Uma umlutha wemizimba ebunjiwe ngokuphelele, izitho zangasese ze-HD, nama-engeli enzelwe ukuzijabulisa kwakho kwesinye isikhathi into yangempela ayihambelani
Isihloko sokuqala sikaNeelam Tailor
Isixwayiso se-Trigger: ukuhlukunyezwa kwezingane ngokobulili kanye nokulutha kwezithombe zobulili ezingcolile
Ehlobo lika-2010, ngangineminyaka engu-16 ngineminyaka eyishumi yokushaya indlwabu kanye neminyaka emihlanu yokubuka izithombe zocansi ngaphansi kwebhande lami. Ukuba yisikhathi sokuthola ubumnandi obunenjabulo, ngacabanga ukuthi ukuthola isoka lami lokuqala elifanele kuzosho ukuthi lesi kwakuyisikhathi sami sokukhanya. Ngase ngifunde ukuthi kufanele kube ngundabamlonyeni kanjani ama-pubs ama-mons ami, ama-moans okufanele ngiwenze, nokuthi i-doggy kwakuyisithunywa sevangeli esisha. Bengikulungele. Kepha lapho sifika kukho impela… ngangomile njengethambo.
Kepha, kungani ubununu bami bangikhaphele? Uthando lwalusemoyeni futhi ama-hormone ayephelele kuyo yonke indawo, kodwa phakathi kwamashidi nganginenkinga, singasho ukuthi, kuyethisa umugqa wewayile. Angikwazanga ukufinyelela eduzane nendawo emanzi njengoba ngangenza ngenkathi ngifunda i-Pornhub futhi ngangidideke kakhulu. Ngenkathi i-be yayingumngane wethu omkhulu yayisaqinisa izimpande zenkinga.
Iqiniso lokuthi ngangibukela ama-porn izinsuku eziningi kwakuyimfihlo yami enkulu eyihlazo, ngangicabanga ukuthi ngingomunye wamantombazane kuphela ayekwenza. Ngakho-ke esikhundleni sokuxhumana nanoma ngubani, njenganoma yimuphi osemusha, ngaphendukela ku-inthanethi. Reddit wayenentambo eqanjwe I-NoFap - inkundla yabantu abayimilutha yokushaya indlwabu kanye ne-porn ebakhuthaza ukuthi bayeke - obebonakala sengathi iyindawo yokuphuma yezindaba zokungasebenzi kahle kwe-erectile, yehlulekile imizamo yokuyeka i-porn, futhi yanciphisa i-IRL. Isebenza kakhulu njengendawo yokusekela eboniswe isikhulu sakwaNoFap 'Sober' Okthoba lapho amalungu acishe abe ngu-500k akhuthazwe ukuthi ayeke i-solo porn, indlwabu, kanye ne-orgasm (PMO) futhi abhale phansi uhambo.
Kodwa-ke, iqiniso ukuthi angizange ngixhumeke nge-100% neNoFap libhalwe igama. I- “Fap” iyi-onomatopoeic, isuselwa emsindweni owenziwa yi-penis ngesikhathi sokushaya indlwabu, yona ngokwayo ihlukana njengentombazane esencane esencane. Kanye neNoFap iyazihlukanisa njengesikhala kimi, abanye abasemnyakazweni bathola isimo sasemsebenzini sokulwa nobulili. Ukuqamba okuzungeze ezocansi-umsebenzi kukhonza ukwandisa amahloni kubantu abakwimboni kunokuba kusekele futhi kuhlonishwe ilungelo labo lokuthengisa ucansi njengensizakalo. Kwesinye isikhathi izinkolelo eziqinile ngaphakathi kwerenti yeNoFap zingenza kube yindawo ehlukanisayo kakhulu yabantu abazizwa bengasebenzi empilweni yabo yobulili, kodwa futhi bangazizwa isidingo sokusebenzisa i-porn, umsebenzi wezocansi kanye nokushaya indlwabu.
Ukusondelana kwami kwangempela bekuyinto yokuqala kimi, ngakho-ke ngiyekile ukubuka i-porn ngasebenza ngokushesha futhi angibange ngisabheka emuva (kahle, ukushaya indlwabu kunempilo, ngakho-ke namanje ngisakwenza lokho kanye ngesikhashana).
Ucwaningo lubonisa ukuthi intsha esebenzisa i-porn ngenkani inamazinga aphansi wokuhlanganiswa komphakathi, yanda ezinkingeni zokuziphatha, ekuziphatheni okukhohlisayo, izimpawu ezicindezelayo, futhi inciphise ukubopha okungokomzwelo nabanakekeli. Ngenkathi abantu abadala, kunezifundo ezingaphezu kwama-75 ukuxhumanisa ukusetshenziswa kobulili okungcolile nokwaneliseka kocansi nobudlelwano, kanye zithinte kabi izinkolelo zethu nezimo zethu maqondana nabesifazane. Ukulwa Nezidakamizwa Ezintsha, iwebhusayithi enikezelwe ukucwaninga ngomphumela we-porn ebuchosheni, ikholelwa ukuthi ubuchopho bethu abuklanyelwanga ukubhekana nezinga lokukhuthaza ngocansi elivela ku-porn.
Ngaphambi kokuthi uhlelwe yinhlekelele ngemikhuba yakho, kuye kube nokunqaba kokungabekezeleliki kwesimo sengqondo sokungabekezeleliki kwe-porn kanye ne-wanking. Ngo-2016, isazi sezinzwa uNicole Prause sitshele The Guardian: “Le miphakathi eku-inthanethi izishaye yazula lapho esikhathini esidlule amadoda ayengazange athinteke. Bese kuthi ngokuzayo lapho beya ocansini bazenzele usizi olukhulu ngokwengeziwe. ” [QAPHELA: Ukuthola okuningi ngokubandlululwa kwesithombe sezocansi uNicole Prause bheka Ingabe uNicole Prause Uthonywe Ngu-Industry Industry?]
Lokho okushiwo, ngemuva kwezinyanga ezintathu kuya kweziyisithupha zokuyeka i-porn my isidumbu saphola kulokho okukuqala okwomile, obekuphumuza okukhulu. Kepha, kuvela ukuthi akuyimi ngedwa wesifazane okade ekuleli hambo. Umbhali we-YouTube u-Alana Parekh isebenzisa isiteshi sabesifazane se-NoFap futhi ichaza izindaba zethu zangesikhathi esedlule ngokuthi "zijwayelekile kakhulu". U-Alana, 28, wayeka ukubuka izithombe zocansi nokushaya indlwabu eminyakeni emibili edlule, ngemuva kokukuthola okokuqala eneminyaka eyisikhombisa. Ngesikhathi eseyintombazanyana, ebhekisisa amashaneli we-TV “abadala” abancane eChicago ngenkathi abazali bakhe belele phezulu, wayengazi ukuthi ubonani. “Angitholanga ngempela ukuthi bekuyini. Bengicabanga ukuthi ngibuka lomhlaba wabantu abadala abahlanyayo. Bengicabanga ukuthi yinto okufanele yenziwe yibo bonke abantu abadala futhi ngaba nomuzwa wokuthi mhlawumbe kwakuyinto obekufanele ngiyenze nami lapho sengikhulile, ”ungitshela ngocingo. Lokho okuqale njengokulangazelela okwakhula kwaba ngamahora amabili kuya kwamathathu okubuka izithombe ezingcolile nsuku zonke.
Ngemuva kweminyaka ecishe ibe ngu-20 eyimilutha yezocansi, u-Alana wazibeka inselelo yezinsuku ezingama-90 yeNoFap. Ngemuva kokuphinda ebuye futhi noma amabili, wakwazi ukwenza umthambo wakhe wokuqala kwezocansi futhi wathi umuzwa wakhe wobuhle beqiniso, "ngokuzumayo abantu abasondelene nami baqala ukubonakala bebahle kakhulu." Ukudana komoya okwamenza wazizwa njenge- "zombie" kubukeka sengathi wanyamalala lapho eyeka. Manje usiza abanye ukuba basebenze ngemilutha yabo, banikela ukusekela okukodwa kwe-Skype futhi bavule ulwazi ngokuhlangenwe nakho kwakhe esiteshini sakhe se-YouTube. “Ngizizwa nginothando olukhulu lokusiza abantu ukuba banqobe manje. Njengokubona nje ukuthi kungenzelwa ini empilweni yami, ngizwa sengathi ngithole umoya wami, ”kusho yena ngenjabulo.
Akekho kubazali bethu baseNdiya owazihlanganisa izindaba zocansi noma zocansi nathi eshumini nambili, ngakho sababona ngengozi ngokufana. Siyazi ukuthi unyaka ojwayelekile izingane eziqala ukubuka izithombe zocansi cishe iminyaka engu-11 ngokusho kweminye imithombo, kanti abanye bathi kunjalo omncane njenge ayisishiyagalombili, kepha zingaki izingane lezo minyaka ezifundiswe okuthile ngakho?
Ukubuka i-porn ngaphandle kwe-lens ebucayi noma yimfundo ethile kushiye u-Alana emanga kabi: “Ngisakhula nginomqondo wokuthi lolu hlobo lothando kufanele lube njani. Kwathinta nomzimba wami. Ngiqale ukunaka ngempela ukuthi abesifazane babukeka kanjani futhi ngaqala ukuqhathanisa nomzimba wami nabo ngavele ngazibuza ukuthi ngabe kunjani ukubukeka okujwayelekile, njengowesifazane. ” Izithombe zocansi ezijwayelekile zibonisa abesifazane bengelutho lwezinto zocansi ngokubuka owesilisa: “Kwangenza ngazwakala sengathi kuningi engikufanele okuzoboshelwa kulokho engingakwenza ngocansi,” kusho u-Alana.
Kubalulekile ukudonsa umehluko phakathi kweqiniso lokuthi i-wanking kuyinto ejwayelekile futhi inempilo, futhi ukuya ku-porn akudingeki ukuthi kube yinkinga njalo. I-porn idlala indima enhle ezimpilweni zabantu abaningi futhi ibilokhu inhlansi yabesifazane abaningi abafunda ukuzithwala - okubalulekile lokho U-39% wabesifazane uthe bahlala behlangana njalo ngesikhathi sokushaya indlwabu ngenkathi ama-6% bethi bahlala behlangana njalo lapho beya ocansini nomlingani. Izingosi ze-porn nezinama-fetish abaluleke kakhulu kubantu abaningi ukuhlola ama-kinks abo, futhi kukhona nabasebenza ngocansi emhlabeni wonke abazizwa benamandla okuhweba kwabo.
Noma kunjalo, abanye besifazane bancike ekusebenziseni i-porn njengendlela yokuphunyuka ekwehlisweni kwangaphambilini. U-Oghosa Ovienrioba, iblogger yaseNigeria kanye ne-YouTuber, wahlukunyezwa njengomuntu oneminyaka emihlanu. Ubonisa ukuthi ukusebenzisa kwakhe izithombe zobulili ezingcolile kwakhula kanjani ekuhlukunyezweni kwakhe okwamenza waba nesifiso sobulili ngaphambi kwesikhathi. “Bengizizwa nginesifiso sobulili ngisemncane kakhulu. Ngokusobala angizange ngikhulume namuntu ngakho, kwaba sengathi kuntenga futhi yilapho-ke ngaqala ukubukela ezocansi, ”kusho yena njengoba sikhuluma ocingweni. U-Oghosa wabona i-porn njenge "ndlela yokuphuma" yokuphunyuka kokunye, futhi futhi uchaza umphumela weStockholm Syndrome lapho ngazizwa nginamathele kumhlukumezi wami futhi ngazizwa nginamathele ngendlela engangizizwa ngayo lapho ngihlukunyezwa. ”
Uma sikhuluma ocingweni, usanda kubuya ekuqopheni ividiyo ye-YouTube yesiteshi sakhe lapho ekhuluma ngobuhle, ubuzwe besimnyama nokukholwa kwakhe. Naphezu kweqiniso lokuthi wabuka cishe amahora amane we-porn ngosuku kusukela eneminyaka eyi-14 kuye kwengu-20, lapho eseba ngumkristu ozelwe kabusha wayeka ukubuka amafilimu amadala kanye nokushaya indlwabu ngokuphelele. Ukhumbula ekhala egeza futhi “ethandaza kuNkulunkulu ethi, 'Uma ungokoqobo, ngicela ungangivumeli ngibuyele kule nto'. Futhi angizange. ”
"Impela ngangizizwa sengathi yingane," kusho u-Oghosa njengoba sikhuluma ngokuthi ukumelwa kwabesifazane abamnyama kuma-porn kumyekise kanjani. Uyaqhubeka, “I-porn nabesifazane abamnyama kuyo imvamisa inolaka, futhi iyesabisa. Leyo yinto yokuthi abesifazane abamnyama bayizilwane futhi ungenza nje okufunayo ngemizimba yabo. " Ukuhlukaniswa kwezinhlanga ku-porn kusebenza ngempela kusimende okulimaza ama-stereotypes asevele ekhona.
Ngenkathi i-porn ikhombisa umphakathi, nge Ukuvakasha okungu-1,000 kwe-PornHub okwenzeka njalo kumasekhondi, ithonya laso kubantu alinakuphikwa. Ngokusho kokubuyekezwa kwezindawo ezenziwa ngonyaka ka-2019, bekuba khona isilinganiso sokuvakasha esiyizigidi eziyi-115 ngosuku (okulingana nenani labantu baseCanada, Australia, Poland kanye neNetherlands bonke abavakashela ngosuku olulodwa), ngezigaba ezinobuhlanga ezifana "IJapan", "isiKorea" ne "Ebony" ziqala phezulu ohlwini amagama atholakala kakhulu.
Abesifazane abasebasha, ikakhulukazi labo abavela emiphakathini yezenkolo, bazizwa bejabhile ngemikhuba yabo. Ekujuleni kwenkundla yabesifazane yeNoFap, ngithole owesifazane ongumSulumane oneminyaka engama-21 waseJalimane othi “uthandaza amahlandla ayisihlanu ngosuku” futhi umlutha kakhulu wokushaya indlwabu. Yize ayefuna ukuhlala engaziwa uveza ukuthi waqala eneminyaka eyi-11, ethi: “Ngangiwumuntu ocindezelekile ngaleso sikhathi, ngangihlukunyezwa, ngakho-ke lapho ngiphulula indlwabu, kwakufana nokukhipha yonke into engaphakathi emzimbeni wami. Ngathola injabulo engangiyidinga ngalowo mzuzu, ngikhohliwe izinhlungu ngaphakathi komphefumulo wami. Bengifuna ukuzwa lo muzwa ofanele ngaso sonke isikhathi. ”
Ngemuva kweminyaka emibili, ukunambitheka kwakhe kwaqonda kwi-BDSM: “Ngifunde nokuzibopha nami futhi ngiphulula indlwabu ngenkathi ngiboshiwe. Ngazijezisa ngendlela ebuhlungu obekujabulisa kakhulu kimi. ” Ngenkathi ethola isithangami esingaziwa ukwesekwa, uthe uzizwa enecala elikhulu futhi enamahloni ngoba izinkanuko zakhe zocansi zingqubuzana nezinkolelo zakhe. Isizathu sokuthi yena, njengami, akhulume ngalezi zipiliyoni ukuzama ukulwa nokuhlazeka nokuhlanya, ngoba kuphela ukuthulisa ukukhuluma nokufunda.
Ngiyakuzwela ngemiphumela emibi ejwayelekile ukusetshenziswa kwe-porn engaba nayo. Kepha ukushaya indlwabu yinto yemvelo eyenziwa ngabesilisa nabesifazane, ngakho bengifuna ukwazi ukuthi kungani abantu abaningi kangaka beyeka bobabili. Uhambo luka-Oghosa lwaluhlobene kakhulu nezinkolelo zakhe zenkolo. NjengomKristu, uthe "uyayibekisisa futhi ubona ukuthi lithini ibhayibheli ngokushaya indlwabu".
Ngakolunye uhlangothi, u-Alana unezizathu ezingahambisani nengokomoya ngomqondo wendabuko. “Ngicabanga ukuthi kuyofika nje ukuthi kungani uhlephulula izisu. Kimi, bengijwayela ukushaya indlwabu njengendlela yokubalekela izinkinga zami, ”echaza. “Futhi, kuthiwa kunomjikelezo ofanayo we-dopamine ebuchosheni uma uthatha noma yisiphi isidakamizwa esinzima kuye lapho wenza i-orgasm. Ngakho-ke emavikini amabili alandelayo le-orgasm, uhlala ekushodeni kwe-dopamine, "kuchaza u-Alana, ekhononda ezinye zezifundo ucwaningile. Okokugcina, futhi le yinto engingaxhumana nayo, uthi ukuyeka ukushaya indlwabu kungenza ukusondelana nomuntu othandana naye kube nomdlandla futhi kujabulise.
Uhulumeni wase-UK uzame ukuletha ukuvinjwa kwezithombe zocansi kwabangaphansi kweminyaka engu-18 ngoJulayi owedlule, kepha sewumisiwe. Uhlelo lokuqinisekisa iminyaka abafuna ukuletha lulula ahlukaniswe ngemizuzu ngoba yi-inthanethi futhi i-UK isebangeni elide ukusuka ekwenziweni ngempumelelo namaphoyisa. Ukuvimbela i-porn kuvimbela izingxoxo futhi kwandise ukubanjezelwa. Kuyakhokha izinsizakalo zezindebe ezindabeni abantu abasha ababhekana nazo ngokudonsa ikhethini phezu kwayo (ephakanyiswa kalula yinoma ngubani one-VPN), esikhundleni sokufundisa izingane ukuthi zicabange kanjani ngokugxekile ngalokho okuboshelwe ukukubona.
“Ukuvinxa okuthile kufana nokufaka i-bandaid kuyo. Akukona ngempela ukukhuluma ngezimpande ukuthi kungani abantu befuna ukuyibuka kuqala, ”kuchaza u-Alana. Uthe isifiso sethu sokubukela i-porn akusona esikahle, kepha lokho "okubeka engxenyeni yesidingo somuntu sonke esinaso, okuyisifiso sokuxhuma, uthando, ukusondelana kanye nezocansi". Uqhubeka athi: “Kufana nokuthi unikezwe inkohliso yokuthi weneliseka bese kuthi ngokuhamba kwesikhathi ingayichitha imizwa yakho yocansi kanye nemibono yakho ngendlela emnyama impela.”
Kunamakhulu ezinkulungwane zabantu abavela kuwo wonke umhlaba ababhekene nemikhuba yabo yezocansi futhi babika imiphumela yezinguquko ngemuva kokuyeka ukushaya indlwabu nokushaya indlwabu. Ukusuka ekukhulumeni nalabo abenze i-NoFap, kubonakala sengathi ukushaya indlwabu kuba yinempilo uma kungalinganiswa kusuka ku-porn. Manje sengazi inqwaba yabesifazane abafunde kabi le ndlela, noma sengineminyaka engu-16 ngangicabanga ukuthi uyedwa.
;