Njengamanje ngifunda incwadi ekhuluma ngeNice Guy Symdrome. Umbhali ubala izici eziningi ze- “Nice Guys” engingathanda ukuhlanganyela nawe. Ngangivame ukuba "Nice Guy" ngaphambi kwenselelo yami yeNoFap - ngiyashintsha manje. Ngicabanga ukuthi nina bantu nizoziveza eniningi lalezo zimfanelo. Imininingwane eyodwa umbhali angayazi: "Nice Guy Syndrom" ihlobene ngokuphelele nokuthamba. Ngibonga uNkulunkulu noNoFap ngokungisindisa kule shit. Nazo-ke:
Abafana abahle bayinikela. Abafana abahle bavame ukuthi kubenza bazizwe behle ukunikeza abanye. La madoda akholelwa ukuthi ukuphana kwabo kuyisibonakaliso sokuthi bangabani futhi bayokwenza abanye abantu bathande futhi bawazise.
Abafana abahle bahlela futhi banakekele. Uma umuntu enenkinga, enesidingo, ethukuthele, ecindezelekile noma edabukisayo, abafana abahle bazozama ukuxazulula noma ukulungisa isimo (ngokuvamile ngaphandle kokucelwa).
Abafana abahle bafuna imvume kwabanye. Imfanelo yendawo yonke yeNice Guy Syndrome ukufuna ukuqinisekiswa kwabanye. Konke okwenziwa noma okushiwo yiNice Guy kusezingeni elithile elibaliwe ukuthola ukwamukelwa kothile noma ukugwema ukungamukelwa. Lokhu kuyiqiniso ikakhulukazi ebudlelwaneni babo nabesifazane.
AbaGay Nice bayakugwema ukungqubuzana. Abafana abahle bafuna ukugcina umhlaba wabo ubushelelezi. Ukuze benze lokhu, bagwema ukwenza izinto ezingase zithuthukise isikebhe noma zicasule noma ubani.
Abafana abahle bakholelwa ukuthi kumele bafihle amaphutha abo kanye namaphutha abo abawabonayo. Laba besilisa besaba ukuthi abanye bazobahlupha, bahlazeke, noma bawashiye uma kwenzeka iphutha noma ukungaphumeleli.
Abafana abahle bafuna indlela "efanele" yokwenza izinto. Abafana abahle bakholelwa ukuthi kunesihluthulelo sokuphila okujabulisayo, okungenenkinga. Baqiniseka ukuthi uma bekwazi ukuthola indlela efanele yokwenza konke, akukho lutho okufanele luhambe kahle.
Abafana abahle banciphisa imizwa yabo. Abafana abahle bavame ukuhlaziya kunokuzizwa. Bangase babone imizwa njengokuchitha isikhathi namandla. Bazama njalo ukugcina imizwa yabo ngisho nase-keel.
Abafana abahle bazama ukuhlukana noyise. Amantombazane amaningi aseN Nice abika ukuthi ayitholakali, engekho, ayengaboni, athukuthele, athwale, noma ubaba ophuza utshwala. Akuyona into engavamile ukuba la madoda asenze isinqumo ngesikhathi esithile empilweni yabo ukuze azame ukuba yizicathulo ze-180 ezihlukile kubaba.
Abafana abahle bavame ukukhululeka ngokuphathelene nabesifazane kunamadoda. Ngenxa yesimo sabo sobuntwana, amaNice Guys amaningi anabangane besilisa abambalwa. AmaNice Guys ahlala efuna ukwamukelwa ngabesifazane futhi azikholise ukuthi ahlukile kwamanye amadoda. Bathanda ukukholelwa ukuthi abazona abazithandayo, abathukutheli, noma abahlukumezayo - okuyizici abazixhumanisa namanye amadoda.
Abafana abahle banenkinga yokwenza izidingo zabo zibe yizinto ezibalulekile. Lawa madoda avame ukuzwa ukuthi kuwubugovu ukubeka izidingo zawo kuqala. Bakholelwa ukuthi kuyinto enhle ukubeka izidingo zabanye ngaphambi kwezabo.
Abafana abahle bavame ukwenza umlingani wabo isikhungo sabo sengqondo. Abaningi baseGuys babika ukuthi bayajabula kuphela uma umlingani wabo ejabule. Ngakho-ke bavame ukugxila ngamandla amakhulu ebuhlotsheni babo obuseduze.
Yini Engalungile Ngokuthi Ungumfana Omuhle?
Singase silingeke ukunciphisa inkinga yeN Nice Guy Syndrome. Ngempela, ukujabulisa kungaba kanjani into enjalo? Singahle sihlehlise emisebenzini ye-Marvin Milquetoast yala madoda njengoba evezwe emiceleni yamahlaya kanye nama-sitcoms we-TV. Njengoba abantu sebevele bebhekene nalokho okulula kumasiko wethu, i-caricature yomfana ozwelayo ingase ibe yinto yokuzijabulisa kunokukhathazeka.
AmaNice Guys uqobo lwawo anesikhathi esinzima sokubamba ukujula nobucayi bezinkolelo zabo nokuziphatha kwabo. Lapho ngiqala ukusebenza nala madoda angenzi lutho, cishe ngaphandle kokukhetha, bonke bayabuza, "Yini engalungile ngokuba yiNice Guy?" Ngemuva kokuthatha le ncwadi futhi udidekile ngesihloko, ungahle uzibuze into efanayo.
Ngokunikeza lawa madoda ilebula elithi Nice Guy, angibhekiseli kakhulu ekuziphatheni kwabo, kodwa ohlelweni lwabo lokukholelwa okuyinhloko ngabo kanye nezwe elibazungezile. Lawa madoda abekelwe ukuthi akholelwe ukuthi uma “emuhle,” azothandwa, ahlangabezane nezidingo zawo, futhi abe nempilo ebushelelezi.
Igama elithi Nice Guy empeleni liyi-misnomer ngoba abaGuisi abaNingi bavame ukujabulisa. Nazi ezinye izici ze-Non-So-Nice ze-Nice Guys:
Abafana abahle bangamanga. Laba bantu bafihla amaphutha abo, bagweme ukungqubuzana, basho ukuthi bacabanga ukuthi abantu bafuna ukuzwa, futhi baphazamise imizwa yabo. Lezi zici zenza abaNandi abaNhle bahlonipheke kakhulu. Abafana abahle bafihla. Ngoba baqhutshwa kakhulu ukufuna ukuvunywa, abakwaNice Guys bazofihla noma yini abakholwa ukuthi ingacasula noma ngubani. Isiqubulo sikaNice Guy sithi, “Uma ungaphumeleli ekuqaleni, fihla ubufakazi.”
Abafana abahle bahlelwe ngaphakathi. Abafana abahle bayakwazi ukuvumelanisa izingcezu zokwaziswa eziphikisanayo ngokwabo ngokuzihlukanisa zibe ngamakhamphani ngabanye ezingqondweni zabo. Ngakho-ke, umuntu oshadile angakha incazelo yakhe yokwethembeka okumvumela ukuba aphike ukuthi unobungozi nonobhala wakhe (noma intern) ngoba akaze abeke i-penis yakhe esiswini sakhe.
Amantombazane amahle ayaphatha kabi. Abafana abahle bavame ukuba nesikhathi esinzima ukwenza izidingo zabo zibe yizinto eziphambili futhi banenkinga yokucela lokho abakufunayo ngezindlela ezicacile neziqondile. Lokhu kudala umuzwa wokungabi namandla. Ngakho-ke, bahlala bezama ukuxhaphaza lapho bezama ukuthola izidingo zabo.
Abafana abahle balawula. Into ebaluleke kakhulu ye-Nice Guys igcina umhlaba wayo ubushelelezi. Lokhu kudala isidingo esiningi sokuzama ukulawula abantu nezinto ezizungezile.
Abafana abahle banikela ukuthola . Nakuba abafana baseNicula bevame ukupha abanye ngokuphana, ukupha kwabo ngokuvamile kunamacu okungazi lutho futhi angabonakali. Bafuna ukuhlonishwa, bafuna uhlobo oluthile lokuphindaphinda, bafuna ukuthi umuntu ayeke ukuthukuthela, njll. Abafana abahle bavame ukubika ukukhathazeka noma ukucasuka ngenxa yokupha okuningi ngenkathi kubonakale bethola kancane kakhulu ngokubuyisela.
Abafana abahle banamabomu-abanonya. Abafana abahle bavame ukuveza ukukhungatheka kwabo nokufutheka ngokungaqondile, nxazonke, futhi hhayi ngezindlela ezinhle kakhulu. Lokhu kubandakanya ukungatholakali, ukukhohlwa, ukuphuza isikhathi, ukungalandeli, ukungakwazi ukuthola i-erection, ukukhuphuka ngokushesha, nokuphindaphinda ukuziphatha okucasulayo okufanayo ngisho nalapho bethembisa ukungalokothi ubenze futhi.
Abafana abahle bagcwele ukufutheka. Nakuba ama-Nice Guys avame ukuphika ukuthukuthela, ukuphila okuphazamiseka nokucasuka kudala umpheki ocindezelayo wokufutheka okucindezelekile ngaphakathi kwala madoda. Lokhu kuthukuthela kuvame ukuqhuma kwezinye zezikhathi ezingalindelekile nezibonakala zingalungile.
Abafana abahle banomlutha. Ukuziphatha okuluthayo kuyasiza ekunciphiseni ukucindezeleka, ukushintsha imizwelo, noma ubuhlungu bemithi. Njengoba i-Nice Guys ijwayele ukugcina ibhodlela elingaphakathi kakhulu, kufanele iphume endaweni ethile. Omunye wemikhuba evame kakhulu yokulutha iziguli ze-Nice guys ukucindezela ngokocansi.
Abafana abahle banenkinga yokubeka imingcele. AmaNice Guys amaningi anenkinga yokuthi “cha,” “yeka,” noma “Ngiya.” Imvamisa bazizwa njengezisulu ezingenakuzisiza futhi babone omunye umuntu njengoyimbangela yezinkinga ababhekene nazo.
Abafana abahle bavame ukuhlukaniswa. Nakuba amaGrey Nice efisa ukuthandwa nokuthandwa, ukuziphatha kwabo kwenza kube nzima kubantu ukuba basondelane nabo.
Abafana abahle bavame ukukhanga abantu nezimo ezidinga ukulungiswa. Lokhu kuziphatha kuvame ukuba ngumphumela wesimo sobuntwana sikaNice Guy, isidingo sakhe sokubukeka kahle, noma ukufuna kwakhe ukwamukelwa. Ngeshwa, lo mkhuba uqinisekisa ukuthi amaNice Guys azosebenzisa iningi lesikhathi sawo ukucisha imililo nokuphatha izingqinamba.
Abafana abahle bahlale benenkinga ebuhlotsheni obuseduze. Yize abakwaNice Guys bevame ukubeka ukugcizelela okukhulu kule ngxenye yezimpilo zabo, ubudlelwane babo obuseduze imvamisa buyimbangela yomzabalazo nokukhungatheka. Isibonelo: l AmaNice Guys ngokuvamile angabalaleli ababi ngoba bamatasa kakhulu bezama ukuthola ukuthi bangazivikela kanjani noma balungise inkinga yomunye umuntu. l Ngenxa yokwesaba kwabo ukungqubuzana, bahlala bethembekile futhi abavamile ukutholakala ukuze basebenze yonke inkinga. l Akuyona into engavamile ngabakwaNice Guys ukwakha ubudlelwano nabalingani babo abakholelwa ukuthi “bangamaphrojekthi” noma “amadayimane asendaweni enzima.” Lapho lawa maphrojekthi engapholishi njengoba bekulindelekile, amaNice Guys ajwayele ukusola abalingani babo ngokuma endleleni yenjabulo yabo.
Abafana abahle banenkinga ngocansi. Yize iningi lamaNice Guys liphika ukuthi linezinkinga ngocansi, kusamele ngihlangane nalowo onganelisekile ngempilo yakhe yocansi, unokukhubazeka ngokocansi (akakwazi ukuthola noma ukugcina ukwakheka, uvuthondaba ngokushesha okukhulu), noma uke walingisa ngokocansi (ngezindaba, ubufebe, izithombe zocansi, ukushaya indlwabu okuphoqayo, njll.).
Abafana abahle bavame ukuphumelela kuphela. Iningi lamaNice Guys engihlangane nawo linethalente, likhaliphile, futhi liphumelele ngokulingene. Cishe ngaphandle kokukhetha, bayahluleka ukwenza ngokusemandleni abo. ”
Ngifuna nje ukuhlanganyela omunye umcabango nawe, phuma mahhala emaketangeni: Ngifundiswe ukuba abe I-LOSER. Ubaba nomama bangifundise ukuthi ngiyi-LOSER. Bona nabo bonke abanye bomndeni wami bangiphikisa njalo, bazama njalo ukungivumela ukuthi ngiphansi. NGAPHAMBILE KONKE. Ngifunda eyunivesithi ehamba phambili ezweni lami. Ngifunde izincwadi eziningi futhi ngingumuntu okhule kakhulu. Ngiqale ukujima kulo nyaka, ngisesimweni sezemidlalo manje. Ngikhuluma izilimi ezine. Nginqobe ukwesaba okuningi. Ngazakhela ubuwena, ubuntu bami. Noma kukhona obekushoda: Kwakukhula. Ngangiyisigqila futhi kwakusalimaza impilo yami. Kepha manje ngizonqoba nalokhu kubi, sengivele ngikhona ngosuku lwe-77 futhi ngeke ngisaba fap. Njengoba ngishilo NGAPHAMBILE KONKE Engingakusho nje ukuthi: Ngingumuntu omusha manje futhi kusisiqalo nje.
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