Uza kuzalisa njani umgcini-mbini wakho "?"
Kwiminyaka yakutshanje, izazinzulu ziye zafunda isilwanyana esincomekayo ngokunzulu ngakumbi: indili yommandla. Zininzi iintlobo ze-vole ezinxulumene ngokusondeleyo, kodwa ezinye iintlobo zamaqabane ebomini ngelixa ezinye zingazenzi izibophelelo zombini (njengoninzi lwezilwanyana ezanyisayo).
Ithafa lendawo lele-3% yeentlobo zezilwanyana ezanyisayo, ezibandakanya abantu. Bayazidibanisa, ngokwesiqhelo ubomi babo obufutshane, ngamanye amaxesha kunye nesibini esongezelelweyo sokudibanisa kwicala ("ukukopela"). Kwakhona, njengabantu.
Ubungqina bubonisa ukuba ubuchopho obunokubangela ukuba i-prairie iqhube ukubambisana (oko kukuthi, ukuchithwa komncedisi womntwana osondeza umntwana) mhlawumbi kunento efana neendlela zobuchopho ezibangelwa us ukubambisana ngokubambisana. Oku kwenza abo bahlalutyo banomdla okhethekileyo kubantu:
Ngenxa yokunxibelelana okukhulu phakathi kweendlela ezichaphazelekayo ekwenziweni kweebhondi zentlalo kunye neziyobisi, indawo yasemaphandleni ibonakala iyimodeli eluncedo yokuvavanya… iindlela zebhayiloji. [Isuka kwamva nje]
Nazi iziphumo ezintathu ezithandekayo zokufunyanwa kwindlovu, kunye nefuthe malunga nendlela esilawula ngayo yethu bathanda ubomi:
1. Fumana i-prairie vole ephezulu kwii-amphetamines, ekhupha i-dopamine eninzi kwingqondo yakhe, kwaye yena ayikwazi ukudibanisa ibhondi. Inxalenye yengqondo emcenga ukuba abopheleleke kwi-bond iyasebenza kwi "gotta get it" neurotransmitter, dopamine. Kodwa, ngokumangalisayo, kaninzi I-dopamine nayo iqala ukwenza ukuba i-dopamine receptors ijongane neemvakalelo zokuphinda ziqhele ukumenza angathandi abanye abantu ababhinqileyo. Xa egqithisile akayidibanisi nayo ikhona abantu ababhinqileyo, nangona kusenokwenzeka ukuba usathanda ukubulela ngesondo kwisilwanyana sakhe sangaphantsi "siphumelele" kwinkqubo. Umyalezo wokususa? Ukuchithwa kwemivuzo yesiphaluka kunokuphazamisa uthando.
2. Emva koko, nikeza ii-amphetamines kuzo zombini ii-voles ezithandekayo kunye nezithandanayo. Indawo yasemaphandleni (ukudibanisa) ii-voles ziya kusebenzisa ngakumbi. Ngamafutshane, isekethe efanayo yomvuzo kwiingqondo zabo ebenza ukuba bafune ukuwa entloko phezu kwezithende nazo ziyabashiya ngokukodwa ekungciphekweni kokulutha. Ngokwahlukileyo, uninzi lweempuku alubuthandi utywala. Kuya kufuneka bazalwe ngokukodwa ukuze bayisebenzise. Kodwa zombini iindwendwe kunye nabantu baya kusela, becebisa ukuba ukufana kwisekethe yabo yomvuzo kwenza ukuba kube buzz eyomeleleyo. Ngapha koko, izazinzulu zinjalo ngoku usebenzisa i-prairie voles ukukhupha imishishini yokunyanga utywala kunye nezilingo ngokuqaphela ukufana kwabo nabantu.
3. Ngoku, nikezela ii-amphetamines kuzo zombini ii-voes prairie ezi-bonded namaqabane kunye nabo bangekatshati. Ababotshiweyo Ungafumani ii-amphetamines ezinomdla, kodwa abo bangenawo amaqabane basebenzisa iyeza ngomsindo. Inkuthazo enkulu "yokuqweqwedisa" indlela yokusebenza kwengqondo eye yavela ukukhuthaza ukudibana. Okukwintsusa: Iziyobisi zinokuthimba indlela yokubopha, kwaye zibhalise njengoluhlobo lothando.
Kuphantse kufane nokuba umvuzo wesekethe ye-bond bonder une "hole encinci" ekhwaza ukuba izaliswe ngebhondi (nokuba umntu akaze abophe). Xa kungekho qabane, i-bond bonder iya kujonga into ethile enye ukuzalisa loo “mngxuma.” Ngokucacileyo, thina bantu sihlala sizama ukugcwalisa "umngxunya" ngabahlobo abaninzi, imicimbi engamanyala, iphonografi, iziyobisi, utywala, ukuzinikela kwisikhulu okanye injongo, okanye nantoni na — zonke ezo zinto zinika, okanye zithembise, ukwaneliseka kwemithambo-luvo .
Ingongoma ebalulekileyo kukuba indlela yobuchopho eyenza i-bonder yebhanki ibe yintsebenziswano, ayiyiyo ingqiqo. Iqhuba ukuziphatha ngokwe-dopamine ekhishwe. Ukugqithisa ngakumbi ukuvuselela, ngakumbi inani Sibona umsebenzi othile. Inokwenzeka njani into evuyisa ulindelo olunje ukuba ibe lukhetho olubi? Njengoko isazi ngemvelaphi yabantu uHelen Fisher esitsho, “Uthando aluyomvakalelo; kukuqhuba. ”
Kuyo yonke indaleko ye-vole, olu langazelelo lwe-dopamine luhleliwe luthando luhlala ngokufanelekileyo. Kwakungekho sosayensi sinobubi malunga nokucoca ii-amphetamines. Ii-voles kwakungafuneki ziphikisane ne-dopamine ene-jacked-up eyaphazamisa indlela yabo yokudibanisa. Abantu abanokubakho ababatshatileyo babaguqula (i-dopamine yabo inyuka). Bathandana kakhulu; ukondana ngokungathi uphambene; kwaye emva koko wazinza phantsi ukukhulisa amantshontsho kunye.
Qaphela: Ukubambisana kwamabini akunjalo isicwangciso sokuziphatha; yi isicwangciso sokuqhawula, kwaye ivela kwindlela engqondweni engaphantsi kwengqondo. Umzekelo ophazamisayo ubonisa ukuba ukudibanisa akuyona inkcubeko yenkcubeko. Uninzi lwabatyunjwa bebhanki lubonakala luye lwaguqulwa kwesi sicwangciso sokubambisana kuba abantwana babo benza ngcono ngababini ababakhathaleli. Abantu, ngokomzekelo, bathatha ixesha elide ukuba baqokelele, ngoko abazali abanokubambisana badla ngokwaneleyo ukuba banamathele unathi yinshurensi enhle.
Ukubambisana ngokubambisana ngokuqhelekileyo kuvuyisa kwangaphakathi
Yintoni egcina ibhondi? Hayi ngesondo eshushu (nangona ekuqaleni inganceda izibini ezibophelelanayo kuba iingqondo ziyazikhumbula ukuze zikhumbule amava "abaluleke kangaka"). Ngokutsho kwesazi sebhayoloji UDavid Barash, abantu abathandanayo abaxhaphazi ngokwesini “abenzi rhoqo ngokwesini.” Unxibelelwano oluninzi phakathi kwamaqabane lwenzeka ngendlela yokuphumla kunye, ukuzilolonga kunye "nokuxhoma." Oko kwathiwa, rhoqo ukuziphatha ngendlela yokuziphatha kunye nokuququzelela Ngokuqinisekileyo unokuziphatha ngokubambisana.
Inyaniso yokuba izibophezelo zabambini zihlala zibophelelwe ngaphandle kokusebenza komlilo ngokwesini kubonisa ukuba ubophelelo ngokwayo uhlala unomvuzo. Inyaniso yokuba uMnu noNksk. Vole banyusa iimpumlo zabo kwii-amphetamines kugxininisa ulwaneliseko lwabo. Ukuntywila kwikona yekheji yabo uziva ungcono kunokuphakama. Iingqondo ze-Pair-bonder zimiselwe ukuzonwabisa ngokudibanisa ngenxa yayo-ngaphandle kokuba kukho into ephazamisayo. Ukuthandana kugcwalisa "umngxunya" omncinci, kwaye amaqabane amaninzi adlulisa ubomi bawo kwisini esinye sokwabelana ngesondo.
Oko kwathiwa, ukuba ithuba elinomdla lokungena enkqonkqoza emnyango, ii-voes prairie voles ziye zaziwa ngokuba zi-philander-ze emva koko zigxothe umhlaseli ongathandekiyo. Emva kwayo yonke loo nto, indaleko ayenzi njalo ezifana uninzi lomntu. Iyakunyamezela ngokunyamezela kwiintlobo ezimbalwa.
Iphuzu kukuba i-gene-bonder-genes yethu ifake umgca we-circuit reward to value these bonds kwaye ukudibanisa okungaphezulu komtshato. Ukukhathalela iipakethi zethu ezincinci zemfuza ngababini, ngelixa zixubeka kudidi oluthile lwemfuza kwicala, kunika okona kulungileyo kwihlabathi liphela… ngokwembono yemfuza yethu.
Ngokuchanekileyo kutheni sidibanisa ama-bonders? Kungenxa yokuba i-dopamine ibhabha phakathi kweendlebe zethu. Ixesha. Ngaphandle koko, ngekhe. I-Tryst iyingozi kuba iibhondi ezibini zibandakanyeka kulondolozo lwamaqabane, kwaye zohlwaya ukungathembeki. Utyalomali olwenziwe liqabane ngalinye lubonakala ngathi luxhomekeke kwingcinga yokuba bonke oovimba baya kwinzala yabo edibeneyo. "Yenza isivumelwano."
Abaxhamli beentombi, ke, thabatha ukuxhamla ngenxa yesizathu esifanayo uHugh Grant noElizabethe Hurley ngamnye abenzayo. Umngcipheko kunye nokwenyusa ukwanda kwe-dopamine, okwenza ithuba lubonakale lifanelekileyo kwiziphumo ezinokwenzeka-ubuncinci ngethuba. Ukuziphatha kunokumisa abanye abantu ukuba bangaboni, kodwa ukufuna ukukopela kuvela kwi-dopamine eyenza ingqondo. Intshukumo isebenza njenge-aphrodisiac ngenxa yezinto ezifanayo.
Yintoni abantu abanokuyifunda kwindlela oomatshini abambeneyo abasebenza ngayo?
1. Iqhina lesibini linokuba ngumthombo wolwaneliseko olunamandla. Uphando olungakumbi nangakumbi ngabantu (kunye nezinye izilwanyana) luqinisekisa ukuba ukubamba ngothando kunye nokusondela, ubuqabane obuthembekileyo bunciphisa uxinzelelo, buyisa uxinzelelo, ukuphilisa ngokukhawuleza, kunye nokunceda ukunqanda iziyobisi.
2. Iintlobo zokubopha ngambini zixhomekeke kakhulu kubuhlobo, isimilo sokuziphatha ngothando, ukukhuphela kunye nokuthinta uthando ukuze uhlale umanyene emva kokuqala kokudibana. Hayi kwinto entsha.
3. Ukhuphiswano oluninzi kakhulu (olufana nobutsha) lunokuxhwila oomatshini abacekeceke apho imibutho yethu ihleli khona. Xa sidibene ne-dopamine eyongezelelweyo yomcimbi onokubakho, iziyobisi zokuzonwabisa, i-cam-2-cam yokuhlangana njalo njalo, inokwenza isibophelelo sethu esincinci esikhuthazayo sikhangeleke njenge-humdrum.
4. Ukuthanda amaqabane ukucela isenzo ngokwendalo kuthambekele ekwenzeni i-jack-up dopamine, njengoko kwafumanisa uTiger Woods. Kodwa yenza njalo enembonakalo yenyani "Abalingane" bekhala ngokuqwalaselwa. Kungenxa yesi sizathu le nto amathuba okuziphatha oku-intanethi namhlanje enakho ukusenza ukungaziboni iintlawulelo zethu zombini. (Iidlwana zezilwanyana zinako unempembelelo efanayo, kunjalo.)
Khumbula, inxalenye yokuqala yeengqondo ihlola amathuba okubelana ngesondo kungekhona kwimiqondo okanye inqobo, kodwa kuphela kwixabiso le-dopamine ekhishwe ngexesha.
Qaphela uvelwano-njenge-aphrodisiac
Konke oku kuthetha ukuba uninzi lweengcebiso zesondo zanamhlanje azizukusebenza kakuhle kubathandi abafuna ukuhlala bebhangqiwe. Isekwe kwisicwangciso-qhinga se-dopamine-cranking "novelty-as-aphrodisiac": ukuzama into yokudlala entsha ngokwesondo, ukubukela iphonografi, ukutshintsha amaqabane, ukwenza iphupha lekinky, ukuzibandakanya kwisini esibuhlungu okanye esibuhlungu, njalo njalo. Inoveli kunye noloyiko ngokuqinisekileyo ziyavuselela. Nangona kunjalo i-novelty-as-aphrodisiac ineengxaki.
Okokuqala, wakube uzame into ethile, ayisiyiyo inoveli kwakhona. Ukufumana ulonwabo olufanayo kuyo kwixesha elizayo, kuya kufuneka uphinde ukhuthaze ukhuthazo. Oko kukuthi, i-novelty-as-aphrodisiac ayizinzanga. Emva kokuba uyiphungule ingqondo yakho nge-dopamine engaphezulu eveliswe zizinto ezikhethiweyo, wenza ntoni?
Okwesibini, ukukhuthazwa okuninzi kunokwenene ndindisholo impendulo yovuyo. Ngoko, endaweni yokuba uzive unelisekile okanye unamathele ngakumbi, abathandi banokuziva benganelisekanga kunanini na phakathi kwezinto ezinzulu, ezibangelwa ngumculo. Ukuze ubuyele ubuchopho bakho uvelwano oluqhelekileyo, unokwakheka udibaniso.
Iingcebiso: Ukuba unqwenela ukugcina uxhamlo olubini njengomthombo wokwaneliseka, qaleni uthathe isifundo kwiindwendwe zengcwaba: Yenza into onokuyenza ukuze ugweme ukugqithisa okubangela ukuba udibanise. Le ngcebiso ingabalulekanga ngakumbi namhlanje ngenxa yokuba ukulingana kwabalingani banoveli kuninzi kakhulu kunokuba babekhona njengoko ubuchopho bethu buguqukile. (Inkunzi esikolweni esiphakeme ibona ukutshisa ngaphezulu kwikholo phakathi kweeklasi kunokuba ookhokho babone ngexesha lokuphila, kungabhekiseli kushushu.)
Okwesibini, inkosi kwaye uyiqeshe ziqhotyoshelweyo apho ezinye iintlobo ezidibeneyo ezimbini zixhomekeka. Kubonakala ngathi, thina bantu sasisetyenziselwa ukuyazi:
Abo bantu bonwabile abonwabela ulonwabo lothando
Ukonwabela ukwamkela inkanuko yenyama ka-Aphrodite
Njengomkhumbi ogibela lula kancinci lolwandle,
Ukuphepha ukunyaniseka okukhokelela ekuhlazeni.
Ngokwezesondo, nje ngefreyfly, inokugubungela isifo sayo,
Kwaye u-Eros unemicu mibili kumtya wakhe. . . .
Ukuqala nje kokuqala kubangela uvuyo olungapheliyo,
Kodwa izilonda zesibini ziya kufa, kwaye zizalisa ithemba.
-Euripides (u-480-406 BCE), Iphegenia eAulis
Ingxelo kwenye iforum
Ngaphambi kokuba ndifumanise i-intanethi ye-intanethi ndifuna ukulala nabasetyhini abahlukeneyo. Ayisiyiyo 'inotshi enye ibhanti' crap esityholwa ngayo thina madoda kodwa ngokwahluka. Abasetyhini ngamnye banobuntu obahlukileyo, imo eyahlukileyo yomzimba, kwaye yahlukile nje kunangaphambili. Kwaye le nto emva kwamaxesha ambalwa okusondelana ndifuna nje umntu owahlukileyo. Hayi ukuba umfazi wayengamangalisi kodwa ndingazibuza nje ukuba injani elandelayo.
Kwaye into exakileyo kubudlelwane bam uthando lwam lokwenyani kunye nokhathalelo lomfazi lakhula ngokuhamba kwexesha. Ndingabenzela izinto ezininzi ndibathande ngakumbi kwaye ndirhorhozele ngakumbi. Nditsho ndithatha imbumbulu. Kodwa bendingenamdla ungako kwezokwabelana ngesondo nabo.
Kwakukho enye okanye ezimbini ezazigcina umdla wam kodwa kungenxa yokuba ndandizibona kwiinyanga ezimbalwa ngexesha kwaye babeya kuba kude ithutyana. Kwaye ukuba kude kwabo kuvuselele umnqweno.
Ayikwazi ukusichaphazela ukuthini i-porno kuwo onke amadoda. Kodwa ndiza kuthetha ukuba uye wandenza ukuba ndingakhange ndikhangele ubuhlobo. Ndinabantwana abancinci abahlobo nabamelana nabo ngokusondelana kunye nobudlelane, kodwa ngokubhekiselele kwesondo kuya kulula kakhulu ukupasa kwiDVD, ukukhupha isayithi okanye nje ukugijima kwiimbali zam i-masturbate.
Yaye inyaniso yokuba ndafumanisa i-porn ngexesha lesondlo sesondo. Abahlobo abaninzi basetyhini kodwa akukho bafazi abanomdla wokuba ngumthandi wam. Inkomfa yaqhubeka iminyaka. Ngoko ke ndandigqiba ekubeni ndivuyiswe ngabahlobo kwaye ndifumane ukuzonwabisa kwam.
Andikhange ndijonge iprogram nsuku zonke. Kodwa ngeyure okanye njalo njalo ngoLwesihlanu noMgqibelo ebusuku xa andifuni ukusebenza ngomhla olandelayo, ndithatha ixesha lam kwaye ndivelise indawo kwaye ndivumele ukuba isibini sihambe. Kulula kakhulu ngaloo ndlela.
Kuyathakazelisa, ekubeni ubhala le ngcezu, a kufunda kwavela ebonise amadoda ayenamava ambalwa abonwabileyo kunye nolwalamano lwabo. Ingaba intengo yazo yonke into esondelene nayo, inxulumano elithembayo kunye nokuthintela othandekayo kamva ebomini? Nangeyiphi ndlela, eli nqaku unokucacisa isizathu sokuba alahlekelwe ngumdla, ngaphandle koqabane bakhe obude.
Uphononongo malunga nokulala phakathi kwezesondo kunye neziyobisi kwiingqondo
Uphononongo luka-2015: "Izinto ezichazayo ukusetyenziswa kwe-intanethi kunye nobunzima ekwenzeni ubudlelwane obusondeleyo phakathi kwabasebenzisi besilisa nabesifazane be-cybersex" - Iphonografi kunye ne-cybersex ziqikelele ubunzima ekuthandaneni, ngakumbi emadodeni.
Ucwaningo lwe-2016: Iindonga zePrairie zibonisa intuthuzelo yabantu [kodwa iimoto ezingabambisani-mbini aziyi]
Iphepha le-2016: Unomdla, Uthakazeliso, Uthando LamaRoma: Utywala lweNdalo? Indlela Amasimi aphanda ngayo ukuThatshazwa kweMali kunye nokuSetyenziswa koMzimba angazisa omnye nomnye Ababhali bacetyisa iindlela zokubethelela aba bajikelezi ukuba bancede baphilise umlutha.
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