Ukubambisana kokubili kuyisimiso semvelo hhayi ukwakheka kwamasiko
Naphezu kokuhlukahluka kwamasiko, abantu kuyo yonke indawo bayathandana, banamathele emoyeni isikhathi eside, futhi bazizwa bekhashelwa lapho abangane bomshado bengathembeki. Lezi ukuziphatha kungenangqondo, hhayi imikhiqizo yamathonya amasiko angahleliwe. Ukwenza leli phuzu ngenye indlela: Iningi lokudla okuncelisayo ungapheli badweba imidwebo yamagama abantu abashade nabo kumabhamu abo, futhi banjalo hhayi ngokuhambisana nokuqubuka komhawu.
Ama-Brain Abantu Awakhiwe Ukuze Awele Othandweni, okuthunyelwe kwangaphambilini, kuchazwe ukuthi isimilo sokubhangqa sinezindlela ze-neurobiological ngemuva kwazo. Manje, kunobunye ubufakazi bokucwaninga bohlelo lwethu oluyisisekelo lokuhlanganisa. Ngokuqagela, kuhambisana nobufakazi obuqhamuka endaweni edumile yokuhlanganisa amabhangqa. (Okuningi ngalokhu ngomzuzwana.) Intatheli yeNew York Times UJohn Tierney uchaza ucwaningo olusha Ngale ndlela:
Lo wesifazane oneminyaka engama-21 waqeqeshwa ngokucophelela ukuthi angadlali ngothando nanoma ngubani ongena elabhoratri ngokuqhubeka kwezinyanga ezimbalwa. Ubengabheki iso nengxoxo kancane. Wayengakaze asebenzise izimonyo noma amakha, agcine izinwele zakhe emgodini womsila olula, futhi wayehlale egqoka amajini nesikibha esingenalutho. …
Ucwaningo olwedlule wayekhombisile ukuthi owesifazane osesigabeni esivundile somjikelezo wakhe wokuya esikhathini ubonakala ethandeka ngokwengeziwe, futhi lowo mphumela wabonwa lapha — kepha kuphela lapho lo wesifazane elinganiswa yindoda ebingakahlangani nomunye umuntu.
Abanye abafana, labo abathandana nabo, babemlinganisa kakhulu Ngaphansi ekhangayo ngenkathi esezingeni eliphakeme lokuzala, mhlawumbe ngoba ezingeni elithile babona ukuthi wabe esengusongo olukhulu ebudlelwaneni babo besikhathi eside. Ukugwema ukuhehwa ukuphambuka, ngokusobala bazitshela ukuthi wayengekho konke lokho okushisayo. …
UTierney uyanezela ukuthi ngokucacile,
Ukukhethwa kwemvelo kwakuthandekayo labo abahlala ndawonye isikhathi eside ngokwanele ukukhulisa izingane: amadoda nabesifazane abangasondeza ubuhlobo ngokugcina abalingani babo bejabule. Bayizuze ebuhleni ukuze bahlale bethembekile, noma okungenani ukuzimisela ukubonakala bethembekile ngenkathi bekopela ngokuhlakanipha.
Uphinda futhi acaphune isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo se-UCLA uMartie Haselton: “Abesifazane nabesilisa bayathinteka ngokuvuthwa kweqanda, kodwa thina [bantu] asinalo nhlobo ulwazi lokuthi yikhona okwenza lezi zinguquko ezinkulu ekuziphatheni kwethu. [Ucwaningo olunjalo] lukwenza kucace ukuthi sifana kakhulu nezinye izilwane ezincelisayo kunokuba besicabanga. ”
Yeka ukuthi kuyiqiniso kanjani. E-voles, ososayensi sebevele bezitholile izindlela ze-neural ezilawula ukubambisana kokubili indlela yokuziphatha, futhi ngokuqinisekile, enye yazo iyindlela ebangela ulaka lwendoda lokuzivikela kubantu besifazane abangajwayele ukuzithandela (uma nje esenze isibopho sokubhanqa ngokukhama kwakhe okuyinhloko). Lokhu kuziphatha ngokusobala akwenzeki ngezizathu zamasiko. Kwenzeka ikakhulukazi ngoba i-vasopressin ye-neurochemical iyanda engxenyeni esemqoka yobuchopho bayo. (By the way, ngeke ngempela kugcine uMnu Vole 100% uthembekile. UNkk Vole, naye, ubelokhu aziwa ukuthi angishayele.)
Ufuna ukwazi ngemishini ekhomba ukuthi ngabe isilwane esincelisayo siyakwazi ukubopha? Kuvela ukuthi kuma-voles oyedwa ukukhetha kwemvelo kuphinde kwalungisa ukusatshalaliswa kwe-oxytocin kanye ne-vasopressin receptors ohlelweni lobuchopho lobuchopho. Ngenkathi wonke ama-voles ethola ukuthi ucansi luyavuza, ama-voogamous voles nawo athola imizwa emihle evela kumlingani othile. Indlela yokubopha, ngasendleleni, ingeyokuqala indlela yokulutha umlutha (okuyinto zonke ezinye izidakamizwa zokudubula). Yingakho umlutha ungaba ukuphazamisa izibopho zombili.
Ngempela, uma ososayensi beqala ukukhiqizwa kwe-dopamine eningi ngokugqugquzela okufakelwayo, isilwane asihlanganisi nje kuphela, kepha futhi siyaba ulaka ngabo bonke abesifazane. Kungenzeka yini lokhu kusiza ukuthi kungani kubonakala sengathi abanye abasebenzisa i-porn ezisindayo ukulahlekelwa inzalo kumlingani wangempela?
Iphuzu elibalulekile ukuthi i-pairing bonding penchant yethu ivela emicimbini yomzimba, hhayi nje isimo senhlalo. Kwavela kumshini wokunakekela izingane, futhi lezi zinqubo zombili ziyaqhubeka ekujikelezeni komvuzo wobuchopho. Ngakho-ke, noma abantu abaningi baseNtshonalanga bebonakala bebambeke esikhungweni sokuxhuma okwalesi sikhathi okwamanje, akusho ukuthi thina bantu, ngokwemvelo, sikhohlakele njengezimfene ze-bonobo noma ukuthi ukuthambekela kokubopha ngababili kungokwakhiwa kwamasiko okungenasisekelo .
Khumbula ukuthi abantu kanye ne-bonobo ukuguquguquka kwahlukanisa eminyakeni eyizigidi eziyisithupha edlule. Izihlobo zethu eziseduze zikhona yethu igatsha lomuthi wokuziphendukela kwemvelo, noma ngabe bengasekho eduze. Endaweni ethile kulelo gatsha abantu baba ama-bonders ngenxa yokushintsha kobuchopho.
Nakuba ukubambisana kokubili kwamammalian kungavamile, ukuguqulwa okwenza izibopho zombili zezinhlobo zezilwane akuzona neze eziyinkimbinkimbi. Isibonelo, izintambo ezimbili ezinamathele ezinjengezilwane ezinjengezilwane ezinamahloni ezinokuziphatha okungazenzisi ukuthi ososayensi bangakwazi ukuguqula insika ibe yizigqila ezimbili ngokumane nje isakhi esisodwa ebusweni bakhe. (Ikhulisa i-receptors ye-vasopressin). Ngamafuphi, ukuziphatha kwama-bonobo amantombazane ethu asekude kuyajabulisa, kodwa akusizi ngalutho uma kuziwa ekuqondeni okuyisisekelo sokubambisana kwabantu.
“Ah, kodwa bheka ukuthi siziphatha kabi kanjani!” ucabanga, akunjalo? Hlala ukhumbula amanye amaphuzu amabili ngokuziphatha kwethu kokuxhuma manje:
Okokuqala, izifundo esizenzayo eNtshonalanga (ngokujwayelekile zisebenzisa abafundi baseyunivesithi) azivezi kahle ekubaleni konke ukuziphatha kwabantu okusekelwe ezincani ezincane zendawo yethu isiko esingabonakali. Ngenkathi ukuzimela komuntu oyedwa kungesiyo isimiso somuntu, omshado abaningi basaphila ngababili. (Amasiko amaningi avumele indoda engakwazi ukuyithatha omunye umfazi, kodwa ambalwa can ukuyikhokhela.)
Ngamafuphi, uma uhlangana nabalingani abaningi ngaphandle nje kokuzilibazisa wena kungaba yisikhangiso. Ukuziphatha kwakho akuyona indlela ejwayelekile yokuziphatha komuntu — iphuzu elinganakwa kalula ngabaphenyi baseNtshonalanga. Isibonelo, ucwaningo lwango-2007 lwabesilisa nabesifazane abenza iziqu eziyi-1,500 bathi basitshela “Okwenza Abantu Babe Nezicansi. ” Ithole ukuthi abafundi abaningi baye ocansini bezithokozisa, hhayi ukuzala. (Ngempela?) Kwamanye amasiko, abantu bavame ukungagunci ukuthi ucansi luxhumene kakhulu ukukhiqiza nokwakha umndeni. Ngisho nokuya ocansini nabalingani abaningi kungaba nezingane ezinamandla (“ukukhuliswa komzimba“) Njengenhloso yalo. (Abafundi bangahle bagxumele kunoma iziphi iziphetho ezingezona, ngingumlandeli 'wezocansi wokuzijabulisa', kepha futhi ngithanda umlandeli izinzuzo zokunamathiselwe.)
Okwesibili, igama elithi “pair bonder” alisho ukuthi umuntu abe nenkosikazi eyodwa ocansini ngokuphelele. Kusho ukuthi abashadile bathambekele ekuhlanganyeleni ndawonye futhi bakhulise inzalo (eyaziwa njenge ukuzodwa komuntu). Azikho izinhlobo zezilwane ezincelisayo ezibambisene ngezibili ezizibandakanya ngokobulili kuphela; kungaba ukukhubazeka kwemvelo. Ngakho-ke iqiniso lokuthi akubona bonke abantu abahlala bethembekile ngamaphesenti angukhulu empilweni kanti abanye bethu banesondo ngaphandle kokunamathiswa akumangazi. Izinhlobonhlobo futhi ukhonza ukuziphendukela kwemvelo.
Kodwa-ke kuyasiza ukukhumbula ukuthi ubuchopho be-pair-bonder, kufaka phakathi obakho, ngokuvamile busethelwe ukunamathisela kumlingani. Ngakho-ke, noma ngabe indawo yakho iziphethe kabi okwamanje, awunalutho oluzoxolisa ngalo uma ubona ukungabaza kwesibopho esizinzile enkabeni yempilo yakho yezocansi. Izizathu zilele ebuchosheni bakho, hhayi ekukhuleni kwakho, futhi uyakwazi thepha lokhu okungenzeka kunakho konke.
Ngokwesiko lethu, eliklomelisa ubuhle nentsha kangaka, kungabonakala kungaqondakali ukuthi abashadikazi asebekhulile bangajabula ngokwengeziwe ngokuhamba kweminyaka. … Uma wazi idlanzana labashadikazi asebekhulile, cabanga ngalabo phakathi kwabo abasadonselana kakhulu. Ukuzibuka kuwubufakazi obanele bokuthi ukuheha akususelwa ikakhulu ekukhangeni. … Ukubona, ukuthinta, nokuzwa umlingani ozinikeleyo uthola amandla amaningi ngokwengeziwe ngokuhamba kwesikhathi ukuqala ukukhishwa kwe- [i-hormone ebophayo, i-oxytocin] .— UMark Chamberlain PhD
Okungenani ezinhlobonhlobo ezibopha izinhlangothi ezimbili ezifana nathi.
(Ngcaphuno) Ukubambisana kokubili
Ukubhanqa ngababili (noma ukukhokhela umuntu oyedwa) uhlelo lokukhwelana olungajwayelekile kakhulu phakathi kwezilwane ezincelisayo, ezitholakala ezinhlotsheni ezingaphansi kuka-5% (Kleiman, 1977). Yize kunjalo, kubonakala sengathi kuyinto esemqoka enkulumweni yokuzala yabantu. Ngakho-ke kuliqiniso elinqabayo ukuthi uhlelo lwethu lokukhwelana oluphezulu lufana kakhulu nohlelo lokukhwelana olujwayelekile lwezinyoni kunalolo lwezilwane eziningi ezincelisayo, kufaka phakathi izihlobo zethu eziseduze, amaGreat Apes. Ekwenzeni lesi simangalo, kubalulekile ukucacisa ngezinto ezintathu. Okokuqala, isimangalo akusizo lezo zibopho zombili ezihlala impilo yonke. Uma kungekho ukuphoqelelwa ngumuntu oyedwa impilo yakho yonke, izibopho eziningi zamabili zihlala izinyanga noma iminyaka kodwa ekugcineni ziyaqedwa (Fisher, 1992). Qaphela, noma kunjalo, ukuthi inani elincane lamabhondi ama-pair ahlala kuze kube sekupheleni kwesikhathi sokuphila, ngisho nasemiphakathini yendabuko engabaniki imigomo eqinile kwesehlukaniso (bheka, isib.Marlowe, 2004).Okwesibili, isimangalo akusikho ukuthi ama-bond bond womuntu ahlala ekhethekile ngokocansi kuphela. Ucwaningo oluningi lukhombisa ukuthi bambalwa kakhulu kwabesilisa noma abesifazane abasebudlelwaneni besikhathi eside abazibophezele njalo abangathembekile (IBlow & Hartnett, 50). Noma kunjalo, ezinye, futhi ngenxa yalokho, ingxenyenamba ethile yenzalo isongelwa omunye umuntu ngaphandle kukababa wezenhlalo (izilinganiso ezinhle kakhulu zibeka lokhu cishe ku-2005-1%; Anderson, 3; Wolf, Musch, Enczmann, & Fischer, 2006). Okwesithathu, isimangalo akusikho ukuthi ukubophela ngababili uhlelo lwethu olulodwa "lweqiniso" noma lokukhwelana ngokwemvelo. Abantu bakhombisa zonke izinhlelo zokukhwelana ezitholakala kolunye uhlobo, kufaka phakathi i-monogamy, i-polygyny (indoda eyodwa, abesifazane ababili noma ngaphezulu), ngisho ne-polyandry (owesifazane oyedwa, amadoda amabili noma ngaphezulu; uMurdock, 2012).Kubuye kuvamile ukuthi abantu bahlanganyele ekuqhakambiseni okungaphezulu, noma bahlanganyele ngokobulili obungavamile ngaphambi komshado noma phakathi kobudlelwano besikhathi eside. Izikhathi ezehlukene zalezi zici zokuziphatha ezikhulayo zitholakala kumasiko ahlukene kanye nezikhathi ezihlukahlukene zomlando. Kodwa-ke, ngaphandle kwe-polyandry yesikhathi eside, konke kuvamile, ngakho-ke konke kuyingxenye ye-repertoire eguqukile yesilwane somuntu. Ngakho-ke, isimangalo sethu akusiyo ukuthi ukubambisana kokubili kubambisene nomuntu wokulinganisa oyedwa. Isimangalo sethu kunalokho nje ukuthi ukubopha kokubili kuyisimiso esivamile kakhulu socansi nokukhiqizwa kwezinhlobo zethu, ukuthi sekuyisikhathi eside, nokuthi lokhu kushiye ukushicilela okujulile emvelweni wethu oguqukile.
Ucwaningo lwe-2016: Izintaba zokudumisa zibonisa ukududuza kwabantu [kodwa izindiza ezingabambisene ngezibili azifani]
;
