From the terrible young age of seven I had my first encounter with pornography. I remember sneaking down early in the morning when everyone was still sleeping, to type in exciting things in google and got to click all these different sites which excited me greatly.
I discovered masturbation months after I started watching porn. I was never able to experience anything embodied with my sexuality without porn having to do anything with it. My view of sex was set. So to speak Ek is nie herbedraad nie, maar deur die effekte van pornografie.
The time I entered high school, at age 11, I was greatly addicted. Every year withdrawal effects became worse. I wasn’t able to connect with girls of my age, humans in overall, nature and animals. I Felt the great pain of diminishing myself and self-hate. Numbing out on somewhat every feeling other than the excitement I felt when I opened my computer. My bedroom was a mine field of napkins used to clean my ejaculations. Preformed bad at school. All my energy was spent on this one thing. Everywhere every moment it was on my mind. Which girl, video, category I was going to watch when I got back home. Ek was in groot pyn.
At the age of 17 it all changed. I stumbled on an article about a man who quit porn and excessive masturbation as a result of having all this great sexual experiences himself. I didn’t understand it then, but it was the beginning of my awakening, my rebirth, my self development, the reclaiming of myself. Die grootste stryd van my lewe.
Ek het gesukkel, al die gevoelens waarvoor ek amper my hele lewe lank verdoof het, het op my neergedaal, wel nie net reën nie... 'n orkaan van kak. Ek het gehuil, ek het geskree, depressief gevoel. Uiterste geilheid het my laatnag wakker gehou en my in my bed laat krul en draai. Maar ek het vasgehou aan hierdie idee dat ek iets beters verdien. Hoe meer ek misluk het, hoe meer insig en kennis het ek gekry uit wat my tot terugval gelei het.
Twee weke na nog 'n terugval het ek 'n meisie ontmoet en ons het begin uitgaan. My lewe het geblom in liefde wat ek uit hierdie wonderlike intieme verhouding gekry het. Ek het sedertdien nooit pornografie gekyk of masturbeer nie. I struggled with my personality and being myself and the remains of anxiety that I had gained from pornography to be in highly social environments, like school.
Dit is nou al meer as twee jaar since I desperately told myself that this would be the last time, this is the time I would beat my addiction and claim the life I had the right to and was supposed to be having! I went to discover another culture as an exchange student for one year. I have reclaimed and found myself a sensitive, joyful and an aware man. Talked to amazing people who listened to my story and mentored me, taught myself to play a variety of instruments, became physically healthy, gave blankets to homeless people with money I gathered from friends and family, got to explore myself and continue till this day to gee my diens en gawes aan die wêreld.
I am an ex-porn and masturbation addict. My purpose is to help people who are struggling in the same way as I did. I would like to hear how you are doing and offer my service of support thru Skype talks where we talk about how you are doing in your struggle and if we both feel like a fit we can stay in contact and together get deeper on the struggle, where i listen to you fully without trying to fix your problems or feelings. I will share my own experience openly with you and lead you thru your struggles as you go on your path. As it is the first time I will be doing anything like that it will be a learning experience for the both of us. You can get in contact with me thru this email darkfall@ live.be. Feel free to ask any questions or share anything that’s on your mind. I would love to be of service.
LINK - 700 days sober. Offer of my help to YOU and my story
by Vincent Joy
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