82 days is a weird number to post about, but I hit a big milestone today. Quick background. I’m divorced and had married my first girlfriend (and first sexual partner). That lasted over a decade and I am ashamed to admit that PMO caused me to have almost no sex life.
The divorce wasn’t solely due to PMO but I can tell you that a relationship with no sex life is a bad relationship, period.
After the divorce settled I went through a lot of changes, including losing a LOT of weight, changing my job, car, attitude, everything. But I didn’t change PMO, even though a marriage counselor correctly told me I was addicted to porn (I just didn’t see the reason to quit — I had no GF and it was so comforting).
Fast forward a year after the divorce and I meet a beautiful caring girl and you can already guess the story — I couldn’t get it up. And just like during my marriage I started thinking hey, I’m just broken and this girl will have to live with the fact that I’m a great boyfriend EXCEPT for the sex.
She was very supportive and said we’d ‘work through’ my issues — and that made me really think about what my issue was. And since I had been given a preview of what the problem was nearly a year ago, I started reading about it, found this forum, YBOP, and other sites. And one day when I was on vacation and instead of going outside I was going to look at porn on my laptop and pleasure myself, it hit me — this was the problem. I needed to stop.
That day was 82 days ago and I am proud to say I’ve been perfect on no masturbation and no orgasm. I am not as proud to say that I do relapse on porn every few days it seems — usually just a few minutes of bikini/soft core but I know its still wrong. This is the battle I still fight.
However, at least for me, it seems that nofap is the core of the solution, because the problem I had was desensitization due to deathgrip – I felt nothing from PIV or BJ or anything other than my hand. By completely eliminating my hand I can slowly (very slowly, but surely) feel again.
About 45 days in I could definitely feel the PIED going away, but it still wasn’t perfect. I told my GF about my problem then, which is another thing up for debate here; at least in my situation it was very helpful to tell her so she understands the things she has to do to help me get better.
And to get to the light at the end of the tunnel — which is hopefully just the FIRST light — this morning I was able to keep it up during PIV so for the first time ever in my life (and I’m in my late 30s) I gave a girl an orgasm just from that. I also felt a lot more (obviously since I was able to get in and keep going) but I still have a ways to go before I’m fully rebooted.
So yes, this is somewhat of a brag post, but I enjoyed reading other people’s brag posts because their success gave me hope for my success. I still have a ways to go, but if I can summarize the points of my journey:
- Long time PMO addict that let a marriage rot from the inside due to it
- Finally confronted my addiction about three months ago and been 100% good on nofap (no edge or masturbation) but not so great on porn (greatly reduced, but not pornfree)
- Shared all details with new girlfriend. So I’m on ‘easy’ mode rewiring at the same time as rebooting.
- Much reduced PIED (replaced with some performance anxiety) about 45 days in
- Was able to complete PIV 82 days in
- Been over 90 days without my own orgasm, and I’m not going to explode – so its not necessary for all guys
tl;dr PMO addict who never been able to complete PIV was able to do after 82 days NOFAP. Reboot is definitely not complete but very much in progress and worth the sacrifices made
ENLLAÇ - 82 day post – there is a light at the end of the tunnel!
ACTUALITZACIÓ - After almost four months, I am starting to become normal
My four month nofap anniversary is a couple of days ago. It is exactly one month after I met my current girlfriend, who was the straw that broke the camels back on me finally breaking the PMO cycle. She was so sweet and understanding and I wanted her so bad but could not perform and for the first time in my life I said I want to be better, not just for her, but for myself. And then I read, read, read and decided to undertake the program.
- Podeu tornar de nou (divorciada a causa de la pornografia)
Per tant, he tingut un gran problema amb el porno tota la vida. El meu millor amic me’l va presentar a l’institut i jo era un noi friki i nerd, així que recordo haver passat hores provant de descarregar GIFs del meu mòdem de 1200 bauds i amagant-ho del meu pare (nota lateral: els meus pares s’acosten per dir-me’l és dolent sense explicar mai per què NO funciona. També heu de suposar que els vostres fills són més intel·ligents que vosaltres; si volen fer alguna cosa que no aproveu, ho faran).
La meva relació amb el porno era anterior a qualsevol relació real que tenia amb les dones. En realitat no va afectar la manera com tractava les dones, però sí com tractava el sexe. I la conclusió és que preferia el sexe sense judici i sota demanda, en lloc dels alts i baixos del sexe real.
Així que, tot i que no tenia cap reserva sobre tenir "relacions sexuals" abans del matrimoni, recordo el mal que era i com vaig tornar gairebé immediatament al porno. No vaig tenir relacions sexuals la nit del casament i, durant catorze anys, temia la meva nit sexual setmanal amb la meva (ara ex) dona, inventant excuses per evitar-ho i, en canvi, volia anar a l’altra habitació i trobar-ne porno a la qual treure.
Tot i que aquest no va ser l’únic problema de la meva relació, en retrospectiva en va ser una gran part, probablement el 90%. I ni tan sols és la manca de sexe, sinó la falta d’intimitat. I mentre en aquell moment estava aterrada quan la meva (ara ex) dona va demanar el divorci, ara mateix penso per què dimonis va esperar tant, per què ho vaig permetre?
Així que durant els procediments de divorci vaig veure un conseller matrimonial que va diagnosticar correctament els meus problemes amb la pornografia. Però encara ho vaig ignorar, sobretot des que era recentment solter per primera vegada en vint anys, i el porno era el més còmode que he conegut tota la vida.
I després vaig conèixer una noia perfecta i vam tenir relacions sexuals. I va ser tan frustrant. Va tornar a sortir malament. Però aquesta vegada, no anava a suposar que "així és". Necessitava esbrinar què passava, perquè havia suposat amb la meva exdona que "el sexe no era necessari si tens amor" o alguna merda semblant. Ara sabia que una vida sexual feliç i satisfactòria era un requisit per a una relació a llarg termini.
Va ser llavors quan em vaig trobar amb els fòrums sense nofap i porno i vaig llegir algunes històries sobre persones com jo. I ha estat un llarg camí amb recaigudes pel mig, però fa gairebé un any que intento renunciar a la pornografia i la moda. L’actual xicota coneix el meu problema i m’ha donat suport.
Des que he intentat renunciar a tots dos, he tingut relacions sexuals molt millors (no és perfecte de cap manera) i he estat capaç d’orgasmar-me amb ella (mai ho vaig fer amb la meva exdona). I el llarg i curt d’això és que torno a comprometre’m, amb aquesta vegada una vida sexual saludable sense porno i fap com a part del pla.
tl; dr La primera relació de gairebé vint anys es va podrir des de l'interior a causa de l'addicció a PMO i va provocar el divorci. Vaig poder donar-li la volta i construir una nova relació (** estic compromès **) després de deixar el PMO.
Per tant, per a aquells que se senten que estan en un punt baix, molts de nosaltres hem estat allà. Podeu activar-lo, no importa on sigui.
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