamuhla esamenyezelwe kakhulu mayelana nezinzuzo zobulili obungajwayelekile kanye ne-online eotica ngeke sikwenzele kona. Ukuzama ukuzivumelanisa nezimo kungakushiya uzizwe ungenalutho, noma kukuphonse emgodini wokungeneliseki noma izinkinga ezihlobene nomlutha.
Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi abanye benzani, thola ukuthi yenzani ukwanda yakho umqondo wokwaneliseka. Uma kunesidingo, buyisela ubuchopho bakho kuya sensitivtiy evamile. Finyelela ku real abalingani abangakwaziyo. Zama ukugcizelela ukuthinta okungaphezulu nokuthandana kokuxhumana kwakho. Ukunciphisa kakhulu? Uma kunjalo, uxhumano lungase luthuthukise impilo yakho ngezindlela ezibalulekile. Omunye umuntu wathi,
Mina nomkami bobabili sithatha imithi yokucindezela kwegazi eliphezulu. Ezinyangeni ezimbalwa ezedlule, izinombolo zethu zaqala ukuhla. Nginqume imithi yami ku-¼ yezinga langaphambilini; u-doc wakhe wamtshela ukuthi angayilahla imithi. Ngokuthakazelisayo, izinyanga ezimbalwa ezedlule ngandisa izinga lethu ukuziphatha okuzibophezelayo. Ngimnika unyawo futhi / noma ukubuyisela ukubuyisela njalo ebusuku. Ngikhiphe ikhophi yami ye-dog, eveziwe Umcibisholo onobuthi we-Cupid. Ngokuqinisekile, nakhu ekhasini 216: “Ukubhucungwa nokunye okunakekelayo kuthinta ama-hormone okucindezeleka aphansi futhi ukushaya kwegazi, ”Ngisho nakubaphi, kubonakala sengathi.
Uma uzama, uzofunda ukuqaphela, ukucela, nokuletha ukuziphatha yakho ubuchopho empeleni bufuna ukubhalisa ukwaneliseka okungapheli. Uzokwazi nokuthi yiziphi izimfanelo okufanele uzibuke kulabo ongaba abalingani bakho. (Nokufanele ukuthethelele kozakwethu abedlule.) Ukuthola okulungele wena kunomthelela enjabulweni yakho, impilo yakho, futhi mhlawumbe ngisho izizukulwane ezizayo.
Buka okufutshane ividiyo kwi-neurochemistry yokubambisana kokubili
Funda Ubudala 23 - (ED), izinyanga ze-7 - zidinga isibopho esingokomzwelo
Ucwaningo: Izimpendulo Zama-Gynephilic Men's Self-Reported and Genital Sexual Relations (2017)
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