Ngihambe izinsuku ezingama-91 manje ngaphandle kokushaya indlwabu noma i-porn, ngakho-ke ngizozama ukubhala kancane manje mayelana nesipiliyoni sami. Ikhawuntari yami iku-91, kepha ngaya ocansini ngosuku lwe-38, futhi ngazizwa sengathi "ngisebenzisa" intombazane engalala nayo ngendlela efanayo nengisebenzise ngayo i-porn. Ngezwa ukuthi kungibuyisela emuva. Ngakho-ke manje ngihlela ukuya ezinsukwini ezingama-128, okuzosho izinsuku ezingama-90 ze “mode hard.” Ngihlose ukweqa ngaphezu kwalokho, kepha maqondana nento ephelele yokungashadi, anginasiqiniseko.
Ngiyaqiniseka ngokuphelele ukuthi ukushaya indlwabu ocansini kwakungigcina ngicindezelekile futhi ngingakhuthazeki. Bengihlala ngicabanga ukuthi ngishaye indlwabu ukwanelisa "ukushayela kwami okuphezulu kocansi," kepha manje ngicabanga ukuthi empeleni bengikusebenzisa nje ukuthi ngibaleke. Ngingashaya indlwabu esikhundleni sokubhekana nezinselelo empilweni yami. Ngicabanga ukuthi isimo sami sengqondo kulezi “zinselele” sishintshile impela selokhu ngiyekile ukushaya indlwabu. Ngaphambilini, benginombono ongemuhle futhi bengithambekele ekuzameni ukugwema ukubhekana nezinto. Ngenkathi kusenezinyanga ezimbalwa nje, futhi angikenzi ushintsho olukhulu empilweni, ngizizwa ngikwazi ukubhekana nempilo. Angikabi nethemba njengangaphambili.
Isonto lokuqala noma amabili, kwakudingeka ngiqaphele ngoba nganginemikhuba ethile yokungazi ezungeze ukushaya indlwabu nokubuka i-porn. Kwase kuyisiko elicishe libe yasebusuku kimi ukuthi ngilethe i-laptop yami ngiyilele embhedeni wami, ngemuva kokugeza amazinyo futhi ngilungele ukulala, futhi ngibhekabheka amavidiyo wamahhala wama-porn. Lapho ngiyeka ukushaya indlwabu, ngabona ukuthi kwavele kwavuleka isikhathi lapho ngangingaqiniseki ukuthi ngenzeni. Ngicabanga ukuthi ngisafana no “mlutha” ngendlela efanayo kwi-intanethi, facebook, njll, kanye nokuphuza ubhiya. Ngisho kwesinye isikhathi kule subreddit, manje njengoba ngingabheki i-porn noma ukushaya indlwabu. Ngisebenzisa ukuzisebenzisela ukuzijabulisa lapho kuzodingeka ngithole okuthile engingakwenza.
Ngicabanga ukuthi ukushaya indlwabu ocansini kuyingozi kakhulu, noma kunjalo, ngoba kumosha amandla akho ezocansi ngendlela leyo eminye imisebenzi engakwenzi, futhi kuthinta isimo sakho sengqondo, kungakhathalekile ukuthi "uyazi ukuthi akulona iqiniso" noma yini . Angikaze ngizithande izigcawu zocansi ezinamandla, ezinobudlova, ezinodlame ezivamile kangaka namuhla – lezo eziqala njalo nge-blowjob engenangqondo okusobala ukuthi ayimnandi kunoma ngubani othintekayo, futhi njalo iphela ngokujuza ebusweni bentombazane, ngempama eningi futhi ukuklolodela kulo lonke – kepha ngangiwabuka kwesinye isikhathi ukuthi “ehle,” futhi akunakwenzeka ukuthi ungathintwa yilezi zinto.
Noma ngabe izithombe zobulili ezingcolile "bezijwayelekile", kumane nje kwacijwa ukubuka isibonisi esikrinini sabanye abaya ocansini nokushaya indlwabu kuso. Akuyona indlela obekufanele siphile ngayo. Uma singakubona ngokweqiniso lokhu ukuthi kuyini ngempela, ngicabanga ukuthi ngeke sisafuna ukukwenza.
Noma kunjalo, ngagijimisa kancane. Ngokuyisisekelo, ngisakhuthazeka kakhulu ukuthi ngingafaki izithombe ezingcolile. Kuneqiniso elithile ngemuva komqondo "wokuqalisa kabusha." Kuyacaca kimi ukuthi izinto bezishintshile ebuchosheni bami, futhi isikhathi siyadingeka ukuze babuyele kokujwayelekile. Ukuyeka i-porn nokushaya indlwabu ngokuphelele yikho okuvumele lokhu ukuthi kwenzeke.
Kuningi okuhilelekile lapha. Kokunye, ukushaya indlwabu kumavidiyo kukonke bekuqeqesha ubuchopho bami ukuthi busebenze ngendlela engeyona eyemvelo, futhi kwenze kube nzima kimi ukuphila impilo ejwayelekile, enempilo (bheka yourbrainonporn). Futhi, i-porn ye-tummy ithungisiwe ngempela, futhi lokho kwakunethonya elibi ezimpilweni zami kwabanye abantu (bheka "Usuku Inkanyezi Yami Yezocansi" futhi "Ezingcolile Ebuchosheni" kusuka ku-Channel 4).
OKHUNYE, ngicabanga ukuthi ukushaya indlwabu nhlobo kakhulu kuthinta amazinga akho wamandla (bheka izinkolo zasendulo zasempumalanga namafilosofi). Kukushiya ngokuphelele amandla obekumele uwasebenzise ukuze uphile. Ukuthi isifiso sakho ukuthola impumelelo emkhakheni othile, ukuthola owakwakho, ukuvela ngokomoya, noma ukuhlanganiswa kwawo, noma okunye, UFUNA la mandla. Ukushaya indlwabu kuyayichitha. Kushiya ungaphili futhi ungavikeleki.
Ngiyethemba ukuthi kufike okuthile kulokhu okungahlelekile. Ngikufisela inhlanhla, futhi ngibona nina ezinsukwini ze-37!
by kubhalwe phansi izinsuku 91
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