Ngamava angakholelekiyo! Ngokubanzi uninzi lwezinto endiye ndadlula kuzo kwezi ntsuku zingama-90 zidlulileyo zizinto ezifanayo ezithi gqi kule forum ngalo lonke ixesha. Ngemini ye-30-40 ndandinamandla amaninzi ndicinga ukuba ndiza kuqhuma. Ndithetha ukuba bendizojima okanye ndihambe ndiyonyuka yonke imihla kwaye bekungonelanga. Kungekudala emva koko ndaba nenye yeeflethi ezidumileyo kude kube yimini ye-70 okanye kunjalo. Ndithathe izinto endizonwabisa ngazo, ndafunda iincwadi ezininzi, kwaye ngokusisiseko ndiyeke imidlalo ebithatha ixesha lam elininzi. Nantso eyona nto iphambili kuyo, kodwa mandicacise ibali lam kubantu abakhathalayo.
Kuqala ngolunye ulwazi olungasemva. Ndinengxaki yokudakumba kunye nexhala lentlalontle ukusukela oko ndaqala ikholeji iminyaka emi-6 eyadlulayo. Njengabantu abaninzi apha bendiphila njenge zombie ukusukela ngoko, ndiphila kuphela ngephonografi kunye nemidlalo yokunyaniseka. Ndandingasoloko ndinjalo ngoko ndandisazi ukuba kukho into engalunganga, kodwa ndandingazi ukuba yintoni okanye ndiyilungise njani.
Sekuyiminyaka ngoku ndisitya impilo esempilweni kwaye ndisenza umthambo rhoqo ukuzama kwaye ndisebenze indlela yam yokuphuma kule miba, ndiphumelele kodwa akwanelanga. Abantu abandijikelezileyo bacinga ukuba ndiyimpilo enkenenkene, kodwa abaqondi ukuba ndizama nje ukuphucula ingqondo yam. Ndiye ndathweswa isidanga ngoDisemba ndaza ndafuna umsebenzi. Bendicinga ukuba ndinomnye osele efolile kodwa yawa, nangona bendicinga ukuba kuya kuba lula ukuyifumana. Emva kweenyanga zodliwano-ndlebe olungaphumelelanga ndiye ndaqonda ukuba ndinengxaki ekufuneka ndiyihoyile okanye andisoze ndifumane nto, kwaye ndiye ndakhubeka kwintetho ye-ted edityaniswe kule forum. Isayensi yayivakala isengqiqweni, ngoko ndiye ndacinga ukuba kufanelekile ukudutyulwa.
Emva kwenyanga njengoko benditshilo ndabona ukuphucuka okukhulu kwamandla am, kwaye ndaqala ukufumana uyolo kwizinto ezininzi endingazange ndizenze ngaphambili. Ixesha elide ukuba andizange ndibukele i-porn okanye ndidlala, andinakuvuya, kodwa ngoku ndifumana izinto ezilula ezizonwabisayo. Kufana nokuba emva kwexesha elide ndiye ndakhumbula ukuba kunjani ukonwaba ngokwenene! Yimvakalelo emangalisayo endingakwaziyo ukuyichaza. Ubomi babusele bungumsebenzi onzima, kodwa ngoku yinto enokwenzeka. Kunye nale nto ndibona okuninzi okunokwenzeka ngekamva lam, kwaye ndiziva NDIXULEKILE ngokuphila ubomi bam ngoku!
Ngaphambi kokuba ndingaqinisekanga ukuba bendisingise phi kwaye andicingi ukuba ndiyakhathala, kodwa i-shit engcwele ngoku ndibona izinto ezininzi ezinokwenzeka kwaye NDIYAYAZI ukuba ndiyakwazi ukuphumeza izinto ezinkulu. Kodwa ngelixa ndinezicwangciso ezinkulu ndiziva ndaneliseke ngakumbi ukuba ndingubani. Ngaphambi kokuba ndenze yonke into ukuzama ukungqina into endicinga ukuba ungayithetha, ngoku ndivakalelwa kukuba ndingahlala kanye apho ndikuyo kwaye ndiphile kakuhle. Ndifumene umsebenzi malunga nenyanga edlulileyo, ndangena ngokuzithemba kwaye ndingumntu kwi-interview ngokungafani nakuqala.
Lilonke ndiziva ndizithembile ngakumbi, ndikhuphe inkungu yengqondo, kwaye ndiziva ndiqhagamshelene kakhulu nobomi. Ukuya kuthi ga ngoku abasetyhini ndiye ndalala nentombazana enye izihlandlo ezimbalwa kwiiveki ezimbalwa ezidlulileyo, ngaphandle kokuba bendikwimowudi enzima. Andisiboni sinekamva kodwa. I don't feel at all desperate as I used to or else ndingabambelela kuye but okwangoku andikajongi budlelwane.
Ndicinga ukuba ukuzithemba kwam kunye nokuzithemba kubonakala ngathi kukujika kwabasetyhini. Ndiziva ndiyindoda ngakumbi njengokuba abanye abantu apha besitsho. Yimvakalelo entle ukwenza izinto ngaphandle kokucinga ngaphaya kwezenzo zakho, ukuba nje ngoku njengokuba umntu ebesitsho ngaphambili namhlanje. Yindlela endandiziva ngayo ngaphambi kwekholeji kwaye andizange ndiqonde ukuba kutheni ndiphulukene nayo. Kwenza ukuba uburharha bam kunye nobulumko buphume ndiyacinga.
Lilonke ndiyazingca ngam ngokuba ndinomnqweno wokuphucula, kwaye uphuculo endilwenzileyo luyamangalisa! Ndikujonge ngamehlo abomvu ukuphila ubomi bam. Kwakhona le forum yindawo eyoyikekayo, wonke umntu olapha uyaxhasana kwaye ujonge ukuziphucula. Iyamangalisa ngokwenene!
LINK - Uhambo lwami lwe-90
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