Ndiyindoda ekwiminyaka yam yokuqala engamashumi amane ndinomfazi nabantwana.
Kwiinyanga ezintandathu ezidlulileyo
• Umtshato wam wawuphantse wangabi nazintlobano zesini.
• Ndizibandakanye rhoqo kwi-PMO kunye ne-MO ecaleni.
• Ndandityebe kakhulu kwaye ndingamile kakuhle.
• Ndaziva ndingathandeki kwaye ngokuqinisekileyo ndingekho mtsha.
• Ndaziva ngathi ndidiniwe kwaye ndinestresi ngalo lonke ixesha.
• Ndandisoyika ukusebenza nabantu endisebenza nabo abanzima.
• Ndandiyinqanda impixano nokuba oko kuthetha ukuphulukana nobuso kwaye ndizenzele umsebenzi omninzi.
• Ndandisoloko ndikuthandabuza ukuzixabisa kwam nezinto endiziphumezileyo.
• Kwakubonakala ngathi iminyaka yam engcono kakhulu yayisemva kwam.
Kuninzi okutshintshileyo.
Ndihambe iintsuku ezili-182 - ziiveki ezingama-26 - ngaphandle kwe-P okanye uM. Ukwabelana ngesondo nomfazi wam kwakuvunyelwe, kodwa kwakukho iindlela ezide zemowudi enzima kakhulu. Ndiyavuya ukwazisa ukuba loo mathuba angenasondo aya esiba mafutshane.
I-NoFap yayisisiqalo nje. Ibiyinkuthazo yokufunda, ukucamngca kunye nokuziphucula.
• Ndaqalisa ukuzilolonga yonke imihla, kungekho sizathu. Cardio, iiplanga, sit-ups, pushups, iintsimbi.
• Ndifunde ngeNice Guy Syndrome, ndaziqaphela njengesiqhelo, ndaza ndagqiba kwelokuba ndophule ezi patheni. Ukuba awuqhelanga, i-Nice Guy Syndrome yinto ethile. Kufanelekile ukuyijonga phezulu. Iquka imfuneko eqhubekayo yokuvunywa. Ukuphelisa oku akuthethi ukuba ube sisibhanxa. Ndiseneenjongo zokuba ngumfana onobubele nengqibelelo. Ayingomfana olungileyo osweleyo.
• Ndifunde ngakumbi malunga nomtsalane, ngesondo kunye nobudlelwane. Ndabona indlela isimo sam sengqondo esidala, kuquka ‘esilungileyo,’ ezawubulala ngayo umnqweno.
• Ndiye ndafumanisa ukuba kukuzisebenzela kuphela nokuzihlonipha apho ndinokuphucula ubuhlobo bam nomfazi nabantwana bam.
imvelaphi
Njengamadoda amaninzi antanga yam, ndakhulela kumaphephancwadi angamanyala. Ndaye ndafumanisa i-stash katata efihliweyo xa ndandineminyaka eyi-12. Mhlawumbi kwakukho iimpawu ezibonisa ukuba ndinokuba nengxaki ngenye imini, kodwa andizange ndibabone. Ndicinga ukuba bendilungile kuyo yonke ikholeji. Kodwa malunga neminyaka engamashumi amabini anesantya esiphezulu i-porn ye-intanethi iye yafikeleleka ngakumbi. Impompi engayekiyo yesiqulatho engazange yome. Ndandiqala ukuhlala ndedwa. Yayiyindlela yokuphelisa intlekele. Bendibonakala ndingatyi ngokumodareyitha. Leyo yayiyiminyaka enesithukuthezi yokuzinkcinkca ngobusuku, ukuphulukana nobuthongo nokubonisa ubomi bokwenyani ngengqondo enenkungu. Ukuthandana nobudlelwane kuye kwamiswa. Xa ndikhangela emva, mhlawumbi ndandidandathekile.
Izinto zaba ngcono xa ndadibana nomfazi wam. Ebemhle kwaye bendivuya kakhulu ukuba naye. I-porn ayizange iyeke ngokupheleleyo nangona kunjalo. Bendisazonwabisa ecaleni. Njengoko sasixakeke ngabantwana kunye nabo bonke, ngokuhamba kwexesha oku kwathatha indawo yethu yobomi bokwabelana ngesondo. Ukuba bekukho imiba kubudlelwane, asiyi kuyenza kwaye sibuyele kwigumbi lokulala. Ndaqala ukuyeka kwaye ndibhenela kwi-PMO kunye ne-MO ngokungagqibekanga. Ekugqibeleni kwabonakala ukuba intlantsi imkile phakathi kwethu. Sasifana nabahlali.
Ndaqalisa ukuba neemvakalelo ezimbi ngomtshato wethu. Ndazivumela ukuba ndithathele ingqalelo into engenakucingelwa – ukuba yayijinga ngomsonto ekunokwenzeka ukuba uqhawuke. Oko sikuyekile ukunxibelelana ngendlela eyenziwa zizibini ezithandanayo. Ukuba ukungasebenzi kwethu mhlawumbi bekuphawulwa ngabantwana bethu. Oko sasingasasonwabisi kangako.
Ngenye imini ndandinomsebenzi omninzi obalulekileyo ekwakufuneka ndiwenzele ekhaya kusasa. Endaweni yoko ndichithe yonke intsasa kwi-PMO. Khange ndifumane msebenzi. Bendizonyanya mna. Yandiqwenga ndasebenza. Ndivile ngeNoFap kwiYouTube kwaye ndagqiba ekubeni ndijonge le ndawo. Ndenze iinzame ezilusizi zokunciphisa i-P kunye no-M ngaphambili kodwa ayizange ihlale ixesha elide. Xa ndijoyina iNoFap, ndaqala ukwamkela inyaniso. Kum bekuya kuba yimfuneko ukuphelisa uP no-M ngokupheleleyo kwaye ndisebenze ekulungiseni intloko yam. Kwakungekho isisombululo esinesiqingatha somntu onjengam.
Ndandifuna okungcono umfazi wam, abantwana bam, kunye nam.
izifundo
I-NoFap yayinzima ngokwenene, ngakumbi kwiinyanga zokuqala. Ndasondela ekwaphuleni i-streak yam ngaphezu kwesihlandlo esinye, kodwa ngandlela-thile, ndakwazi ukubambelela. Kwaesimo sengqondo senkani esandigcina ndikhanyela ixesha elide mhlawumbi sandinceda.
I-NoFap nayo yayinomvuzo. Ndandingazange ndikhe ndizifake ekukhathazekeni ngolo hlobo ngaphambili. Yayinxibelelene nolunye uphuculo endandilwenza ebomini bam ibe yayibomeleza.
Ndiza kwabelana ngeengcebiso ezisekelwe kumava am.
1. Kufuneka uzibophelele nge-100%. Ukulungele ukwenza utshintsho olukhulu. Ukulungele ukubandezeleka, ngokoqobo. Musa ukuzinika indlela yokuphuma. Ingqondo yakho iya kuphazamisana nawe ngandlela zonke kwaye uzame ukukukholisa ukuba ubuyele kwimikhwa yakudala. Yingqondo yokulwa oyifunayo.
2. Hlalutya. Udlala nini kwaye phi? Ziziphi izinto ezikubangelayo? Ukwabelana ngesondo kunye neentlobano zesini. Izinto ezifana noxinzelelo okanye isithukuthezi nazo.
3. Bonisa isisombululo esikusebenzela ngezixhobo, imidiya yoluntu, iYouTube, okanye nasiphi na isilingo sedijithali. Mhlawumbi oku kwahluke kancinane kumntu wonke. Yiba ngumntu ongekho kwi-intanethi.
4. Iishawa ezibandayo zinokukunceda ukuzisa umnqweno phantsi kolawulo kwaye ufumane kwingqondo yokujongana nobunzima.
5. Khumbula ukuba yonke iminqweno iya kudlula ekugqibeleni. Hlala nayo ixeshana. Zama ukugxila ekuphefumleni.
6. Oku kucacile kodwa kufanelekile ukuthetha ngokuvakalayo. Gcina izandla zakho ngaphandle kokuba kuyimfuneko!
7. Phuma kwindawo ohlala kuyo ukuba utyiwa ngumnqweno. Unokuhambahamba.
8. Zilolonge yonke imihla. Iya kufumana amanye aloo mandla esondo ngaphandle. Uya kuqalisa ukuziva kwaye ukhangeleke ngcono. Oku kuya kukhulisa umoya wakho kwaye kukwenze ube nemincili malunga notshintsho olwenzekayo.
9. Usapho kunye nabahlobo bakho baya kuqaphela utshintsho oluhle kuwe, kodwa banokungazi ukuba kutheni. Kungakunceda ukuxoxa ngokunye koku kunye neqabane lakho. Kuxhomekeke kubudlelwane bakho. Kum oku kwaba lula emva kokuba sele ndenze inkqubela ethile kwaye ndiziva ndinethemba. Ndaba neentetho ezimnandi nomfazi wam ukuqala malunga neeveki ezine koku. Ndicinga ukuba ukusebenza ngokwakho kuqala yeyona nto ibalulekileyo, kodwa ndifumanisa ukuba ayinguye wonke umntu ocinga njalo.
10. Sebenzisa ikhawuntara yosuku. Konyusa ukuzithemba kwakho ukubona elo nani lisanda. Abanye abantu bacinga ukuba ukubala kwemini akunamsebenzi kuba oku kufuneka kube lutshintsho kubomi bakho bonke. Kum isebenzile kuba ibinomtsalane kwicala lam lokhuphiswano. Andikwazi ukuma ndicinga ngezibalo zam ezibuyela ku-zero.
11. Ndincoma ukufumana i-Accountability Partners enye okanye ngaphezulu. Baya kunika inkxaso kunye nohlobo olulungileyo lwengcinezelo yoontanga. Ndoyisele ezinye izibongozo kuba bendingafuni ukuxela ukuqhawuka kokwaphuka kwi-AP yam Uya kuziva wonwabile ngokunceda omnye umntu.
12. Kuya kuba lula. Awunakukwazi ukuyeka ngokupheleleyo ukulinda kwakho. Oko kunokuba kukuwa kwakho. Kodwa ubunzima bemihla yangaphambili abuhlali ngonaphakade. Imeko ezolileyo neyolonwabo iseza.
13. Into yokugqibela. Ukuba uneminyaka embalwa phantsi kwebhanti yakho, khumbula - kukho kuphela ngoku kunye nekamva. Ixesha elidlulileyo linokuba ngumthombo wokufunda kuwe. Mhlawumbi unezilungiso ekufuneka uzenze. Kodwa ukuzisola kunokukutshabalalisa. Musa ukuyivumela ukuba iphazamise impilo-ntle yakho kunye nokukwazi kwakho ukuqhubela phambili. Nokuba wenze zonke izigqibo ezifanelekileyo ebomini, usenokucinga ukuba 'kuthekani ukuba?' Yonwabele ngoku kwaye ubeke isiseko sobomi obufunayo!
impumelelo
Kutheni ndiziva ndikulungele ukuthumela ibali lempumelelo?
• Ndihambe iintsuku ze-182 ngaphandle kwe-P okanye uM. Bekuya kubonakala kungenakwenzeka kwiinyanga ezi-6 ezidlulileyo. Ndilugqithile kolona lindelo lwam lubi, usuku olunye ngexesha.
• Ndinamandla kunye nenyathelo lokuqala.
• Ndehle kakhulu emzimbeni. Ndinezihlunu ezingalweni zam kwaye ndisondele kwisisu esicaba ngoku. Sesona sihlunu endikhe ndanaso ebomini bam kwaye obona bunzima buphantsi bendikhe ndanabo kwiminyaka eyi-15 ubuncinane.
• Ndizijonga esipilini ndicinga ukuba ndikhangeleka kakuhle. Akukho nto iphosakeleyo ngokujonga iminyaka yam, kodwa ngoku ndijongeka iminyaka emi-5-10 ndimncinci kunam.
• Ndiye ndacheba ngcono neempahla ezindifanelayo. Ngokuqinisekileyo, yeyona nto iphezulu kuluhlu. Ukuziva izinto ezintle nangona kunjalo. Ukuzithemba kubalulekile.
• Ndijongana emehlweni ngokulula namadoda kunye nabasetyhini kwaye ndiyiqaphele indlela abasabela ngayo kum.
• Andiphinde ndithi rhoqo. Ndichaza izimvo zam ngokuthe ngqo kwaye ngaphandle kokuxolisa. Ukuba ngcono kuloo nto yinkqubo ende, kodwa ndiyazi ukuba ukungakhululeki okuncinci akuzange kubulale mntu.
• Ndikwimeko engcono yengqondo emsebenzini.
• Kwezi nyanga zimbalwa zidlulileyo ndiye ndafowunelwa kudliwano-ndlebe oluliqela lomsebenzi kwindawo ekhuphisanayo. Ukuqala kwam ukufumana udliwano-ndlebe kwiminyaka. Ngebhaqo? Mhlawumbi akunjalo. Ndenze olo dliwano-ndlebe ngokuzola ngakumbi kunangaphambili. Mhlawumbi okubaluleke nangakumbi koku – xa olo dliwano-ndlebe lungakhange luveze isithembiso, ndiye ndakwazi ukuba lusizi ngaphandle kokucinga kancinci ngesiqu sam.
• Izinto zingcono kakhulu nomfazi wam. Yinkqubo ende kwaye kwakukho iindawo ezinamatye. Iseluhlengahlengiso kuthi sobabini. Siye saba neencoko ze-epic nangona. Intetho enyanisekileyo. Akukho posturing okanye ubuxoki. Sasithetha le nto sivakalelwa ngayo kungekhona nje le nto ifunwa ngomnye umntu. Ndaye ndakwazi ukuyithatha. Jonga ukuba yinto yokuvunywa kwakhona. Ndiyakwazi ukuyimela inyaniso nokuba ibuhlungu. Sikhupha izinto ekuhleni kwaye sijongana nazo.
• Siba neentetho ezincinci ngoku. Siyancwasa ndimenza ahleke ngakumbi njengoko ndandisenza kwasekuqaleni. Siyakunandipha ukuchitha ixesha kunye. Kwakhona sivumela omnye nomnye ixesha elithile kuthi.
• Kubonakala ngathi inkosikazi yam inomdla kum kwakhona. Kwathatha iinyanga, kodwa intlantsi iyabuya. Andingomntu wasekhaya osweleyo. Ndiba yindoda enobubele, ezimeleyo, neyomeleleyo. Ndizithembile. Ndiyafumaneka ngokweemvakalelo kodwa andimvaleli kuzo zonke iingxaki zam ezincinci. Akunyanzelekanga ukuba abe yindlela yam yenkxaso yeemvakalelo rhoqo, kodwa ndiyazi ukuba uzakubakhona kum kwizinto ezinkulu. Ndiyancedisa apha endlini, kodwa kungenxa yokuba ndifuna indawo esebenza kakuhle kuthi sonke, hayi kuba ndinethemba lokuxatyiswa okanye ububele. Ummangaliso, umangalisekile, uphinde waphinda wangena kum.
• Kufuneka kubekho igama elitsha lezesondo kwi-NoFap, ngaphandle kwe-libido ehlanjululwe yi-PMO. Ndicinga ukuba iseyindawo esisebenza kuyo, kodwa ingcono kakhulu.
• Iphonografi ishiye intloko yam kakhulu. Kubekho iintsuku mva nje xa bendicinga ngephonografi kuba igama livela kule ndawo.
• Ndiyazithemba kwaye ndikhula ndizithemba ngenyathelo ngalinye endilithathayo. Ndiyakwazi ukuzingca ngaphandle kokufuna ukufihla ukungafezeki kwam. Abantu abayifuni imfezeko. Bafuna ukuba ube yinyani. Ndiluguqulelo oluhlala luphucuka kum, kwaye kwanele.
• Ndicinga izinto ezintsha ezinokwenzeka kuzo zonke iinkalo zobomi. Ngoku ndiyacinga Kutheni kungenjalo?
• Andiqondi ukuba iminyaka yam emihle isemva kwam. Balala ngaphambili, kwaye andinakulinda.
Enkosi
Bekukho abafana abambalwa apha abebesoloko bepha kum. Uyazi ukuba ungubani. Ndixhasiwe kwaye ndikhuthazwe nguwe. Uninzi lwenu lundixhase ngee comments nange likes. Incede kakhulu. Enkosi.
Eminye yemisonto endiyifunde apha iyitshintshe kakhulu indlela endicinga ngayo. Abantu abazibhalileyo basenokungazi nokuba bandincedile. Nanku umkhwazo kuye wonke umntu owabelana ngamabali kunye nobulumko bakhe apha. Awukwazi ukuba ngubani ofundayo.
Inyathelo elilandelayo elisempilweni kum kukufuduka kule ndawo ngakumbi. Bittersweet, akunjalo? Andiqondi ukuba ndiza kumka ngokupheleleyo, kodwa ungakhathazeki ukuba awundiboni kangako. Yinto elungileyo.
Alikho ixesha bafo. Ayenzeki ngaxeshanye. Yonke into encinci, yonke into encinci, iya kukuvulela amathuba amatsha.
Ungayenza. Qala ngoku.
LINK - Akukaze kube Kade kakhulu ukuba uphucule uBomi bakho – iiNtsuku ezingama-182
by UMarshall 5
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