Kungani I-Romeo Ingazihloniphi I-Juliet? (I-2010)

Ingabe ukudlula ngokweqile ukushayela ubulili eceleni?

“Izinsizwa ezingamaJapane ziya ngokuya zingabi nandaba noma zingabuthandi nhlobo ubulili, kuyilapho imibhangqwana eshadile isiqala ukuba nayo kancane,” kubika imibiko The Wall Street Journal, icaphuna i-poll ye-2010. Umkhuba ukhula ngokushesha. Ngaphezu kwe-36% yamadoda aneminyaka engu-16 kuya ku-19 ayinaso intshisekelo kwezocansi, ngaphezu kokuphindwe kabili i-17.5% esuka ku-2008.

Amadoda avela ku-20 no-24 abonise ukuthambekela okufanayo, ukuxhuma kusuka ku-11.8% kuya ku-21.5%, kuyilapho amadoda phakathi kuka-45 no-49 eqa kusukela ku-8.7% kuya ku-22.1%.

IJapane ayiyedwa. EFrance, ucwaningo lwango-2008 lwathola ukuthi Amaphesenti angu-20 wamadoda aseFrance abancane wayengenaso isithakazelo kwezocansi. Amadoda aseMelika abika izinguquko ezingafuneki futhi. Futhi ubone AmaNtaliyane ahlupheka 'i-Anorexia Yezocansi' Ngemuva Kokusetshenziswa Kwezingcingo Ze-Intanethi.

Kusho umqondisi wenhlolovo yaseJapan, “Labo abasesizukulwaneni esisha bakuthola kunzima kakhulu ukusebenzelana nabanye ubuso nobuso. Ngokuyinhloko, kunokuntuleka kokuxhumana okukhona phakathi kwabesilisa nabesifazane. ” Ngenkathi imikhuba yabesifazane yayingenamandla kangako, amaJuliet ayo yonke iminyaka, ayengathandeki noma engafuni ukuya ocansini, nawo abona ukwanda.

Kwenzakalani? Futhi kungani abantu abasebasha, ngokwesiko bebenesifiso esikhulu 'sokwenza,' bathinteke ngokungalingani? Yasho indoda esike yahlala futhi yasebenza eJapan kule minyaka engu-18 edlule, “Ayikho indlela emhlabeni yokuthi [abesilisa] abaningi kangaka baseJapan bangazinaki ezocansi. Angicabangi ukuthi kungashiwo nganoma yimuphi umphakathi, ikakhulukazi hhayi umphakathi waseJapane ogcwele izithombe zobulili ezingcolile. ” Kubikiwe omunye umbukeli, “IJapan inezithombe eziningi ezingcolile. Inani elingengcwele empeleni, cishe lidlula noma yiliphi izwe lase-Asia noma laseYurophu. ”

Ngakho, inkinga ayikho ukuthi insizwa inesithakazelo ku-orgasm. Ukusetshenziswa kwabo kobulili obunzima kakhulu kubonisa ukuthi bangabantu. Inkinga ikhona kungani bengenandaba nokuya ocansini nabalingani ababukhoma. Khumbula ukuthi izithombe zobulili ezingcolile ziye zamukelwa isikhathi eside, zivelele ingxenye yesiko laseJapane, ngakho-ke asikwazi ukusola ukucindezelwa ngokocansi.

Kungenzeka yini ukuthi lezi zibalo zihlobene nokwanda kwamandla okukhuthaza atholakala nge-Intanethi kanye namathoyizi anamuhla okukhuthaza ukushaya indlwabu? (Ubuchwepheshe obuphezulu Ama-Japanese-device devices yenza yethu Fleshlight kubukeka njengokuthile ongakuthola eDollar Tree.)

Ubuchopho abuyizo zobulili

Ukuzwa kokuvuswa kocansi ekugcineni kuvela phakathi kwezindlebe, hhayi imilenze. Nakuba ukungaqapheli ngokweqile kudlala indima, izinga lokuvusa linqunywa inani, nokuzwela, ama-neurochemicals amakhemikhali akhululwe engxenyeni yokuqala yomqondo owaziwa ngokuthi i-circuitry reward. Ngokwemvelo, ukuvuvukala ngokobulili kuyisimo sethu semvelo esinamandla kunazo zonke, esitholwa yiziqu zethu ze-neurochemicals ezinokuphela.

I-neurochemical ebhekene kakhulu nemvelo yokuphoqelela ukuvusa ucansi (nokuhlangana) yi-dopamine. I-Dopamine ivuselela eyethu "Uyitholile!" umvuzo wesekethe ngomlayezo othi: "Okuthile okuhle impela kukhona ekhoneni uma ngiqhubeka nje." Lapho amagundane efakwe izintambo ukuze akwazi ukuthinta isigwedlo ukuvuselela lo mjikelezo womvuzo ebuchosheni, akukho okunye abekwenza. Bathinte baze bawa, bengazinaki izidlwane ezingasetshenziswanga—kanye nabesifazane abamukelayo.

I-Dopamine nayo ingemuva kokugijimiswa kwe-cocaine, ngendlela. ICocaine ivimba ukuphinda kuthathwe kabusha kwe-dopamine, ngakho-ke ihlala ebuchosheni ikhipha amasiginali amnandi. Imijikelezo yethu yemivuzo ngokusobala ayizange iguquke ukuze isenyuse i-cocaine — noma ukugembula, utshwala, hentai, ubulili be-cam2cam, nanoma yikuphi omunye okunye okumele akwazi ukuphanga lesi sigaba. Yashintsha ngoba yayisibophezele ngokuphumelelayo nezizwe zethu, abashade nabantwana. Uma sithandana / sifisa, sithola imfucumfucu kumuntu oshade naye-okungenani isikhathi.

Ikhono lethu lokubhangqa isibopho lithembele ngokuphelele ukuqhuma kwe-dopamine ukukhetha uthando lwethu (umvuzo) izifunda. Noma kunjalo le ndlela isebenza kuphela njengoba kuhlosiwe uma kungekho lutho oluzungeze ukuqala kokukhiqizwa kwe- Okuningi i-dopamine kunezinhloso ezihloselwe ukuziphendukela kwemvelo (izizwe, abangane bomshado nezingane).

Maye, ukwenziwa kwanamuhla, ukukhuthaza ngokweqile kubangela ukuhamba ngamandla kwe-dopamine kunanoma yini okhokho bethu ababhekana nayo. Inoveli iyodwa ikhipha i-dopamine, ngakho-ke iqiniso elilula lokuthi umsebenzisi wanamuhla we-Intanethi angachofoza njalo entweni entsha engenza i-porn yanamuhla ibe yisikhuthazo esiphoqelela kakhulu kunomlingani ojwayelekile.

Lapho esemncane osebenzisa i-Intanethi, kungenzeka ukuthi uthembele ikakhulu ekugqugquzelweni okungaphezulu kwamandla ezithombe zanamuhla zamahhala, zokusakaza, ezingajwayelekile zenoveli — kanye namadivayisi okhuthaza ukushaya indlwabu. Mhlawumbe yingakho abesilisa abasebasha bekhombisa amazinga aphezulu wokunganaki kwabalingani bangempela.

Izibopho ezibambisene ezingozini

Ukugqugquzela okuningi, njenge-Internet ye-porn kanye namathoyizi okudlala ngocansi kungaphazamisa ubudlelwaneNgabe amaRomeos ethu amancane (namanye amaJuliet) angaba phezulu kangaka kwi-dopamine yabo eboshiwe, ngalezi zinsizakusebenza zocansi, ukuthi ukuthandana nabalingani bangempela ababhalisi njengokuzuzisa ngokuqhathanisa? Ukuqhamuka njengoba kuzwakala kusikisela ukuthi ukukhuthazwa kakhulu kobuchopho kungaphazamisa inqubo yokubophezela kwababili, kubukeka sengathi kuyenzeka. Kusho udokotela wezocansi waseMelika uWendy Maltz:

Ngokungajwayelekile kwezindaba eziqanjiwe zesayensi, izithombe zobulili ezingcolile [zincintisana] nabalingani bangempela, futhi [zize] zivele njengezinto ezibaluleke kakhulu ezifisweni zocansi zamanye amaklayenti.

Mhlawumbe akuyona into exakile kangako. Ngonyaka odlule, lapho ososayensi befaka i-dopamine ebuchosheni bezilwane ezihlanganisa ngazimbili zisebenzisa i-chemical stimulation (amphetamine), izilwane ezi-monogamous ngokwemvelo ayisekho okhethekayo kumlingani oyedwa. Ukuvuselela okufakelwayo kwakunqotshwe umshini wokubophezela owenziwe nge-dopamine, wabashiya nje njengezilwane ezifuywayo (eziphathekayo ezivamile) lapho ubuchopho obujikelezayo obungena khona izibopho ezihlala njalo.

Ngokuvamile lezi zilwane (i-voles) isibopho ngokuvikelekile, futhi ziphinde zithole ukuphazamiseka kokuba abahlukumezi basekhaya ababonisa ukufuna isenzo. Abacwaningi bacabanga ngokuthi ukuxoshwa kwendlela ethile yokugijima kwezokuzivikela kwandlela-thile, kuqubuke ukuhlanganiswa kokubili kwezibopho.

Ucwaningo lubuye lubonise ukuthi ukugqugquzela okuphezulu kunciphisa izibopho zombili kubantu. Ngokusho a Ucwaningo lwe-2007, ukuvezwa nje kwezithombe eziningana zezinsikazi ezindala kubangela umuntu ukuba adle umlingani wakhe wangempela. Ulinganisela ukwehla kwakhe ekukhangeni, kodwa nangomfudumalo nokuhlakanipha. Futhi, ngemva kokusebenzisa izithombe zobulili ezingcolile, izihloko zombili zobulili kubika ukwaneliseka okungaphansi nomlingani wabo osondelene naye-kufaka phakathi uthando lomlingani, ukubukeka, ilukuluku lezocansi nokusebenza. Futhi, abesilisa nabesifazane babela ukubaluleka kwezocansi ngaphandle kokubandakanyeka ngokomzwelo.

Ngabe kufanele sikhathalele ukuthi izinsizakusebenza zanamuhla ezibeka phambili zobulili ziphazamisa uhlelo lwethu lokukhwelana? Ngemuva kwakho konke, umhlaba ugcwele kakhulu.

Nazi izizathu ezintathu zokunakekela:

Okokuqala, ukugqugquzela okuningi kunganciphisa amandla ethu okujabulisa kunciphisa ukujikeleza komvuzo wobuchopho. Lokhu kungaholela ekufuneni okungenelisekile ukuthola isisindo esinamandla futhi esinamandla-ukwandisa ingozi yokulutha, ukucindezeleka, ukukhathazeka, ukucasula, izinkinga zokuhlushwa nokunye, njengoba i-dopamine dysregulation ikhula. Njengoba isazi sezinto zaseStanford uRobert Sapolsky sichaza Kungani Amadube Angazitholi Izilonda: "Ukuqhuma okunamandla ngokwemvelo kwesipiliyoni sokwenza izinto kanye nemizwa nobumnandi kuvusa amazinga ajwayelekile angajwayelekile okujwayela… Inhlekelele yethu ukuthi simane silambe."

Okwesibili, le nqubo yokundikimba inganciphisa nokuphendula ngokocansi. Ayanda amadoda anamashumi amabili abika ukungasebenzi kahle kwe-erectile. Ochwepheshe bathi ubuthi bezemvelo, ingcindezi kanye nokungondleki kahle yikhona okuyimbangela, kepha abakunaki indlovu egumbini. Ukugqugquzela kakhulu (i-dopamine) kungabangela ukwehla kwamanye ama-receptor kakhulu adingekayo ukuze kube nokudla okunempilo, njengoba kuchaziwe kule nkulumo yeslayidi Ukukhubazeka kwe-Erectile ne-Porn.

Ngokusobala, uJuliet ubonakala ephazamise ukuphendula kwakhe ngokocansi. Owesifazane osanda kuthunyelwa:

Ngaqala ukusebenzisa isidlidlizi ekolishi, ngicabanga ukuthi ngingowesifazane wanamuhla, onikwe amandla ocansi, futhi angikholwa ukuthi umsebenzi uwenze ngempumelelo kangakanani. Kungakapheli nenyanga, ngangingasakwazi ukwenza i-orgasm nesoka lami, futhi ezinyangeni ezimbalwa ngemuva kwalokho, angikwazanga nokukwenza ngesandla sami. Isidlidlizi sangena kudoti, futhi ukuphendula kwami ​​kwagcina kubuyile.

Okwesithathu, njengezinyamazane zesizwe, ezinamabhangqa amabili, sinentambo yokuphumelela kumakhemikhali obuchopho akhiqizwa ubudlelwano obuseduze, obuthembekile nothando olufudumele. Amathoyizi ocansi nokushaya indlwabu ezithombeni ezingcolile akuhambisi lezo zinzuzo ezifanayo ze-neurochemical.

Siyazuza ngokuncika kwamanye amazwe hhayi nje kuphela ezindaweni ezibalulekile zobuntwana bethu, njengoba uFrud abekiwe, kepha kukho konke ukuphila kwethu. Isibonelo, ukuxhumana kusiza ukunciphisa i-cortisol, enganciphisa amandla omzimba wethu ngaphansi kwengcindezi. “Singagugi nakancane uma sinomuntu lapho ozosisiza asilawule,” kuchaza isazi sezengqondo / isazi sezinzwa uJames A. Coan.

Ukuzuza kokuxhumeka kuboniswa ngemibandela yangempela. Isibonelo, ukuthinta nsuku zonke okufudumele phakathi kwemibhangqwana kusiza amadoda ngokuthi ukunciphisa ukucindezelwa kwegazi. Iziguli ze-HIV nomlingani phila isikhathi eside futhi uthuthukise i-AIDS ngokushesha. Amanxeba aphulukisa kabili ngokushesha kanye nobuhlobo, uma kuqhathaniswa nokuhlukaniswa. Kodwa izipho ezijulile kakhulu zokuxhumeka okude zingase zibe kwengqondo. Vala ukuxhumana ngokomzwelo kuhlotshaniswa namazinga aphansi Ukuba umlutha wezithombe futhi ukucindezeleka. Bashintsha izindlela ze-neural kanye ne-brain chemistry kulabo abazibandakanya kuzo, beqinisa isimo sabo sokuzimela futhi benze ukuzwelana nokwenza umphakathi kube khona.

Mhlawumbe ngenxa yokuthi kungenzeka okunamathiselwe ezempilo, ukulala nomzimba kunemiphumela enenzuzo emzimbeni kunokuthi wokushaya indlwabu. Ubulili bukhulula izinambuzane ze-neurochemicals ukuthi ukunciphisa ukucindezeleka kangcono, futhi izinzuzo zihlala isikhathi eside. Eqinisweni-ngaphandle noma ngaphandle kocansi-uthando oluvame kakhulu eyancenga futhi ezuzisa izinhlobo ezimbili ezibophayo. Kodwa-ke, lapho singakwazi ukuzwa ubumnandi obucashile ngenxa yokuzwela kobuchopho, uthando lubonakala lungenanjongo noma luphikisa.

Ukumanga komshadoNgokujabulisayo, labo abayeka ukushaya indlwabu ngokuya ocansini ngokuvamile qaphela ukuthuthukiswa okuphawulekayo ngokwazi kwabo ukuzijabulisa, ukudlala ngothando nokubona ukuheha kwabalingani abangaba khona abajwayelekile. Lapho ukuvuselelwa ngokweqile kuyeka, ukujikeleza komvuzo kuphinde kube nokuzwela kwimivuzo eguquke ukuyithola: ukuxhumana okunobungane kanye nabalingani bangempela, phakathi kwabanye.

Kungekudala ngemuva kokuyeka izithombe zobulili ezingcolile ngabona amandla akhuphukile, ukunakwa okwandisiwe, nokuzethemba okuphezulu. Ngemuva kwenyanga — yize kwathatha imizamo eminingana ukufika lapho — lezo zinguquko zazenzeka ophahleni lonke. Ezinyangeni ezimbalwa kamuva, ngangiya ocansini langempela. Kumnandi ukuvuswa yizinto ezincane, njengebhayisikili elivezayo noma nje ogelezayo wesifazane, izinwele ezicwebezelayo nephunga.

Mhlawumbe kusekhona ithemba ngoRomeo noJuliet.

Beka amazwana ngaphansi kweposi "Psychology Today"

Ukubuka izithombe ezingcolile kuhambisana nokushayela kwendoda okuvamile, kuze kufike ezingeni lokuqala ukuzizwa ungathandeki nabantu bangempela.

Futhi ukukhanyiselwa okukhulu engibe nakho kulokhu ukuthi ABESIFAZANE BABELUNGILE!

Izithombe zobulili ezingcolile ngokusobala zigxile kwabesilisa, futhi noma nini lapho nganginowesifazane okhuluma ngezocansi ngangiziphendula ngithi: "wazi kanjani?" njengokungathi wayengazi ukuthi ukhuluma ngani nokuthi i-porn ayizange isuse noma yini kuye, ukuthi kwakungeyona ukukopela nakancane, nezinto ezinjalo.

Kepha sengibonile ukuthi i-porn ifana namasondo okuphepha. Uma iba samanje kakhulu, iqala ukuba yindlela amadoda alawula ngayo ukushayela kwabo ngokocansi, futhi ibayise emibonweni ehlale iguquka, ukufinyelela ezinhlamvwini ezibonakala zingenamkhawulo zezithombe namavidiyo ngezinhlobo ezahlukene zabesifazane nezocansi ezandleni zethu. Kepha futhi kukususa kude nempilo ejwayelekile yocansi, ngokungazi, asinazo izikhuthazo ezifanayo nezokuthi indoda engenazo izithombe zobulili ezingcolile ibe sesimweni esijwayelekile sansuku zonke.

Kuyinqubo yokungazi, kungani uye kwabesifazane abajwayelekile lapho ukwazi ukufinyelela kukho konke, mahhala, ngokushesha nangamanani amakhulu? Ngicabanga ukuthi ukushayela komuntu ngokocansi kufanele kukucindezele ukuba uhlangane nabesifazane, uhlanganyele nabo futhi uphendule ngokujwayelekile ezidingweni zakhe nokuthi yini, kuyilapho i-porn ikwenza ucabange, ngokuzithoba, uma engeke alale nami manje, mina Ngingahlala ngiqhubeka ne-porntube futhi ngibe nazo zonke izinto engizifunayo ukuze aye esihogweni. Ukuncintisana kwabesifazane okungenampilo, ngoba vele akukwanelisi kunento yangempela, futhi akulungile, ngoba ungabheka noma yiluphi uhlobo lwabesifazane, nanoma yiliphi inani labo, nganoma iyiphi indlela oyifunayo.

Futhi into ebi kakhulu nge-porn ukuthi uyazi ukuthi ayigculisi ngokuphelele. Akuyona into yangempela futhi ayisoze yasondela. Ngakho-ke ukhona lapho ucabanga ukuthi kungani ungenayo impilo yocansi enempilo, ucabanga ukuthi kungani ungahlangani nabesifazane ngokujwayelekile, kungani uhlala wedwa futhi ungazihlanganisi ne-porn nayo, ngoba ucabanga ukuthi i-porn iphilile, ukuthi akulimazi lutho kuwe. Kepha kususa inkanuko yakho yezocansi bese kuyifaka entweni engeyona eyokwenziwa futhi engagculisi neze.

kusuka ngentambo engcolile

Kuwesifazane ophuma izinyembezi. Ngidinga iseluleko.

Kubukeka sengathi abantu abaningi lapha baya ngqo "ukuhlukana naye", kodwa ngicabanga ukuthi ngokusobala ukubonile lokho kepha weza lapha ukuthola ezinye izeluleko.

Umbono wami uthi, kufanele umnikeze ithuba. Ngingumfundi wezengqondo futhi bengingazi nge-nofap isikhathi eside. Ukusuka kokuhlangenwe nakho kwami ​​siqu, ukukhula kungadonsa ubudlelwano bonke futhi bengingazi kangcono. Uma usebudlelwaneni futhi ohlangothini lusaqhubeka nokuthwebula izithombe zobulili ezingcolile kuyaphazamisa ubuchopho bakho, ngoba noma ungathanda ukuthi ubani onaye, ubuchopho bakho buyaqonda ukuthi ubewathola wonke lawa amanye amantombazane ashisayo kuma-movie naku lokho kujwayelekile, ngakho-ke vele uhambe uyothumelela amanye amantombazane umyalezo. Kufana nokuzenzekelayo, ungacabangi nangalokho. Nganginobudlelwano beminyaka engu-3 engangiyiphazamisa futhi ngicabanga ukuthi ukube ngangazi nge-nofap ngangingeke ngibe nayo. Sobabili sagcina ukukopela ebudlelwaneni futhi noma sazama ukukuzama, ubuchopho bami babuphazamiseke kakhulu ngakho konke okwakwenzeka futhi kwakukhona nokuphuza okuningi okuthintekayo. Uma ufaka izithombe ezingcolile zobulili ngaso sonke isikhathi yonke imicabango yakho ayinangqondo futhi kunzima ukucabanga kahle. Kulula SO ukuqhuma. Ekugcineni ngangimane ngiyisiduna esiphelele kuye futhi ngangingakwazi ukucabanga kahle futhi manje angilahlekelwanga nje kuphela ubuhlobo beminyaka emi-3 kodwa futhi nomngane wami omkhulu. Kodwa mhlawumbe izinto zenzeka kahle kakhulu ngoba okungenani kimi, lapho ngilahlekelwa yilobu bungane obubaluleke kakhulu kimi, ngangazi ukuthi kufanele ngishintshe izinto eziningi ngempilo yami futhi ukuqala i-nofap kwakungomunye wabo. Futhi ukudla ukudla okunempilo, ukuzivocavoca, futhi manje ngiphuza kuphela utshwala ngezikhathi ezikhethekile. Ngicabanga ukuthi i-nofap ibisiza ngempela ngakho konke lokhu, yize bengingakayi kuyo isikhathi eside kakhulu. Kepha kubonakala sengathi akunzima ukuyeka ukukhula. Akufani nosikilidi ohoxile. Ukuthi nje lapho uthatha isinqumo sokukwenza, uyakwenza, futhi uma lokho kwenzeka, kuba lula kakhulu ukuyeka zonke ezinye izidakwa ezimbi. Engikwaziyo nje ukuthi manje ngizizwa ngingcono kunalokho engake ngakuzwa.

Ngakho lokho engikusikisela ukumtshela nge-nofap ngandlela-thile futhi uqinisekise ukuthi ubona lokhu Inkulumo ye-TED. Futhi mnike ithuba elilodwa. Nginomuzwa wokuthi ukube ngangazi ngalokhu ngenkathi ngisebudlelwaneni ngangingeke ngibe yimbongolo. Bengizokwazi futhi ukulawula ukuphuza kwami ​​nokudla okunempilo futhi okungenani ngigcine ubungani bami. Uma ufuna amfundele ukuphawula kwami. Uma esenani kungenxa yokuthi mhlawumbe ufuna ukuzama ukushintsha. Mhlawumbe akanalo ulwazi olufanele. Uma ufuna ukushintsha, i-nofap iyindlela enhle yokuqala. Uma umnika lonke ulwazi aludingayo futhi esakhetha ukuba yilokho ayikho, kungahle kube yisikhathi sokuqhubeka.

Ngithemba ukuthi lokhu kusiza ngandlela-thile 🙂

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