Uphando olutsha luguqula iinkolelo eziqhelekileyo malunga namadoda
Nokuba ungangamaqabane amaninzi kangakanani owabelana nawo ngesondo, usenokuxhamla ngokuqonda ubungakanani bocingo lwakho lokudibana. Ukuba ngumdibanisi-zibini, ngasendleleni, akuqinisekisi “ngokonwaba ngonaphakade.” Ithatha ukuba nentsapho: kuba namandla okuwela othandweni kunye nomnqweno wokubambisana, ubuncinane ngexesha. Ngokwahlukileyo, iintlobo ezininzi zezilwanyana ezincelisayo zifana ne-bonobo chimps kunye neenkizi; baqabane baze baqhubeke. Izizathu zokungafani ulala kwindawo yengqondo.
Ngaphandle komthamo wokuziphatha gwenxa, thina bantu siziintlobo ezibophelelayo. Kubonakalisa ukungathandwa kwethu ngamandla kukuthinta kunye nokuhlala sihleli-kwaye iyavakala, njengoko abantwana bethu bexhamla kubazali abaxhomeke kufutshane nomjikelo omnye we-estrous. (Ukufumana uhlalutyo oluqinileyo lokudibana kwabantu, jonga "Ubunzima bakho beSondo" kwi Icompass yePleasure.) Njengawo nawuphi na umxholo, kunjalo, zihlala zikhona (abantu base-atypical). Uyazi njani phi na nina zikhona kwi-spectrum-bonder spectrum? Kwaye kuthetha ukuthini ngokufumana ukwaneliseka?
Cinga ngophando olutshanje lwabantu abangaphezu kwewaka eliphakathi kweminyaka eliphakathi okanye elidala ukuzinikela, ubuhlobo besikhathi eside ukusuka kumazwe amahlanu. Abaphandi bathi, "Amanqanaba ewonke olonwabo kulwalamano ebephezulu kolu phando." Ke, zithini ezi zibini zenza ukuba ubudlelwane bazo bonelise (okt, kungenzeka ukuba buhlale)?
Kwabesilisa, ukukrakra ngokukhawuleza kunye nokuqhawula ngesondo rhoqo ngesinye iqabane likhulise iingxaki zokuba nolwalamano lwentlalo lonwabo malunga ne-3. (Ngokukodwa i-3.0 kunye ne-3.11, ngokwahlukeneyo. Kwabafazi amandla okuqikelela elowo yayingu-1.59 no-1.35 kuphela.) Njengoko abaphandi baqukumbela, kukho "isidingo sokuqwalaselwa kwakhona kwendima yothando lomzimba kunye neentsingiselo zalo" ngokwesini. Kwesinye isifundo, kwanabafana abancinci bayadibana isithandabuzo sothando ngaphezu kwesistim sezesondo ngeemeko ezimnandi.
Ubude bebudlelwane babenempembelelo ebalulekileyo kunye nefuthe elihle kwintsebenziswano yolonwabo. Kwaye amadoda ayenamalingani ambalwa abiza ukwaneliseka okukhulu ngokwesondo. Ngaba abanye bafana nje wired for monogamy? Ngaba ukwandisa ukwandisa ukwaneliseka? Yiyiphi ikhonkco phakathi kweentlobo ezahlukeneyo nokunganeliseki? (Ngakumbi ngomzuzwana.)
Ukuxabisa i-orgasm ngokugqithiseleyo kunye nokuphindaphindiweyo kwesondo hayi Ukuqulunqa okunzulu kwentsapho yolonwabo. Nangona kunjalo, ngaphezu kwazo zonke, bobabini abatshatileyo babalwa iqabane labo i-orgasm njengento ebaluleke ngakumbi kunabo. Ngamanye amagama, abo babini banelisekile ngokugqithisa ixesha elide kubonakala bexabisa umnxeba othandekayo nokuvusa, ukuphendula ngokwesondo, kwaye, mhlawumbi, ngengqondo evulekile ngaphezu kwe-orgasm ngokwayo.
Ingaba yin akho Ingqondo ithi, kwaye uyayiva ngokucacileyo?
I-monogamy kunye nokungathembeki kaninzi kuhambelana neemvakalelo zokuneliseka okanye ukungazinzi. Ezi mvakalelo zivela kwiqela elidala lezakhiwo kwingqondo eyaziwa ngokuba yiyo umvuzo wesiphaluka. Naluphi na owela khona kwi-spectrum-bonder spectrum, njani ukufumana iimvakalelo zakho ezilungileyo kunokubonisa ukuba uncediswe njani. Ukuba ngokuyinhloko ujolise ekuphumeni kweengcamango zakho zesini, kunye namaqabane enomathotholo yakho enkulu ye-aphrodisiac, unokuba ngaphezulu wired for riserer, hit-or miss-miss-miss-miss ngaphezu kwexesha elide lomtshato.
Ngenye indlela, unokuba ngumkhonkco wombini ophendulwa ngumdla ngokukhawuleza ukuvuselela ngokwesondo-Kunjalo likhoboka. Kule nkalo, a isifundo esitsha yafumanisa ukuba iziganeko ezibalulekileyo zokungathembeki kwindoda: ukuxhalaba ngokwesondo (ukuba kube lula ngokuvusa iziganeko ezininzi kunye neemeko) kunye nokwesaba ukuhluleka kokusebenza kwesondo. Bobabini banako iimpawu lokugqithisa. Intsingiselo kunye nomngcipheko usenokusebenza njenge-aphrodisiacs kakhulu ngenxa yokuba zikhulula dopamine eyongezelelweyo. Kanye ukulinganisela kwingqondo libuyiselwe, ukuvuselela okugqithisileyo kuya kuba yinto engadingekile kwintsebenzo yesondo, kunye nokuxhaswa kwamanye amazwe kulula.
Nasiphi na isiganeko, ukuba ufumana uthando, ukuthatha umdlalo kunye nobudlelwane obusondeleyo ngokukhawuleza nokuvuthisa, ngoko mhlawumbi unako hayi i-outlier engenakuphumla kwi-bridge-bonder spectrum-nokuba unamaqabane amaninzi kwixesha. Ababambini babini banamathele ngesondo, ngokuqinisekileyo, kodwa ukuphendula kwabo kunye kunye nokwamkelwa komlingane kubonakala kubonwabisayo kwaye kuqinisekisa. Oku kubonakala kunyanisekileyo kwezinye izibini ezibophelelana ngezibini njengokuba.
Ngaba unentambo njengezibini ezinde ezichazwe apha ngasentla? Ukuba kunjalo, usenokungaphumeleli kwinkcubeko yanamhlanje. Amandla e-Pair-bonder, anje ngesidingo sokuthamba ukuze uphendule ngesondo, anokubonakala ngathi abuthathaka kule mihla yesini. Nazi iindawo ezine apho ingcebiso esemgangathweni inokukubuyisela umva:
1. 'Ukuba uziva ulungile yenze' inokukhokelela kumlutha
Yikholwe okanye ungakholelwa, ukuba uneentambo ezomelele kakhulu, ungabakho emngciphekweni wokufumana irhashalala-hayi kwi-online erotica kuphela, kodwa nakwezinye izinto. Isizathu sendalo. Ukuvuselela okuninzi kakhulu kunokuthi "kuqweqwedise" eyona ndlela yokusebenza kwengqondo eye yavela ukukhuthaza ukudibana. Umzekelo, ii-voles zokudibanisa (i-prairie) ii-voles ikakhulu zinokuya izilwanyana (ngokungafani neenqwelo ezingabambisani nezibini). Kunjalo zidibeneyo iindwendwe zokudla abanomdla kwiziyobisi. Kuphantse kufane nokuba umvuzo wesekethe ye-bond bonder une "hole encinci" ekhwaza ukuba izaliswe ngebhondi (nokuba umntu akaze abophe).
Ukungabikho komanyano olwanelisekileyo, ezinye iibhondi zeebhondi ziya kubamba malunga nantoni na ukuzalisa loo "mngxuma." Kwaye abanye abayi kuzifumanisa are kubakhondi bobabini baze bayeke ukutshintshwa kwabo. Njengomnye umntu wathi:
Injongo: Kunyaka olandelayo wokufunda, fumana i-cuddle-buddy esemthethweni. Kungenzeka ukuba oku kuthetha intombi. Kulungile ngam! Ndifuna nje i-TLC. Thixo, kwahluke kakhulu kum ukuthetha ngoluhlobo. Iminyaka ndiye ndazibona ndingumntu ongamanyala, ndazisa u-weirdo, owayechazekile ngokupheleleyo kukuba abantu bayathandana kakhulu. Ngoku ndijika ndaba yenye yazo.
Ngokweqhelekileyo, ubuchopho bombini obunokubangela ukuba kunqabileyo kunzima ukuyeka umntu oswele i-pornography, nangona uthanda ukwenene naye. Wathi omnye umfana:
Ingqondo yakho kufuneka yamkele ukuba uthetha kubo bonke aba ntombazana, ungaze ubabone kwakhona! Kuya kukudakalisa, kukuthukuthela, kukukhathazeka, ukuxinezeleka, ukugodla, njengegodini, kunzima, akukho nto-kunokukudonsela kwiintlobo ezibi kakhulu zeesihogo ukuze ubuyele kumakhaya akho, kuba uyabathanda kakhulu. [Iindleko zesibini ezidibeneyo zabantwana zibonisa uhlobo olufanayo loxinzelelo xa zahlula kwiqabane.]
Ingqondo yakho kufuneka yamkele ukuba uthetha kubo bonke aba ntombazana, ungaze ubabone kwakhona! Kuya kukudakalisa, kukuthukuthela, kukukhathazeka, ukuxinezeleka, ukugodla, njengegodini, kunzima, akukho nto-kunokukudonsela kwiintlobo ezibi kakhulu zeesihogo ukuze ubuyele kumakhaya akho, kuba uyabathanda kakhulu. [Iindleko zesibini ezidibeneyo zabantwana zibonisa uhlobo olufanayo loxinzelelo xa Kwakhona wachaza indlela ezivakalelwa ngayo ukunyuka kwiqabane langempela:
Ke, kanye njengaxa wohlukana nentombi (ewe, ngokuchanekileyo iyafana, kuba iyafana), uvuka ngenye imini umkhuhlane uhambile. Ingqondo ithi "Kulungile. Ndiyayifumana. * phunga *. Ndiyicinga ukuba i-harem ihambe ngokwenene kwaye andiyi kuphinda ndibabone. * phunga *… Heyi - laa mfazi ulinde emgceni ebhankini mhle nangona! Molo mntwana!" Kwaye uphilisiwe. [Wakhawuleza wadibana nebhinqa awayemthanda kwimbali yakhe yangaphambili.]
2. I-Sexual Solo Ingaba Ivelise Ukwaneliseka Kancinane Kwindlela
Ukubonelelwa ngeemvakalelo ezintle ezinokubambisana nabakhonkxwa ukusuka ekukhuliseni uxhumano, iingcebiso ezithandwa ngabalingani abakhuthazayo ukuba bahlanganyele ngesondo sobuntu ukwenzela ukwandisa ukwaneliseka kwabo ngokwesondo kunokubuyela. Omnye umyeni, owayenobungozi obunzima be-erectile iminyaka emininzi kwaye ngoko ke wayenqabile ukulala ngesondo, wagqiba ekubeni azame ukuhlaziya iinyanga zokuhlala kweenyanga ezintathu ngaphambi kwekhefu nomkakhe. Emva kweentsuku ezine ezichanileyo zokulala naye, wathi:
Eli lixesha lokuqala ndilala ngesondo ngaphandle kokucinga ngenye into. Ngokusisiseko kugxilwe emfazini wam ngoku kuvuliwe! Ndingalindela kakhulu kum ngaphambili. Ndacinga ukuba kufuneka ndivukile kwaye ndikulungele ukuya kwisaziso sesibini, nokuba kwenzeka ntoni. Ndilindele ukufumana ibhoner ngalo lonke ixesha ndijonga umfazi omhle. Ngoku ulindelo lwam kukugqibela ukuba ndimile ukuba ndikhululekile phambi komfazi endimthandayo (okt umfazi wam).
Ngobusuku bokuqala, bekungekho ndade ndaqala ukukrokrela umfazi wam ukuba ukulungiswa kwam kwavela. Ngoku ndiqala "ukuziva" i-libido yam kancinci kulo lonke usuku. Ndiyakholelwa ukuba ndiphilisiwe, kwaye ndicinga ukuba ingxaki yam yayingumxube wokuxhalaba kokusebenza kunye ne-masturbation kakhulu. Ukuba iintsuku ze-4 zokulala kunye nomfazi wam musa ukundenza ndiqiniseke ukuba i-libido yam ilungile, yintoni eya kuthi?
3. IiCuddle Buddies zinokuba luncedo ngaphezu kweHok-Ups
Izibophelelo ezibini zibonakala zifumana ukuthintana okunothando kunye nolwalamano olwanelisayo kunokwabelana ngesondo olungenanto. Ke ngoko, phakathi kobudlelwane, “maqabane”Inokungqina ukhetho olungcono kunesini esikwi-intanethi okanye ukwabelana ngesondo nomntu ongathandani naye. Kuthe isibini sabafana abazama:
Ngoku ndinomhlobo osokolayo. Sijonga nje imovie kunye ngexesha, ngelixa sibambene. Yimeko elungileyo kuba akukho xinzelelo. Kwaye ndifanele nditsho, abafazi bokwenene bangcono kakhulu kunononophala. Iziva imnandi kakhulu. Ndicinga ukuba yile nto bendiyinqwenela ubomi bam bonke. Kwakuthuthuzela ukwazi ukuba ufuna ukuyenza kangangoko nam.
Kungenzeka ukuba ezinye iibhondi ezibini zenzelwe ukutshata okucothayo okuvumela ukwakha ukuthembana (kunye nokuvavanya ukuthembeka). Njengoko kuchaziwe "Indlela Ekhohlakeleyo Yokuhlala Uthandweni, ”Ukutshintshiselana nge-non-erotic (kodwa isini esinobuhlobo) kungadlala indima ekhethekileyo kubopheleli bobabini kuba indlela yengqondo yokudibanisa isibini esivela kumgcini womgcini womntwana nosana.
Ngokuqinisekileyo, amanye amadoda ayengacinekanga kwiinkcukacha ezinxulumene nabanye. Njengomhlobo wezinto eziphilayo,
Kusenokwenzeka ukuba ubuchwephesha beendlela obukhethwe ekuqaleni koomama kunye nenzala yobuzala bezuzwe njengelifa ngokulinganayo ngoonyana, ukuvumela ukudibana kwamadoda nabasetyhini kunye nokudibana kotata nenzala. Ezo mpawu, nazo, zikhethwe ngokufanelekileyo ebantwini, nangona zincinci kakhulu emadodeni kunabasetyhini-kuba ukomelela kwamadoda kufezekiswa ngokwamazinga ahlukeneyo ngaphandle kwezi bhondi.
4. Ukuphendula Ngokwezesondo Kungathi Kuxhomekeke kuXhumano lweMvakalelo
Njengoko kubonakaliswe kwiziphumo zesifundo esibini esicatshulwa kusishwankathelo ekuqaleni kwesi sithuba, umnqweno wokuxhumano lwengqondo unokwakhiwa ngqo kwi-chemistry yengqondo kubhondi-nokuba uyayithanda okanye ayithandi. Cinga ngamazwi ala madoda:
Andiyithandi ukuba nobudlelwane bomzimba ukuba andiqinisekanga ukuba ndibona umfazi ehlala ebomini bam ixesha elithile. Ndicinga ukuba ndingoyikisa nge-polyamory. Andinguye umntu ome-ubusuku obunye-ndingabinantambo ngaloo ndlela.
Xa ndihlala nentombazana endikhe ndalala nayo, ndinokumiswa ndimi ecaleni kwabo. Kodwa kunye nentombazana engakhange ndihlale nayo, andiziva ndivuliwe. Kuya kufuneka ndisebenze ukuze ndizive kwilungu lam lobudoda xa ndithetha nabo okanye ndidanisa nabo.
Imeko-bume yanamhlanje inokwenza ukuba kube nzima kubabhondi bobabini ukufumana indlela eya kulwaneliseko oluhlala luhleli. Ukuba kunokwenzeka ukuba ubenocingo kunxibelelwano olunzulu kunye nengeniso encinci yamaqabane, ke iingcebiso zanamhlanje ezipapashiweyo malunga nezibonelelo zesini esingaqhelekanga kunye ne-online erotica ngekhe ikwenzele yona. Ukuzama ukuziqhelanisa kunokukushiya uziva ungenanto, okanye ukuphose kwilaphu lokungoneliseki okanye iingxaki ezinxulumene neziyobisi.
Kungakhathaliseki ukuba yintoni abanye abakwenzayo, fumana ukuba yeyiphi ukwanda akho ngqi niseka. Ukuba kuyafuneka, ubuyisele ubuchopho bakho kwinto evamile yokuqonda. Finyelela yenene abatshatileyo. Zama ukugxininisa ukuthintela kunye nokuthandana kwimeko yakho. Ku khuthaza kakhulu? Ukuba kunjalo, uxhumano lunokuphucula impilo yakho ngeendlela ezibalulekileyo. Omnye umntu wathi,
Umfazi wam kunye nam sibini sithatha imishanguzo yegazi eliphezulu. Kwiinyanga ezimbalwa ezedlule, iinombolo zethu zaqala ukuhla. Ndiyinqumle amachiza am i-¼ kwinqanaba langaphambili; u-doc wakhe wamxelela nje ukuba unako ukulahla iil meds. Okuthakazelisayo, iinyanga ezimbalwa ezedlule ndandisa izinga lethu ziphatha. Ndimnika unyawo kunye / okanye ukubuyisela umsila ubusuku bonke. Ndakhupha i-dog-eyred, ikopi ecacisiweyo I-Arrow Poisoned Arrow. Ngokuqinisekileyo, nantsi kwiphepha 216: “Ukuphulula umzimba kunye nezinye izinto ezinomdla ekunciphiseni uxinezeleko kwaye ifuthe legazi, ”Nkqu nakubaphi, kubonakala ngathi.
Ukuba uzama, uya kufunda ukuqonda, ukucela, nokuhambisa iziphatho akho Ingqondo ifuna ukukhangela ulwaneliseko oluphezulu. Uyazi ukuba zeziphi iimpawu omele uzijonge kumaqabane anokuba ngamaqabane. (Kwaye yintoni ekufuneka uyixolele kumaqabane adlulileyo.) Ukuchonga okukufaneleyo kunefuthe kulonwabo lwakho, yakho impilo, mhlawumbi nangenxa izizukulwana ezizayo.
Jonga okufutshane ividiyo kwi-neurochemistry yokubambisana kwamabini
funda Ubudala 23 - (ED), iinyanga ezi-7-zazidinga uxinzelelo lweemvakalelo
Uphando: I-Gynephilic Men's Self-Reported and Response Sexual Response to Relationship Context Cues (2017)
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