UDaniel Simmons, oneminyaka engama-23, uxelela uCosmo ibali lakhe… Ndandineminyaka eyi-15 xa ndiqala ukuhlaziya i-pornography kwi-intanethi. Ukuphakama kwam kwakukhulu kakhulu, kwaye kuthathe malunga nemizuzu engama-30.
Ngelo xesha ebomini bam ndandiziva ndiphantsi kakhulu, kwaye ndandineminyaka emalunga nesixhenxe. Kodwa, okwesihlandlo sokuqala, andizange ndizive ndidakumbile konke konke – yonke into yanyuka. Indenze ndafuna ukuyenza kwakhona, kwaye kwakhona-ke ndenza njalo, de ndabukela i-porn ye-intanethi yonke imihla.
Ngelo xesha, andizange ndiqonde ukuba ndinengxaki. Mna nabahlobo bam sathetha nge-porn esikolweni - yayiyinto eqhelekileyo, into esasiyenza sonke. Ndandingazi ukuba inokuba yingozi okanye ungayisebenzisa kakubi. Ngoko ndaqhubeka ndisebenzisa i-porn ukuze ndibaleke ukudandatheka kwam (ngoko kungachazwanga).
Yayikuphela kwento eyayindenza ndizive ndingcono, yaye kungekudala ndandibukela iphonografi ukuya kutsho kwiiyure ezimbini ngosuku. Nokuba bendigula ngumkhuhlane, bendifumana ixesha lephonografi.
Ekugqibeleni, ndiye ndaphelelwa ngamandla kwi-'vanilla' ye-porn-girl-on-girl - ayizange indivule-ke ndiye ndafuna iphonografi egqithisileyo ukothusa inkqubo yam ukuba ivuswe kwakhona.
Ngesizathu esifanayo, ukwabelana ngesondo kunye nabasetyhini bokwenene kwakungenakwenzeka. Khange ndiyidibanise nokulutha kwam iphonografi - kuba bendingazi ukuba ndinayo. Ndivele ndacinga ukuba kukho into engalunganga ngam, eyandenza ndaziva ndiphantsi.
Unanamhla oku, andiyazi ukuba ndiphumelele njani i-A-level yam okanye ndingene njani eyuniyoni ukuze ndifundele umculo. Ubomi babungekho mfiliba.
Kwada kwaba ngehlobo lika-2013, xa ndandineminyaka engama-21 ubudala, apho ndafikelela kwinqanaba lokuqhawula. Ngelo xesha kwafunyaniswa ukuba ndine depression. Ndandibona ugqirha (owayengazi malunga nokusetyenziswa kwam i-porn) kwaye wayethatha amayeza, kodwa andizange ndicinge ukuba iyasebenza.
Ndandifuna ukuphelisa ubomi bam - mhlawumbi kwakuloo nto, okanye kwakufuneka ndenze utshintsho. Ndikhethe le yokugqibela. Ugqirha wam wayethethe ngokucamngca, kwaye akukho nto indilahlekeleyo, ngoko ndiye ndazama.
Emva kwemizuzu nje embalwa, kukho into endibethayo. Ndacinga, “Wowu, eli liqhekeza lephazili elingekhoyo. Ndinengxaki enkulu ngephonografi.” Kwakucace njengemini.
Ndangena kwi-intanethi kwaye ndajonga umlutha we-porn. Ndifumene iwebhusayithi ebizwa ngokuba yi-Yourbrainonporn.com, enika iingcebiso malunga nendlela yokubuyisela umva iziphumo ezingafunekiyo zokusetyenziswa kwephonografi.
Ikwacacisile ukuba iphonografi ye-Intanethi egqithileyo inokuguqula ingqondo, umzekelo, ukubamba impendulo yolonwabo yengqondo. Ndifumene inkxaso enkulu kwabanye abantu ababesebenzisa le ndawo, kwaye ndandindedwa. Kwaba sisiqabu esikhulu.
Ukususela ngaloo mini, ndaya kwi-turkey ebandayo kwi-porn. Ndiye ndarhoxa kabuhlungu. Izandla zam zazingcangcazela kwaye ndandineemvakalelo eziguqukayo, amaphupha amabi acacileyo kunye nokubila okushushu nokubanda.
Kodwa ndandikulungele ukuguqula ubomi bam, yaye ngaphandle kwemiphumo emibi, ndandiziva ndonwabile yaye umoya wam wawuzinzile. Ndilawule iintsuku ze-100 ngaphandle kwe-porn kunye ne-masturbation, kwaye emva kweenyanga ezimbalwa, andizange ndifune ukubukela i-porn.
Kwiminyaka emibini ukuya phambili, ndiye ndasuka e-UK ndaya eBerlin kwaye ndisebenza njengotitshala wepiyano ngelixa ndifunda isiJamani. Ngoku, ndiyakwazi ukonwabela isondo kunye nabasetyhini ngaphandle kokuziva ngathi ngumsebenzi, into emangalisayo.
Ndikhe ndibe neminqweno, ngokuqhelekileyo xa ndikruqukile, kodwa ndihlangabezana nokutshintsha indawo endihlala kuyo okanye ngokuziphazamisa.
Ukuba likhoboka le-porn ngumba omkhulu. Okumangalisayo kukuba, phantse umntwana omnye kwa-10 abaneminyaka eyi-12 ukuya kwi-13 unexhala lokuba ulikhoboka le-porn.
Yiyo loo nto ndifuna ukwabelana ngebali lam - ukwazisa nokwazisa abantu ukuba likhoboka lephonografi kunokuba yingozi. Kodwa iziphumo are ukubuyisela umva - kwaye ngokukhawuleza ufumana uncedo, ngcono.
UDaniel uya kubonakalisa i-documentary entsha exhaswa yisihlwele malunga nefuthe le-porn kwingqondo yomntu ebizwa ngokuthi 'I-Rewired: Indlela iphonografi echaphazela ngayo ingqondo yomntu'. Ngolwazi oluthe vetshe kunye nokuxhasa iphulo labo, ndwendwela Apha.
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