Porn Problems: Here Come the Women (2013)

25 thoughts on “Porn Problems: Here Come the Women (2013)

  1. A woman Femstronaut

    Oh how far I have come since finding this subreddit. I can’t thank everyone enough for being so supportive. 60 days without porn, 26 without MO. Both are new records for me. I feel as if I am in the middle of the great transformation I have always dreamed of having the energy for: better eating, better attitude, motivation for everything across the board, more energy physically and mentally and my anxiety is melting away. My voice sounds “sexier” too.

    Thanks nofap!

    http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/1i4zgn/60_days_without_porn_today_and_i_found_this/cb118iv

  2. A woman explains porn to another woman

    I’m a woman with a porn problem so maybe I can help give you some perspective. When I look at porn, I don’t necessarily like what I see, but I know it will get me off. It’s a brain thing. The kinds of things I look at sometimes, are things I would NEVER do, and I would NEVER cheat on my husband.

    My therapist once told me that if you get it stuck in your brain that a bad feeling, like disgust, guilt, anger is connected to orgasm.. It becomes what turns you on. whatever he’s looking for porn-wise, may make him feel bad.. but it’s the bad feeling that gives him the orgasm.. not saying that for sure as I don’t know him, but that’s a very common mechanism.

    What nofap does is allow a person to reset that mechanism, so they can learn to orgasm to positive, nurturing stimuli. I think you should give him a chance, the fact that he’s working on changing is a very good sign. I have known many women who’s husbands do this and they won’t even consider trying to change. If you stick with him and help him out, your relationship will be stronger in the end.

    Also, you may want to look into some counseling alternatives in your area.

    http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/1j020d/ok_no_fapchange_my_mind/cb9qopp

  3. Femstronaut on forum

    As a female doing nofap I wasn’t really sure what the results would be like. I’m on day 15 now, and I am finding I care more about the people I love and I want them to be happy. I am also cooking and baking all the time. It seems to ease the tension somehow. This is one effect I definitely was not expecting! Perhaps from an increase in estrogen and progesterone? Its a feeling I’d forgotten for a long time.

    NoFap is making me more nurturing

  4. Comment posted on “Psychology Today” under another article

    Porn causing ED in Men/Causing loss of sex drive in women I am female and I used to watch porn all the time. Mainly because my boyfriend could not get turned on without watching porn first. So he had me watch it with him.For a long time I could not get turned on without watching porn first and then having sex or masturbating.

    After a while I could not get turned on at all without porn and I could get an orgasm only when I masturbated, but not from sex.

    I have talked to female friends and some of them can not orgasm from sex but they can when they watch porn. So this does not only affect guys it affects women also.

  5. [A young woman hooked on porn gets her boyfriend’s help]

    Personally I felt better about my PMO problems after I told my b/f about and he’s said he feels less insecure and it’s put his mind at ease knowing that our relationship/sex problems had a lot to do with my PMO problem. Now he’s my accountability partner – I relapsed yesterday and the worst part was having to tell him about it!! 🙁 He said to me which was lovely – “we’re in this together,” so I just feel a ton of support from him which is great. Obviously everyone’s different, but if you’re b/f is quite into  PMO a swell it might be good for two to try and stop together?

    http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/1o4uig/this_is_weird_things_that_have_changed_for_me/ccoueev

  6. Another woman’s perspective if you are interested.

    I started having sex before the internet even existed. I think this may have really messed me up in a different way. Sex used to be good. I mean really good. Then something started to change. I noticed it about ten years ago. Sex was becoming increasingly unsatisfying. All I could think was that this was normal and had to do with age. I was only in my 20’s.

    I have always masturbated since a young age, but I think it increased exponentially over the last decade. I think I thought because sex had become so unpleasant with age, I was resigned to masterbating for the rest of my life. This is in my 20’s. That’s crazy.

    There were times that I started to get hints that fap and porn were what’s wrong with men, but 10 years ago thete was no info on nofap anywhere. I found some old book on controlling your ejaculation which my boyfriend at the time laughed at.

    Fast forward another 10 years, and sex is worse than you can imagine. At this point I can’t figure out why people even do it any more. Worse now – I’m part of the problem. I had some incredibley bad sex, so bad I decided never to do it again unless I could find someone PMO free. I’m only in my 30’s.

    I’ve personally had some very long streaks with a mess up here and there. All I can really say is you get it back. If you stop, sex becomes good again. It’s a million times better than any one self made orgasm.

    I lost like 20 good years of my life because of this. If it wasn’t them, it was me. Don’t fap. Don’t do this to yourself. Don’t do this to someone else. Sex is supposed to be fun. Pleasurable. Every time you rub one out you ruin it. You ruin it for the girl and you ruin it for yourself.

    I feel bad for you guys and girls who grew up with a computer in your home. Who were addicted to porn and already heavy masturbators before losing your virginity. I know what you lost. That’s the only thing I am thankful for in all of this. That I know what I am missing.

    Another woman’s perspective if you are interested.

  7. One Femstronaut’s story

    This day last year I was stuck in a depressed funk. I had been repeating the same cycles of compulsive sex for six years and compulsive masturbation for longer than that. I had become very good at lying, manipulation and pretending. Nothing was my fault, I could blame all my problems on something else, and I was great at making excuses. I was, and still am, a sex addict.

    I have been identifying as a sex addict since 2009. Since then I have stopped binge drinking and abusing prescription drugs, weed and club drugs. Getting off of substances was easy compared to the emotional and behavioral changes that I needed to make. Some consequences of my sex addiction included (but were definitely not limited to) multiple emotional and sexual affairs on my long-term partners, often having multiple affairs at the same time, lying to and manipulating others for my own immediate gratification, compulsive masturbation just to get through the day, and all around emotional stuntedness.

    One year ago I had made good progress on my relationships. I had left an unhealthy relationship and somehow managed to break my cycle of hopping from one unhealthy thing into the next. However I still viewed fapping as no big deal, because “I wasn’t hurting anyone, right?” I couldn’t understand why I was unproductive, unambitious and mentally drained when I knew I was capable of more. I could no longer keep my personal life from affecting my work life, and my year end review was dismal. My daily schedule looked something like this: wake up, fap, eat breakfast, go to work, do little to no work while fantasizing about sex, go home immediately, fap, avoid doing chores/groceries/socializing (or if I absolutely had to do something, fap to get the energy to do it), go to bed, fap self to sleep. As a result I was eating poorly, isolating myself and actively doing my best to lose my job.

    This day last year an all-night-fap-binge triggered me to take the next step in my recovery. It was hard as shit. I boxed up and eventually tossed my entire sex toy collection. I cleared my browser history and even installed blocking software on my most frequented porn sites. I tried to keep busy by researching hobbies I wanted to try (which ranged from learning ukulele to learning how to sew and a ton of other crazy shit). I strictly scheduled my days for the first few weeks, never trusting myself to be alone with free time. I shared my sobriety plan with my 12 step group.

    Somehow something worked. I made it through that first rough month. I learned how to sleep without it, I learned how to avoid porn, I learned how to calm myself down when I was craving. I went through withdrawal, cried a bunch, dealt with some early childhood trauma. Found support from this subreddit early on and from my therapist and 12 step group. I started eating better, working out more consistently, taking care of myself when I was hungry, emotional, lonely or tired. I became the adult I knew I should and could be. I learned how to properly do my own makeup, dress myself, do my hair to look and feel good. I took baby steps everywhere I could; stopped buying junk food, started playing a sport, volunteered at the library, host a game nights for my friends, stopped talking to people who liked the drunk/nympho me better than the new me.

    I had a few close calls. I went through withdrawal for several straight weeks at first and again at 3 months and 11 months. Each time it got easier to sit through. I have learned how to feel emotions that I thought I never had. I have learned how to be uncomfortable and just be ok with that, I no longer need to escape with sex/masturbation. I have stopped having emotional and irrational outbursts. I have lost 10 lbs and have stopped emotional eating. I even lead my 12 step group now.

    The progress that I have made astounds me. I just have to keep reminding myself that a year is a long time and it’s all the sum of hundreds of baby steps. I am happy and I finally understand what it means to be happy. I am healthy and I finally understand how to listen to my needs and know what my wants are. I always knew what to do to take care of myself, I just needed to stop compulsively masturbating long enough to give myself the time and emotional energy to do the work.

    I just wanted to say, from the bottom of my heart, thank you to all the Fapstronauts out there. Thank you to every single man and woman on this subreddit willing to make themselves vulnerable and share their struggles. Thank you to everyone working hard to make this a safe space to share (even on throwaways). My heart goes out to everyone still struggling with their compulsions and their withdrawal. If compulsive fapping is ruling your life, I know you will find the strength to stop.

    Tomorrow I am 1 year sober and I plan on staying this way until I die of old age. I am aborting this self destruct sequence.

    http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/1ty6t0/tomorrow_i_am_1_year_sober/

     

  8. NoPorn Confidence Explained (Women’s Edition)

    Last night I read /u/RainFallsOnEveryone ‘s post http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/1wedby/noporn_confidence_explained/ where he outlined the effects of porn on men. I decided to translate his post into a women’s point of view.

    Part 1

    -We look at the porn stars in the videos and want to be desired as they are so we have a low level of respect for ourselves because that’s what porn sex teaches young girls: You are disposable, you are a hole for him and nothing more. An object

    -We consume more porn, seeing these “perfect bodies” that we couldn’t be like without plastic surgery/heavy makeup/flattering camera angles. The perception of what is real has changed.

    -Our self respect is lowered and our confidence is even lower.

    Part 2

    -The women in these videos are selected because of looks and most importantly (to the industry) their breast size, and appearance of vagina.

    -Most of us have ordinary vaginas, probably unshaven but not always. We have uneven labia minora and majora. Our labia might be a weird shape/size/color. Our breasts are normal. Our rears too fat/flat/square.

    -By watching porn we are brainwashing ourselves to think that we are not normal.

    -Comparing ourselves to the people in porn we feel inadequate, this forms an insecurity and shy away from sexual intercourse. (And being social in general, at least I find.)

    Conclusion – It’s not possible to have self-respect and confidence while watching porn.

    Solution – Stop watching porn. This thinking goes away. You will be able to be social again. You will want to talk to new men and women.

    This is a post about NoPorn, not NoFap. Masturbation itself has it’s own consequences and effects.

    Edit* – I wanted to add another note, I feel these effects really depend on one’s level of consumption. Someone who watches porn maybe just once in a while likely wont feel this way. But people who watch it consistently will feel these effects.

    NoPorn Confidence Explained (Women’s Edition)

    by LCD8724

     

  9. Erotica is women’s challenge

    [Post on r/nofap] http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/1yx6yz/from_a_girls_experience_why_do_women_need_to_be/

    So, I want to lay out an argument explaining why girls are here and what benefit women gain from no fap from a female experience. I’ll start.

    Society

    Society tells us women that fapping is an addiction only men have. So if you’re a woman who faps 20 times a day, blows off dinner with the girlfriends for solo night fapping and whose closest friend is your vibrator, society says, ” Wow, you’re so sexually enlightened and sex-positive!”. You never get any shame or messages from society saying your behavior is unacceptable before it’s too late. By the time many women have gotten to the point where they say I think I have a sex addiction, things have gotten really bad. Maybe they have failed to satisfy a significant other or they have no significant other at all, our rock bottoms are sometimes even lower than male rock bottoms because we can’t believe that, as women, we have a problem.

    Recovery

    When we finally want to recover, it is very very hard to find a place or a program that deals with female sex addiction. Every single web site I saw talked about porn, which I DO NOT WATCH ( more about this later). Most websites are catered to guys, which made me feel alone and even more isolated. I remember realizing I had an addiction and feeling embarrassed because girls were not supposed to have these problems and confused because I couldn’t find any groups with women who knew what I was going through. I remember how happy I felt when I found women on this forum and realized I was not the only one who suffered. It’s felt very validating and I felt like I could finally begin to tackle my problem.

    How women’s PMO is different

    Female PMO is different and not because no fap gave women another terminology for fapping. (Schlicking? what the hell is that?) It’s different because often women get off more than guys. I have female friends that can get off a ridiculous amount of times in one night because the female biological makeup allows that to happen. But most importantly, many females (not all) spend a lot of time not with porn, but with erotica. The female experience involves a lot of fantasizing to get off, while men are very visual. With the internet, it’s easy to find erotica everywhere, and there are entire forums dedicated to the type of erotica you want. At my worst, I would have 7 or 8 different internet pages and go through them for about 3 or 4 hours or more, looking for the perfect sex story to get off on. To deal with the female pmo problem, one has to deal with erotica. Vibrators, are second. Having never used one, I cannot tell you anything except,people I know talk about the grip of death and can no longer get off by penis alone.

    How Female PMO is the same:

    So, I’ve read comments from guys here where they think of a woman with a vibrator as a sexy thing. To them, female PMO is about those hazy porno videos and a lot of moaning. Fuck that shit. Female PMO is just as disgusting and pathetic as male pmo. It is lying in bed after the 12th or 15th time you’ve gotten off and wishing there was a guy beside you. It is about being lonely and empty and turning to pmo when you have problems. It is about becoming so sloppy, you don’t bother to dress in anything other than sweatpants and sweatshirts because hey, guys don’t matter and you don’t want a bf. right? right? It is being to shy and too socially awkward to hold eye contact with your friends, forget about some guy you like who’s dancing at a party. When you think of female PMO, I entreat you to think of a girl, at 3 am in the morning, lying on bed, vibrator beside here, staring at the ceiling. Feeling cold and sad and alone and crying to herself because she feels lonely. There’s nothing glamorous and sexy about it. Infact, it’s the least sexy thing you can do.

    Anyway, I really like you guys and thank you for letting me be a part of your community. I just noticed that the guys on this forum are rather kind to women and I felt that explaining PMO form a women’s perspective would do a lot of good. I sincerely hope that this helps guys here understand what women are going through and treat us as sisters in arms. Thank you.

     

  10. A woman describes her experience after a month of no porn

    I am a 26 year old female. I was in a pretty fruitless long term relationship where I was able to utilize porn to pick up the slack. After the relationship ended, I definitely increased my porn use to every day. I met my now fiance and we have sex pretty regularly. However, when I was out of work for a couple of months, I was masturbating several times a day. By the time he got home, I didnt ever feel like having sex or the sex just didnt feel that great.

    I went back to work but still was masturbating and watching porn at least 2-3x a day. I realized he was rarely able to get me off with oral (he used to all the time!) and never could with his hands.

    It has been four weeks of no masturbation, porn or vibrators and I feel like a changed woman!!! Our sex together has become so much more fruitful and connected. I dont have porn images running through my head. He’s able to get me off so easily now with both oral and his hands and I feel like he is so much more fulfilled. I am craving him versus craving the porn. I still get urges but I am more able and willing to control myself.

    http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/2gw52e/i_am_a_woman_yesterday_was_one_month_of_no/

  11. Help!
    I have been redirected here from the male forum since that was the only one i could find.

    I’m 21 female and in a relationship with a woman.
    My biggest porn induced problem is that i cannot orgasm with my girlfriend.
    ive only had 1 orgasm with her and it only happened because i was fantasising about porn.

    i don’t have many of the common issues as far as im aware, i never went to crazy heights with masturbating per day and it never really got progressively more hardcore. The inability to orgasm with my partner is my biggest issue.

    ive been rebooting for 6 weeks.
    i guess im just wondering if anyone has had the sane issue as me and if so, dod you ever get back to normal?

    Help!!

  12. I’m a 20 year old female. Here is my story

    So, this is going to sound crazy, but I’ve been masturbating since I WAS THREE YEARS OLD. I know, sounds fucked up. I have a cousin about the same age, and she showed me how to do it. It became an uphill battle after that. My parents caught me and were so concerned. They didn’t know how to help, so they didn’t allow me baths anymore. (I’d run water…you get the point).

    I found out I could masturbate with my hands and continued. I didn’t understand what it was. I just knew it felt good. My mom finally told me that it was what sex feels like when I was 12. I felt disgusting and stopped… for a few hours. I started doing it in my classes under my desk. I had a real issue.

    Fast foward 17 years and I have an addiction. The porn kept getting more hardcore and I found myself disgusted with what I watched. I met my boyfriend who introduced me to NoFap. It took me a while to grasp the concept of a man who doesn’t watch porn or masturbate. Then I decided to give it a try myself.

    I made it 21 days on my first try! I was on top of the world. I felt better. Had more cofidence. And our sex was AMAZING. Then I broke. Since then I can hardly make it for a week.

    It’s been 9 wonderful months with this man and I owe it to him to save myself for him. I broke today, but I am finally willing to say it out loud and really commit- I AM READY TO QUIT. If anyone wants to give me some advice, I’d sincerely appreciate it! Wish me luck on my hopefully life long journey!

    Thanks for reading guys!

    I’m a 20 year old female. Here is my story and hopefully the beginning of a successful journey.

  13. 22F: revelation and opinions on female porn addiction deniers

    Just putting it out there, 22F, never had sex. I used to shut people down when they hit on me because I thought to myself (I can satisfy myself just fine, what can they do? they don’t even know my body), also thinking “I just don’t have time for dating”

    But I had enough time to be hours on my laptop, PMO, just being lazy. I’m only got through day 4 but I’ve not fapped for a day since I was like 15. I kept seeing people as unnecessary in life. Now I realize I’m not going to start dating someone magically. I have to be better. I want to be better, even before I find someone I care about that way.

    I was so far from reality I couldn’t stand a real person touching me. That’s super fucked up! Also, to the guys that say that girls don’t get nofap, let me tell you. We get as horny as y’all do. We have the same stuff going on. Some of the horniest people I’ve met have been girls (for fucking real!). If a girl doesn’t understand nofap, it’s not because she’s a woman. We’ve been taught porn is something to expect guys to watch. We don’t want to think about it. We belittle it (he’s just letting off steam), because deep down girls have all sorts of insecurities about their bf/husbands watching naked girls that aren’t them. If they belittle nofap, or your addiction, maybe they’re just acting out for talking about it, or admitting it’s a problem. Let me just tell you, as much as YOU think porn is a part of life (as much as your peers have made it normal), so has it been made the norm for US. We’ve also been told it’s no big deal. In a world of boozers no one is an alcoholic.

    edit: also, having an orgasm takes a mad amount of time (2 hours), and while it’s a lot of time wasted every day, I also don’t want people I may sleep with in the future to feel like they’re not enough.

    22F virgin, revelation and opinions on female porn addiction deniers.

  14. once you stop watching it, you really do start to feel better
    As for myself, I cannot say I have struggled with a huge pornography addiction. However, I was exposed to it quite young (age 9) just simply by browsing the internet. I wasn’t sure what sex really was back then. To this day, I still wonder if my perception of sex would be differen if I had never come across porn.

    Every day after school I found myself constantly browsing through these porn sites (for around two years). Eventually I stopped for many, many years and when I was in my mid-teens, started watching it again for a few weeks.

    Honestly, once you start watching it you feel like you cannot stop. And you feel so attached to it. But once you stop watching it, you really do start to feel better. Your life becomes so much more than just constantly browsing porn sites for hours straight. I found that the porn I used to enjoy watching…I soon stopped watching and started searching for more hardcore material.

    It’s funny because once you finish, you look at the video and realise just how absolutely ridiculous these videos are. You feel it’s an absolutely dehumanising industry and that you’ve broken your own moral code.

    I don’t view porn on a frequent basis, but I do catch myself viewing it maybe around 5 times a year. I’m working on changing that, and trying to finally cut it out of my life forever. permalink

     

  15. Female – 3 months down

    I’ve never posted or commented before but here goes.

    First I’d like to reach out to any other females out there. This is such a male dominated subreddit and it would be nice to know I’m not the only female. But, I guess we’re all here for the same reason.

    Porn has been an issue for me for many years now. I decided to finally quit 3 months ago when I realised I was unable to “finish” with my partner of 2 years. I’m guessing it’s due to my reliance on porn. Come to think of it I never have with anyone but myself, watching porn. Still nothing after 3 solid months without it, but I hope the day will “come” (haha) where I can with my partner. It’s been a bit rough but we are communicating and it’s all out in the open.

    That’s about it. Thanks for reading!

    3 months down

  16. I’m a sixteen year old girl, and I’m through with Day 1 m/

    My story is that I’ve been addicted to pornography on and off for four years, a little bit before I turned 13. Not to say that I had been brainwashed to believe that masturbating was a good thing, but I honestly believed that there no negative side effects to masturbating when I began. I started out small, infrequently watching a video or two at a time. After about a month, it became an everyday thing. This continued for the next year, eventually escalating to multiple PMOs a day each day of the week, which then continued on and off until yesterday.

    Throughout all of this I suffered a massive mood change. I was irritable, constantly uneasy, rarely happy, and slowly losing my friends because of these changes. Honestly, I wish I could have blamed puberty for all of it, but I know now and then that it was because I could not stop myself from wasting every instance of free time to schlicking.

    These habits ebbed and flowed. When they flowed, my life was dependent on my next PMO. It was the thing that made my day or week better – I could not mentally or physically go on without it. As a young person typing this to myself, this is terrifying.

    The apex – or, perhaps more realistically, the nadir – of this came this summer when I sought out sexual relations through kik with the sole intention of getting the same gratification I got through porn. I started many chats at a time, and all of them ended with steep drops in my mood. The only good thing that had come from them is that I made human connections, and one of those connections brought me here.

    I want to be a better person, I want to enjoy life and be happy free from constantly using pornography. I don’t know how my life will be during and after rebooting, but I’m willing to see where I can go. 🙂

    I’m a sixteen year old girl, and I’m through with Day 1 m/

  17. How hardcore porn fucked me up as girl

    Hi everyone. I’m very happy to have found this community. I wanted to share how porn and masturbation ruined my sexuality as a female.

    CONTENT/TRIGGER WARNING: descriptions of sex, porn, and masturbation

    So I hate porn. I hate it so much, but I also watched it for hours, for years. I was only 12 when I first started watching pornos, and even the first ones I watched were already rape scenes- anime ones, at least. I couldn’t even fathom what rape truly was at that age, and there I was, jacking off to it. Eventually, after the first year of porn, it turned out I couldn’t get off unless it was jarring or extreme porn. I needed to be able to get that dopamine rush. I always tried to find the most violent rape porn. Some other things I delved into for a bit, but thank god I didn’t continue to like, were shit + piss porn, bestiality, incest and incestual rape, and, of all fucking things, boku no pico (anime pedophilia). Luckily, most of the porn I watched was anime, so I wasn’t watching actual people getting hurt (i don’t think i would’ve been able to be aroused if it were real people). But the bestiality was real people. I ended up also getting off to vids of animals mating. I am so disgusted by myself for watching and getting off to all that shit, and I’d like to say it’s in the past, but it isnt. I don’t watch any porn anymore, but I’m still very affected by those years of disgusting pleasure rides.

    I can’t climax with my partner. I can’t have any confidence in my past sexual history, only shame and disgust. I’m incredibly insecure, from comparing myself to women in porn and because I literally had been conditioned for women to be treated as inferior and valueless with all that rape porn. And while I can say that I never found the bestiality, zoophilia, and anime pedophilia + scat as arousing outside of the one week of attention they got (I got disgusted by them pretty soon, thank god), the rape and violence stuck with me. When I tried to masturbate after quitting porn, the rape scenes would always come back to my head, even when I wanted to fight them away. When I hear details about a rape, I feel so angry and disgusted and sad for the victim, but sometimes there’s this terrible tinge of arousal that I get so disgusted by and wish would go away, but won’t.

    I hate hate hate porn, I hate that I watched it, and I hate how bad it got. I hate that everyone around me watches it, and I don’t feel safe or comfortable around them. I don’t feel comfortable existing as a woman, knowing we’ve been reduced to a circus show of bodies being fucked for everyone’s viewing pleasure. I hate how I can’t watch a TV show or movie without a full on porno scene (looking at you, Netflix). I feel like I can’t escape, and even my brain likes to torture me by replaying those scenes in my head.

    I had stopped porn 3 or 4 years ago, but I never took the nofap part seriously enough. Anytime I masturbated, the porn scenes would come to mind, and it was just as bad as watching it. But now I’m done. I’m tired of this. Sex should be about love, intimacy, and connection, not violence, rape, and dehumanizing women.

    This shouldn’t have happened. I shouldn’t have had access to watch full grown adults fucking at fucking 12 years old. I feel so broken sexually, sometimes when I have sex I still feel this sinking feeling of being just a thing to fuck, and intense shame and worthlessness.

    But I do love my partner more than I could ever imagine. He stopped watching porn 2 years ago after I talked to him, and he had also felt disgusted and less human after watching porn. But i still can’t seem to drop my anxiety enough to explore more with him. I refuse any foreplay toward my body. And I think a lot of it is because of my porn history, especially the kind I was specifically interested in. And especially because I’m ridiculously insecure of my body, having compared it to 100s of other nude women, and my boyfriend having also seen 100s of women when he watched porn (that really destroyed me- I relapsed into suicidal thoughts for a while). I’ve dreamed about getting plastic surgery since I was 12, and I still fantasize about it.

    I’m gonna quit all masturbation too from now on. I want those powerful feelings to come from my bond with my partner, not just for the shallow feeling of getting off. I want to reserve my sexuality for love and intimacy, and hopefully I can repair all the damage I’ve done over the years.

    Edit: wow guys, I’ll get to responding to everyone soon. Thanks for all your thoughts and responses! And sorry about not marking it nsfw- you’re right. It’s marked now!

    How hardcore porn fucked me up as girl

  18. Porn addiction from an addicted woman’s perspective

    Just relapsed on my 90 day streak. I feel horrible. Literally just closed the tab. As soon as I climaxed, immense regret, shame, and guilt poured over me. I’ve never made it this far. Ever.

    I started watching porn at 10 years old and here I am, 12 years later. I always knew it was wrong, I always knew it was damaging. It’s an addiction. It destroys families, careers, relationships, and self esteem. I wish it were taken as seriously as a drug addiction. In some ways, it’s even worse because we can access it anytime we want. We can pull a device out of our back pockets and watch it anytime and anywhere and it usually costs nothing.

    It’s horrifying.

    I also wish porn addiction was recognized among women as well. As a woman, I feel so alone sometimes. I know a majority of you are men, and I think it’s wonderful that you’re working hard to better yourselves and those around you but I wish women weren’t so uncommon. In Sunday school, they never explained to the young girls that this was a slippery slope, only the boys. It needs to be talked about by EVERYONE.

    Anyways, I just feel terrible about what I’ve done. I can’t blame anyone but myself. I had chances to step away. My computer froze, the phone rang, etc. All these signs kept telling me not to do it and I ignored them. I’m so disgusted with myself.

    After I finished, I scrolled through the comments of the video to see what people were saying. Gross old men objectifying the woman in the video. It creeped me out. But that’s what porn is, it objectifies everyone involved, especially the women.

    Some argue and will say that the women who do this are consenting and it’s not big deal, but it takes a deeply troubled person to do that for a living. I dabbled in that lifestyle before and it is my biggest regret in life. My self esteem was so low then, I didn’t realize how it was messing me up. To this day, I live in fear that someone might recognize me. I deleted those pictures and videos years ago but it’s the internet and everything is permanent. I still have nightmares about it. I live anonymously online and never put my real name on things like accounts because I’m scared someone will recognize me.

    There were a couple of men in particular that I worry they might blackmail me. I live in fear every. single. day. I’ve never told anyone about my past before. I’m upset just typing it out.

    By consuming pornography, people are supporting this. Sure, they may consent to it then, but what about 5, 10, 15 years from now? These videos of college girls who are barely legal break my heart. They’re going to regret it. Any age will regret it.

    I guess I’m just rambling now. I’ve been holding this all in for years. I’m thankful for the subreddit and the support you all give to one another. I think it’s so sweet and beautiful. I hope one day our struggles will be seen as real, valid addictions and I hope one day we can prevent it happening to the next generation.

    Porn addiction from an addicted woman’s perspective

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