Ndineminyaka eyi-28. Kwixesha elidlulileyo bendihamba yonke imihla ngaphandle kokucinga malunga nokuba ndandineminyaka eyi-14. Mhlawumbi ndiye ndafikelela ekuqondeni ukuba kufuneka ndiyeke malunga ne-5 - 6 kwiminyaka eyadlulayo xa kwacacayo kum ukuba bendinentlalontle kwinqanaba elithile kwaye andinakuze ndifumane intombi.
I could make friends but bendisilela nje ubudoda, into ibindibuyisela umva, bendingazithembi. Ndaqaphela ukuba i-PMO yayisiba yindlela yam engagqibekanga yokubaleka iimvakalelo zokulahlwa. Ikholeji yayilithuba lam lokuphuhlisa izakhono zentlalo, akuzange kwenzeke kum ukuba i-PMO yayivimba inzondelelo yam yokuphuma ndiye kuhlalisana.
Ukusukela ngoko ndiye ndafumanisa iingozi zayo kwi-intanethi njalo njalo. Ngelo xesha, ndandifuna ukuyeka, ndandinokurekhoda impumelelo encinane kakhulu. Kwahamba kancinci, ndakwazi ukudlula ezinye iintsuku ngaphandle kwe-PMO. Ukuhamba kancinci apha naphaya, bendifunda okuninzi. Ngokuqinisekileyo ndaqala ukubona utshintsho kwintembelo yam. Ngamanye amaxesha, nangona kunjalo, ndibuyela ngokupheleleyo kwaye ndizinkcenkceshe kakhulu.
Olona tshintsho lukhulu endaluthathayo yayikukuqala unyango ngaphezulu konyaka odlulileyo kuba ndandiphuma kubazali bam ukuze ndiqale ukuzihlalela kwaye ndiqale umsebenzi omtsha, inkululeko yayiza kundinika indawo ye-PMO, ndacinga. Unyango lwalunceda nangona lwalubiza kwaye ngamanye amaxesha iingcebiso zazisebenza ngokubanzi. Ekuqaleni kwalo nyaka, ndiphinda ndibuyele kumaxesha angama-2-3 ngeveki.
Ukuzihlalela kuye kwaba yintsikelelo, i guess uxanduva lokuzihoya lundenze ndayindoda ngakumbi. Ngomsebenzi wam, ngoku ndandikwazi ukuthenga izinto. Ndidibene nabantu abatsha kwaye ndafumana ithuba lokuba ngumntu omtsha, ngokufanelekileyo. Iingxaki zam zazincipha, kunye nesidingo sam se-PMO. Kusenokuba nzima ngamanye amaxesha, kodwa ndonwabe ngakumbi ngoku. Ndithandana nentombazana endiyaziyo ukusuka kwiminyaka ethile edlulileyo isithuba esingaphezu konyaka ngoku, ufunda kwilizwe elahlukileyo ngokupheleleyo ngoko ke sithetha nje, loo ntuthuzelo incede kakhulu. Ndifuna ukususa zonke iimpawu ze-flatline kunye ne-PMO ngaphambi kokuba sihlangane ekugqibeleni, yinkuthazo enkulu kum.
PS Ngalo lonke eli xesha bendizama izinto ezininzi ngaphandle kokujoyina i-noFap apha kwi-reddit. Ndijoyine apha ngaphantsi kwenyanga edlulileyo emva kokuva intetho malunga ne-Porn Addiction kwenye indawo, kwathiwa akukho mntu unokuphila yedwa kwaye ukujoyina iqela lenkxaso kuyimfuneko. Leyo yinto endingazange ndiyizame kwiingxaki zam ngaphambili kude kube ngoku.
Oku kuye kwaba yenye yezona zinto zide kakhulu, ekubeni ndiqale ukuqonda ukuba i-PMO imbi kum. Ndikhe ndaneendlela ezifanayo ngaphambili kodwa ngeli xesha ndiziva ngokwahlukileyo. Andizange ndiyiphose i-porn kakhulu, kuphela ekuqaleni. Ndizamile izinto ezininzi kwixesha elidlulileyo, unyango lubandakanyiwe, bancedile, ngandlela thile bendihlala ndibuyela umva okanye ndizifumana ndiphoswa yi-PMO kakubi kakhulu. Bendikade ndinomnqweno ongalawulekiyo wokubuyela umva, kodwa ngeli xesha, ndiyakwazi ukuba nengqiqo kwaye ngumahluko omkhulu kum lowo. Ayilonani leentsuku, ngumgangatho weengcinga zam ngeli xesha. Kunzima ukufuna ukuzilawula ngalo mzuzu.
Ezi zezinye izinto endizenzileyo ngokwahlukileyo kwixesha elidlulileyo, mhlawumbi zandinceda kakhulu.
- Ndagcina ikhalenda ndaza ndaphawula iintsuku zokubuyela kwakhona. Ngaloo ndlela kwaqala ukuvela iphethini. Ndaqala ukuqaphela utyekelo oluphezulu lokubuyela umva ngasekupheleni kweveki, iimpelaveki yayizezona ziyingozi kakhulu. Ndingabuyela umva ngokulula ngoMvulo ndinenkuthazo kunye nesigqibo sokungaze ndiphinde ndibuyele kwakhona. Emva kokuzama nzima, ezininzi ezimfutshane ze-noFap, ndazi ukuba kufuneka ndenze okuthile ngeempelaveki, ngoko ke ndaqala ukuzilungiselela.
- Ndayivala ngokupheleleyo iphonografi. Ndafumana isoftwe yolawulo lwabazali elungileyo ndaza ndaseta igama eliyimfihlo elinamandla, elinegama likaThixo kuyo. Andinakuze ndisebenzise olo hlobo lwegama lokugqitha ukuvula ukufikelela kumanyala. Ukuba likhoboka ndahlala ndifumana iindlela zokufikelela kwizinto ezimbi, ngalo lonke ixesha ndifumana ikroba, ndafaka isoftware yolawulo lwabazali kweso sixhobo. Kancinci ndaye ndaluvala lonke ufikelelo kwimithombo yeendaba zentlalo, emva koko ndarhoxisa umrhumo wam kwiTV ye-Intanethi. Oku kunqongophala kwezinto ezibangela ukuba kuncede kakhulu ukunyaniseka. Kwixesha elidlulileyo, ndiqala ngokukhangela izinto ezimsulwa, ngaphandle kwalapho kuvela i-trigger kwaye ngaphambi kokuba uyazi ndiye ndaphulukana nokuzibamba. Ngoko, ukuvala yonke into kwanceda kakhulu. Oku mhlawumbi kwandinceda ukuba ndiqinise ingcamango yokuba i-porn ayisekho ukhetho
- Ndazama ukucombulula umba osisiseko. Ndicinge ukuba ukusebenzisa kwam iphonografi kungenxa yohlobo oluthile lokungakhuseleki, ixhala okanye iimvakalelo ezimbi ezicinezelweyo. Kwakukho into engaphantsi komhlaba. Le ibiyinto ebendijonge kuyo iminyaka eliqela, ndifunda nje ukuzamkela. Kutshanje, ndiye ndafumanisa ukuba ukucamngca kuluncedo olukhulu. Ndandidla ngokuziva kakubi esifubeni sam, emazantsi ezantsi. Into endingakwazi ukuyichaza. Xa ndiqala ukucamngca ndifumanise ukuba ubunzulu behlile kakhulu ngokunyaniseka, ndisaziva ngamanye amaxesha kodwa ndiye ndizame ukuchonga into endicaphukisayo ndenze into malunga nayo kwaye ndiyamkele. Kwixesha elidlulileyo, ukuba ndiziva ndibuhlungu kakhulu ndibukela i-porn, ngoku ndiziqinisekisile ukuba ayenzi nto ngenxa yokuba ndiziva ndibi kakhulu emva koko.
Bendingatsho ukuba ndiqaphele amandla amakhulu akhawulezileyo, lo ngumlo ebendiwenza iminyaka ngoku. Kodwa xa ndijonge emva ndihambe indlela ende ngokunyaniseka. Kule minyaka imbalwa idlulileyo bendikukuziphucula kakhulu, kwaye ndingatsho ngokunyanisekileyo ukuba kuyahlawula. Ndiqaphele into enye encinci nangona, kwezi ntsuku zingama-30 zidlulileyo, ndiyekile ukuhlafuna iinzipho zam. Owu, kwaye i-flatline yandibetha njengelori, akukho nkuni yasekuseni ngaphezulu kweentsuku ezingama-40, ndifumana ama-boners angaqhelekanga imini yonke.
LINK - Iposi ye-30 ye-Obligrate
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