Andizukuphinda okuninzi koko bendikubhalile [ngezantsi], kodwa ke, ngesiquphe, bendiqala ukuthatha ixesha elingalunganga ebomini bam lelona xesha lide. Ekuqaleni ndandingasazi isizathu, kodwa ndiye ndaphuhla imiba enzulu yexhala endingazange ndiyibone ngaphambili. Ubuntu-bubulumko ndivele kwiqokobhe. Amabanga am atshonile.
(Kulungile, iiklasi ezimbini zityibile. Akukho nto enkulu, kodwa eyaneleyo apho yandinyanzela ukuba ndiyeke isikolo okwethutyana.) Ndazityeshela izibophelelo zam zeshishini, kwaye ubomi bebonke baba bunzima. Ndiyazi imeko yam ayinzima njengabanye kule forum, kodwa nokuba injani imeko, bendisazi ukuba utshintsho kufunekakile ngaphambi kokuba izinto zilawulwe. Ngenye imini ndanqonqoza kumanqaku athile ahambelana ne-PMO kwaye ndaziva kwangoko ngathi kufuneka ndinikeze le nto engekho-ye-PMO. [Kwirekhodi, bendikwi-cams kunye nezinto ze-lesbo].
Ekuqaleni ndaye ndagcina iintsuku zam kangangeveki enesiqingatha, kodwa emva koko ndayeka ndathi 'fuck'. Akukho ndlela yokuyeka. Emva kweentsuku ze-10 ndiyekile ukugcina umkhondo, ndacima yonke i-stash yam, kwaye ndayeka ukubamba i-turkey ebandayo. Bendingafuni ukuba le nto malunga ne-PMO nje. Oku malunga nokuba ngcono kum. Iiveki zokuqala ezimbini yayiyimfazwe emanyumnyezi, kodwa ndakuba ndifikile kwinqanaba eliphezulu, yayiyinzolo egudileyo ukusuka apho ukuya phambili. Kwiinyanga ezimbalwa kamva kwaye ngoku ndiziva ngathi ndimdala kwakhona. Ndibetha intambo yokuqiniseka kwizifundo, emsebenzini, nakwimpilo-intlalo yam. Ubukhali bengqondo, ukucaca, kunye nokuzithemba endikade ndilahlekile kuphantse kwabuya ngokupheleleyo.
Ndibhalise kwakhona esikolweni mva nje kwaye ndonkqonkqoza yonke into kwangoko, ngokukuko, nangamanqaku aphezulu. Kwaye nangona izakhono zam zokuthetha esidlangalaleni zingekakulungeli ukubakho kwabadala, eyona ndawo indiphulukene nalo lonke uxinzelelo lwentlalo olwakhiwe ngenxa ye-PMO egqithisileyo. Ungalibala ngayo nayiphi na i-vibes enqabileyo nayo, kuba ndiyazi kakuhle ukuba andisabaniki. Amantombazana amahle ngobuqhetseba ayandicaphukisa, kodwa yinto eqhelekileyo. Kwinxalenye enkulu ndiziva ndizolile kwaye ndihlaziyekile malunga nabafazi abahle ngokwenene. Kunzima ukuyichaza, kodwa kufana nokuba ndikhululekile ngokupheleleyo ngokweemvakalelo nangokwengqondo okokuqala kwixesha elide. Kuyakhulula xa ndingasenabo ubomi obumbaxa obuphindaphindwe kabini ukuze ndityhudule ngaphantsi komatrasi. Kwaye ngenxa yokuba akukho nto ndiyifihlayo, ndiziva ngathi ndizilawula ngokupheleleyo kwaye ndifuna ukuba ngubani.
wena
Ndingaqhubeka nokuqhubeka malunga nam, kodwa ndiza kuvumela okuseleyo kube malunga nawe. Kwabo basokolayo, ndicebisa kakhulu ukuba ugcine iphepha ukuba awukabinayo. Kutshanje ndiye ndafudukela kwi-SkyDrive, kodwa bendisebenzisa ukugcina enye kuGoogle amaXwebhu ke ihlala ikunye nam. Xa umnqweno wokuzinkcinkca okanye ukuntywila emngxunyeni womvundla ungena, yima, cinga, kwaye ubhale phantsi okwemizuzu embalwa malunga nokuba kutheni uzakuthatha inxaxheba kuyo nayiphi na indlela yokuzibhubhisa oyicwangcisileyo. Isenokungakumisi ngokupheleleyo, kodwa iya kuvumela umzuzu wokunqumama okufuneka kakhulu kunye nokucaca kwengqondo okunokwenzeka.
Eyona njongo yam inkulu yeli phephandaba kukungayivumeli iphakathi kwe-PMO. Zibekele iinjongo ezithile zexesha elifutshane, eliphakathi nelide. Yiba nesicwangciso sezo njongo kwaye uziphumeze. Ijenali kufuneka ibe malunga nokuba ngcono kuwe. Ngokwam, ndiyakholelwa kokukhona ugxila kakhulu ekuphepheni i-PMO kokukhona unokubuyela umva kuyo. Kwakhona, oku kufanele ukuba kubengcono kuwe. Fumana inkanuko, into ofuna ukuyenza ebomini, kwaye ukuvumela ukugxila kungqonge loo nto. Akukho-PMO kufuneka ibe yinxalenye encinci yokuziphucula kwakho. Ngokukhawuleza ubona uphuculo ebomini bakho, kulula ngakumbi ukuba ungaze ujonge ngasemva.
Kwaye okokugqibela, ngaphandle kokuba ulapha ukunceda abanye ngamaxesha abo anzima, mka kule forum ASAP. Ndithetha oku ngendlela elungileyo enokwenzeka. Ukuba uyazi ukuba awusayi kuthatha inxaxheba kwi-PMO ke akusafuneki le foram yokuqiniseka okanye ukugcina umkhondo womdyarho wakho. Ayisiyiyo loo nto kuphela, kodwa ingca iluhlaza kakhulu kwaye nomoya u-oh-uhlaziyeke kakhulu xa ungagxili akukho mxholo unxulumene ne-PMO ngalo lonke ixesha. Indawo entle ukuba nayo njenge-crutch yokuqala, kodwa xa sele ukulungele, yima nje, uqhubeke, kwaye ugxile ekuhlaleni. Ekugqibeleni, amandla okuyeka kwaye ube ngumntu ongcono ngaphakathi kwakho. Nokuba kukwimo ye-ah-ha mzuzu okanye iiveki zokuzifumanisa ngokwakho ngejenali, kuya kufuneka ufumane ilizwi lakho elingaphakathi elitsho ngokwaneleyo.
Ngapha koko, amathamsanqa abo ulwa nawe. Ingqiqo endiyifumene kule ndawo kunye nabanye abafana nayo ukuya ekuqaleni kohambo lwam lokuziphucula sele iluncedo, ke bendifuna nje ukubulela kuwo wonke umntu noluntu.
LINK - Ekugqibeleni Ndibuyile Bomi bam
by smitherine
Oktobha 02, 2013
IPOSA YANGAPHAMBILI - Ukufumana kwakhona uLawulo loBomi bam kwakhona
Matshi 07, 2013
Igqityiwe ngokulunga. Okanye ubuncinci ndiyathemba. . .
Ndibhalela le nto yam. Andikhathali nokuba umntu uyayifunda, kodwa ukuba kukho umntu ofuna ukuyifunda, nceda wenze njalo. Nangona abanye benokuthi bakujonge oku njengemfazwe engenangqondo nxamnye nomlutha, ndikufumanisa ngakumbi kunje ukubuyisa ubomi bam kwakhona. Jikeleza injongo yeentsuku ezingama-90. Ndiceba ukuyenza le nto i-300 (injalo loo nto, kude kube sekupheleni konyaka.) Umdlalo wam wokuphela, nangona kunjalo uza kuhamba ngokungapheliyo ngaphandle kwe-porno. Ndifuna ukuya kwindawo apho ndilibale ngokubala iintsuku kwaye ndihlala nje.
Bendikuphi
Wonke umntu ubonakala enebali, ke nantsi eyam. Okwangoku i-24. Ukususela ngeli xesha ndigqibe kwisikolo samabanga aphakamileyo kude kube yiminyaka emithathu eyadlulayo ndandiyigorha le-SOB. Amabanga am awasoloko ebekwa phakathi kwezona kholejini. Injongo yam yayingekuko ukuphumelela nje, kodwa ukuba zeyona nto ilungileyo nokuba bendiyithathile inxaxheba. Nangona ndingaqhelekanga ndiphuma ndimi kwindawo ephezulu ngaphezulu kokuphumla, bendilala ngoxolo ndazi ukuba ndizame kakhulu. Nam bendinento yendalo ebantwini. Babonakala nje ukuba bayandithanda ngokubanzi. Kwaye ukuba abalwenzi, ndingaqinisekile njengesihogo sibenza bafumane.
Ngeli xesha ndiphume ndingazi kwinqanaba lokuvuselela ngokwakho ngaphandle konyaka. Ndifumene iphonografi ngendlela engathandekiyo, yokuziphatha okubi kunye nokuziphatha kakubi. (Ngenxa yesalathiso, bendihleli ndingakholelwa kubukho bam kwasebuncinaneni.) Ngokuzenzekelayo, ndandinemvakalelo efanayo kwi-intanethi nakwiikhompyuter. (Ezi zixhobo zizezinye; akukho okunye.) Ndivile ngathi yinkcitho. Umzuzwana ngamnye ubalulekile kum, ndiye ndayiphepha, ndalibala ngayo, ndachitha nexesha lam ekwenzeni imisebenzi enomdla.
Ngexesha elininzi lokuphumla, ndithathe i-3 ulwimi lwangaphandle kwinqanaba eliqinileyo. (Bendifunda uAnna Karenina ngesiJamani kwaye ndingonwabela iinoveli zentsha ngolwimi lwaseSpanish nolweFrentshi. Ewe, ndingaba yird. Ke yintoni?) Bendikuthanda ukubhala ngezilwimi, ke bendingenangxaki yokudlala ngesiDatshi, nesiTaliyane, nangokuphelele ukubulawa kwabanye. Ndiphinde ndasebenza kwaye ndadlala ibasketball ngalo lonke ixesha. Ndaziva ndilawula yonke into, kaloku ubomi babumnandi. Zange ndonwabe ngakumbi. Umhlaba ngokwenyani wawuva ngathi wawusezandleni zam. Ndikwinqanaba lokuqaqanjelwa ngumzimba nengqondo. Ndandihlala ndishumayela ukuba ndomelele ngokomzimba, ngokwengqondo, nokuphepha ezona zilingo zinzima. Ukuyibeka ngokulula, ndandinesazela.
Nje ukuba isemester ifikelele esiphelweni, ndagqiba ekubeni ndingathathi nto ngaphandle kwezifundo ze-intanethi. Bendingazi ukuba le izakuba sisiseko sam sokutyibilika.
Ukuwa
Ekuqaleni yonke into ibibonakala ilungile. Ubomi buqhubeke njengesiqhelo. Ndandinonxibelelwano olucekeceke kunasekuqaleni, kodwa bendiziva ngathi ndim. Andizange ndibengumculi osebenzayo, kodwa ndopenda iicanvas ngeli xesha lokuzonwabisa. Ndiyonwabile kwaye ndadlula kwinqanaba eli-corny apho ndaziva ndikunye nendalo. Ukuba ikhona into endiyikhumbulayo ukusuka ngeli xesha, yayiyimvakalelo yokuziva ukhululekile kwaye uxolo. Ingqondo yam yayikhululekile kwaye icacile njengempempe. Iintsuku zihlala ziqala ngokukhawuleza nge-5 ngentsasa, kwaye zihlala ziphela ngenqaku eliphezulu. Emva kweenyanga ze-2-3, nangona kunjalo, ndaqala ukuthoba isitya esinzulu, esimnyama, nesingapheliyo. Kwakungenxa yesithukuthezi nokuba kukujikeleze iikhompyuter ngaphezulu kwayo nantoni na eyenye, kodwa ndaye ndagqibela ukuzivuselela kwakhona nge-porn kwakhona.
Ndithe nje ukuba ndiqalise ukusebenzisa i-porn ndabona amabanga am etyibilika. Ubomi bam bathatha i-180 epheleleyo ngokubi. Nangona ndenze lukhulu kwiiklasi zam ezininzi, andizange ndenze nto-nye; eyayikudidi lwe-pre-med. Endaweni yokululama, ndaqhubeka ndisihla ndisiya ezantsi. Ndithathe iiklasi kwakhona isemester emva koko, kodwa ayifani. Ndidlule, kodwa andikaze ndive nangomnqweno wokufuna ukulawula nantoni na. Umzamo wam wawubanjelwe ngantloko; ngelixa umsebenzi wasekhaya wawusenziwa rhoqo ngomzuzu wokugqibela. Ndihlala ndivuka nge-10 ngentsimbi kwaye ndithatha imiboniso bhanyabhanya e-12 emva kwemini. Ndaziphosa kwiintsuku zam ndisiya kwi-porn okanye ndifunde izinto ezingenamsebenzi kunye neziyimfihlo kwi-intanethi. Ndayeka ukukhathalela iilwimi zasemzini. Izixhobo zam zobugcisa zazibekeke kwikona kwindawo ethile, kwaye zazibutha uthuli kangangeenyanga. Ndayeka ukuzilolonga. Izinto zazingabonakali zintle.
Ezantsi kweBhari
Emva kokuphela kwesemessage yesibini ndiyekile ukuyeka iiklasi ngokupheleleyo. Ndichithe ihlobo lonke ndenza shit enye; ngakumbi porn kunye intanethi. Andazi ukuba yintoni eye yandibetha emva kokuba ihlobo sele liphelile, kodwa ndaye ndagqiba ukuhamba emhlabeni ixesha elingangonyaka emva koko. Kodwa ekugqibeleni, ndaziva ngathi ndiyabaleka ubomi. Inye kuphela into oyithathayo ngokukhawuleza ngohambo oluphangaleleyo kukuba uninzi lwabakhenkethi bexesha elide kubonakala ngathi babaleka kwinto egodukayo. Kubonakala ngathi bayayonwabela, kodwa uhlala uziva ngathi kukho into engekhoyo ngaphakathi kubo. Me? Endaweni yokujongana neengxaki zam ekhaya, ndandibaleka zizo zonke iintlobo zokushota. Andinakuphila ngaphezulu kweentsuku ezimbalwa ngaphandle kokubukela amanyala endleleni. Kwaye ngelishwa ngokwaneleyo, ndaye ndagqibela ukukhupha iintsukwana kwiintsuku ezimbalwa ndakwalapha kwigumbi lam ndenza enye-ole-ole-ole kunokuba ndiyihlola.
Ukufika kwam ekhaya, ndaye ndagqiba kwelokuba ndilandele ishishini, ngenxa yokuba isikolo sasosongelwe ngokupheleleyo emfanekisweni. Yonke into yayi rosy ekuqaleni, kodwa iingxaki zobomi bam zaqala ukugqitha yonke enye into. Bendihleli ndibambekile emngxunyeni womvundla. Ngaphambi kokuba ndiyazi, ndambetha phantsi. Ishishini lam lafika kwinqanaba lokugaya elisondeleyo, ngoko ndachitha ihlobo elidlulileyo ngoDisemba ngokungapheliyo ndisebenzisa i-porn nokujonga i-intanethi. Ndigqibezele ngaphezulu kwe-gigabytes ezingaphezulu kwekhulu ze-porn. Ndaziva ngathi akukho nto ndiyiphilelayo. Akukho sikhokelo. Akukho nto. Yonke imihla ndaziva njalo. Iiveki kunye neenyanga emva koko aziyi kuba yinto yokufakelwa. NgoJanuwari, nangona kunjalo, ndaye ndagqiba kwelokuba ndanele. Ndibuyela kulawulo lobomi bam. Enkosi ukulunga ndisemncinci.
Indlela yokuPhinda
Emva kokujonga le nto ndiyibhalileyo, ndiyayifumana iyamangalisa indlela umntu anokuwa ngokukhawuleza ngayo. Andizukuyifihla. Ndichithe ubusuku ndilila njengomntwana xa ndijonga ukuba kwenzeke ntoni kum kule minyaka idlulileyo idlulileyo. Ndifuna ukulila kwakhona ngokuyijonga nje. Lonke ityala lam. Kodwa ndigqibile ukubaleka. Ndigqibile ukuyeka obam ubomi ukuba bungalawulwa. Nangona indlela yokubuyisela kwimeko yesiqhelo iza kuba yinde kwaye inzima, ndiyazi ukuba amandla endinawo okufumana amandla mandiphinde ndifumane.
Ukususela esiphelweni sikaJanuwari ndiyekile ngokupheleleyo ukusebenzisa i-porno. Ukucoca ingqokelela yam kwakunzima, kodwa sekuhambile. Ndilahle wonke umnqweno wokujonga nantoni na enxulumene ne-porn. Kwaye, ngokungathandabuzekiyo, iyandenza ukuba ndibuye ndigule. Nangona kunjalo, kuba umhlobo wam mvanje undibonise ividiyo ye-Miss Delaware kule mpelaveki iphelileyo, ndiyibuyisele ngokusesikweni iwotshi kwaye ngoku ndikwi-6. (Ndiya kuvuma. Bendinomdla wokwazi. Kwakothusa, kancinci.) Ngokuphathelele kwiimvakalelo zam, andizange ndizive ndindidekile engqondweni ngexesha elide. Ingqondo yam isaziva ukuba ididekile kwaye ididekile, kodwa ndiyazi ukuba ukucaca okugcweleyo kuza nexesha. Ndiyakholelwa ukuba ukucacelwa kwengqondo kukwafuna okungakumbi ngakumbi kuphuhliso lomntu ngaphandle kokuphepha i-porn.
Malunga nobomi bam bobuqu, ndibhalisela iiklasi kungekudala kwaye ndiyathemba ukugqiba isikolo kwisithuba sonyaka onesiqingatha. Andinakulinda ukuba ndibuyele kubuhle bempilo eqhelekileyo. Ndigcina iijenali zobuqu ezinamaxesha -gigi endizenzayo qho kwiiyure zemini. Xa udlulela kweli nqanaba lokubuyisela, ndibona ukuba kubalulekile ukuba nohlobo lokuziphatha oluba negalelo kwinjongo enkulu. (Kwaye ukuba awunazinjongo, zibekele!)
Ukuthumela ikamva
Kwakhona, ndiziintsuku nje eziyi-6 kule nto (ngokusesikweni), ke ndiza kuthumela apha rhoqo ngenxa yokuvavanya imeko yam yengqondo. Njengokuba kungqinwe apha ngasentla, ndikwalwa nokulutha kwi-intanethi kunye nobuvila. Ndifumana oku sele kukhankanyiwe njengobunxulumene nokubambisana noononophala-kunye namazinga e-dopamine aphelileyo kunye nento-ngoko ndiza kubhala malunga nabo xa kuvela imfuneko. Kwaye ukuba ngandlel 'ithile ndiyasilela kule nzame, ndiza kuthumela malunga nayo.
Ngokubhekisele kwabo ukhangela kulungiso okanye okwangoku bakwisimo sokuphinda ufumane, i-godpeed. Indlela eya phambili isenokubonakala ngathi ayipheli. Kodwa nceda ungayiboni ngaloo ndlela. Yibone njengesiqalo esitsha. (Kungenxa yoko le nto ndikuthiyile ukubala.) Oku kungaphezulu kakhulu kunesondo. Oku malunga nokuthatha ulawulo lobomi bakho kwakhona.
Iintsuku ze-6 ngaphandle kwe-PMO kunye nokubala. . .
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