Kwakuyixesha likaKaza kwaye sasingazi kakuhle. Phakathi kwam iqela lamadoda angamaqabane esikolweni esikolweni samabanga aphantsi ngasese, ukubukela, ukuxoxa kunye nokwabelana ngeentlobo zoonografi baba yinto yesondo. Ngokukhululeka kokukhuphela, siza kutshisa iiCD kwaye sizitshintshe esikolweni kunye nezihloko "eziqilileyo" ezithathwe kwi-albhamu kunye nekhonkco engacacanga (njengokuba u-Will Smith "u-Big Willie Style"). Ngale ndlela, sinokuthetha ngokubhekiselele kwimibala engamanyala ebantwini, sibuzana xa sisuka kwintsimi, "Wacinga ntoni ngeCaig David CD entsha?"
"I-joke yangaphakathi" yavuka ebubini obuphakathi kwinqanaba le-comic xa abanye abafundi bethenga ii-albhamu zomculo zangempela ukuze bangene kulo mzila. Kwakuyi-hijink yeshumi elinesibini, ngaphandle kokuba imifanekiso kwi-CD yayininzi kakhulu kuneqhosha le-Playboy pin-up.
Abazali bam bobabini behlile, kwaye nangona ndandihlala ndikhululekile ukuthetha ngesondo kwindlu yam, i-pornography-ngokukodwa i-pornography endiyibonayo-kwafuneka ukuba ibe yinto. Kwakungenangqiqo, yahlukana nomtshato wesiganeko njengoko ndacacisiwe. Ukuba isondo kwakuyindoda yokufaka ipeni yakhe kwisini somfazi, ngoko ke amantombazana atywala njani i-cum ngaphandle kweziglasi ze-champagne ezifanelekileyo kulo mfanekiso? Ngenxa yobume bakhe obungabonakaliyo, i-intanethi ye-intanethi yaxhamla ngokungahambi kakuhle kunye nexhala lokubanjwa.
Ndiza kugxotha phantsi kwikhompyutheni yentsapho xa indlu yayimnyama. Njengoko ndiza kuhlala kwisihlalo se-polyester-cotton sesitulo esijikelezayo kwaye sivule isiphequluli, intliziyo yam yayiza kuxubusha ngokuxuba kunye neentloni, indlebe zam zibekwe ngenxa yantoni na yokukhupha i-mission-zip, idonsa kunye ne-excuse silulungele ukujonga imozulu ngomso. (Isizathu sokuba sisebenze ngaphezu kwesinye. Ingqungquthela kunye necala liza kugxinwa ngokukhanga xa iividiyo zaqala ukuhamba. Kwakungumlutha ophezulu, i-stist heels for sexual pleasure - umbutho ongeke ukukhawuleza ukuphelisa ingqondo yam.
Ndiyayikhumbula ngokucacileyo okokuqala ndayifaka. Kwaye emva koko kwakubonakala kungenangqiqo-into engenamacala, ingabonakaliyo, umzuzu wamandulo wophuhliso lwezesondo, owonakaliswa kwintsuku yokutshatyalaliswa kwesikrini esichukumisayo. Ndiyasuka kwisihlalo kwikhompyutheni yentsapho kwaye ndibophe phezulu kwindlu yokuhlambela. Ndakhangela kwisibuko, ngokwenene ndiziqhenyce ukuba ngoku ndiza kuzalisekisa iziganeko zam zokuzala, ndiphakamisa iingalo zam, ndatsho ndithi, "Ndibe ngubaba."
Xa ndiyi-13, sathuthela kwindlu entsha ngesitshixo kwikamelo lekhompyutha. Ndisaqaphela, kodwa amaxesha ambalwa ndaye ndawa phantsi kwam ibhulukhwe xa ndivile ukunqakraza komnye umntu onqamle i-workorknob ekhethiweyo.
Ngaba ubukele iiporografi?
Hayi.
Sihlolisise imbali, kwaye kwakukho iisayithi zezobulipho kuyo.
Kumelwe ube yintsholongwane.
Ingumngcipheko owenziwa ngabazali abaninzi nabantwana. Akukhona nje into yokuba ihlazo, ikhubazeka - akukho mntu uyazi ukuba kutheni na ukuqhubela phambili. Yintoni, ufuna ukuba ndivume ukuba ndibukele iifoto? Yintoni eyenza loo nto? Ngaba ndifanele ndibe namahloni ngalo? Ngaba ulindele ukuba ndiyeke? Wonke umntu endiyazi ukuba ukwenza oku!
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Abo kuni bakhangele kuweporn.com okanye redtube.com okanye nayiphi na enye indawo ye-porn bayazi ukuseta. Ibha esecaleni iya kudwelisa iindidi: Ukukhula, i-Hentai, i-S & M, i-gangbang, i-fetish fetish, i-redhead. Ngaphantsi kwecandelo ngalinye kukho imifanekiso kunye neevidiyo (kodwa ke, ngubani onokujonga imifanekiso xa kukho iividiyo?), Kwaye ngonxibelelwano olwaneleyo lwe-Intanethi, ungatsiba uye kwinxalenye oyithandayo yevidiyo kwaye uye kwenye.
Ukubambisana nabesilisa abesilisa abathandana nabo besilisa * cofa * umsebenzi wokuqhafaza * cofa * cum shot * cofa * kathathu * cofa * orgy
Ngomntu osemdlalweni wesondo osemvisweni okhulayo okhutshiswe yintlonelo engacacile, ndakhawuleza ndiwa phantsi "kink evoling." Emva koko, sithetha ngokufikelela kwisiqhamo - xa ingcinga ephezulu ihlala "nje!" Engaziwayo, engabonakaliyo, Ndandingumtshwele, kwaye ndandilandela into enomdla ngamandla.
Ndandifumanisa ngokukhawuleza kwimifanekiso ye-intanethi. Ukuba isithandathu sasiyi-kinky iveki eveleleyo, ngoko ndandifuna into evelele kule veki. Ukufikelela kwisiqhwaba, kwafuneka ndifumane umxube ofanayo onobungozi wehlazo nokuthanda.
Ngonyaka wam unyaka ophezulu kwisikolo samabanga aphakamileyo ndaziva ndiqhekekile. Nangona ndiqinisekile ukuba abaninzi abafana bam babebukeli bezononophelo rhoqo, ndaziva ndinentloni ngohlobo loononophelo endibukeleyo (kungekhona into enyanisekileyo yokuxelela abanye ngabahlobo).
Ngesikolo saseNgesi, sasifunda "I-Scarlet Letter" kwaye utitshala wasitshela ukuba sibhale phantsi imfihlelo esingaze sifuna ukuba ubani azi. Ndabhala phantsi, "Ndibukele i-cartoon porn." (Enyanisweni, ndandethusa kakhulu ukufumanisa ukuba ndiyibhala kwikhowudi). Kwaye nda Kunye ne-MILF. Kwaye "intombi." Ukudlwengulwa. Yaye yonke imilinganiselo yezinto endingazange ndiphuphe ngokuzenzayo ngobomi bokwenene-ngezizathu zokuziphatha, ngokuqinisekileyo, kodwa nangenxa yokuba kungenakuze ndiguqule ukuba ndiyenze ezi zinto ngobomi bokwenene. Kodwa ndandizibukele, kwaye ndaziintloni. Kwaye andizange ndiqiniseke ukuba ndifanele ukuba okanye ndingabi.
Enye into, andizange ndibuhlungu nabani na. Kwaye kwenye, ezi ndawo zibeka ezo zoonografi apho! Bamele benze oko kuba abantu bafuna ukuyibukela, kunjalo? Andizange ndiphuphe. Ndiqakraza kwiindidi zento ebenayo ngokufuna imfuno. Ngoko kwakuqhelekileyo, kunjalo? Ngaba loo nto yenza ukuba kulungile?
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Le mibuzo iqhubeka ndikhathaze. Ndaxhalaba ukuba amantombazana okwenene ayengenakwenza oko kum. Ngoko unyaka wam ophezulu esikolweni esiphakeme, ndagqiba kwelokuba ndiyeke. Cold turkey. Kwiinyanga ezintlanu. Ngokuqinisekileyo ndagqiba isigqibo sokungabonisi kakuhle, kwaye ndandifumana iintlobo ezimbalwa zeentlobano zesini. Kwakuqabuyisa, kwaye ngokuqinisekileyo ndabuyela lula ngezinto "zendabuko" izinto - kuquka nabasetyhini bam.
Kodwa xa ndiqala ukulala ngesondo, ndaqonda ukuba ndandikude ndihlambulule, nangona ndandiqhubeka (kwaye ndisaqhubeka) ukuba ndiqhubeke ndikhangela i-pornography. Ndenenkathazo yokufumana nokugcina isakhiwo kunye nabafazi abathathu bokuqala ndalala nabo. Oku akuzange kubonakale ngathi yinto encinane. Kwakubonakala ngathi sonke isikolo esikolweni sagcina sifikela kuloo mzuzu wegunya lamandla, kwaye ndandingakwazi ukwenza. Ngaba ndivuliwe ngakumbi ngoononophala kunokuba ngabafazi bokwenene? Yintoni eyathetha malunga nokulala kwam?
Ndiqala ukubona umfazi oselula rhoqo, kunye ne-confluence yobunxila, ukhula, akukho khondom, kunye nentembelo, induduzo kunye nomdla endandizive naye naye wandivumela ukuba ndiqale ukuzonwabisa ngesondo - kwinqanaba. Andiyi kuvuma, kodwa ubuninzi bobusuku "ndandidla ngesondo" ndadyiswa. Kwaye, yintoni embi kakhulu, ndandifungela ngoononophala ngexesha lesini.
Kwakuyi-dissociative, ukuhlukanisa, umsebenzi ongeyomntu ukuvala amehlo ami xa ndilala nomntu endikukhathaleleyo kwaye ndicinga ukuba sithandana nomnye umntu okanye sikhumbule ividiyo engapheliyo kwi-archives yobutsha bam endibe neentloni ngaloo nto.
Ndiye ndathetha namanye amadoda awakawaka ayenayo oku, kwaye akumangalisi. Iminyaka elishumi ngaphambi kokuba silalane ngesondo, iindlela zethu ze-neural zidibanisa ne-adjective, ukunyuka kwezinto eziqhubekayo ezifuna ukugqithisa okugqithiseleyo-ukunqumla kwisimo esichukumisayo ukuya kwindawo ephosakeleyo ukwenzela ukuba ihlale isona sinomdla, ilahlekile, i-kinky.
Ngaphezu koko, ngenxa yokuba ndifunde ukujonga i-porn (ndandibukela iphonografi nangaphambi kokuba ndiqale kuqala), andizange ndibe nethuba lokufunda indlela yokuphumeza i-orgasm ngaphandle kwento ebonakalayo-ngokuzihlolisisa iimvakalelo zam umzimba okanye iingcamango ubuhlobo obusondeleyo ukuba ndizenzele. Mna-kwaye andicinga ukuba ndedwa yedwa apha-ndizilungiselele ngokoncedo lwabafilimli be-intanethi ukudibanisa indlela yokuzivala ngayo iifoto kunye nemifanekiso eqingqiweyo ezo ziza zinikezelwa. Kwaye kwaneeminyaka kamva, andinakukwazi ukuhlala ngaphandle kwabo.
Oku akuzange kumyeke ukuba ndihambe, kubeni, ekubeni imifanekiso yafakwa kwiingqondo zam. Ndiyakwazi ukukhumbula ngokucacileyo iividiyo ezingazange ndibukele iminyaka emithandathu okanye eyisixhenxe.
Okwangoku, "iminqweno" yam isekelwe kwiminqweno yam eneminyaka eli-14 ubudala. Ukungafani kobudala kwisini? Udlwengulo okanye iS & M? Ezi ziingcinga zamandla kunye nolawulo. Le ayisiyonto ikhethekileyo ngokungaqhelekanga (okanye inyanzelekile ukuba ibe yeyokwabelana ngesondo), kodwa sisiphumo esimiselwe kwangaphambili sokuba umntwana ofikisayo anikwe ukhetho olukhulu lwephonografi ngaphandle kwesikhokelo.
Ndaxhalaba ukuba i-intanethi ye-intanethi yayigxininise ukukhula kwam ngokwesondo. Ndiyathetha ukuba, ukuba idlala ngelophu entloko yam, ngaba ndiyakwazi ukuyeka "ukubukela"?
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Kuphuculwe. Ndinebudlelwane obuninzi bexesha elide, funda i-Foucault kwaye ndade ndafumana ithuba lokuzama ukulala ngesini lesini. Yintoni eyasinceda kakhulu incokola nabahlobo, ingakumbi abafazi, ababenalo ubudlelwane obuhle kunye ne-masturbation. Umhlobo wesetyhini wachaza ukuba wayedla ngokudlwengula kwaye akazange avuyisane nalo, ngoko ke ngokusebenzisa i-masturbation wathola iindlela zokuguqulwa ngu "ubuhle," nokuba ngumzimba ovuliwe okanye intsimi evulekile. Omnye umhlobo oye wayedlala ngesisu esasemncinci kakhulu kodwa engazange abukele iphonografi wandixelela ukuba akazange akwazi ukucinga ngendlela engafanelekanga, kodwa kunokuba akhumbule imeko ethile okanye umvakalelo owamvusayo, njengokuvuka emva komntu othile amaphepha.
Ngoku, ndizama ukuphinda nditshintshe ngokwakho - ungayifumananga nokuziphatha kwam ngokwesini. Kodwa oko kwandishiyile ndididekile kakhulu. Ndiyathetha, yintoni ndizama ngokwenene ukwenza? Ufumanisa ukukhangwa kwam "ngokwesintu"? Ubundlobongela buhlala bwakhiwe-buqhele ukuba bube bushushu ukuba bunqatha kwaye bube bubala! Yintoni eyona yindlela enye yokuhlalisana nokuzibandakanya kobulili obufunwa yi-pornography?
Ndicinga ukuba ekugqibeleni, ndifuna nje ukuziva kakuhle xa ndiziva kakuhle-ukuba ndilahlekise ihlazo, inetyala kunye nokugqithisa umlutha ukusuka kwingxenye yengqondo elawula ukuvusa. Ndicinga ukuba i-kinky sex is amazing; livuma ukuba ihlazo, ukulawula kunye nokunyaniseka kunene kangakanani kwizesondo. Kodwa, ndifuna ukwazi ukuhlola i-kink - ungayishiyi kuyo. Ndiyabulela ukuba isizukulwana sam sithobele inkululeko yesondo, kodwa oku kuvakalelwa njengegumbi.
Ndiziva ndihluke kwizesondo zam, njengomnye umntu. Ndifuna ukubuyisa izifiso zam zesondo. Andizami ukwenza unyango loguqulo kum, ukuba ndixoshe iidemon ze-porno yangaphambili. Ndizama ukubuyela kwi-2002 kwaye ndithathe ikhompyutheni kwaye ndibonise oko kuvakalelwa kakuhle ngokuhlola ngokunyanisekileyo kwenyama.
Ndibeka kwindawo yokuhlamba kwaye uvumele amanzi afudumele aphakame ngamathanga ami. Iimpawu zam ezivezekileyo ziziva zifunyanwe ngokungaqhelekanga, njengokuba ziyazi ukuba ziziko lokuqwalasela. Ndivale amehlo am kwaye ndithinte. Isifuba, isisu, isisu - iinwele, intamo, amahlombe. Emva kokuba ndifike kwi-penis yam, ukungahambelani kobuzwe buyamangalisa. Esikhundleni sokunqanda ukucinga, okanye ukugxila ngokuzimisela kubo ukuba ndihambe, ndizama konke okusemandleni ukuba ndibe ne-masturbated by the touch-njengokungathi ndiphela nje ukuzifumanisa.
Ndiyakwazi ukuhamba ngaphandle kokucinga into "into ehlazo" okanye i-pornography, kodwa akusiyo yonwabe kakhulu - ayiziveki kakuhle. Ngaba ndimele ndizixhomekeke ekubuyiseleni i-MILF ngeehlunu kunye neetyhewu ekhanda lam njengoko ndidibanisa umntu andiyi kufumana i-sexy? Mhlawumbi ndifumana i-cougar endinokuyithanda okanye iqabane elingaba nendima yokudlala ngokukholisayo? Okanye ngaba ndimele ndiqhubeke ndihlola umzimba wam kwaye ndithemba ukuba ukungcola kwe-XXX iividiyo zicoca ngokukhawuleza kwiingcamango zam zenzululwazi ukubonakalisa izinto ezifana nokuphupha, ukucamngca, ezikhoyo, eziphilileyo, eziphilayo ezingqondweni nasemzimbeni?
Ukuba kukho impendulo ngaphandle, mhlawumbi kwi-Intanethi.
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